Mr. Punch's Country Life - LightNovelsOnl.com
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"Here in cool grot and mossy cell We rural fays and fairies dwell!"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: HARD ON THE DOCTOR--_Old Lady._ "My 'usband 'e never did 'old with doctors, and 'e wouldn't let me send for yer till 'e was real bad. What's wrong with him, doctor?" _Doctor._ "Mainly senility, Mrs.
Wilkins." _Old Lady._ "Lor' now! An' I dessay 'e wouldn't 'ave 'ad it if 'e'd 'ad yer soon enough!"]
[Ill.u.s.tration:
"There are more things in Heaven and Earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy."--_Hamlet._
(_Heard outside a Country Circus._)
_Old Jarge._ "Wen ye sees wot comes from furrin parts, bless yer 'eart, ye just feels like a bit o' dirt!"]
"THE LAST STRAW."--For further particulars apply to the gleaners.
THE WEATHER AND THE CROPS.--_Note._ Always have your hair cut very short in the hottest weather.
GARDENING AMUs.e.m.e.nT FOR COLWELL-HATCHNEY.--Spinning turnip tops.
ADVICE TO THE FARMER.--Keep your weather eye open.
[Ill.u.s.tration:
"Did ye see the Lord Mayor when you was up to Lunnon?"
"Aye, lad, I did."
"De' 'e gang aboot wi' a chain?"
"No; 'e gangs loose!"]
[Ill.u.s.tration:
_Miss Hobbs_ (_who dislikes tobacco_). "I see you are at your idol again!"
_Smoker._ "Yes; I'm burning it!"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: A DRY CALLING
"Th' ole squire stop an' spoke to me this marnin'; an' Oi ast 'im 'ow Master Philip was gettin' on in Lunnon. 'Oh,' says 'e, ''e 's bin called to the Bar.' Oi dunno wot 'e meant, so Oi didn' say nothin'; but Oi says to meself, 'Ah,' Oi says, 'from what _Oi_ remember of 'im, 'e didn' want no _callin'_!'"]
[Ill.u.s.tration:
ACCOMMODATING.--_Old Lady._ "Now then, what do you want?" _The Tramp._ "I ain't pertickler, lady. What 'av' yer got?"]
[Ill.u.s.tration:
_The Vicar's Daughter._ "Papa was very shocked, Giles, to see you standing outside the 'Green Man' this morning, after church."
_The Village Reprobate._ "Oi can 'sure ye, miss, it wus na fault o'
moine that I wus standin' ootside!"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: "I'm surprised to find that you keep a dog, Tomkins! Why, you can barely keep your wife! What on earth do you feed him on?"
"Well, I gives 'im cat's-meat. And when I can't afford that, why, 'e 'as to 'ave wot _we_ 'ave."]
[Ill.u.s.tration: _Mrs. A._ "I've just been to see a poor soul who was almost dying of dest.i.tution." _Miss B._ "Did you take her anything?"
_Mrs. A._ "Yes--a pound of mutton." _Miss B._ "That wasn't much, was it?" _Mrs. A._ (_indignantly_). "Quite enough to make her some _beef tea_!"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: "Tell your fortune, pretty gentleman?"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: "Fond of music! Why, when I'm in town, I go to a music-hall every night!"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: A SURE SIGN OF IMPROVEMENT.--_Village Doctor._ "Well Scroggins, I hope your wife is much better to-day, eh? How is her pulse, eh? And how's her temperature?"
_Scroggins_ (_considering_). "Well, doctor, I don't know much about her pulses, but as for her temper"--(_feelingly_)--"she's got a plenty of _that_ to-day!"]
