The Foolish Almanak - LightNovelsOnl.com
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Little George Hathadash lives in Megawolloppey, Maine, and is now three years old.
This brave ruddy-cheeked boy immediately took the Megawolloppey agency for the "Sat.u.r.day Evening Roast,"
feeling sure that his ruddy cheek would carry him through successfully. Next Sunday, when everybody was gathered in church, who should come toddling down the aisle but George Hathadash distributing his first bundle of "Roasts," just as he had seen the train boy sell candy on a train of cars.
"Better and brighter than any thermon," cried George Hathadash in his childish treble. "Here's your 'That.u.r.day Evening Roast,' the brother-in-law of the 'Ladies' Wall Paper.' Better and brighter than any thermon."
Of course that attracted attention, and almost before he knew it George had disposed of his whole bundle and established himself in business. He is now well on his way to win the beautiful prize of a silver carving knife that the "Roast" offers as an extra inducement to its hustling young salesmen.
There are other prizes and any boy with a good ruddy cheek is likely to get one of them.
But all boys are not like George Hathadash. We think _he_ is going to be a President of the Common Council.
[Sidenote: _Health Note_: A hot brick is a good thing for the feet; a cold brick is a bad thing for the head.
[Ill.u.s.tration]]
[Ill.u.s.tration]
SUNDAY (44 B.C.) "Twenty-three for you," shouted Brutus to Caesar, and when they counted the stab wounds they found Brutus had enumerated correctly.
MONDAY
TUESDAY (1776) Was.h.i.+ngton arrives at Dorchester Heights and finds 25,000 bushels of wheat.
"I am glad it isn't breakfast food,"
said George.
WEDNESDAY
THURSDAY (192 B.C.) First mention of Baseball. Sparta joins the Achean league--it was easy to slide in Greece.
FRIDAY LONGEST NIGHT OF THE YEAR
The colicky baby's father, As he croons his soothing song, His thanks should give that he doesn't live Where the nights are six months long.
SAt.u.r.dAY
DECEMBER
"Even those who can't read like to look at the pictures."--Willie B. Hea.r.s.ed
(Politically)?
ADVICE TO PARENTS
It is now pretty generally believed that the name given to one to bear with him night and day, during all his years, has a most important influence in the work of shaping his life and fortune.
No doubt a careful investigation of the subject would show that most of the bare-pated men of the nation are so because while they were still helpless little children they were named Archibald, Theobald, Baldwin, and the like, whereas, had they been named Harry, or Harold, or Aaron, they would still be blest with well-thatched polls.
It is the bounden duty of parents to determine the business or profession in which they intend their children shall engage. If they wish their son to become a fancy poultry-breeder they should name him Egbert or Henry; if they wish him to become a surgeon they should call him Lancelot; if an arithmetician, Adam; if a clown, Guy or Joshua; if a street car driver, Oscar; if a real estate dealer, Lot or Orlando; if a man of wealth, Richard; if a debtor, Owen; and if they wish him to "go to gra.s.s,"
Timothy.
The same degree of thoughtful care should be exercised in naming girls, as well. If a girl is to become a musician she should be called Octavia or Dora; if a milliner, Hattie; if a writer, Adaline; if a cook, Dinah or Amelia; and so on to the end of the chapter.
[Sidenote: ? Why is the standard octopus like a water-lily?
Oh, fudge! It isn't like a water-lily at all. It is more like the skunk cabbage which gets a head in the world, but is always in bad odor.]
[Ill.u.s.tration]
SUNDAY (1660) Charles II, chased by subpoena from Cromwell, wins record of being most difficult man in the world to subpoena.
(1906) Rockefeller smashes record of Charles II.
MONDAY
TUESDAY (1620) Pilgrims land at Plymouth in little Mayflower.
(1906) Records show that little Mayflower brought over 38,000,000 carloads of ancestors, candlesticks, furniture, etc.
WEDNESDAY (1906) Chinese missionaries threatened.
(Next day) Missionaries leave tracts and make new ones for home.
THURSDAY
FRIDAY The day before Christmas will seem the longest day in the year if you are expecting any presents.
SAt.u.r.dAY
DECEMBER
Wit is something bright, thought of after the guests have departed.
