First Love × First Love Chapter 3

“Eh?”

I heard Senpai’s bewildered voice .
It made my mouth slacken just a little .

I don’t want to show him my uncool side .
I want to remain at least a little beautiful in Senpai’s memory .
Mobilizing my self-control, I showed a smile as beautiful as possible .

Perhaps he didn’t expected my words, as Senpai blinked his eyes .

“Sakura? What are you”
“Thank you for dating me until now . I wish I could have said it earlier, however I presumed upon Senpai’s kindness . But, it’s enough”

I quickly bowed my head .
My eyes blurred . I love s.h.i.+on-senpai, it’s because I love him that it’s painful .

I can’t yet .
Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry―――― .

“… Do you want to break up with me?”

s.h.i.+on-senpai said just a few words . Desperately resisting my tear glands from loosening, while still bowing I nodded .

“Yes”

I can’t continue going out with s.h.i.+on-senpai who’s like this anymore .
Since he won’t even embrace me naked, I have no confidence that he loves me, so I can’t properly say what I want to say .
In such a situation it’s impossible for me to stay at his side .

“I understand”

After I heard him sigh, s.h.i.+on-senpai gave me brief words of acknowledgement .
While feeling relieved I raised my face .

s.h.i.+on-senpai has his usual expression .
It doesn’t look like he’s particularly shaken .
Somehow, I feel let down .

… I see, he doesn’t think anything about us breaking up .
As I understood that fact, pain spread through my chest .

I look like an idiot .
I had expectations, even if only slight .

―――― I was the only one in love .

It takes two to tango .
Reminded of that again, I told myself that it was for the best .
Since there had been no other choice from the start, I chocked back my tears that welled up .

“… Well then, Senpai . I am grateful to you… Stay well”
“You too”

When I told him that in a trembling voice, he returned only that much .
And then Senpai once again lowered his face and went back to the world of books .

… Ah, see, as expected .
After all I was only that much for Senpai .

Knowing he wouldn’t see it, I once again bowed toward Senpai, and without saying anything quietly left the room .
I had hardly any luggage .

I had no idea about Senpai’s feelings, and was afraid of him breaking up with me, so I didn’t feel like bringing my personal belongings .

I went down the stairs .
Of course, I didn’t hear the sound of being pursued .
Senpai is in the world of books now .
Surely he’s forgotten about me .
Just as she had said, it was only a physical relations.h.i.+p . Our hearts were always distant .

Again I was made to realize that .

Senpai’s apartment that I’d been visiting for a year and a half .
When I went outside, I looked at it once again .

Old outwards appearance . A tiny two-story apartment building, with only half of the ten rooms occupied . I had gone there almost every day .
I had continued going there, hoping one day Senpai would turn around .
In the end, that dream didn’t come true .

“Thank you very much . Senpai . I had fun . I was truly happy… to date Senpai”

I muttered like a soliloquy, and turned my back to Senpai’s apartment .

Senpai’s face as he laughed a little troubledly .
The gentle smile he showed from time to time .
The tense expression he showed when embracing me, I loved every single of them .

I believed I would reach him someday―――― .
Still, the reality isn’t so sweet . Hopeless things are hopeless .

My first love came late .
I’d thought it wouldn’t come true, and yet we stayed together for a year and a half… I can only be grateful now .

Thank you, s.h.i.+on-senpai .
It feels awfully lonely that I won’t be able to see your profile while you’re reading a book, but still, it’s my own choice .
I want to advance without looking back .

I truly, truly loved you .
It was impossible with me, but please one day find somebody you can be happy with .
I prayed for Senpai’s happiness from afar .

Goodbye, Senpai―――― .

I cast my eyes down and took a big breath .
I don’t regret it .

I’ve already decided that Senpai is in my past .
I’ll show that I can convert everything about it into beautiful memories .

Firmly nodding, I took a firm step forward for the sake of turning my finished first love into memories .

 .

“Eh?”.

I heard Senpai’s bewildered voice It made my mouth slacken just a little

I don’t want to show him my uncool side I want to remain at least a little beautiful in Senpai’s memory Mobilizing my self-control, I showed a smile as beautiful as possible

Perhaps he didn’t expected my words, as Senpai blinked his eyes

“Sakura? What are you”. “Thank you for dating me until now . I wish I could have said it earlier, however I presumed upon Senpai’s kindness . But, it’s enough”.

I quickly bowed my head My eyes blurred . I love s.h.i.+on-senpai, it’s because I love him that it’s painful

I can’t yet Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry――――

“… Do you want to break up with me?”.

s.h.i.+on-senpai said just a few words . Desperately resisting my tear glands from loosening, while still bowing I nodded

“Yes”.

I can’t continue going out with s.h.i.+on-senpai who’s like this anymore Since he won’t even embrace me naked, I have no confidence that he loves me, so I can’t properly say what I want to say In such a situation it’s impossible for me to stay at his side

“I understand”.

After I heard him sigh, s.h.i.+on-senpai gave me brief words of acknowledgement While feeling relieved I raised my face

s.h.i.+on-senpai has his usual expression It doesn’t look like he’s particularly shaken Somehow, I feel let down

… I see, he doesn’t think anything about us breaking up As I understood that fact, pain spread through my chest

I look like an idiot I had expectations, even if only slight

―――― I was the only one in love

It takes two to tango Reminded of that again, I told myself that it was for the best Since there had been no other choice from the start, I chocked back my tears that welled up

“… Well then, Senpai . I am grateful to you… Stay well”. “You too”.

When I told him that in a trembling voice, he returned only that much And then Senpai once again lowered his face and went back to the world of books

… Ah, see, as expected After all I was only that much for Senpai

Knowing he wouldn’t see it, I once again bowed toward Senpai, and without saying anything quietly left the room I had hardly any luggage

I had no idea about Senpai’s feelings, and was afraid of him breaking up with me, so I didn’t feel like bringing my personal belongings

I went down the stairs Of course, I didn’t hear the sound of being pursued Senpai is in the world of books now Surely he’s forgotten about me Just as she had said, it was only a physical relations.h.i.+p . Our hearts were always distant

Again I was made to realize that

Senpai’s apartment that I’d been visiting for a year and a half When I went outside, I looked at it once again

Old outwards appearance . A tiny two-story apartment building, with only half of the ten rooms occupied . I had gone there almost every day I had continued going there, hoping one day Senpai would turn around In the end, that dream didn’t come true

“Thank you very much . Senpai . I had fun . I was truly happy… to date Senpai”.

I muttered like a soliloquy, and turned my back to Senpai’s apartment

Senpai’s face as he laughed a little troubledly The gentle smile he showed from time to time The tense expression he showed when embracing me, I loved every single of them

I believed I would reach him someday―――― Still, the reality isn’t so sweet . Hopeless things are hopeless

My first love came late I’d thought it wouldn’t come true, and yet we stayed together for a year and a half… I can only be grateful now

Thank you, s.h.i.+on-senpai It feels awfully lonely that I won’t be able to see your profile while you’re reading a book, but still, it’s my own choice I want to advance without looking back

I truly, truly loved you It was impossible with me, but please one day find somebody you can be happy with I prayed for Senpai’s happiness from afar

Goodbye, Senpai――――

I cast my eyes down and took a big breath I don’t regret it

I’ve already decided that Senpai is in my past I’ll show that I can convert everything about it into beautiful memories

Firmly nodding, I took a firm step forward for the sake of turning my finished first love into memories