The Foolish Almanak - LightNovelsOnl.com
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Now is a good time to think about having your last summer's suit and hat cleaned and fixed up to last another season.
You can stand at the window and look out at the snow, and think about this to your heart's content. This probably will warm you to such an extent that you will save a bit on your coal bill.
HOW TO HANDLE A MUCK-RAKE
The owner of a muck-rake should first get a magazine to keep it in. This practice originated with Laws Tomson, the celebrated Norse Berserker.
Select your muck and rake it diligently until you find a large, fat check; then leave that pile and begin on another.
WEATHER HINT--It's a nil wind that doesn't blow.
[Sidenote: _A Bad Sign_: "All Drinks Spot Cash."
[Ill.u.s.tration]
[Ill.u.s.tration: Those stars hold the stage. Take yer hat off.]
SUNDAY
MONDAY About now young boys forget skating and begin to think about marbles. "Old Boys" are still skating and they are not particular whether the pastime is a.s.sociated with marble or mahogany.
TUESDAY
WEDNESDAY
THURSDAY PRESS-AGENT--One who presages or foretells.
See LYRE.
FRIDAY
SAt.u.r.dAY (1868) Barnum's Museum in New York destroyed by fire. Parkhurst, Carrie Nation, Dowie, and Anthony Comstock saved.
MARCH
It is said that nothing is impossible; but there are lots of people doing nothing every day.
ODD FACTS
Eve did not use face powder.
Methuselah developed peculiarities as he grew old. It is said that he never paid a telephone or gas bill.
Samson had his whims. He never went into vaudeville.
Noah never cared to take the children to see the animals at the circus.
Goliath was another who thought he had one good fight left in him.
Christopher Columbus did not go on the lecture platform to tell of his travels.
Napoleon always played solitaire before going into a battle; he couldn't run the deck out, and it made him so angry he just had to lick somebody.
Euclid invented geometry rather than design dress patterns for his wife.
Socrates was henpecked, and was one of the greatest philosophers in the world--but the rule does not hold good any longer.
[Sidenote: _Weather Sign_: A spoony pair under an umbrella is a sign of a rain beau.]
[Sidenote: _To Cure a Morning Headache_: Be a little more abstemious the night before.]
[Ill.u.s.tration]
SUNDAY
MONDAY (1875) First train ran through the Hoosac Tunnel. Hobson too young to be present.
TUESDAY
WEDNESDAY (1793) Was.h.i.+ngton D. C. named in honor of Was.h.i.+ngton deceased.
