Destroy Your New Life, Repair It, Destroy It Again By Doing Crazy Things While Screaming YOLO! - LightNovelsOnl.com
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-Why the platform 9 ¾?
-Why is this hallway only 1m wide by 4m long?
-Why is this hallway blocked at the end? Again a 9 ¾?
And finally:
-Why does the author use the questions I'm asking myself to describe the place?
This last one was sponsored by Vth Wall Corporation.
All of that to say that I have quite a lot of questions, and it just happens I have all the answers:
-Because.
-Because.
-Because. No idea.
-Because.
[…]
In the head of Moar…
Where does a wallophile go to jerk off?
1) On masonry websites.
2) On a "wall" google image search.
3) To the platform 9 ¾.
4) To the 5th wall.
[…]
-Ha Ha Ha!
I'm laughing without reason… Visible reason.
I decide after a few minutes and a jer… A few minutes to get my head out of the wall.
Like in plasterboard, my head sank into the wall, and it's not the only thing that penetrated the wall, but well…
Let's forget all those allusions to the wall procreation and let's carry on our way.
I'm very quick to finish my affair, so after not even a second I'm already gone to the wall on the end of the corridor.
The end of this corridor is like the rest, similar to plasterboard, nothing particular… But I hesitate to explode it, after all it didn't go well last time!
But well! What could possibly happen here? Unlike the resistance, the emperor certainly don't have any child at the 16th floor under the earth?
Right?
It would be muuuuuuuccccchhhhhh too pedophile…
Impossible…
Absolutely… Impossible…
I decide therefore to do a shattering entry! Literally…
[…]
Children are playing in a pretty little garden…
When suddenly… Paf! Paf! Paf! The wolllffff!*
No, I'm joking.
It's more:
When suddenly… Paf! Paf! Paf! The waaaalllll!
What happened with the wall, you're asking yourself?
It explode! With a big comics boom written in the s.p.a.ce!
And pieces are flying!
And heads are exploding!
And… Well you understood…
The children… The exploded heads…
The joy… The good mood…
The flowers…
A spinal column that breaks, the dairy products, are our friends for life*, paraplegic all of that…**
All of that, all of that, well… Cough!
It's NOT children abuse!
It's a unfortunate accident!
The cause? The carelessness of a man that don't worry enough of consequences!
Who it is?
You want to know who?
This man who're running there!
No it's not me, Moar, I swear it!
It's the man that's running there!
Seriously, that guy is really shameless, acting like that… Destroying the possessions of others and killing poor children that didn't ask anything…
Oh really, we should re-etablish death penalty just for people like that…
Although… There is people capable of doing this job…
Theo…**
s.h.i.+eld…**
Little girl…**
Yes! It's that!
Call the CRS (T/N : French riot police, as they have s.h.i.+elds, that have something to do with the paladins Theo in Aventures**)! Chase this man! Attack!
Carry out a s.h.i.+eld charge!
While I'm talking about carrying out…
Before the thunderstruck look of the sole survivants, I'm starting to dab, while thinking:
-I carry out the dab, in inadequate places, I appreciate dabbing, in unsuited contexts!***
I see that my entry went unnoticed, so I decide to go to the only place where a 3m tall emperor would go without me seeing him… What visibly seems like a 30M TALL MANOR WITH 4 FLOORS!!!!!!
This manor seems typically like the kind of manor that would be used by a vampire… Dark, lugubrious… Everything that's nice in short…
Given that I'm a cautious and respectful man, uh, child, I decide to immediately enter without check with a big kick in the door!
-Time to kick some a.s.ses, baby!****
-Kyaaaahhhhh!
A child is. .h.i.t by the door and threw on the other side of the room. His corpse crush on the wall, the skull blowed up.
-Pff, no, seriously! This joke is muuuuucccchhhhhh too recurrent!
I ignore the kid and take a few steps…
After all this times, I became indifferent to that type of things, and moreover his bones would be much more st.u.r.dy if he was drinking milk everyday…
-Dairy products, are our friends for life!*
I hum while my silhouette is disappearing in the manor's shadows…
*Seriously little child? You don't know the ad paf paf paf the wolf? Weren't you born before 2005 ? No? What a shame, you can search the ad for dairy products… It's ez you search "paf paf paf le loup"… They are literally beating the wolf to death (paf).
**Reference to Théo de Silverberg who in Aventures, a recorded roleplay, after the end of the season 1, attacked a little girl while doing a s.h.i.+eld charge, sure that he can save the "poor kid" from the hostage taker. Doing one of the most beautiful failure of Aventures, by pus.h.i.+ng the arm of the hostage taker, breaking the neck of the little girl. Like that, the future of the little girl (paraplegic/dead) as well as the famous sentence "as I say you she's not dead" became famous jokes around the Aventures community.
***Again a reference! I was in a good mood while writting! Here a reference to "I carry out the dab" of Mc Fly and Carlito.
****Already in English in the original because it sounded better.
