Big Trouble Part 4

"That's right, sir sir," said Officer Kramitz, who was hoping that Arthur would become disorderly so he could restrain him.

"What're you gonna do about this?" demanded Arthur, pointing at Matt. "Guy comes in here with a f.u.c.king gun! Trying to kill us!"

"Arthur," said Anna, "it's a squirt gun."

Arthur looked at the gun in Officer Kramitz's hand. Officer Kramitz pulled the trigger, sending a stream of water onto the floor. Roger trotted over to lick it.

"Good thing you ran away, Arthur," said Jenny. "You might have got squirted."

Officer Kramitz snorted. Arthur whirled to face Jenny and said, "Shut up, you little b.i.t.c.h."

There was a moment of silence while everybody in the room, except for Arthur and Roger, reflected on what an a.s.shole Arthur was.

"OK," said Monica, "let's all just settle down and ... "

"MY TV!" said Arthur. "HE BROKE MY f.u.c.kING TV!"

Everybody looked at the TV, now a mute black box with a gaping hole and gla.s.s littering the floor in front of it.

"I didn't do that," said Matt.

"YOU'RE GONNA PAY FOR THAT AND YOU'RE GONNA GO TO JAIL YOU LITTLE f.u.c.k," said Arthur.

"I didn't do it," said Matt. "It's a squirt gun"

"He's more upset about the TV than about us," said Jenny.

"I TOLD YOU TO SHUT THE f.u.c.k UP," said Arthur.

"Sir," said Monica, who was wondering how come she always got these domestic disputes instead of nice, simple homicides, "I'm asking you to please calm down so we can ... "

"THIS IS MY f.u.c.kING HOUSE," said Arthur.

"Yes, sir," said Monica. "And these right here are my handcuffs, and if you don't calm down, you are gonna be wearing them."

"That's right, sir," said Officer Kramitz, wis.h.i.+ng he had thought of the handcuff line first.

"OK," said Monica, "I wanna hear, from the beginning, one at a time, what happened, starting with Mr. Killer over here." She nodded to Matt.

"Well," Matt said, "me and Andrew were outside with the squirt gun, and ... "

"Who's Andrew?" asked Monica.

Matt, realizing he was in danger of committing the mortal schoolboy sin of ratting on a friend, said, "n.o.body."

"Andrew is n.o.body?" said Monica. "You were out there with a squirt gun and an imaginary friend?"

"Yes," said Matt. "I mean, no."

Monica started to rub her temple, then realized she still had her gun in her hand. She bolstered it and said, "OK, so you and n.o.body are outside. Then what?"

"OK," said Matt, "so Jenny's mom opened the door, and I came running up to squirt Jenny, and ... "

A buzzer sounded.

"That's the front door," said Anna.

"Officer Kramitz," said Monica, "could you please go see who it is?"

Officer Kramitz, giving Arthur a look, left the family room.

"So," said Monica to Matt, "you ran up for a squirt, and ... "

"And Mrs. Herk jumped me, and I went down on Jenny," said Matt. "I mean, fell fell down on Jenny." Matt and Jenny both turned red. down on Jenny." Matt and Jenny both turned red.

"I'm sorry," said Anna. "I thought you were ... I didn't realize. Are you OK?"

"Yeah, it's just a b.l.o.o.d.y nose," said Matt. "Do you work out or something?"

Anna said, "I'll get you a washcloth."

Jenny said, "I'll get it." The truth was, she thought Matt was cute.

"You're not getting him s.h.i.+t s.h.i.+t," said Arthur. "He broke into this house, and he broke my f.u.c.king TV, and I'm suing and I'm pressing charges."

Officer Kramitz reentered the room and said, "This guy says his son is here."

Behind him, wearing gym shorts and a Miami Fusion T-s.h.i.+rt and looking very anxious as he brushed Roger away from his groin, was Eliot Arnold. Eliot went straight to Matt.

"Matt," he said, "you OK?"

"Yeah," said Matt. "It's just a b.l.o.o.d.y nose. I'm sorry, Dad. I never thought, I mean ... I'm really sorry."

"This is your son?" asked Monica.

"Yes," said Eliot. "I'm Eliot Arnold. I got a call from Andrew, Matt's friend, he said there was trouble here, so I took a cab."

"Ah," said Monica. "The imaginary friend."

"What?" said Eliot.

"Never mind," said Monica.

Arthur Herk walked over to Eliot and, standing too close, said, "You got a lawyer?" "What?" said Eliot.

"You better have a good f.u.c.king lawyer," Arthur told Eliot. "Your son broke my TV. It was a Sony, thirty-nine inches diagonal."

"Thirty-five inches," said Jenny, returning with a washcloth.

"b.i.t.c.h," said Arthur.

"Could somebody please tell me what happened?" asked Eliot.

"I was trying to kill Jenny," said Matt, "and her mom jumped me."

"Hi," said Anna, giving Eliot a little wave. "I'm Anna Herk. I didn't mean to hurt him."

"Hi," said Eliot, waving back. "Listen, I'm really sorry about this. I thought it was, I mean, the way Matt described it, it was just supposed to be a game."

"Hey," said Anna, making a what-can-you-do gesture. "Kids."

"Yeah," agreed Eliot. "Kids." Eliot was noticing that Anna had extremely green eyes.

"Your kid's going to jail," said Arthur Herk, heading for the bar.

"Monica?" said Officer Kramitz.

"What?" said Monica.

'Take a look at this," said Officer Kramitz, feeling very happy about this case again. He was crouched by the TV set, pointing at something inside the gaping opening where the picture tube had been. Monica went over and saw that he was pointing at a small, perfectly round hole in the back of the plastic cabinet. Looking behind the TV, she saw a matching hole in the wall. She went around to the other side of the wall, which was the dining room; there was a hole in the wall, and another hole in the wall on the opposite side of the room.

"Jesus," she said. She went back into the family room.

"OK," she said, "Let's go over what happened again, and this time, let's include the part about who shot the TV set."

Arthur Herk, pouring a drink, jerked his head up.

"Shot it?" said Anna. "n.o.body shot it." it?" said Anna. "n.o.body shot it."

"It's a squirt gun squirt gun," said Matt.

"Listen," said Monica. "There's a bullet hole in the wall there, and I want to know, right now, how ... Wait a minute."

Monica turned and went over to the window next to the sliding-gla.s.s door and stood for a moment, staring. Eliot, Matt, Anna, Jenny, and Officer Kramitz moved closer to see what she was looking at. What she was looking at was a neat, round hole in the gla.s.s.

"Oh my G.o.d G.o.d," said Jenny.

"Is that a bullet bullet hole?" asked Eliot. hole?" asked Eliot.

"Looks like," said Monica.

"So," said Matt, "like, a bullet came through this room through this room? With us here here?"

"Oh my G.o.d G.o.d," said Jenny, again. Anna hugged her.

At the bar, Arthur Herk went pale.

"Matt," said Monica, "when you and your imaginary Mend were outside, did you see anybody else?"

"No," said Matt.

"Mrs. Herk," said Monica, "does anybody live here besides you and your daughter and your husband?"

"Well," said Anna, "there's ... My G.o.d, where's Nina where's Nina?"

Nina could smell beer. It wasn't a bad smell; in fact, it reminded her of her father, when he came home late from work on Friday and sometimes she would sit on his lap and he would sing her songs, and on his breath was the sweet smell of the cerveza cerveza.

She could smell it now, but it wasn't her father; k was somebody with a different voice, a higher voice, and he was saying, "You OK? Lady? Lady? You OK?"

Nina opened her eyes, and she saw a man, but she didn't scream, because she was not afraid of this man. He had a beard and sad brown eyes, kind of like Roger the dog's, and she could see in them that he had a sad brown soul, and that he would not hurt her.

Puggy thought that Nina was beautiful. Just beautiful, like an angel in a blue nightgown, or a woman on the TV. He could not believe that a woman as beautiful as this was in his tree. He knew-he was sure-that she was the reason for the flute music, because that music was as beautiful as this woman was. He had never really loved a woman, or even really talked to one, but he believed that he loved this woman very much.

"You OK?" he said again.

"Si," said Nina. "Yes."

Spanish, thought Puggy. He would die for this woman.

"What happen to me?" she asked, tentatively touching her forehead, discovering a large and tender lump.

"That guy ran into you," said Puggy.

"Senor Herk," said Nina. "He chase me."

Whoever Senor Herk was, Puggy hated him.

"I got the gun," said Puggy.

"Gun?" said Nina. She p.r.o.nounced it "gon." Puggy thought it was a beautiful way to p.r.o.nounce it. He wanted this woman to stay in his tree forever, p.r.o.nouncing things.

"The gun the other guy had," said Puggy. "I got it."

"There was another?" asked Nina.

"There was two guys," said Puggy. "They're gone, though."

Nina looked around her. She was lying on something hard and flat, like wood, but she was outside, with branches all around.

"Where is this?" she asked.

"This is my tree," Puggy said.

Nina sat up a little bit, and saw that she was in a tree. "Well," said Puggy, "it's not my tree. But I live here."