Comedies by Holberg : Jeppe of the Hill, The Political Tinker, Erasmus Montanus Part 37

PEER. I can prove it from something else besides talking. A c.o.c.k has no human intelligence. I have human intelligence; ergo, I am not a c.o.c.k.

MONTa.n.u.s. Proba minorem.

JESPER. Aw, talk Danish.

MONTa.n.u.s. I want him to prove that he has the intelligence of a human being.

PEER. See here, I discharge the duties of my office irreproachably, don't I?

MONTa.n.u.s. What are the main duties of your office wherein you show human intelligence?

PEER. First, I never forget to ring for service at the hour appointed.

MONTa.n.u.s. Nor does a c.o.c.k forget to crow and make known the hour and tell people when to get up.

PEER. Second, I can sing as well as any deacon in Sjaelland.

MONTa.n.u.s. And our c.o.c.k crows as well as any c.o.c.k in Sjaelland.

PEER. I can mould wax candles, which no c.o.c.k can do.

MONTa.n.u.s. Over against that, a c.o.c.k can make a hen lay eggs, which you can't do. Don't you see that the intelligence you show in your calling fails to prove that you are better than a c.o.c.k? Let us see, in a nutsh.e.l.l, what points you have in common with a c.o.c.k: a c.o.c.k has a comb on his head, you have horns on your forehead; a c.o.c.kcrows, you crow, too; a c.o.c.k is proud of his voice and ruffles himself up, you do likewise; a c.o.c.k gives warning when it is time to get up, you when it is time for service. Ergo, you are a c.o.c.k. Have you anything else to say? (Peer cries.)

JESPER. Here, don't cry, Peer! Why do you heed such things?

PEER. A plague on me if it's not sheer falsehood. I can get a certificate from the whole village that I am not a rooster; that not one of my forbears has been anything but a Christian human being.

MONTa.n.u.s, Refute, then, this syllogismus, quem tibi propano. A c.o.c.k has certain peculiarities which distinguish him from other animals: he wakes people by a noise when it's time to get up; announces the hours; plumes himself on his voice; wears protuberances on his head.

You have the same peculiarities. Ergo, you are a c.o.c.k. Refute me that argument. (Peer weeps again.)

JESPER. If the deacon can't shut you up, I can.

MONTa.n.u.s. Let us hear your argument, then!

JESPER. First, my conscience tells me that your opinion is false.

MONTa.n.u.s. One cannot pa.s.s judgment in all matters according to a bailiff's conscience.

JESPER. In the second place, I say that everything you have said is sheer falsehood.

MONTa.n.u.s. Prove it.

JESPER. In the third place, I am an honest man, whose word has always deserved to be believed.

MONTa.n.u.s. That sort of talk will convince no one.

JESPER. In the fourth place, I say that you have spoken like a knave and that the tongue ought to be cut out of your mouth.

MONTa.n.u.s. I still hear no proof.

JESPER. And, finally, in the fifth place, I will prove it to you abundantly either with swords or with bare fists.

MONTa.n.u.s. No, I do not care for either, thank you; but as long as you wish to dispute with the mouth only, you shall find that I can justify not only the things which I have said, but more, too. Come on, Mr, Bailiff, I will prove by sound logic that you are a bull.

JESPER. The devil you will.

MONTa.n.u.s. Just have the patience to hear my argument.

JESPER. Come, Peer, let's go.

MONTa.n.u.s. I prove it in this way. Quicunque--(Jesper shrieks and puts his band over Erasmus's mouth.) If you do not wish to hear my proof this time, you can meet me another time, whenever you please.

JESPER. I am too good to a.s.sociate with such a fanatic.

[Exeunt Jesper and Peer.]

SCENE 3

MONTa.n.u.s. I can dispute dispa.s.sionately with these people, however harshly they speak to me. I do not become hot-headed unless I dispute with people who imagine that they understand Methodum disputandi and that they are just as well versed in philosophy as I.

For this reason I was ten times as zealous when I argued against the student to-day; for he had some appearance of learning. But here come my parents.

SCENE 4

(Enter Jeppe and Nille.)

JEPPE. Oh, my dear son, don't carry on so, and don't quarrel with everybody. The bailiff and deacon, who at our request undertook to make peace between you and your father-in-law, have, I hear, been made sport of. What is the use of turning good folk into c.o.c.ks and bulls?

MONTa.n.u.s. For this purpose I have studied, for this purpose I have racked my brains: that I may say what I choose, and justify it.

JEPPE. It seems to me that it would have been better never to have studied in that way.

MONTa.n.u.s. Keep your mouth shut, old man!

JEPPE. You're not going to beat your parents?

MONTa.n.u.s. If I did, I should justify that, too, before the whole world. [Exeunt Jeppe and Nille, weeping.]

SCENE 5