On Every Side Part 16

The morning of his mother's last day, he got up early and had a feeling she was already awake. He sat straight up on her bed-room floor and rose to his knees, peering over the top of the bed, making sure she was still breathing. When he saw that she was, he gently took her thin, bruised hand in his and smoothed his fingers over the top.

Her eyes opened and moved slowly in his direction and the shadow of a smile crossed her face. "Jordan..."

Heidi must have felt something different that morning, too, because she appeared at the bedroom door, and Jordan motioned her inside. His sister knelt beside him and he put his free arm around her as she reached over and linked her fingers between those of Jordan's and their mother's. "Hi, Mom... how're you feeling?"

Jordan had no trouble remembering his mother's face that morning, but the image of Heidi was less clear. Had she been fearful or sad or unaware? Had she known, like him, that their mother's time was running short? Did he take the time to tell her, to explain to his sister what was happening?

Jordan thought about that for a moment and decided he hadn't. Why would he have? Until that last day, he'd thought for sure G.o.d would heal her. But that morning there was a different look in his mother's eyes, a sadness and joy that Jordan still couldn't explain. As though she was about to take a much-antic.i.p.ated journey and her only regret was having to say good-bye.

"Heidi..." Their mother's voice was clearer that morning. For days she would cough violently every time she tried to speak, but this time she was comfortable, at peace. "Heidi, you're so beauti-ful...you must... put Jesus first... always."

Heidi threw herself over her mother and hugged her, weeping and wailing over the prospect of what was happening. In that moment it must have been obvious to both Jordan and Heidi: They were saying good-bye to their mother. "Don't go, Mommy, please... I love you too much."

Heidi carried on for a long while, and Jordan could do nothing but rub her back with one hand and their mother's hand with the other while quiet tears coursed down his face. After a while Heidi sat up again and leaned into Jordan. There was silence while their mother seemed to summon what little strength remained. Jordan pulled Heidi more tightly to himself as they watched, waiting for their mother's next words.

"I love you, Jordan... you're such a good boy... so... kind."

The memory of the moment was more vivid now than it had been since that awful morning, and Jordan felt the sting of tears in his eyes. He had cried so much that year, the year he lost his mother and Heidi and Faith. But tears had not touched him once in the time since then. Not since his move to the New Jersey boys' camp. He was a survivor, a loner, really A smart and lonely kid who'd found a way to make it on his own.

But here, now-the memory of that last day with his mother so real he could almost touch her again-tears filled his eyes and spilled onto his cheeks. His eyelids closed and he saw her as she'd looked that day so frail and weak her skin was practically translucent. She stayed very still in the bed, but her eyes darted between Heidi and Jordan. "Jesus...Jesus wants you to know...He loves you, Jordan. Keep praying, please. And one day... when you come home... I'll be waiting for you. Just like I used to wait for you here."

When you come home... when you come home... when you come home...

Why hadn't he remembered those words until now? The last thing his mother had said to him, the last thing that made sense amid her frenetic coughing and drug-induced incoherency was an invitation. When it was his turn to go home, she'd be waiting for him. Just like she'd always waited for him when he was a boy.

The thought was sadder than anything Jordan had considered for a very long time. To think she'd been so certain of G.o.d and heaven and eternity that it really had been like going home. In her mind, the cozy house they had on Oak Street wasn't home at all, but rather a temporary stopping ground. Heaven. That was home to his mother, and her last morning on earth had been spent trying to convince Jordan of the same.

Her words rang in his heart. When you come home... when you come home...

He wouldn't have struggled with the idea back then, back when his blossoming faith had been the only life preserver in a raging sea of tragedy. Had his mother known, somehow? Back then, with death mere hours away, had she known he would grow up to be an angry, cynical man who scoffed at the mere idea of a higher power and summarily dismissed the thought of eter-nity? Had she known?

The memories faded as Jordan caught something moving behind him, off to the side. He turned and saw three shabbily dressed teenagers heading his way Just try and mess with me tonight, punks. They laughed and poked each other in the ribs as they came closer and stood in front of him, half-circling the bench.

"Okay, rich boy, what ya got for us?" The kid was tall and skinny, with ratlike eyes and bushy hair.

Jordan chuckled and let his eyes run the length of the boy and his friends. "Isn't it past your bedtime, children?"

A short boy with pants that sagged nearly to his knees kicked Jordan's shoe. "Bet we could get a couple ten spots for those leathers, what ya think?"

His redheaded, squatty companion yanked at Jordan's coat sleeve. "And a couple more for this." He looked at his friends, and they all burst into laughter.

Jordan felt his patience waning, but just as he was about to tell them to leave a glint of light reflected on a sizable knife in the skinny kid's back pocket. Just as Jordan had known his mother was going to die that morning sixteen years ago, he knew with-out a doubt what was about to happen.

He was going to be murdered.

They would rob him, maybe strip him of his coat and shoes, and stab him right there in the park. His lip curled. So, G.o.d, is this Your way of showing You love me? For a split second he won-dered if there was time to reconsider, to a.n.a.lyze whether G.o.d's alleged promises might be true after all. If You're there, G.o.d, now's the time to show me. He sat up straighter and stared at the teens. "Get lost."

The skinny one moved in closer, and his eyes narrowed, the pupils black as flint. "Don't tell us what to do." He reached back toward the knife.

Jordan's mind raced in search of a plan, but all he came up with was a plea. G.o.d, if You're really there, keep me safe. I'm not... I'm not ready to go home.

"You're pretty stupid, rich guy." The teen's bushy hair shook as he jerked the knife from his pocket and pointed it at Jordan's throat.

The sirens came at that exact instant.

They couldn't have been more than a block away by the sound of them. The kid glared at him and shoved his knife back in his pocket. Then he and the others took off, running across the street, away from Jordan and the park. Before they could get to the other side of the road, several police cars converged on the area, and officers sprang from the cars, guns drawn. Using a megaphone, one of them shouted at the boys, "Police! Drop your weapons and freeze."

For a moment it looked as though the teens might try to out-run the officers, but then they came to a strange stop, almost as though their feet had gotten stuck in wet cement. No, that wasn't it. Almost as if someone unseen had grabbed them by their ankles. Jordan gawked at the unfolding scene as, one at a time, the teenagers dropped to the ground, their hands spread out in front of them. One of the policemen found the skinny kid's knife and tossed it to his partner. There were knives in the pockets of the other boys as well. In a matter of minutes, all three teens were whisked away in the police cars, leaving Jordan to absorb what had happened.

He had prayed to G.o.d for help...and for what felt like the first time in his life, the Lord had answered. He really and truly had answered his prayer. Not in a way that might be confused with coincidence or good vibrations or a strangely timed bout of luck. No, the teenagers being arrested seconds before they might have attacked him was something else altogether.

Even for a nonbeliever like Jordan, there was only one possi-bility. G.o.d had worked a miracle right before his eyes.

He began walking, and fifteen minutes later he was back at his apartment, a.s.sailed by doubts and doing his best to ignore whatever strange thing had happened back at the park. He must not be getting enough sleep. The teens were just punky kids. They weren't really going to harm him, were they? And if there was a G.o.d, He wouldn't have answered a prayer from someone like him. It was all just a strange set of coincidences...

Jordan put on a pair of sweats, flipped on his favorite sports channel, and sank into his leather recliner. Whatever had hap-pened back at the park didn't matter. He was determined to make good on his word to Hawkins. He had a job to do in Bethany, a ten-thousand dollar job.

And regardless of whether angels or G.o.d Himself had inter-vened on Jordan's behalf, he intended to do it.

Twenty.

The walls around the Jesus statue had been up for two full days and the outcry against HOUR was building across the city with each pa.s.sing moment. It was nine o'clock at night when Faith returned home exhausted from another prayer vigil. She gazed around the empty kitchen.

Another night alone.

If only Mom were here...

Faith understood, of course. Aunt Fran's recovery required her to stay off her feet at least eight weeks, and since she lived alone, Faith's mother had been adamant about going to stay with her sister. No doubt about it, Mom was where she needed to be.

Faith tossed her coat on a chair, made herself a cup of tea, and sat at the kitchen table. As she sipped the warm liquid, she closed her eyes, remembering the conversation she'd had with her mother about the legal fight and the loss of her job.

"You have to do what G.o.d's telling you, Faith. I'm completely behind you."

Her mother had been shocked and then distraught to learn that Faith's opponent in the battle was Jordan Riley She remem-bered him fondly as the boy who had been their neighbor all those years ago. "The walls around the statue are nothing to the walls that must stand around that boy's heart. I'm so sorry I'm not there with all this going on, dear."

"It's okay, Mom," Faith had a.s.sured her, though she wished her mother could be with her. Especially to talk through her feelings about Jordan.

Her mother had asked about how it felt to have Jordan as an adversary. "It hurt at first," Faith told her. "But I understand him better now. He's in too much pain to see what he's doing."

Faith cupped her steaming mug in her hands. It was true. She held no animosity toward Jordan, just a deep sadness that the tragedies in his life had caused him to think of G.o.d as an enemy Father, am I doing the right thing? Is the Jesus statue worth all this?

I will fight the battle, daughter... Go forward in My strength, not yours...

At the reminder, Faith drew a calming breath. She had no choice but to heed the words she continued to hear deep in her heart. The battle had grown more heated than ever. There were times she felt as if the expectations of the entire town rested on her shoulders, while she herself was balanced precariously on a tightrope two miles above the city. And if that hadn't been enough to consume her mind...

Jordan was back in town.

He'd held a press conference the day before, stationing him-self in front of the walled-in statue and apparently inviting every member of the media within a three-state radius. Based on the number of vehicles that had congregated around the park for Jordan's statements, Faith was sure he considered the conference a success.

She took another sip of tea and spread the newspaper out on the table in front of her.

Like the first time she'd seen it earlier that morning, she couldn't help but laugh, even just a little. The photo on the front page was taken barely twenty-four hours after the wall went up, but citizens had begun to show their dislike for it by spray painting sentiments across the plywood. The photographer had captured Jordan speaking into a dozen microphones, the walled-up statue in the background. Taking up nearly half the photo were these words written across the wall: "G.o.d rules."

Faith stared at the picture and marveled at the goodness of the Lord. Obviously Jordan's press conference had been in direct response to the media coverage she'd received the day before. Even the daily paper captured the fact that the public loved Faith. "Media Darling Sides with People of Bethany" one head-line read. Faith had expected to be persecuted, berated, and mocked for her stance. Instead the Lord seemed to be using her to bring the people together, to shed light on the public's right to keep the statue.

The night before, she'd watched the news segment on Jordan's press conference and winced when he made comments that seemed directed at her. "I won't smile and tell you a litany of lies intended to pacify the people." His face had been stern. Strikingly handsome, Faith had to admit, but stern. "The truth is this: People have a right to separation of church and state." He'd pointed to the walled statue behind him. "That wall is proof that every man, woman, and child in this country has rights, and that among those is the right to choose your own religion. Buddhists and Baptists-both are welcome in the United States and both should be welcome at Jericho Park. I can only imagine the outcry if, for instance, I donated a statue of Buddha to the people of Bethany. If a statue like that stood in the park, people would be lining up across the city to have it removed."

Jordan's voice rang with sincerity "That's because there's a senti-ment in this land that Christianity should be endorsed by the gov-ernment." He paused-for effect-Faith was sure." Tolerance toward this type of public Christianity leads to an endors.e.m.e.nt. And an endors.e.m.e.nt will one day lead to a. mandated, state-spon-sored religion." Jordan raised his voice. "We must preserve our freedom of religion... our freedom to choose. That's why HOUR is here in Bethany, fighting for every citizen in this country. Fighting to save us all from the tyranny of a state-sponsored religion."

Faith had watched the entire segment and sighed at the sad-ness in her heart as she turned off the television. Could Jordan really be that far gone? Was her childhood friend really the same man speaking out against G.o.d at a press conference? She studied Jordan's newspaper photograph, looking for anything remotely familiar-the earnest eyes, gentle heart, or dimpled smile. But there was nothing except the shape of his face, chiseled chin, and cheekbones.

Otherwise he looked like a stranger.

Images from the prayer vigil came to mind, and Faith consid-ered the commitment of the townspeople who'd come that night. It had been obvious by their kindness that they were there as much to support her as to support the Jesus statue. If their favorite daughter were involved in the cause, then by golly they'd be involved too. Faith smiled at the memory. With each gathering the numbers grew, and people often asked what they could do to help. She thanked those who spoke with her, but the truth was frighteningly simple: They could gather the support of every-one in the state, but the decision would still be up to the judge.

Faith held her cup of tea closer to her face and let the steam warm her cheeks. It felt like days since she'd had a moment alone, time to talk with the Lord and seek His direction. She'd wanted to stay at Jericho Park after everyone was gone, to pray as she'd done when she was a young girl, back when she and Jordan would go there together. But dozens of people obviously planned to stay until she left.

She checked her watch and saw that a half hour had flown by. Surely the last of the prayer warriors had left the park by now. Faith considered the idea, pictured having the park all to herself and the chance to sit on her favorite bench and pray. Yes, it was just what she needed. The temperatures were expected to hit freezing that night so she bundled up in a full-length wool coat, gloves, and a scarf. Satisfied that she'd be warm enough she made her way out to her car. In five minutes she was back at Jericho Park.

She scouted the area before getting out of her car and found it empty. Without hesitating another moment she made her way across the familiar path toward the bench, the one closest to the Jesus statue. Her statue.

Faith sat down and pulled the coat tightly around her body. She thought about how busy she'd been earlier with the crowd gathered around. So busy she hadn't taken time to really look at the walled-in statue. In some ways it felt like some sort of bizarre dream, a surreal image of a fantasy future world where all signs of G.o.d might be forcibly eradicated from the public landscape. Faith stared at the plywood and half expected to look around the city and see churches boarded up as well. To think her father had devoted his final years to preserving religious freedom only to die months before the fight showed up on his own doorstep.

That was what coming to the park at ten o'clock was all about, really Taking time to remember her father. "Dad..." Tears filled her eyes as she studied the covered statue. "You wouldn't believe the battle we're fighting." She uttered a sad laugh. "It's ridiculous."

She closed her eyes and imagined her father still alive, imagined him sitting beside her, holding her hand. Felt the way he would sympathize with her for losing a job she'd dreamed about all her life over the battle at Jericho Park. Daddy I need you here. Joshua needs you. G.o.d, how can You let us fight this battle without him?

Faith tried to hear the Lord's answer, but the only sound was the faint rustling of a handful of stubborn leaves that hadn't yet fallen from the trees above. It didn't matter. She knew the answer already G.o.d was with them; He'd go before them.

But at what cost?

The question whispered through her, much like the wind through the leaves. She hesitated. Would she ever find another job as an anchorwoman now that she'd become a key figure in a national legal battle? And what about Jordan? Win or lose, he'd wind up back in New York, never making peace with his mother's death or finding Heidi. Without any of the answers that might have restored his trust in G.o.d.

The tears that had been gathering spilled over and flowed steadily down her cheeks. As they did, Faith realized she'd been too caught up in the moment to grieve the changes that had hap-pened around her, too busy to let down her guard and weep over all that had transpired in the days since her father's death. What she wouldn't give to be eight or ten again, running with Sarah and her father in the backyard of their home on Oak Street, cer-tain that life would go on that way forever.

Faith allowed the tears, doing nothing to stop them, or the sadness that gripped her heart. With the Jesus statue walled up everything about her life seemed uncertain and hopeless. Yes, the town of Bethany supported her, but the people couldn't force the judge to make the right decision at tomorrow's hearing...they couldn't get her a job...or transform Jordan into the boy he'd once been.

And they couldn't bring back the man who had always been bigger than life, the man who had given everything for his con-victions.

"Daddy, I'm here. I miss you..." Her words took wing and blended with a chorus of whistling wind gusts. Faith looked up and stared hard at the stars, dancing in the clear, cold, late-night sky "G.o.d, please, tell Daddy I love him."

Jordan wasn't sure what he was supposed to do in Bethany for three days, but based on the media coverage and the size of the demonstrations against what he was trying to do, he knew one thing: He wasn't a popular figure. For that reason he holed up in his hotel room most of the day, aware that his photograph was on the front page of the paper. He'd spoken to Hawkins earlier and somehow the firm had seen a copy of the article.

"What's this, 'G.o.d rules' garbage?" Hawkins had blasted the question across the phone line, and Jordan had to ease away from the receiver to protect his ears. "Was that the only place you could set up a press conference? You might as well have been talking for the other side."

"I had no control over the photographer's angle." Jordan had never felt more insecure about his job. He'd figured out that the ten thousand dollars must have been only a fraction of the bonus money. Otherwise the partners would never have been so inter-ested in the Bethany case. But none of that changed the fact that it was up to him to make sure public opinion was at least bal-anced in these final days before the hearing.

Hawkins had ended the conversation by asking Jordan the strangest question. "You haven't seen the girl, have you?"

"The girl?"

"The girl. Faith Evans. Have you seen her?"

For the tenth time in as many days Jordan felt as though his entire existence was founded on s.h.i.+fting sand. Why would Hawkins care about that? And why would he ask in the first place? Jordan hadn't told anyone about his childhood friends.h.i.+p with Faith Evans. No one but T J., and Teej was his best friend. No way he'd say anything.

Before Jordan could muster an answer, Hawkins barked the question again.

"No, sir, I haven't seen her."

"Good. She's the enemy, Jordan. Don't forget it." He paused. "Don't let us down, we're counting on you."

Six hours had pa.s.sed since then, and just after dark Jordan managed to sneak out for a bucket of fried chicken. Now that was gone, and he felt restless again. His time at the city park in New York had been cut short by the close encounter with the street thugs and besides, nothing in the city could compare with what Bethany offered. As he paced the boxy motel room he real-ized the only place he really wanted to go was Jericho Park. He'd allowed himself to journey down almost all the roads of his past, but there were a few he hadn't yet traveled and there would be no place like Jericho Park to allow the years to fade away.

He dug through his suitcase and came up with an old New York State sweats.h.i.+rt and a Mets baseball cap. He slipped on a pair of tennis shoes and the parka he'd worn the other night, pulling it up close to his neck. Locking the motel door behind him, he set out on foot.

He realized there was no reason to walk fast-no sirens in the distance, no men with knives looking for solitary prey. Just the simple sleepy streets and suburban homes that made up the neighborhoods a mile from downtown. He took in every detail as he made his way closer to the park, noticing how little the area had changed in sixteen years. For a moment he pretended he was thirteen again, making his way home from Benjamin's Market with a quart of milk and a loaf of bread, confident that his mother and sister were waiting for him behind their nicely painted front door.

Jordan sighed and continued down the familiar streets.

That was the hardest part of being in Bethany. On the outside it all looked the same, felt the same. Even the cool early winter air was the same. But beneath the surface everything was differ-ent. It was the same feeling he'd had looking at his mother lying in a coffin. The sh.e.l.l of the woman was there, but none of what mattered most.

Jericho Park lay ahead of him, and he crossed Main, avoiding the circles of light from the street lamps. He was fifty yards from the bench when he saw a woman sitting alone, staring at the walled-up statue.

Fine. The other side of the park's as good as this one. He veered to the right, careful not to attract the woman's attention as he padded along a narrow strip of gra.s.s between the sidewalk and the curb. At the far end of the park, he turned left and walked in the darkest shadows until he reached a different bench. He sat down and allowed his eyes to adjust to the lack of light as he sur-veyed the park. The plywood around the statue stood out like a rusted Chevy on a neatly manicured lawn. He'd ask for brick, of course. Ten feet of dark brick, with a plaque explaining how the public had a right to choose. A nice touch to make the walls less of an eyesore, more of a message for the children of future generations.

Jordan let the words play in his mind and heard himself sigh. Who was he trying to kid? There were no cameras rolling now, no political posturing needed for the quiet hours of the night. The wall looked ridiculous and would look equally so made of wood or straw or the highest quality dark brick. He leaned back and stretched his feet out in front of him. Faith was right. The statue belonged to the people and they had a right to keep it standing-visible for all the world to see.

Staring at the strange-looking walls, he found himself missing the Jesus statue, the way the arms stretched out, the Scripture verse inscribed below. Come to me all you who are weary and I will...

Jordan blinked. What was he doing? How could he miss something that had played a part in the greatest deception of his childhood? He'd had more faith than all the people in the New Testament combined and still his mother died, still his sister had been taken away. He remembered the way his mother spoke so clearly to Heidi and him that last day as though she'd known she had only hours to live.

He closed his eyes...feeling again his desperation as that awful day wore on and his mother's weakness returned. She coughed and gasped for breath, frightening them until finally Jordan ran next door and summoned Faith's family. Immediately Faith, her sister, and their parents took up their places at the Riley home, helping his mom and comforting Jordan and Heidi. Faith's parents took turns sitting beside his mother, while Jordan stood stiffly in the hallway outside and Heidi wept in the arms of one of the other adults. Jordan remembered staring at his mother through the open door, willing her to sit up. Come on, Mom... get up. Talk to us...

For a while she seemed to get better. Her coughing episodes grew less frequent and Jordan dared to believe that maybe... just maybe...a miracle was taking place before his eyes. "Mr. Moses-" Jordan had been hopeful as he came up behind Faith's large father and tugged on his sleeve- "I think the cough's going away. Maybe she's coming around some."

Mr. Moses clenched his jaw and led Jordan out of the room. Then, in quiet tones, he explained the situation. "She's coughing less because she has less air. Her breathing is slower and she's drifting in and out of our world here. Sort of like she's halfway to heaven, Jordan."

Jordan must have looked confused because Faith's father put a hand on his shoulder and stared deeply into his eyes." It won't be long, Jordan. Your mother is dying, son."

As awful as the news was, Jordan remembered feeling some comfort in the way Mr. Moses had called him son. As though every shred of support and security wasn't slipping away from him and that even if his mother did die, he and Heidi wouldn't be alone in the world. Jordan nodded and looked around the man at his mother. "Should we... should we tell her good-bye?"

Faith's father had tears in his eyes. "Heidi said you already did. I guess your mother had a chance to talk to you earlier today is that right?"