The Foolish Almanak - LightNovelsOnl.com
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THURSDAY
FRIDAY It was in this month that S. N. Akes left Ireland. Located in Bellevue Hospital, N. Y.
SAt.u.r.dAY
MARCH
When you see a man pus.h.i.+ng a baby carriage, it is a sign that he has trouble before him.
SPRING, GENTLE SPRING
One life-size morning nearly six thousand years ago Jubal sat outside of dear old Eden, whanged his harp and warbled the following:
"Gentle Spring has come at last, So keep your furnace fires full blast!"
It was thus that Spring was invented, also the first Spring poet. But why Spring should appeal to humanity as a season of romance, no one who gives this problem serious thought can imagine.
It was in the Spring that poor old Adam first had to work, and from that time on we have had that tired feeling in the Spring. (See footnote.)
It was also in the Spring that Eve wearied of her fig-leaf toque. She stuck a couple lyre bird tails in one side, three lotos buds in the other, and that settled it. Ever since man has had to hustle in the Spring to get his wife a new hat.
(See footnote.)
It was in the Spring that Cain moved. That became a habit with humanity and knocked more romance out of Spring.
FOOTNOTE--Also Summer, Autumn, and Winter.
[Sidenote: _Cheese Hint_: Keep Limburger cheese closely confined under gla.s.s until it ceases to struggle.]
[Sidenote: _To Cure Homesickness_: Think how you would have to be mowing the lawn or tending the furnace if you were there.]
[Ill.u.s.tration: Now what's to become of the Milky Way.]
SUNDAY A stuffed stork is the best stork.
--Mrs. Grundy.
MONDAY
TUESDAY
WEDNESDAY Do not pay any bills to-day. Your creditors may die during the night.
THURSDAY
FRIDAY If there is ice on the ground do not try to go barefoot.
SAt.u.r.dAY
MARCH
The text which bids a man love his neighbor as himself makes no mention of said neighbor's wife.
GEOGRAPHICAL NOTES
The princ.i.p.al river of Egypt is the Nile. Its smaller tributaries are the juveniles.
The capital of Ireland seems destined to have the largest population of any city in the world. It's D'ublin, every year.
The United States are best for married people.
Americans are noted for being fond of jokes. Their country was originally named for A-merry-cus. (Vespucchi.)
When the flood subsided it is probable that Noah and his family landed in the vicinity of Little Rock, for we are given to understand that he came forth from the Ark-an'-saw land.
Those who say that constancy is not a feminine quality should note how long Mrs. Sippi and Miss Souri have been running together without separating.
THE MEAN THING!
Some mean old maid, without a doubt, Who'd never tasted bliss, Was first to start that lie about The microbes in a kiss.
[Sidenote: _Wedding Hint_: The minister ties the knot; time and lawyers may prove it to be a slipknot.]
[Sidenote: _Health Hint_: To cure a sluggish disposition, run up against a real prize fighter.
[Ill.u.s.tration]
