Desire: A Novel Part 9

I dropped the letter in disgust. I wanted nothing to do with him, or his letters. Why had he written to mom? Mom had come to her senses and left him once he had pleaded guilty. I looked at the stamp. It was dated three weeks ago. I shouldn't have been surprised, but it felt like a slap in the face.

"Devon." My voice cracked. I coughed, clearing my throat. "Devon." I said again, this time in a calmer voice. He sensed my discomfort and was by my side quickly. He picked up the letter I was pointing to. I peered over his shoulder as he read it.

My darling Kathrine, Thank you for coming to visit me, it was wonderful seeing you again. You look just as good as you did two years ago. I think about you every day, and hearing you say you still love me, and want to be with me are words I will always cherish.

Love John.

"Kait." Devon spoke quietly. "Talk to me. Who is this guy? You know him?"

What was there to say? That my mother had forgiven the man who molested me? Is that why she'd left? To get ready for her *new life' with him? Any emotion I felt for my mother, and feelings of guilt I felt over her disappearance had vanished. I'd moved past this. Why was this all coming back to haunt me now?

"Kait."

"What? What do you want from me, Devon? I don't have to talk to you. You asked for my help, and I am giving it to you, but I don't have to talk to you." Devon backed up, annoyance overclouding the hurt in his eyes.

"Actually Kaitlin, you do have to talk to me." His voice was stiff. "In case you forgot, I'm a detective investigating your mother's disappearance. If you know something, then you do have to tell me. You don't have to like it, but you do have to do it."

"Fine." I said, staring straight ahead at the wall. "The letter is from my stepfather. The same one I put in prison." I turned to glare at him. How dare he pretend not to know what the h.e.l.l happened to me? He knew Neri and Sam's father was in prison, he told me as much that first day. Was I to believe he hadn't looked up the reason he was in prison?

"You put him in prison?" Devon looked shocked. "What happened?"

"What happened is he raped me for two years." I snapped. Silence filled the air as Devon struggled to find something to say.

"Kait. I'm sorry. I didn't know." He said gently.

"You didn't know? And you call yourself a detective?" I sneered.

I didn't believe he hadn't known for one second. He would have had access to his file. h.e.l.l, the first day he spoke about Neri and Sam's father being imprisoned. Surely he would have taken the time to find out why?

"Kait-"

"No, I've had enough of this for today." I snapped, standing up. I walked over to the window that overlooked the street.

"Well, if there is nothing else in the box, I will take you home then." He said stiffly.

"Fine." I said, walking out the door. I waited for him by the car. A few minutes pa.s.sed before Devon finally appeared at the car.

"Kait, does this mean anything to you?" He handed me a photo. In the photo was mom, and a man. They were hugging. She looked happy.

"No, why? Should it?" I handed the picture to back to him without making eye contact.

"It's dated the day before your mom went missing." I grabbed the picture back off him and stared at it again. She looked happy. Happier than I'd ever seen her. Who was this guy? And what did he have to do with my mother? "Maybe Neri might know him." I mumbled.

"Come-on. Let's get you home."

Chapter Fifteen.

The drive back was quiet, my mind wandered as I tried to run through things in my head. Every now and then, I got the feeling he was staring at me, but when I turned to catch him, he was staring straight ahead.

I glanced out the window as Devon's phone rang.

Hooked up to hands free, he answered. "Detective Walkerson speaking." His voice was gruff and professional.

"Honey?" I bit my lip to keep from smiling. The sugary sweet voice that sang out through the speakers could only be one person. "Honey? It's mom."

"Hi Mom, how are you? I can't really talk now." He glanced my way, his expression a mixture of alarm and embarra.s.sment.

Was he worried she was going to embarra.s.s him? How cute. I purposely turned my attention back to him, raising my eyebrows. He gave me a look, which just made me giggle.

"Who's with you honey? Is that a girl I hear? Are you on a date? I'm sorry honey I-"

"No mom, I'm not on a date." He cut in loudly. I smothered a giggle, trying to keep myself from outright laughing as his face reddened.

This was great!

"You work too hard, Devon. How are you going to meet a nice girl if you're always working?"

"Mom!" Devon cried, running a hand through his hair. He looked at me, shaking his head. "I don't need dating advice. I get plenty of girls." A pang of jealously shot through me.

Plenty of girls? Why did that make me feel like c.r.a.p?

"Okay, Okay." His mother sniffed. "I only called to check you're still coming down this weekend? For the wedding? I can't wait to see you, snigglem.u.f.fin."

"I'll be there. I will call you later ma." He shut off the phone, not a moment before I burst out laughing.

"Snigglem.u.f.fin?" I chortled, laughing hysterically.

"Stop!" He ordered. "Or you can walk home." His eyes were laughing. I nodded, trying to slow my laughter.

"Okay, I'll stop." I gasped. "Snigglem.u.f.fin." I added quietly, ducking as he reached across to tickle me.

Neri studied the picture. As she handed it back to me, I could see the sadness in her eyes. She guarded her feelings so well, that when I had a window such as this, I knew she must be feeling pretty ordinary.

"Sorry, Kait. I don't know who he is. I've never seen him before in my life." I put the picture in my pocket and sat down beside her.

"Neri, are you okay?" I gave her a hug. She cuddled her face into my shoulder. "Shh. It's okay to be upset." I patted her back as she began to cry, her arms wrapping around my waist.

"I miss her, Kait, I really do. I know how messed up things were between you two, so I try and hide it when I'm around you, but I really miss her." Her sobs grew louder.

"Shh, Neri, listen to me." I placed my hands on either side of her face, guiding her head upwards until our eyes met. "Never, ever feel you need to hide your feelings from me. The issues between mom and me have nothing to do with you. Nothing. If you're feeling down, or upset, I want to know. Please. I always want to know" I added. Neri nodded, wiping the tears from her eyes.

"Okay." She smiled. "Thanks Kait. For being here for me and Sam. I don't know where we'd be without you." I hugged her again, this time pulling her in so tightly she grunted.

"I'm always here, you idiot."

"Look." Ara whispered. I glanced up at her. She nudged her head toward where Sam sat playing with his toys. Cars surrounded him as he flew them around a course made from egg cartons, cereal boxes and a couple of empty juice cartons. I smiled as I watched him collide two cars in mid-air.

"Pow, pow, pow, bssss.h.!.+" He cried, cartwheeling across the room, the cars diving in all directions.

"Even after all he's been through, he's still a five year old." Ara mused, shaking her head.

"A five year old with way too much energy." I replied dryly. "And curiosity." I added, giggling. In the last week alone, Sam had asked me numerous embarra.s.sing questions about anything and everything that entered his mind. And worse, every time seemed to be in the company of someone else. Like the middle of the supermarket when he asked me why Neri and I got tampons, but he didn't.

"I imagine all kids are like that, Kait." Ara giggled. "Hence them being kids."

"Yes, well, he should be in bed, and I should be getting ready for work." Standing up, I called out to Sam. "Bed time." He rolled his eyes but began packing up his cars.

Dressing after my shower, my phone buzzed. I reached for it, while trying to multi-task and put my stockings on.

"h.e.l.lo?" I balanced the phone between my shoulder and ear, still fiddling with my d.a.m.n stockings.

"Hey. It's me." Yes, we'd reached that point where he didn't even have to say who it was.

"Hi." I tried to push the elated feeling hearing his voice gave me out of my mind. I felt embarra.s.sed about our earlier interaction when I'd basically lost it at him.

"Can you come outside?" He asked.

"Sure. I'm on my way to work anyhow." Why was he out the front of my house?

Thoughts ran through my mind a million miles an hour. Right up the top of that list was me looking forward to gazing into those s.e.xy eyes again.

"Bye Ara." I ducked my head into the living room on the way out. Ara, engrossed in an episode of The Bachelor waved her hand in response.

Devon sat on the top step, his elbows resting casually on his knees. He was wearing jeans and a tight black s.h.i.+rt. I averted my gaze from his ripped stomach, to his face which had me equally mesmerized. I gave myself a mental slap. I really needed to snap out of this spell.

"Hey." He smiled as he took in my black skirt and low cut grey knit top. Yes, I looked hot. I was glad I'd chosen this outfit now. He dragged his eyes away from my chest. I raised an eyebrow at him, he blushed. I refrained from doing a fist pump. Seeing him blush made me smile. Usually it was me fawning over him, so it felt good for the shoe to be on the other foot.

"How did you go with Neri?" He asked, patting the cement next to him.

I sat down beside him. For once I was willing to get to work on time, instead of ten minutes early. "She didn't know him. We had a good talk though, and that's something. I think she has been bottling things up." I admitted. I turned to face him.

"I think maybe they should talk to someone. A counsellor, maybe."

Devon nodded. "Good idea. I can get the number for the one we recommend. She is especially good with children."

"Thanks." I smiled at him. He reached out and grabbed my hand. His fingers traced my own.

"I know this is hard for you, Kait." I didn't pull away. "I want you to know, anyway I can help, I want to."

"Thanks." I said again. From the streetlight that reflected off the porch I could see he was looking at me. I met his gaze, holding it until he looked away. I wondered how true his words were. Surely there was a limit as to how far he'd go for me. I was beginning to think we were hitting that limit. I couldn't work him out. One minute I swore I was feeling something from him, and the next it was as though a wall had been put up between us.

"Kait..." He began, his voice low and husky. Without warning, he turned back to me, his lips caressing mine. His hand slid under the wool of my top, cool against my warm skin. I gasped as he kissed my neck.

My hand ran over his hips and his waist, his excitement confirmed by his hardness. He lay me back on the cool concrete of the porch, his hands moved everywhere, over my top, under my top. Under my bra. He fondled my breast, his lips once again searching mine, exploring.

"Oh G.o.d, Devon." I gasped, wanting him so badly. I gripped his neck, pulling his lip up to meet mine. "Not here," I whispered. "The kids..." Devon kissed me again, but he acknowledged my request, bringing his hands out from under my top.

"Your skin is so d.a.m.n soft. What are you doing to me, Kait?" He stared at me, his eyes overcome with l.u.s.t and confusion. What was I doing to him?

"Me? I'm not the one who is hot, then cold." I let out a small laugh, the idea that I was stirring him up hilarious to me. Devon cursed, banging his fist down on the concrete so hard it made me jump.

"I'm never cold, Kait. Never. I just know what's at stake." He sighed, frustrated, at himself or me I wasn't sure.

What the h.e.l.l did that mean? His eyes met mine. All my anxiety and confusion melted away at the sight of the l.u.s.t in his eyes. "I always want you." He murmured. He stood up, I took his outstretched hand and pulled myself to my feet.

"I have to get to work." I said.

Devon nodded, stretching his arm behind his back.

"I'll call you." He whispered, kissing me one last time before walking away.

The moment he left, the flood of mixed feelings came rus.h.i.+ng back, and I was left as unsure and confused about his feelings as ever. Why was this guy so d.a.m.n hard to figure out?

I arrived at work still thinking about Neri and her camp. I'd just spoken to Mauve about cutting my days down to three a week, I could hardly march in there and demand them back. Besides, it wasn't like there was even the slightest chance in h.e.l.l we could afford that, even if I were to work 50 hour weeks. There was only one way I could come up with that kind of cash, and I wasn't sure that it was something I could do.

"Hey Kait." I smiled at Emily as I shrugged out of my coat. She was busy writing up the monthly accounts for the regulars.

"Hey," I sat down in the empty seat next to her. "How's things?"

"Pretty good," She shrugged. "Accounts are boring, but they need to be done."

"So you just send them an invoice?" I asked, curious. Emily nodded. "How do they explain a bill for several thousand dollars?" Some of the regulars came in every night without fail.

Emily shrugged again. "I'm sure many of them write it off as a work expense." She rolled her eyes.

"Hey Emily," I began slowly. "Why did you move from reception, to...well, you know..." Emily laughed at my bashfulness.

Yes, that's right. I was working in a brothel and I struggled to say the words *s.e.x worker'. "Sorry. You don't have to answer that." I apologized, color creeping up to my cheeks as I realized what I'd just asked. I may as well have asked her how many bowel movements she had a week.

"No, it's cool," Emily laughed. "Honestly, it's fine. I want to travel. I've already saved enough to spend six months abroad, just from working here for a few months. It's really not as bad as you think." She added.

The funny thing was, I didn't know what I was thinking. If you'd asked me a few months ago whether it was a profession I'd consider, I'd have laughed in your face. Then again, I would've laughed at the prospect of even working in such an establishment.

"Why do you ask, anyway?" Emily raised her eyebrows suspiciously.

"Honestly, I have no idea what I'm thinking." That much was true. "My sister has the opportunity to go to a camp that will all but ensure her admission into Yale. The only problem is, it costs ten grand."

As I said it aloud, I realized just what I was considering. Was that something I was really able to do? s.e.x itself wasn't a big deal to me, and I was certainly comfortable doing it with someone I felt I had a connection with.

Could I look at is as a job though?