Point Lace and Diamonds Part 9

A ROMANCE OF THE SAW-DUST.

Suthin' to put in a story!

I couldn't think of a thing, 'N' it's nigh unto thirty year now Since fust I went in the ring.

"The life excitin'?" Thunder!

"Variety," did you say?

You must have cur'us notions 'Bout circuses, anyway.

The things that look so risky Aint nothin' to us but biz.

"Accidents"--falls and sich like?

Sometimes, in course, there is.

But it's only a slip, or a stumble, Some feller laid out flat, It don't take more'n a second; There aint no story in that.

'N' like as not, the tumble Don't do no harm at all: There's one gal here--I tell yer, She got an awful fall.

You know her--Ma'am'selle Ida-- She's Jimmy Barnet's wife, The prettiest little woman You ever see in your life.

They was lovers when they was young uns, No more'n two hands high.

She nussed Jim through a fever once, When the doctors swore he'd die.

I taught 'em both the motions; She never know'd no fear, And they've done the trapeze together For more'n a couple o' year.

Last Summer we took on a Spaniard, A mis'rable kind of cuss, Spry feller--but awful tempered, Always a-makin' a fuss.

He wanted to marry Ida-- His chance was pretty slim, He did his best, but bless yer, She'd never go back on Jim.

He acted up so foolish, That Jim, one day, got riled 'N' guv him a reg'lar whalin'; That druv the Spaniard wild.

He talked like he was crazy, 'N' raved around, and swore He'd kill 'em both; but Jim just laughed-- He'd heer'd such talk before.

One day, when we was showin'

In a little country town, Jim mashed his hand with a hatchet, Drivin' a tent stake down.

He couldn't work that night, nohow, But the "trap" hed got to be done.

The Spaniard said he'd try it-- 'N' they had to take him or none.

I knew Jim didn't like it, 'N' Ide looked scared and white-- "Look out for me, boys," she whispered, "I'm goin' to fall to-night;"

Then she looked up with a s.h.i.+ver, At the trapeze swingin' there, A couple of bars and a rope or two Forty feet up in the air.

But up she clumb--he arter-- Stood up, but how Ide shook, Then the Spaniard yelled like a devil, "Now look, Jim Barnet!--look!"-- With that he jumped 'n' gripped her; She fought, but he broke her hold, Grabbed at the rope, 'n' missed it-- Off of the bar they rolled, Clinched, 'n' Ide a screamin'; Thud!--they struck the ground; I turned all sick and dizzy, 'N' everything went round.

How still it were for a second!-- It seemed like an hour--'n' then The women was all a screechin', 'N' the ring was full of men.

Poor Jim was stoopin' to lift her, But flopped right down, 'n' said, Sez he, "Her lips is movin'!

She's breathin'!--She isn't dead!"

For sure!--he'd fallen under; It kinder broke her fall; Except the scare and a broken arm, She wasn't hurt at all.

"The Spaniard?" Oh, it killed him; It broke his cussed neck.

But n.o.body cried their eyes out, As near as I reckeleck.

She married Jim soon arter, They're doin' the trapeze still; So, yer see, as I was sayin', These falls don't always kill.

'N' as for things excitin'

To put in a story,--well, I'd really like to oblige yer, But then there aint nothin' to tell.

PYROTECHNIC POLYGLOT.

(MADISON SQUARE, JULY 4.)

"Hey, Johnny McGinnis, where are yez?

I've got a place! Arrah, be quick!"

Whiz! Boom! "Hooray, there goes a rocket; Hi, Johnny, look out for the shtick!"

"Confound it, sir! Those are my feet, sir!"

"Oh, pa, lift me up, I can't see."

"Come down out o' that, yez young blackguards!

Div yez want to be killin' the tree?"

"Hooray! look at that?" "Aint it bully!"

"It's stuck!" "No, it aint." "There she goes!"

"I wish that you'd speak to this man, Fred, He's standing all over my toes."

"Take down that umbrella in front there!"

"My! aint we afraid of our hat!"

"Me heart's fairly broke wid yez shovin'-- Have done now--what would yez be at?"

"Jehiel, neow haint this jest orful!

I 'most wish I hedn't a come; Such actions I never--one would think Folks left their perliteness to hum."

"Look here, now, you schoost stop dose schovin'."

"By gar, den, get out from ze vay, You stupide Dootschmans, vilain cochon"-- "Kreuz!"--"Peste!"--"Donnerwetter!"--"Sacr-r-re!"

"Oh, isn't that cross just too lovely!

So bright, why the light makes me wink!"

"Your eyes, dear, are"--"don't be a goose, Fred; What do you suppose folks will think?"

Cras.h.!.+ Screech! "Och I'm kilt!"--"Fred, what is it?"

"Branch broken--small boy come to grief."

"Boo, hoo, hoo, hoo! I wants mine muzzer!"

"Look out there!" "Police!" "Hi, stop thief!"

"Well, father, I guess it's all over; Just help Nelly down off the stool."

MORAL.

SUNG:--"Mellican piecee fire bully!"

CHING:--"Mellican man piecee fool."

FIs.h.i.+NG.

"Harry, where have you been all morning?"

"Down at the pool in the meadow-brook."

"Fis.h.i.+ng?" "Yes, but the trout were wary, Couldn't induce them to take a hook."

"Why, look at your coat! You must have fallen, Your back's just covered with leaves and moss."

How he laughs! Good-natured fellow!

Fisherman's luck makes most men cross.

"Nellie, the Wrights have called. Where were you?"

"Under the tree, by the meadow-brook Reading, and oh, it was too lovely; I never saw such a charming book."

The charming book must have pleased her, truly, There's a happy light in her bright young eyes And she hugs the cat with unusual fervor, To staid old Tabby's intense surprise.

Reading? yes, but not from a novel.

Fis.h.i.+ng! truly, but not with a rod.

The line is idle, the book neglected-- The water-gra.s.ses whisper and nod.

The fisherman bold and the earnest reader Sit talking--of what? Perhaps the weather.

Perhaps--no matter--whate'er the subject, It brings them remarkably close together.