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From: David Thorne David Thorne Date: Tuesday 6 May 2008 8:42 p.m. Tuesday 6 May 2008 8:42 p.m.
To: Richard Matthews Richard Matthews Subject: Re: Re: Re: Rove Re: Re: Re: Rove
Dear d.i.c.k,
You're correct. My statements were uncalled for and unquantifiable in any manner. I apologize without reserve and ask for nothing but your understanding. I hope, in time, you can come to forgive me for such contemptible statements. If I could retract my statements I would, but I do not have a time machine.
I wish that I did have a time machine. I would take my MacBook Pro back to 1984 and visit Steve Jobs. After selling my laptop to him for millions I would return to the present. I could do this several times, as each time the present technologies would have changed. It is a flawless plan, I am sure you will agree, lacking only the availability of time/ dimension manipulation technologies.
Regards, David
From: Richard Matthews Richard Matthews Date: Tuesday 6 May 2008 9:02 p.m. Tuesday 6 May 2008 9:02 p.m.
To: David Thorne David Thorne Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Rove Re: Re: Re: Re: Rove
That didnt even make any sense. why dont you stop wasting your time and get a girlfriend!
From: David Thorne David Thorne Date: Tuesday 6 May 200 9:06 p.m. Tuesday 6 May 200 9:06 p.m.
To: Richard Matthews Richard Matthews Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Rove Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Rove
Thank you for the excellent suggestion, d.i.c.k. I contacted your wife and we are now seeing each other.
From: Richard Matthews Richard Matthews Date: Tuesday 6 May 2008 9:17 p.m. Tuesday 6 May 2008 9:17 p.m.
To: David Thorne David Thorne Subject: f.u.c.k off f.u.c.k off
youve obviously got no firends!
From: David Thorne David Thorne Date: Tuesday 6 May 2008 9:28 p.m. Tuesday 6 May 2008 9:28 p.m.
To: Richard Matthews Richard Matthews Subject: Re: f.u.c.k off Re: f.u.c.k off
You got me, d.i.c.k. You are correct; I have no friends. I am lonely and sad. I am currently sitting in a cave by myself, sustaining myself on beetles, powering my laptop by an ingenious array of pulleys and flywheels constructed from small lizards and tree sap from the local flora. I came here to escape my family, friends, industry a.s.sociates, acquaintances, and the lady next door who was spying on me, in the hope of completing my novel t.i.tled Why are there so many d.i.c.kheads messaging me? Why are there so many d.i.c.kheads messaging me? I have made the dedication out to you, d.i.c.k, and will endeavor to send you a copy once it goes to print. I have made the dedication out to you, d.i.c.k, and will endeavor to send you a copy once it goes to print.
Regards, David
From: Richard Matthews Richard Matthews Date: Wednesday 7 May 2008 10:37 a.m. Wednesday 7 May 2008 10:37 a.m.
To: David Thorne David Thorne Subject: Re: Re: f.u.c.k off Re: Re: f.u.c.k off
Your a moron muthuf.u.ka!!!!
From: David Thorne David Thorne Date: Wednesday 7 May 2008 11:52 a.m. Wednesday 7 May 2008 11:52 a.m.
To: Richard Matthews Richard Matthews Subject: Re: Re: Re: f.u.c.k off Re: Re: Re: f.u.c.k off
Well done, d.i.c.k. That sentence included a word containing more than three syllables-I am a.s.suming "muthuf.u.ka" to be one word in your dimension. As I mentioned, I am currently writing a novel and would be honored if you would concede to being the editor. I realize that you must be in great demand, with a long list of literary achievements, and I am less than worthy of your mastery in this area, but an opportunity such as this could simply not be pa.s.sed by. I will attach the ma.n.u.script and look forward to your positive response.
Regards, David
From: Richard Matthews Richard Matthews Date: Wednesday 7 May 2008 2:18 p.m. Wednesday 7 May 2008 2:18 p.m.
To: David Thorne David Thorne Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: f.u.c.k off Re: Re: Re: Re: f.u.c.k off
youve got mental problems w.a.n.ker and dont call me d.i.c.k. your the d.i.c.khead!
From: David Thorne David Thorne Date: Wednesday 7 May 2008 2:44 p.m. Wednesday 7 May 2008 2:44 p.m.
To: Richard Matthews Richard Matthews Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: f.u.c.k off Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: f.u.c.k off
Dear Dr. d.i.c.k,
Thank you for that in-depth psychoa.n.a.lysis that is so accurate as to be uncanny. As your professional diagnosis has clearly outlined, I do, indeed, have mental problems. It is a degenerative disease that causes a small part of my brain to die every time I receive a message from the kind of person that collects Star Trek Star Trek DVDs and listens to Jimmy Barnes (yes, I read your profile). Little more can be done except to write a letter to your university, in particular your psychology and psychiatry lecturers, congratulating them on producing such an amazing pool of talent. DVDs and listens to Jimmy Barnes (yes, I read your profile). Little more can be done except to write a letter to your university, in particular your psychology and psychiatry lecturers, congratulating them on producing such an amazing pool of talent.
Regards, David
From: Richard Matthews Richard Matthews Date: Wednesday 7 May 2008 2:52 p.m. Wednesday 7 May 2008 2:52 p.m.
To: David Thorne David Thorne Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: f.u.c.k off Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: f.u.c.k off
f.u.c.k you whats wrong with Star Trek? your a w.a.n.ker
From: David Thorne David Thorne Date: Wednesday 7 May 2008 3:19 p.m. Wednesday 7 May 2008 3:19 p.m.
To: Richard Matthews Richard Matthews Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: f.u.c.k off Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: f.u.c.k off
Nothing is wrong with Star Trek, Star Trek, d.i.c.k. I enjoy science theory myself, and some of the episodes were not completely embarra.s.sing. I was tempted to write something derogatory and perhaps even draw attention to the fact that the only time in any of your e-mails you have used correct spelling, grammar, punctuation, or capitalization is when you wrote the name d.i.c.k. I enjoy science theory myself, and some of the episodes were not completely embarra.s.sing. I was tempted to write something derogatory and perhaps even draw attention to the fact that the only time in any of your e-mails you have used correct spelling, grammar, punctuation, or capitalization is when you wrote the name Star Trek, Star Trek, but I was fearful that your army of Klingon warriors might attack and shoot colorful laser rays at me, causing me to have to land on a planet inhabited by aliens who speak English and look exactly like humans apart from ripples on their noses while I perform plasma warp drive repairs. but I was fearful that your army of Klingon warriors might attack and shoot colorful laser rays at me, causing me to have to land on a planet inhabited by aliens who speak English and look exactly like humans apart from ripples on their noses while I perform plasma warp drive repairs.
Regards, David
From: Richard Matthews Richard Matthews Date: Thursday 8 May 2008 9:27 a.m. Thursday 8 May 2008 9:27 a.m.
To: David Thorne David Thorne Subject: your a w.a.n.ker your a w.a.n.ker
You must be fat and sad and ugly!
From: David Thorne David Thorne Date: Thursday 8 May 2008 4:11 p.m. Thursday 8 May 2008 4:11 p.m.
To: Richard Matthews Richard Matthews Subject: Re: your a w.a.n.ker Re: your a w.a.n.ker
Thank you, d.i.c.k. I am touched by your concern for my health, happiness, and social acceptance. I actually am not fat and would usually be described as a bit too skinny. I have been contemplating reverse liposuction, a technique where they basically transfer liquefied body fat from one patient to another.
Having looked on your profile and seen your photo, I was hoping we could help each other out here-I figure some of the fat from just one of your cheeks could help add many kilograms to my current body weight. I realize this would leave you a tad lopsided, so if we take the fat from your other cheek we could sell it to the j.a.panese. This commercial venture would effectively pay for the initial operation and save several whales in the process. I think you will have to agree this is a socially responsible course of action.
In regard to being sad, aren't we all from time to time? As I am sitting writing this on my laptop in bed while my girlfriend watches Family Guy Family Guy on the 52-inch plasma screen in her underwear, I can't help but think how much happier I would be if she was Brooke Satchwell, was wearing latex, and we were in Bora Bora; so I guess, happiness being relative and on a comparative scale, you are correct. on the 52-inch plasma screen in her underwear, I can't help but think how much happier I would be if she was Brooke Satchwell, was wearing latex, and we were in Bora Bora; so I guess, happiness being relative and on a comparative scale, you are correct.
