Comedies by Holberg : Jeppe of the Hill, The Political Tinker, Erasmus Montanus Part 24

HERMAN. Which is right, then?

HENRICH. That our Lord and the burgomaster must know.

HERMAN (gets up and walks to and fro). This is devilish nonsense, Henrich! Can't you tell me, you stupid animal, who is right? Why should I give a dog like you board and wages? (A racket outside.) What's the noise in the hall?

HENRICH. The two citizens have each other by the hair.

HERMAN. Go out and bid them respect the burgomaster's house.

HENRICH. It is better, sir, to let them fight, so they may perhaps become good friends again all the sooner. Gracious! I think they will break in; listen how they are beating on the door! (Herman crawls under the table.) Who knocks?

A LACKEY (outside). I have come from a foreign resident. My master has something to discuss with the burgomaster which is most important.

HENRICH. Where the deuce is the burgomaster? Has the devil flown off with the burgomaster? Mr. Burgomaster!

HERMAN (under the tables-whispering). Henrich! Who was that?

HENRICH. A foreign president wants to talk with your Honor.

HERMAN. Tell him to come again in half an hour, and say that there are two hat-makers here to see me whom I must despatch. Henrich! Ask the citizens to go away till to-morrow. Oh, G.o.d help me, poor man! I am so jumbled up in my head that I don't know myself what I am saying or doing. Can't you help me to get it straightened out, Henrich?

HENRICH (returning from the door), I know no better advice for his Honor than to go and hang himself.

HERMAN. Go and get me The Political Stockfish. It is lying on the sitting-room table--a German book in a white binding. Perhaps I can find in it how I should receive foreign presidents.

HENRICH. Does the burgomaster want mustard and b.u.t.ter with it?

HERMAN. No, it is a book in a white binding. (Exit Henrich. While he is gone Herman absent-mindedly tears the hatters' doc.u.ment to pieces. Reenter Henrich with the book.}

HENRICH. Here is the book. But what is it, sir, that you are tearing up? I believe it's the master hatters' complaint.

HERMAN. Oh, I did that without thinking. (He takes the book and throws it on the floor.) I believe, Henrich, I had better take your advice and hang myself.

HENRICH. Oh, Lord! Another knock! (Exit. Reenter in tears.) Oh, Mr.

Burgomaster! Help, Mr. Burgomaster!

HERMAN. What's up?

HENRICH. There is a whole regiment of sailors in front of the door yelling, "If we don't get justice, we shall smash all the burgomaster's windows in." One of them hit me in the back with a stone. Oh, oh, oh!

HERMAN (crawls under the table again). Henrich, ask Madam Burgomaster to come hold them in check. They may show respect for a woman.

HENRICH. Yes, yes, you shall see how much respect sailors have for a woman. If she goes out there, they may rape her, and then you would be worse off in the end than you were in the beginning.

HERMAN. Oh, but she is an old woman.

HENRICH. Sailors aren't so particular. I shouldn't risk my wife like that. They are knocking again. Shall I open the door?

HERMAN. No, I'm afraid it's the sailors. Oh, I wish I were in my grave. Henrich, run to the door and listen to see who it is.

HENRICH. Look, they are coming right in. It is two councillors.

SCENE 7

(Enter Abrahams and Sanderus.)

ABRAHAMS. Isn't the burgomaster at home?

HENRICH. Yes, he's sitting under the table. Mr. Burgomaster!

SANDERUS. What? Are you sitting under the table, your Honor?

HERMAN. Oh, good sirs, I never asked to be made burgomaster. Why have you got me into all this trouble?

ABRAHAMS. You certainly accepted it at one time. Do come out, your Honor! We have come to point out the great wrong you did the foreign minister when you dismissed him so haughtily-because of which the city may get into difficulties. We thought that the burgomaster understood Jus public.u.m and ceremony better than that.

HERMAN. Oh, good gentlemen, you can depose me, and then I shall be relieved of a burden I am too weak to bear, and the foreign minister will get satisfaction at the same time.

SANDERUS. Far be it from us, your Honor, to depose you! You must come with us straight to the City Hall to consider with the syndics how the error can be remedied.

HERMAN. I won't go to the City Hall, even if I'm dragged by the hair. I don't want to be burgomaster, I never did want to be burgomaster, and I'd rather you killed me. I am a tinker, before G.o.d and honor, and a tinker I shall die.

SANDERUS. Will you make fools of the entire council? Listen, colleague, did he not accept the office of burgomaster?

ABRAHAMS. Certainly, and it is a fact which we have already reported to the council.

SANDERUS. We must consider the matter. The whole Senate is not going to allow itself to be made game of in this way. [Exeunt Abrahams and Sanderus.]

SCENE 8

HERMAN. Henrich! (He comes out from under the table.)

HENRICH. Mr. Burgomaster!

HERMAN. What do you think these councillors are going to do to me?

HENRICH. I don't know; they were very angry, I could see. I am surprised that they dared use such language in the burgomaster's own room. If I had been burgomaster, I should have come right out and said to them: "Shut up, you scurvy-necks! Stick your fingers on the floor and smell whose house you are in!"

HERMAN. I wish you were burgomaster, Henrich! I wish you were burgomaster! Oh--oh--oh'

HENRICH. If I might interrupt your business, sir, I should like to make one humble request, and that is that henceforth I might be called "von Henrich."