First Love × First Love Chapter 4

“Senpai, I love you”

I don’t know why I thought of trying to go out with her .
Still, it was me who made the decision to accept her feelings .

One day during my third year of university, while I was reading in a place I had already grown used to, I noticed there was a woman in my territory .

I don’t like people .
I lost my parents when I was a young child, even though I was taken in by my uncle and his wife it didn’t go well, and half-driven out I began living alone, there’s no way I’d come to like people .

The only thing I can lose myself in are books .
If I immerse myself in a book, I can forget all unpleasant things .

And yet there’s an existence that disturbs my precious reading time .
Her gaze is irritating . The moment I got annoyed enough to warn her, she abruptly averted her eyes and began focusing on the book she held . She didn’t look at me anymore .
I was dumbfounded by the extreme speed of her att.i.tude change .

Curious about her, I couldn’t go back to reading .
I kept fixedly observing her for a while, but she didn’t lift her face even once from the book she was focusing at .
She was looking down at the book with a serious face .
Somehow I feel stupid that I’m the only one worried .

… Well, whatever . Let’s read too .

I stopped caring, and again entered the world of books .
I’m not concerned about her anymore . I found it strange, but I didn’t particularly care .

―――― Since then, she has occasionally appeared nearby .

Still, it’s not like she really calls out to me .
After she watches me for a certain fixed time, her interest turns to a book as if nothing happened .

The change was so brilliant that while chasing her gaze before I knew I somehow became curious about her .
Did she come today .
For some reason, I checked every day .

When I investigated her name, I got to know it right away . From the materials she holds I guessed she’s in the same literature faculty as me, but unexpectedly she’s even in the same department .
Yuuki Sakura . First year .
A lovely girl with big eyes .
… I was a little surprised that I felt she was lovely .

She unexpectedly shows up and leaves as she pleases .
As if I’m the only one curious, she shows no hesitation .
When I think she’s gazing at me pa.s.sionately, she turns her eyes away in the twinkling of an eye and doesn’t look back at me anymore . Somehow it’s unamusing .

… Are the contests of the books she reads so interesting .

I figured it’s like that .
It bothers me that I’m not what catches her interest .

One day I grew unbearably curious about what she’s reading and sneaked behind her .

The girl I saw from up close for the first time looked very small .
I looked at her smallish shapely head . Maybe she dyes her hair as it was slightly chestnut-colored . Next to her was a carefully folded beige coat .
Perhaps to know the time she placed a wrist.w.a.tch where it’s easy to see .

Before long she slowly closed the book .
She must’ve finished reading .
When she stood up and was about to go home satisfied, I called out to her mostly by reflex . I wanted to draw her attention .

“Was it interesting?”

She must have not expected that I’d call out to her . As she raised her face, her large eyes further widened and she solidified on the spot .
Interestingly shaken, she unconsciously called me by my name .
The fact she knows my name for some reason filled my chest with joy .

Invigorated by that, I called her by her name to show that I know her too .
I found her easy-to-understand reaction cute .

I started to enjoy it, and meanly informed her that I had noticed her gaze .
As soon as I did, she turned bright red .
Cute . I want to tightly hug her .

And as she went red, I thought she’d remain silent, but contrary to my expectation she said something unexpected .
Fixing her eyes on me, she spoke with a serious face .

“Nanaoogi-senpai, I love you”

It doesn’t seem like a lie .
For some reason, my chest overflowed with joy .
It didn’t feel bad . I thought that it would be nice to try going out with her .
That’s why I answered .

“I see . Then, it’s fine if I consider you my lover from today?”

Actually, I don’t quite understand this ‘lover’ thing well .
I didn’t think I could come to love a person, so I don’t understand . Perhaps it would have been better to say friend .
Even so, the word lover came out of my mouth on its own .
Despite thinking I messed up, I didn’t feel like taking it back this late .

… Well, whatever .
I may have said lover, but I have zero intention of doing the deed, so I can just think of it as an extension of friend .

She slightly nodded with a flushed face .

That day she became my ‘lover’ .

It’s been a year and a half since then . We got along well .

I thought I had an indifferent nature, but apparently it’s different .
When I’m with her, my body throbs no matter what .
Even though I had no such intention, before I noticed we’ve been joining our bodies almost every day .
Even though I understand it’s wrong to do it when I think of her as a friend, I couldn’t stop yearning for her .
As long as I’m with her, I want it . Then maybe it would be better if she wasn’t near, still, I hate when she’s not with me .
Thankfully she doesn’t refuse me, today too I shoved myself inside her .

“Look, I’m coming”

Grabbing her waist, I thrust deep in .
Basking in the pleasant sensation of e.j.a.c.u.l.a.t.i.o.n, I came inside her through the rubber .

I took a tissue, wiped off my thing and fixed my clothes .
Feeling satisfied, I picked up the book I’d been reading until just now .
A life of embracing her and reading books . I have no complaints against this fulfilling life .
It’s also pleasant to line up the desks in the university library and read together .
I thought that same as me, she’s satisfied with this fulfilling life and yet .

“Let’s break up”

It came out of nowhere .

For a moment I couldn’t react to the words she said .
I don’t understand the meaning of her words .

After a moment my head finally started working .

… ‘Break up’ . I see, she was my ‘lover’ . You don’t break up with a friend, you break up with a lover . Why didn’t I notice such a simple thing .

In a daze, before I noticed I accepted the breakup and escaped to the book .

I came to when I heard the sounds of her opening the door and leaving .
Reflexively I half stood up to chase after her .

But, how? How should I stop her?
If we can’t be lovers, please be my friend? No, wrong, that’s not it .

I don’t know, I don’t know .

Even if I have brains highly praised by people, it’s meaningless if I can’t use it at the crucial time . I clicked tongue that I can’t use it .
I have no words to stop her . I don’t know how I should keep her with me .

Lifeless, I lowered my half-risen body .

Why did it turn out like this .

I wonder why she suggested us to break up .
Was she dissatisfied with this life?
No, that shouldn’t be .
She’s an unequalled bookworm .
We spent a year and a half reading books together and joining our bodies .
I can’t imagine her happily smiling face was a lie .

She’d already become a part of my life .
I didn’t think she might leave .

Even so―――― .

I have to accept the reality .
She’s gone . She left my side .
She won’t come back anymore .

She didn’t leave any personal belongings in my room .
And yet why does this room feel so empty as soon as she left .

Even so, it cannot be helped .
Because I don’t even have the words to stop her .
I can only return to the life I had led before .
Convinced of that, I once again picked up the book .

… Even though it should be my beloved book, I couldn’t concentrate on it very much .

 . (s.h.i.+on’s point of view)

“Senpai, I love you”.

I don’t know why I thought of trying to go out with her Still, it was me who made the decision to accept her feelings

 .

◇◇◇.

 .

One day during my third year of university, while I was reading in a place I had already grown used to, I noticed there was a woman in my territory

I don’t like people I lost my parents when I was a young child, even though I was taken in by my uncle and his wife it didn’t go well, and half-driven out I began living alone, there’s no way I’d come to like people

The only thing I can lose myself in are books If I immerse myself in a book, I can forget all unpleasant things

And yet there’s an existence that disturbs my precious reading time Her gaze is irritating . The moment I got annoyed enough to warn her, she abruptly averted her eyes and began focusing on the book she held . She didn’t look at me anymore I was dumbfounded by the extreme speed of her att.i.tude change

Curious about her, I couldn’t go back to reading I kept fixedly observing her for a while, but she didn’t lift her face even once from the book she was focusing at She was looking down at the book with a serious face Somehow I feel stupid that I’m the only one worried

… Well, whatever . Let’s read too

I stopped caring, and again entered the world of books I’m not concerned about her anymore . I found it strange, but I didn’t particularly care

―――― Since then, she has occasionally appeared nearby

Still, it’s not like she really calls out to me After she watches me for a certain fixed time, her interest turns to a book as if nothing happened

The change was so brilliant that while chasing her gaze before I knew I somehow became curious about her Did she come today For some reason, I checked every day

When I investigated her name, I got to know it right away . From the materials she holds I guessed she’s in the same literature faculty as me, but unexpectedly she’s even in the same department Yuuki Sakura . First year A lovely girl with big eyes … I was a little surprised that I felt she was lovely

She unexpectedly shows up and leaves as she pleases As if I’m the only one curious, she shows no hesitation When I think she’s gazing at me pa.s.sionately, she turns her eyes away in the twinkling of an eye and doesn’t look back at me anymore . Somehow it’s unamusing

… Are the contests of the books she reads so interesting

I figured it’s like that It bothers me that I’m not what catches her interest

One day I grew unbearably curious about what she’s reading and sneaked behind her

The girl I saw from up close for the first time looked very small I looked at her smallish shapely head . Maybe she dyes her hair as it was slightly chestnut-colored . Next to her was a carefully folded beige coat Perhaps to know the time she placed a wrist.w.a.tch where it’s easy to see

Before long she slowly closed the book She must’ve finished reading When she stood up and was about to go home satisfied, I called out to her mostly by reflex . I wanted to draw her attention

“Was it interesting?”.

She must have not expected that I’d call out to her . As she raised her face, her large eyes further widened and she solidified on the spot Interestingly shaken, she unconsciously called me by my name The fact she knows my name for some reason filled my chest with joy

Invigorated by that, I called her by her name to show that I know her too I found her easy-to-understand reaction cute

I started to enjoy it, and meanly informed her that I had noticed her gaze As soon as I did, she turned bright red Cute . I want to tightly hug her

And as she went red, I thought she’d remain silent, but contrary to my expectation she said something unexpected Fixing her eyes on me, she spoke with a serious face

“Nanaoogi-senpai, I love you”.

It doesn’t seem like a lie For some reason, my chest overflowed with joy It didn’t feel bad . I thought that it would be nice to try going out with her That’s why I answered

“I see . Then, it’s fine if I consider you my lover from today?”.

Actually, I don’t quite understand this ‘lover’ thing well I didn’t think I could come to love a person, so I don’t understand . Perhaps it would have been better to say friend Even so, the word lover came out of my mouth on its own Despite thinking I messed up, I didn’t feel like taking it back this late

… Well, whatever I may have said lover, but I have zero intention of doing the deed, so I can just think of it as an extension of friend

She slightly nodded with a flushed face

That day she became my ‘lover’

 .

◇◇◇.

 .

It’s been a year and a half since then . We got along well

I thought I had an indifferent nature, but apparently it’s different When I’m with her, my body throbs no matter what Even though I had no such intention, before I noticed we’ve been joining our bodies almost every day Even though I understand it’s wrong to do it when I think of her as a friend, I couldn’t stop yearning for her As long as I’m with her, I want it . Then maybe it would be better if she wasn’t near, still, I hate when she’s not with me Thankfully she doesn’t refuse me, today too I shoved myself inside her

“Look, I’m coming”.

Grabbing her waist, I thrust deep in Basking in the pleasant sensation of e.j.a.c.u.l.a.t.i.o.n, I came inside her through the rubber

I took a tissue, wiped off my thing and fixed my clothes Feeling satisfied, I picked up the book I’d been reading until just now A life of embracing her and reading books . I have no complaints against this fulfilling life It’s also pleasant to line up the desks in the university library and read together I thought that same as me, she’s satisfied with this fulfilling life and yet

“Let’s break up”.

It came out of nowhere

For a moment I couldn’t react to the words she said I don’t understand the meaning of her words

After a moment my head finally started working

… ‘Break up’ . I see, she was my ‘lover’ . You don’t break up with a friend, you break up with a lover . Why didn’t I notice such a simple thing

In a daze, before I noticed I accepted the breakup and escaped to the book

I came to when I heard the sounds of her opening the door and leaving Reflexively I half stood up to chase after her

But, how? How should I stop her?. If we can’t be lovers, please be my friend? No, wrong, that’s not it

I don’t know, I don’t know

Even if I have brains highly praised by people, it’s meaningless if I can’t use it at the crucial time . I clicked tongue that I can’t use it I have no words to stop her . I don’t know how I should keep her with me

Lifeless, I lowered my half-risen body

Why did it turn out like this

I wonder why she suggested us to break up Was she dissatisfied with this life?. No, that shouldn’t be She’s an unequalled bookworm We spent a year and a half reading books together and joining our bodies I can’t imagine her happily smiling face was a lie

She’d already become a part of my life I didn’t think she might leave

Even so――――

I have to accept the reality She’s gone . She left my side She won’t come back anymore

She didn’t leave any personal belongings in my room And yet why does this room feel so empty as soon as she left

Even so, it cannot be helped Because I don’t even have the words to stop her I can only return to the life I had led before Convinced of that, I once again picked up the book

… Even though it should be my beloved book, I couldn’t concentrate on it very much