Remix. Part 14

"Schadenfreude," Lee and Kaz say at the same time because they are equally gifted in the brain department.

"I just don't think it's cool to laugh at someone getting caught out." I can see Kaz is about to point out how the story started. "Even if they've asked for it."

Lee and Kaz exchange a smile that makes me feel stupid and I bite my lips together to stop anything more coming out. They don't get it. My brother's a gossip and my best friend thinks anyone entering the fame game is playing with fire and has no right to complain when they get burned. Nothing I say will change their minds about Megan Mallory bringing this on herself.

I so never want to be famous.

KAZ.

I leave Ruby to her thirty-second sulk. For someone who likes to argue every point possible, she's never been very good at accepting she might be wrong. Instead I fall into Anna and Parvati's conversation about gender politics. Ever since we went to the gym, I've felt more comfortable around them and when they laugh at something I say, it feels less like I'm talking to my best friend's brother's boyfriend's friends and more like I'm talking to people who are a lot like me.

Without Ruby in the conversation, I feel as if I'm someone people can be interested in.

I guess there'll be a lot of that next year...

Banis.h.i.+ng the thought, I reach over to give Ruby's hand a squeeze just as my phone buzzes a text.

Instead of reaching for Ruby, I reach for my phone.

RUBY.

"You coming?" I nudge Kaz with the toe of my boot and she looks up from her phone as if confused.

"What?"

"It's ten to one and time to rock." I do a lame little dance in an attempt to lighten my own mood. That Festblog thing has dampened my enthusiasm a bit. I don't like the idea of people roving around, taking unkind pictures of unsuspecting/unconsenting folk and posting them up there for all to see.

Kaz still seems confused by whatever's on her phone. She stands up and brushes bits of dried gra.s.s from the skirt of her dress. It's not as eye-catchingly stunning as the one she had on yesterday, but that doesn't mean she doesn't look good, and when a surprise breeze wafts the material above her knees, one of the boys on the rug near by checks out her legs.

Kaz is oblivious. I'm always highlighting guys scoping her out, but she never believes me. The same boy glances up again as we walk past to where Owen's waiting for us a little further up the hill.

"He was cute," I say.

"Who was what?"

"That boy back there." I nod. "The one who ogled you." I love that word. "Ogle". It's ridiculous.

"No one ogles me, Ruby. He was probably looking at you."

I give up and change the subject. "You know me and Owen are off to see Grundiiz, right?" Because, if I'm honest, I didn't expect Kaz to come with us. She once described Grundiiz as "tedious double-ba.s.s pedalling with vocals less tuneful than Morag hoiking out a furball".

"Hm? Oh. I'm not doing that."

Thought not.

"Well, what are you doing, then?"

"Calling my mum." Kaz waves her phone. "To catch up on the gossip from her date last night. Shall I meet you and Owen by the stalls in about half an hour?"

I'm nodding, but Kaz is already wandering away, dialling her mum. "Tell Afua I say h.e.l.lo!" I call, but Kaz doesn't even look up.

KAZ.

I feel bad about lying to Ruby, but I can't possibly tell her who I'm really calling.

Taking a deep breath, I dial Tom's number.

16 * THNKS FR TH MMRS

RUBY.

I have more in common with Owen when it comes to music than he does with my brother, whose excuse for missing out on Grundiiz is some plinky-plonky lute-playing drivel over in the Mellow Tent. Owen must despair sometimes. I do and I'm only Lee's sister I don't have to sit in a car/van with him, or hang out in his room beyond my tolerance-for-c.r.a.p-music threshold.

Stu had awesome taste in bands.

"You know Stu will be in there," Owen says, as if reading my mind.

It's the first time Owen's mentioned him since yesterday's s.h.i.+t storm.

"Kaz told me you knew he'd be here. Don't worry about it," I say, b.u.mping Owen's arm as we walk across the gra.s.s, my boots kicking up dust.

"I'm sorry. I should have told you," Owen says quietly.

"Doesn't really bother me." I shrug.

"It bothers him."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know, Ruby." Owen sighs and runs his fingers through his hair. "I suppose I just mean you don't get to choose who loves you any more than you get to choose who you love."

I execute an undignified snort-laugh. "Stu doesn't love me, O."

Although that's not what Stu said that day he looked at me across the kitchen and told me he loved me and I laughed in his face.

"You're not someone who falls in love," I'd said, still laughing even though Stu wasn't.

"No, Ruby, that's you." He'd frowned at me a moment longer. "But I don't care. I still love you."

"No you don't."

But that had been a step too far. We were still mid-fight when he left with a slammed door, shouting "f.u.c.k you!"

Only he didn't. That night it was some other girl.

KAZ.

When Tom asked me to meet him at the first-aid tent, I thought something had happened to him. If I'd known it was Naj, I'm not so sure I'd have turned up at all, something I guess Tom knew. The three of them (Roly's still AWOL with the girl he met last night) were in the crowd by the main stage when a crowd-surfer knocked Naj's shoulder from its socket. He has to go to hospital something for which he needs company.

"And you want me to go with him?" I'm incredulous. "Because I'm not going to he's your friend, not mine!"

I can't even believe he's asking this of me- "That wasn't what I was going to say!" Tom has the audacity to sound annoyed before he sees my thunderous expression and alters his tone. "Look... G.o.d, this is awkward..."

He glances back into the tent, where Lauren is hovering around Naj, who's turned pale with pain. The first-aid attendant gives us an impatient frown.

"Can Lauren stay here with you?" Tom's words rush out so fast I'm not sure I interpret them correctly.

"What?"

"You're the only person she's met here and-"

"Can't she go with you?"

"She's spent a hundred quid on her ticket and she wants to see some bands, not the inside of the nearest A&E."

"Really?" My voice is loaded with disbelief. "Even if that means spending time with me?" I glare at Tom. "She knows who I am, doesn't she?"

"She knows you're my ex-girlfriend." There's a subtle emphasis on "ex". "She wants to get to know you."

I close my eyes. This is a monumentally bad idea.

"Please, Kaz," Tom whispers.

I should say no, but Tom has never been someone I can refuse and there's a part of me that believes a day in Lauren's company is a fitting punishment for sleeping with her boyfriend.

"OK," I find myself saying. "Lauren seems lovely. She doesn't deserve to spend that much time with Naj anyway."

"You're a star, Kaz." Tom reaches out to lay a hand on my arm, but stops before he reaches me, a buffer of air between his skin and mine as if I have somehow switched charge. Last night he couldn't keep his hands off me now there's a force stronger than love that's keeping him away.

I believe they call it guilt.

RUBY.

Halfway through the set and I'm as far into the pit as I can get. Owen went missing two songs ago, lost in a gloriously violent mess of flailing limbs. I've already been headb.u.t.ted twice and caught someone's fist in the side of my head. If my parents could see me they'd have a fit they think a crowd like this is fuelled by hate and violence. They couldn't possibly understand that it's the opposite it's about love for the music, love for the people who get it the way you do that a mosh pit and a three-minute-thirty song can be the biggest high you'll ever have.

Poor parents, they miss out on so many of the best things in life.

As the song draws to a close, there's a surge from the back of the tent and I'm swept off my feet and pressed into the back of the man in front, his sweat smeared over my face.

Gross.

I turn to the side and catch the eye of the person next to me in the crush.

It's Stu.

For a second it's like we're sucked back in time, landing in a memory of all the gigs we've been to together. His cheeks are flushed, sweat standing out on his skin and he's grinning uncomplicated and happy. His gig grin. As if it's taking a breath, the crowd eases up and enough s.p.a.ce emerges between our bodies for someone to push him towards me.