The Foolish Almanak - LightNovelsOnl.com
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Silk hose are preferable to rubber when raising Ladies'
Slippers.
Trumpet vines grow fast on automobiles.
Young ladies at summer resorts should cultivate Bachelor's b.u.t.tons; with care they may be grafted into Bridal Roses.
Many an Ox-eyed Daisy proves a Snapdragon after picking.
Wild Oats sown in second childhood are reaped by the next generation.
s...o...b..a.l.l.s and highb.a.l.l.s both fade away in hot weather.
It's a deep-rooted crop of weeds that the muck rake won't loosen.
Very young men give their attention to the cultivation of Widow's Weeds; men of an older growth prefer to watch the Tender Buds bloom.
[Sidenote: _Rainy Day Advice_: To pick out your umbrella from among a number of better ones: take the best one--it's yours.
[Ill.u.s.tration]]
[Ill.u.s.tration: Our last quarter.]
SUNDAY
MONDAY Harvard University founded--the oldest inst.i.tution of foot-ball and accidental learning in America.
TUESDAY
WEDNESDAY
THURSDAY (1895) Elbert Hubbard had his hair cut.
Wise Elbert Hubbard Went to his cupboard To get the poor world a thought, But when he got there The cupboard was bare And so the poor world got naught.
FRIDAY
SAt.u.r.dAY
APRIL
If you can fool half the people all the time, that's good enough; don't be a hog.
HELPFUL HINT FOR APRIL
Have you ever thought how much money you waste in paying rent? Now that you are about to sign a new lease, it is time to ponder this subject. Say you pay $50 a month rent. That is $600 a year. Think! If you should pay rent for two thousand years you would waste as much money as Pierpont Muchgain makes on a little deal in railroads of a dull afternoon.
KEEPING LENT
Jones borrowed my umbrella.
I now know what he meant When he said it was his custom To religiously keep lent.
[Sidenote: _Health Hint_: For that tired feeling take a good doze of sleep.]
[Sidenote: _To Make the World Brighter_: Use hope and soap.]
[Ill.u.s.tration]
SUNDAY It's not the loss of life makes death bitter, it's the obituaries. --D. Ceest.
MONDAY
TUESDAY (1901-'02-'03-'04-'05-'06, etc.) A large large section of the coal miners of Pennsylvania struck because the operators used non-union-made tooth powder.
[Ill.u.s.tration]
(1906) Kentucky went prohibition by a tremendous minority.
WEDNESDAY
THURSDAY
