Stephanie Plum - Seven Up Part 33

I took a deep breath and dialed.

"I've got a lead on DeChooch," I told Vinnie. "I'd like to check it out but I haven't got anyone to do backup for me."

"Meet me at the office in a half hour."

I PARKED THE bike in the back, next to Vinnie's midnight blue Cadillac. Lights were on inside and the back door was open. Vinnie was strapping a gun to his leg when I strolled in. He was in requisite bounty hunter black, complete with Kevlar vest. I, on the other hand, was dressed in jeans and olive-drab T-s.h.i.+rt with a navy flannel s.h.i.+rt worn jacket-style. My gun was home in the cookie jar. I hoped Vinnie didn't ask about the gun. I hate the gun.

He tossed a vest at me, and I shrugged into it.

"I swear," he said, looking at me, "I don't know how you ever make a capture."

"Luck," I told him.

I handed him the address and followed him to the car. I'd never gone out with Vinnie before, and it was a strange sensation. Our relations.h.i.+p has always been adversarial. We know too much about each other to ever be friends. And we know we would both be willing to use that knowledge in ruthless ways if pushed too far. Okay, the truth is I'm not all that ruthless. But I can deliver a good threat. Maybe the same is true of Vinnie.

Soba's house was in a neighborhood that had probably originated in the seventies. Lots were large and trees had matured. The houses were cla.s.sic split foyer with two-car garages and fenced backyards to corral dogs and kids. Most houses had lights on, and I imagined adults were sleeping in front of televisions and kids were in bedrooms doing homework or surfing the Net.

Vinnie idled across from Soba's house.

"You're sure this is the place?" Vinnie asked.

"Mary Maggie said she'd been to a party here and it matched the description Grandma gave."

"Oh boy," Vinnie said, "I'm going to break into a house on the say-so of a mud wrestler. Not just any house, either. Pinwheel Soba's house." He drove halfway around the block and parked. We got out and walked back to the house. We stood for a moment on the sidewalk, looking at the surrounding houses, listening for sounds that might indicate people outdoors.

"There are black shutters on the small downstairs windows," I said to Vinnie. "They're closed shut just as Grandma described."

"Okay," Vinnie said, "we're going in, and here are the possibilities. We could have the wrong house, in which case we're in trouble for scaring the s.h.i.+t out of some innocent dumb-a.s.s family. Or we could have the right house and crazy DeChooch shoots at us."

"I'm glad you listed it out for me. I feel much better now."

"Do you have a plan?" Vinnie wanted to know.

"Yeah. How about if you go up and ring the doorbell and see if anyone's home. I'll wait here and do backup."

"I've got a better idea. How about if you bend over and I'll show show you you my my plan." plan."

"There aren't any lights on in this house," I said. "I don't think anyone's in there."

"They could be asleep."

"They could be dead."

"Now that would be a good thing," Vinnie said. "Dead people don't shoot at you."

I started across the gra.s.s. "Let's see if there are any lights on in back."

"Remind me not to take any more bonds out on old guys. You can't count on them. They don't think normal. They skip a couple pills and next thing they're stas.h.i.+ng stiffs in their shed and kidnapping old ladies."

"No lights on in the back, either," I said. "Now what? Are you any good at breaking and entering?"

Vinnie took a couple pairs of disposable rubber gloves from his pocket and we both snapped them on.

"I've had some experience with breaking and entering," he said. He walked to the back door and tried the handle. Locked. He turned and looked at me and smiled. "Piece of cake."

"You can pick the lock?"

"No, I can stick my hand through the hole where a pane of gla.s.s used to be."

I moved up close behind Vinnie. Sure enough, one of the windows on the door had been removed.

"Guess DeChooch lost his key," Vinnie said.

Yeah. Like he ever had it. Pretty clever of him to think to use Soba's vacant house.

Vinnie turned the doork.n.o.b from the inside and opened the door. "Show time," he whispered.

I had my flashlight in hand and my heart was beating faster than normal. Not exactly racing yet, but definitely jogging.

We did a quick search of the upstairs by penlight and decided the upstairs hadn't been inhabited by DeChooch. The kitchen was unused, the refrigerator turned off and propped open. The bedrooms, living room, and dining room were undisturbed, every pillow in place, crystal vases on tables waiting for flowers. Pinwheel Soba lived well.

Between the outside shutters and heavy interior curtains we were able to turn the lights on downstairs. It was exactly as Grandma and Maggie had described. Tarzan country. Leopard-spotted and zebra-striped upholstered furniture. And then just to confuse things, wallpaper with birds found only in South and Central America.

The refrigerator was shut off and empty but still cool inside. Closets were empty. Drawers were empty. The sponge in the dish drain stored under the sink was still damp.

"We just missed him," Vinnie said. "He's gone and it looks to me like he's not coming back."

We shut the lights off, and we were about to leave when we heard the automatic garage door roll up. We were in the finished part of the bas.e.m.e.nt. A short hallway and a foyer with stairs going up stood between us and the garage. The door leading to the garage was closed. A bar of light appeared under the closed door.

"Oh s.h.i.+t!" Vinnie whispered.

The door to the garage opened and DeChooch stood outlined in the light. He moved into the foyer and flipped the lights on at the base of the stairs and stared directly at us. We were all frozen like deer in headlights. It lasted for several seconds before he flipped the lights off and ran up the stairs. I a.s.sumed he was going for the first-floor front door, but he ran past it and into the kitchen, making pretty good time for an old guy.

Vinnie and I lunged up the stairs after him, knocking into each other in the dark. We reached the top of the stairs and off to my right I saw the flash of gunfire and BLAM, BLAM, DeChooch took a potshot at us. I shrieked and dropped to the ground and scuttled for cover. DeChooch took a potshot at us. I shrieked and dropped to the ground and scuttled for cover.

"Bond enforcement," Vinnie yelled. "Drop the gun, DeChooch, you dumb old f.u.c.k!"

DeChooch answered with another shot. I heard something crash and Vinnie did more swearing. And then Vinnie opened fire.

I was behind the couch with my hands over my head. Vinnie and DeChooch were doing blind-man's buff target practice in the dark. Vinnie carried a Glock holding fourteen rounds. I don't know what DeChooch had, but between the two of them it sounded like machine-gun fire. There was a pause and then I heard Vinnie's clip fall to the floor and a new clip get shoved into place. At least I thought it was Vinnie. Hard to tell since I was still cowering behind the couch.

The silence felt even more deafening than the gunfire. I poked my head out and squinted into the smoky blackness. "h.e.l.lo?"

"I've lost DeChooch," Vinnie whispered.

"Maybe you killed him."

"Wait a minute. What's that noise?"

It was the automatic garage door opening.

"f.u.c.k!" Vinnie yelled. He ran for the stairs, slipped on the first step in the dark, and went head over a.s.s to the landing. He scrambled to his feet, threw the front door open, and aimed. I could hear wheels squeal and Vinnie slammed the door shut. "d.a.m.n, p.i.s.s, s.h.i.+t, f.u.c.k!" Vinnie said, stamping around the foyer, stomping upstairs. "I don't believe he got away! He slipped past me when I was reloading. f.u.c.k, f.u.c.k, f.u.c.k f.u.c.k, f.u.c.k, f.u.c.k!"

The f.u.c.ks f.u.c.ks being said with such vehemence, I was afraid he was going to pop a vein in his head. being said with such vehemence, I was afraid he was going to pop a vein in his head.

He flicked a light on and we both looked around. Lamps were smashed, walls and ceilings were cratered, upholstery had been torn apart by bullet holes.

"Holy c.r.a.p," Vinnie said. "This looks like a war zone."

Sirens wailed in the distance. Police.

"I'm out of here," Vinnie said.

"I don't know if it's a good idea to run from the police."

"I'm not running from the police," Vinnie said, taking the stairs two at a time. "I'm running from Pinwheel Soba. I think it'd be a real good idea for us to keep this to ourselves."

Good point.

We streaked across the darkest part of the yard and cut through the property behind Soba's house. Porch lights were going on up and down the block. Dogs were barking. And Vinnie and I were gasping for air, sprinting between bushes. When the car was just a front yard away we emerged from the shadows and sedately walked the distance. All activity was halfway around the block in front of Soba's house.

"This is why you never park in front of the house you're going to hit," Vinnie said.

Something to remember.

We got in the car. Vinnie calmly turned the key in the ignition, and we drove off like two respectable, responsible citizens. We got to the corner and Vinnie looked down.

"Jesus," he said, "I've got a b.o.n.e.r."

SUNLIGHT WAS PEEKING from between my bedroom curtains and I was thinking about getting up when someone knocked on my door. It took me a minute to find my clothes, and in the meantime the knocking turned to yelling.

"Hey Steph, are you there? It's Mooner and Dougie."

I opened the door to them and they reminded me of Bob, all happy-faced and filled with goofy energy.

"We brought you doughnuts," Dougie said, handing me a big white bag. "And we have something to tell you."

"Yeah," Mooner said, "wait until you hear this. This is so cool. Dougie and me were like, talking. And we figured out what happened to the heart."

I put the doughnut bag on the kitchen counter and we all helped ourselves.

"It was the dog," Mooner said. "Mrs. Belski's dog, Spotty, ate Louie D's heart."

I froze with a doughnut halfway to my mouth.

"See, DeChooch made a deal with the Dougster to take the heart to Richmond," Mooner said. "But DeChooch didn't tell the Dougster anything except that the cooler had to be delivered to Mrs. D. So the Dougster put the cooler on the front seat of the Batmobile, figuring he'd take off first thing in the morning. Only problem was my roommate Huey and me got to wanting some Ben & Jerry's Cherry Garcia at about midnight and borrowed the Batmobile for our quest. Since the Batmobile only has two seats I put the cooler on the back stoop."

Dougie was grinning. "This is so excellent," he said.

"So anyway, Huey and me brought the car back super early the next morning because Huey had to be at work at Shoppers Warehouse. I dropped Huey off, and when I parked the car in Dougie's yard the cooler was tipped over and Spotty was chewing on something. I didn't think much. I mean, Spotty's always in the garbage. So I put the cooler back in the car and went home to watch some morning television. Katie Couric is like, so cute."

"And then I took the empty cooler to Richmond," Dougie said.

"Spotty ate Louie D's heart," I said.

"That's it," Mooner said. He finished his doughnut and wiped his hands on his s.h.i.+rt. "Well, we've got to go. Things to do."

"Thanks for the doughnuts."

"Hey, no problemo."

I stood in the kitchen for ten minutes, trying to come to terms with this new information, wondering if it meant something in the larger scheme of things. Is this what happens when you irreparably screw up your karma? A dog eats your heart? I couldn't reach any conclusions, so I decided to take a shower and see if that helped.

I locked the door and shuffled off to the bathroom. I got as far as the living room when there was another knock, and before I could get to the door it was opened with enough force to make the security chain kaching kaching into place and then break loose from its moorings. This was followed by cussing, which I recognized as coming from Morelli. into place and then break loose from its moorings. This was followed by cussing, which I recognized as coming from Morelli.

"Good morning," I said, eyeing the chain, which was dangling uselessly.

"Not by any stretch of the imagination is it a good morning," Morelli said. His eyes were dark and narrowed and his mouth set tight. "You didn't go over to Pinwheel Soba's house last night, did you?"

"No," I said, shaking my head. "Not me."

"Good. That's what I thought . . . because some idiot went in there and destroyed it. Shot the s.h.i.+t out of it. In fact, it's suspected there were two people having the gunfight of the century in there. And I knew you wouldn't be that f.u.c.king stupid."

"Got that right," I said.

"Jesus Christ, Stephanie," he yelled, "what were you thinking? What the h.e.l.l was going on over there?"

"Wasn't me, remember?"

"Oh yeah. I forgot. Well then, what do you suppose someone else someone else was doing in Soba's house?" was doing in Soba's house?"

"I imagine they were looking for DeChooch. And then maybe they found DeChooch and an altercation arose."

"And DeChooch escaped?"

"That would be my guess."