The Honourable Mr. Tawnish Part 10

'Twas some half-hour later that we found Jack in his library, seated before the fire, his wine at his elbow and Pen at his feet, reading aloud from Mr. Steele's "Tatler."

Upon our sudden appearance Penelope rose, and looked from myself to Bentley a trifle anxiously I thought. Now, as I made my bow to her, I heard Bentley softly begin to whistle "Lillibuleero," and though I had heard him do so many times before, it suddenly struck me that this was the air the highwayman fellow had whistled as he sat swinging his legs upon the bridge.

"Bentley, to-day is Wednesday!" I expostulated, as breaking off in the middle of a bar, he kissed Pen full upon the lips.

"To be sure it is," says he, and kissed her again upon the cheek.

"And ten o'clock," added Jack, "and time all maids were abed."

"Not before I even matters," says I. "I'll give second place to none, least of all Bentley!" And I having kissed her twice--once upon the cheek for Wednesday, and once upon the lips for myself,--she dropped us a laughing courtesy, and with a final good-night kiss for Jack, and a nod to each of us, ran up to bed. But even then Bentley must needs follow her out to the stairs and stand there whispering his nonsense--which goes but to prove the jealous nature of the man!

"What's to do?" says Jack, pus.h.i.+ng the wine towards me. "I've sat here with the cards beside me ever since eight o'clock--what's to do?"

"Why, you must know," I began, "we were stopped at the cross roads by a highwayman--myself and Bentley, with Captain Hammersley and Sir Harry Raikes--"

Here Bentley, returning, must needs throw himself into a chair, laughing and choking all at once.

"Raikes--" he gasped,--"in his s.h.i.+rt--by the Lord! Oh, egad, Jack!

fluttering in the wind--"

"What in the world!" began Jack, staring. "Is he drunk or mad?"

"As I tell you," says I, loosening Bentley's cravat, "we were stopped by a highwayman--" and forthwith I plunged into an account of the whole matter.

"Egad!" cries Bentley again, breaking in ere I was half done, "here was d.i.c.k offering Raikes a choice betwixt his horsewhip and his sword--and he, look you, a full six inches shorter in the reach, while I--"

"You!" says I, "he couldn't help but pink you somewhere or other at the first pa.s.s--"

"Well, Raikes was a-sneering as I say," pursued Bentley, "when up comes our highwayman and coolly strips him to his very s.h.i.+rt, Jack--ties him to his horse, and parades him all through Tonbridge--rat me!--and as I tell you, the wind, Jack--'t was cursedly cold, and--and--oh! strike me purple!" Here Bentley choked again, and while I thumped his back, he and Jack rolled in their chairs, and shook the very cas.e.m.e.nts with their laughter.

"His s.h.i.+rt?" gasped Jack at last, wiping his eyes.

"His s.h.i.+rt," groaned Bentley, wiping his.

"Lord!" cries Jack, "Lord! 'twill be the talk of the town," says he, after a while.

"To be sure it will," says Bentley, and hereupon they fell a-roaring with laughter again. For my part, what betwixt thumping Bentley's back and the memory of Christmas morning now so near, I was sober enough.

They were still howling with laughter, and Bentley's face had already a.s.sumed a bluish tinge, when the door opened and a servant appeared, who handed a letter to Jack. Still laughing, he took it and broke the seal; at sight of the first words, however, his face underwent a sudden change. "Is the messenger here?" says he, very sharp.

"No, Sir John."

"Humph!" says Jack, "you may go then;" and he began to read. But he had not read a dozen words when he broke out into his customary oath.

"May the devil anoint me! Did you ever hear the like of that, now?"

"What?" says I.

"I say, did you ever hear the like of it?" he repeated. "d.i.c.k and Bentley, this fellow is the very devil!"

"What fellow?" says I.

"Lay you fifty it's Tawnish," gurgled Bentley.

"Done!" says I.

"A deuced pretty coil, on my soul!" says Jack, beginning to limp up and down, "oh, a deuced pretty coil--d.a.m.n the fellow!"

"What fellow?" says I again.

"Make it a hundred?" says Bentley, in my ear.

"What fellow?" cries Jack, taking me up, "d'ye mean to sit there and ask what fellow--whom should it be?"

"Aye, who indeed?" added Bentley.

"If it's Raikes--" I began.

"Raikes," roars Jack, s.n.a.t.c.hing his wig off, "Raikes--bah!"

"Then supposing you will be so very obliging as to tell us who the devil you do mean?"

"Why, aren't I trying to?" cries Jack, indignantly, "but you give a man no chance between you. Listen to this." And, having re-settled his wig, he drew the candles nearer to him and read as follows:

"'My very dear Sir John--'

("The devil anoint his very dear Sir John!)

"'It gives me infinite pleasure to have the honour of telling you--'

("There's a line for you!)

"'of telling you that the second of my tasks is now accomplished--to wit, that of making Sir Harry Raikes a laughing-stock.'"

"What?" I cried.

"Listen," says Jack.

"'Whether a gentleman riding abroad in naught but his hat and s.h.i.+rt is a sufficiently laughable matter, or an object of derision, depends altogether upon the point of view, and I must leave your friends, namely, Sir Richard Eden and Mr. Bentley, to decide. There remains now but one more undertaking, that of putting you all--together and at the same time--at a disadvantage, which I shall confidently hope to perform so soon as Dame Fortune will permit.

"'I am returning their pistols to Sir Richard Eden and Mr. Bentley to-night.

"'Trusting that you and yours are blooming in all health, I beg to subscribe myself,

"'Your most obedient, humble servant to command,

"'HORATIO TAWNISH.'"