Comedies by Holberg : Jeppe of the Hill, The Political Tinker, Erasmus Montanus Part 25

HERMAN. You shameless rogue! Is this the time to come to me with such talk, now, when you see that I am caught in a net of nothing but misfortunes and troublesome business!

HENRICH. On my word, I don't ask out of ambition, but only to command a little respect in the house from my fellow servants, especially from Anneke, who--

HERMAN. If you don't shut up, I'll break your neck into little pieces! Henrich!

HENRICH. Mr. Burgomaster!

HERMAN. Can't you help me get this straightened out, you stupid dog?

Look here, if you don't clear up my affairs for me, there'll be trouble.

HENRICH. It's a wonder that you should ask such a thing of me, you who are such a clever man, and have been called to this high station solely on account of your wisdom.

HERMAN. Are you going to make fun of me into the bargain? (He picks up a chair and makes as if to hit him. Henrich runs out.)

SCENE 9

HERMAN (sits down with his head in his hands and ponders a long time. Then he jumps up, startled). Didn't some one knock? (Goes softly to the door, but sees no one. He sits down again, and ponders; falls to weeping, and dries his eyes with papers; he jumps up again and yells as if he were in a frenzy.) A whole pack of papers from the syndics! The alderman of the hatters! The alderman's opponent! Complaint in twenty headings! Riot of sailors! A foreign president! Impeachment by the council! Threats! Isn't there a rope here at hand? Yes, I think there really is--there's one behind the stove. (Takes the rope and prepares a noose.) It was predicted of me, that I should be elevated by my political studies. The prophecy will come true, if only the rope holds. Let the council come, then, with all their threats, I scoff at them, once I am dead. But there is one thing I could wish for--to see the author of The Political Stockfish hanged by my side with sixteen copies of The Council of State and Political Dessert hung round his neck. (Takes the book from the table and tears it apart.} You brute! You shall never mislead another honest tinker. So, that's the last bit of comfort before I die! Now I must look for a hook to hang myself from. It will be especially noteworthy to have it said after my death: "What burgomaster in Hamburg was ever more vigilant than Herman von Bremenfeld, who in his whole term of office never slept a wink?"

SCENE 10

(Herman climbs up on a chair, where he remains all through the scene. Enter Antonius.)

ANTONIUS. Here, here! What the devil are you doing?

HERMAN. I have no intention of doing anything; on the contrary, I am about to hang myself to avoid everything. If you will keep me company, it will be a pleasure to me.

ANTONIUS. Indeed I will not; but what brings you to such a desperate intention?

HERMAN. Listen, Antonius! it won't do any good to discuss it. I am to be hanged; if it doesn't happen to-day, it will happen to-morrow.

I only beg, before I die, that you will pay my respects to Madam Burgomaster and the young lady, and instruct them to give me the following epitaph:

Traveller, stand and heed!

Here hangs Burgomaster von Bremenfeld, Who in his whole term of office Spent not a minute in sleep: Go forth and do likewise.

You may not know, dear Antonius, that I have been made burgomaster, that I have attained a position in which I don't know black from white, and where I find myself utterly incompetent; for I have observed, from the various tribulations which I have already met, that there is a great difference between being the government and criticising the government.

ANTONIUS. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!

HERMAN. Don't laugh at me, Antonius! It is a sin to do it.

ANTONIUS. Ha, ha, ha! Now I see how it all works out. I was at the inn just now, and I heard people there bursting with laughter over a joke which had been played on Herman von Bremen, who had been made to believe by some young men that he had been elected burgomaster, to see how he would act. That pained me through and through and I came straight here, to warn you.

HERMAN. Ah, then I'm not a burgomaster at all?

ANTONIUS. No; the story was made out of whole cloth, to show you the foolishness of arguing about high subjects that you don't understand.

HERMAN. Then it's not true about the foreign president?

ANTONIUS. Certainly not.

HERMAN. Or the master hatter either?

ANTONIUS. All fabricated.

HERMAN. Nor the sailors?

ANTONIUS. No, no.

HERMAN. To the devil with hanging, then! Geske! Engelke! Peiter!

Henrich! Come here, all of you!

SCENE 11

(Enter Geske, Engelke, Peiter, Henrich.)

HERMAN. My dear wife! Go back to work; our burgomaster business is all over.

GESKE. Over?

HERMAN. If I were sure that you used that t.i.tle out of malice, it would go hard with you.

HENRICH. No, indeed, I didn't, master, but it's hard to get things straight again so quickly.

HERMAN. Take hands, you two. So, that's the way. To-morrow we shall have a wedding. Henrich!

HENRICH. Mr. Burgomaster--Beg your pardon, I mean master!

HERMAN. Burn up all my political books, for I can't have them before my eyes any more, after the foolish ideas they put into my head. (To the audience.)

To take the leading statesman's part Is harder far than sneering, For squinting at a seaman's chart Is not the whole of steering: With books on politics at hand A dolt may criticise, But judging right our fatherland Is only for the wise.

All craftsmen who have seen my fate, Pray, profit by its ending: Though all's not sound within the state, That's not our kind of mending.

And when we drop our humble tools And set us up as thinkers, We look the sorry lot of fools That statesmen would as tinkers.

ERASMUS MONTa.n.u.s OR RASMUS BERG