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Chapter 35
Li Xun’s kept his hair that way until now. When she saw the shocking color of it, Li Lan actually felt a warmth wash over her. All things said and done, he’d dyed his hair with money he borrowed from her. Though the connection wasn’t exactly strong, and though Li Xun hadn’t given her a single word of thanks… This “secret” that no one else knew of moved Li Lan in a way she hadn’t felt in a long time. Li Xun’s rough childhood made him mature early, and it also made him very wary. But no matter how he matured, he was still a child; he needed others’ concern. Gradually, he started to accept Li Lan’s care and concern, though he would never admit as much. The days pa.s.sed, one by one, and Li Lan realized that, as Li Xun grew up, the once calm days turned chaotic. Li Xun often left home, though for short periods at a time. The family had been busy preparing for Li Lan’s eldest brother’s wedding, so they didn’t have time to worry about Li Xun. Li Lan’s mother actually felt it was better if he left; there would be one less mouth to feed that way.
Later on, not only did Li Xun leave, be brought Li Lan with him. Li Lan was a timid person, so she never dared to leave on a whim. Every time, Li Xun had to drag her out against her will. The attraction of the city was indeed great. Even as Li Lan trembled with fear, she was drawn by the dazzling world and its temptations. Once, Li Xun had prepared a long while for their trip. Li Lan would ask him about it, but he never gave a hint about it. Later, Li Lan found out that he was taking her to a concert. Li Lan was stunned. It was the band that Li Xun’s mother often let her listen to. Li Lan didn’t dare to believe her eyes. She couldn’t enter the concert arena at all. Li Xun had to drag and push her in. The entire concert truly felt like a dream. The exciting and upbeat music pounded in her ears, and it felt like a fantasy had turned real. She kept asking Li Xun where he got the money, but he just told her not to worry about it. At the end of the concert, Li Lan was standing at the entrance to the concert venue when she spotted Li Xun talking to another boy. He was a bit older than Li Xun, and from his clothing and the way he carried himself, the two boys were from completley different walks of life. After they spoke briefly, the boy got into a small car and left. But before he did, he turned back and shouted, “Don’t forget the exam time!” After that, Li Xun brought her to a small restaurant near the concert arena. As Li Lan thought over the wonderful performance, Li Xun told her, “I’m leaving soon.” Li Lan had thought that “leaving” would be like what he was already doing, occasionally staying out to play before sneaking in back home. So, she just nodded. It wasn’t until later on that Li Lan understood what he meant by “leave.” Without a second thought, she rejected the idea. She grabbed onto him, trying to hold him back from doing this death-seeking thing. She knew that their family had some problems, but at least, it was something to block the wind and rain. It was something that you could depend on. Li Xun talked to her about it once. He told her that he happened to meet some people in the city, and their houses had a lot of new and interesting things. “Do you know about computers?” Li Xun asked. “Their houses have those really thin computers.” When Li Xun spoke about these new things, his eyes lit up. Li Lan didn’t know much about them, and since Li Xun was speaking so quickly from excitement, she had a hard time understanding what he was going on about. But she did hear the end of his talk—”I want those things too, but if I stay here, I’ll never have them.” That was the first time that he told her what he was thinking and what he wanted. But Li Lan couldn’t accept it. She didn’t know what he was talking about. All she knew was that her little brother was just a teenaged kid. If he left home, he wouldn’t be able to survive. Li Xun tried to reason with her, but Li Lan totally refused to listen. She wasn’t as articulate as he was, and she wasn’t good at telling stories. Regardless of what Li Xun said, she would simply return with a “No. Just, no.” In the end, Li Xun got angry and had a big fight with Li Lan. He said some hurtful things, which made her feel terrible and angry. Li Lan got sick. What surprised her was that the entire time she was sick, Li Xun didn’t leave her side. The sick Li Lan dreamt of Li Xun’s mother and her final words before dying. Li Lan couldn’t bear to see Li Xun leave. Sometimes she felt that, even if she had her own children later, she might not love them more than she loved her little brother. Though her brain wasn’t anything great, for some reason, she remembered very clearly every word and every detail they spoke about. But she also knew that she was part of “them.” When Li Lan got better, she stole some of her father’s alcohol money and told Li Xun to leave that night and never come back. Before he left, he told her something. “I’ll pay you back in the future.”
— Her coffee was already cold, and the server had stopped by as well. Zhu Yun was thinking. She recalled Ren Di’s words—He has to earn money to pay off his debt. What debt? The money Li Lan spent on Li Xun was hardly anything. So when he spoke about a debt, that must have been an emotional debt. Zhu Yun looked over at Li Lan, trembling before her. She was a typical person whose liveliness had been rubbed away by life. “Actually, I knew from the very beginning that he would leave,” Li Lan murmured. “He hated our family. He hated us to death.” Zhu Yun didn’t say anything, and Li Lan quietly continued, “I never wanted him to return any money to me. But now that my father’s gone, my mother can’t get out of bed, and my brother’s sick. We don’t have enough money for the hospital bills. My mom forced me to ask him for money… I had no choice.” Li Lan lowered her head in a daze. “My family turning out this way must be retribution.” Zhu Yun looked at this thin woman. She’d had a lifetime’s worth of suffering. The suffocation and exhaustion of her life showed through. Even her pain seemed slow and dull. Li Lan rubbed her face. “I’m sorry. I just said all this nonsense…” Zhu Yun shook her head. Li Lan quietly said, “No one at home wants to listen to this stuff.” “Maybe he doesn’t hate you that much,” Zhu Yun suddenly said. Li Lan replied, “You don’t know him. You don’t understand him.” Zhu Yun silently thought to herself that, maybe she understood just a tiny bit… Li Xun was very proud, even to the extent that he was prejudiced. Often times, he didn’t speak out his true thoughts. He would never be threatened by anyone, and no one could force him to do what he didn’t want to do. If he really hated her, no matter what tricks Li Lan pulled, she wouldn’t be able to get any money from him. Additionally, he spent so much every month, and he supported a money-losing band… After her story, Zhu Yun understood a lot of things. All hearts needed consolation. “Thank you for listening to me.” Li Lan couldn’t think of any kind of gift. She thought left and right, and quietly said, “I-I’ll show you my brother.” Zhu Yun had been deep in thought about ethical matters, and when she heard Li Lan, she nearly jumped out of her seat. Li Lan pulled out a laminated photo from her bag. It looked rather old, and the colors were faded. “This is our only family photo. We took it at New Year’s one year. Look…” Li Lan pointed for Zhu Yun to see, but she didn’t really need it pointed out. The moment Li Lan pulled out the photo, Zhu Yun’s eyes had already landed on someone. “How old was your brother here?” “Nine.” Zhu Yun took a deep breath. How cute… The child Li Xun had been very thin, but his bone structure was good. His face was taut, a faint forced smile on his lips. That unyielding and arrogant personality could even be seen when he was so young. Zhu Yun nearly forgot to blink. She kept staring and staring at the photo, as if it meant she’d be able to add ten years to their relations.h.i.+p. In the photo, Li Xun looked lonely. He stayed a bit aways from everyone else, and only Li Lan stood behind him. “Your little brother likes you a lot, right?” Zhu Yun said. Li Lan shook her head. “He likes girls like his mom.” Zhu Yun glanced at Li Lan, silent. Awhile later, as curfew approached, Zhu Yun went to the counter to pay. When she returned to their table, Li Lan said, “Can I keep sitting here?” Zhu Yun paused and then said, “Sure.” Before leaving, she secretly bought Li Lan a steak set meal. She told the waiter, “If she asks, tell her it’s a gift from the store.” After leaving the coffee shop, Zhu Yun kept thinking back to the conversation she’d just had. She headed back to the project base, and when she pushed open the door, she saw Gao Jianhong. It was then that she finally realized. It seemed that she’d stood him up. Zhu Yun quickly apologized, “Sorry, I—” “It’s fine.” Gao Jianhong packed away the books on his desk. “I just spoke to Wu Mengxing a bit, and he seemed pretty interested in the compet.i.tion. We should talk about it together tomorrow.” Zhu Yun nodded, and Gao Jianhong stood up. He said, “Then, I’ll head out first.” “Where’s Li Xun?” “He just stepped out, but he should be back soon.” After Gao Jianhong left, Zhu Yun was the only person in the project base. Zhu Yun closed the door and walked over to Li Xun’s seat. She opened up the bag on his desk, the one branded with the downtown stadium’s name. As she’d expected, there were concert tickets for the weekend inside. He was going to take her? Just then, she heard a sound from the hallway. Zhu Yun put the bag back in its original position. When Li Xun saw Zhu Yun on his return, he raised his brows. “What are you doing here?” Zhu Yun shook her head. “Nothing. I just need to tidy up, and then I’m leaving.” Li Xun sat down in his seat, but he didn’t turn on his computer. Instead, he asked Zhu Yun, “Where were you this evening?” Zhu Yun’s heart skipped a beat. She told herself to calm down. “I had something to do, so I went out a bit.” “Really.” “Mmh.” With a calm face, Zhu Yun grabbed two books on her desk and put them in her bag. Then she saw Li Xun wave her over. Zhu Yun took two steps towards him, and Li Xun leaned over. She stood there, and he sat there. With his face turned like that, his ear nearly touched her chest. …… As the weather warmed, her clothing had gotten thinner. With such a thin layer of cotton between them, Zhu Yun could clearly feel the contours of Li Xun’s cheek. Her bra felt a bit tight. A burst of warm air hit her back, spreading across her limbs and her ears. She couldn’t step back because Li Xun had his right hand on her waist. She nearly couldn’t breathe anymore. What was one plus one equal to again… Just as Zhu Yun felt like she was going to faint, Li Xun looked up. He didn’t straighten up, but instead just looked up from chest-level, his eyes sweeping over her. His brows raised slightly, as if he were smiling, but not quite. “With your heart beating this fast, you must be lying.” Zhu Yun’s whole body felt numb. That’s definitely not why my heart is beating so fast.
Li Xun’s kept his hair that way until now. When she saw the shocking color of it, Li Lan actually felt a warmth wash over her. All things said and done, he’d dyed his hair with money he borrowed from her. Though the connection wasn’t exactly strong, and though Li Xun hadn’t given her a single word of thanks… This “secret” that no one else knew of moved Li Lan in a way she hadn’t felt in a long time. Li Xun’s rough childhood made him mature early, and it also made him very wary. But no matter how he matured, he was still a child; he needed others’ concern. Gradually, he started to accept Li Lan’s care and concern, though he would never admit as much. The days pa.s.sed, one by one, and Li Lan realized that, as Li Xun grew up, the once calm days turned chaotic. Li Xun often left home, though for short periods at a time. The family had been busy preparing for Li Lan’s eldest brother’s wedding, so they didn’t have time to worry about Li Xun. Li Lan’s mother actually felt it was better if he left; there would be one less mouth to feed that way.
Later on, not only did Li Xun leave, be brought Li Lan with him. Li Lan was a timid person, so she never dared to leave on a whim. Every time, Li Xun had to drag her out against her will. The attraction of the city was indeed great. Even as Li Lan trembled with fear, she was drawn by the dazzling world and its temptations. Once, Li Xun had prepared a long while for their trip. Li Lan would ask him about it, but he never gave a hint about it. Later, Li Lan found out that he was taking her to a concert. Li Lan was stunned. It was the band that Li Xun’s mother often let her listen to. Li Lan didn’t dare to believe her eyes. She couldn’t enter the concert arena at all. Li Xun had to drag and push her in. The entire concert truly felt like a dream. The exciting and upbeat music pounded in her ears, and it felt like a fantasy had turned real. She kept asking Li Xun where he got the money, but he just told her not to worry about it. At the end of the concert, Li Lan was standing at the entrance to the concert venue when she spotted Li Xun talking to another boy. He was a bit older than Li Xun, and from his clothing and the way he carried himself, the two boys were from completley different walks of life. After they spoke briefly, the boy got into a small car and left. But before he did, he turned back and shouted, “Don’t forget the exam time!” After that, Li Xun brought her to a small restaurant near the concert arena. As Li Lan thought over the wonderful performance, Li Xun told her, “I’m leaving soon.” Li Lan had thought that “leaving” would be like what he was already doing, occasionally staying out to play before sneaking in back home. So, she just nodded. It wasn’t until later on that Li Lan understood what he meant by “leave.” Without a second thought, she rejected the idea. She grabbed onto him, trying to hold him back from doing this death-seeking thing. She knew that their family had some problems, but at least, it was something to block the wind and rain. It was something that you could depend on. Li Xun talked to her about it once. He told her that he happened to meet some people in the city, and their houses had a lot of new and interesting things. “Do you know about computers?” Li Xun asked. “Their houses have those really thin computers.” When Li Xun spoke about these new things, his eyes lit up. Li Lan didn’t know much about them, and since Li Xun was speaking so quickly from excitement, she had a hard time understanding what he was going on about. But she did hear the end of his talk—”I want those things too, but if I stay here, I’ll never have them.” That was the first time that he told her what he was thinking and what he wanted. But Li Lan couldn’t accept it. She didn’t know what he was talking about. All she knew was that her little brother was just a teenaged kid. If he left home, he wouldn’t be able to survive. Li Xun tried to reason with her, but Li Lan totally refused to listen. She wasn’t as articulate as he was, and she wasn’t good at telling stories. Regardless of what Li Xun said, she would simply return with a “No. Just, no.” In the end, Li Xun got angry and had a big fight with Li Lan. He said some hurtful things, which made her feel terrible and angry. Li Lan got sick. What surprised her was that the entire time she was sick, Li Xun didn’t leave her side. The sick Li Lan dreamt of Li Xun’s mother and her final words before dying. Li Lan couldn’t bear to see Li Xun leave. Sometimes she felt that, even if she had her own children later, she might not love them more than she loved her little brother. Though her brain wasn’t anything great, for some reason, she remembered very clearly every word and every detail they spoke about. But she also knew that she was part of “them.” When Li Lan got better, she stole some of her father’s alcohol money and told Li Xun to leave that night and never come back. Before he left, he told her something. “I’ll pay you back in the future.”
— Her coffee was already cold, and the server had stopped by as well. Zhu Yun was thinking. She recalled Ren Di’s words—He has to earn money to pay off his debt. What debt? The money Li Lan spent on Li Xun was hardly anything. So when he spoke about a debt, that must have been an emotional debt. Zhu Yun looked over at Li Lan, trembling before her. She was a typical person whose liveliness had been rubbed away by life. “Actually, I knew from the very beginning that he would leave,” Li Lan murmured. “He hated our family. He hated us to death.” Zhu Yun didn’t say anything, and Li Lan quietly continued, “I never wanted him to return any money to me. But now that my father’s gone, my mother can’t get out of bed, and my brother’s sick. We don’t have enough money for the hospital bills. My mom forced me to ask him for money… I had no choice.” Li Lan lowered her head in a daze. “My family turning out this way must be retribution.” Zhu Yun looked at this thin woman. She’d had a lifetime’s worth of suffering. The suffocation and exhaustion of her life showed through. Even her pain seemed slow and dull. Li Lan rubbed her face. “I’m sorry. I just said all this nonsense…” Zhu Yun shook her head. Li Lan quietly said, “No one at home wants to listen to this stuff.” “Maybe he doesn’t hate you that much,” Zhu Yun suddenly said. Li Lan replied, “You don’t know him. You don’t understand him.” Zhu Yun silently thought to herself that, maybe she understood just a tiny bit… Li Xun was very proud, even to the extent that he was prejudiced. Often times, he didn’t speak out his true thoughts. He would never be threatened by anyone, and no one could force him to do what he didn’t want to do. If he really hated her, no matter what tricks Li Lan pulled, she wouldn’t be able to get any money from him. Additionally, he spent so much every month, and he supported a money-losing band… After her story, Zhu Yun understood a lot of things. All hearts needed consolation. “Thank you for listening to me.” Li Lan couldn’t think of any kind of gift. She thought left and right, and quietly said, “I-I’ll show you my brother.” Zhu Yun had been deep in thought about ethical matters, and when she heard Li Lan, she nearly jumped out of her seat. Li Lan pulled out a laminated photo from her bag. It looked rather old, and the colors were faded. “This is our only family photo. We took it at New Year’s one year. Look…” Li Lan pointed for Zhu Yun to see, but she didn’t really need it pointed out. The moment Li Lan pulled out the photo, Zhu Yun’s eyes had already landed on someone. “How old was your brother here?” “Nine.” Zhu Yun took a deep breath. How cute… The child Li Xun had been very thin, but his bone structure was good. His face was taut, a faint forced smile on his lips. That unyielding and arrogant personality could even be seen when he was so young. Zhu Yun nearly forgot to blink. She kept staring and staring at the photo, as if it meant she’d be able to add ten years to their relations.h.i.+p. In the photo, Li Xun looked lonely. He stayed a bit aways from everyone else, and only Li Lan stood behind him. “Your little brother likes you a lot, right?” Zhu Yun said. Li Lan shook her head. “He likes girls like his mom.” Zhu Yun glanced at Li Lan, silent. Awhile later, as curfew approached, Zhu Yun went to the counter to pay. When she returned to their table, Li Lan said, “Can I keep sitting here?” Zhu Yun paused and then said, “Sure.” Before leaving, she secretly bought Li Lan a steak set meal. She told the waiter, “If she asks, tell her it’s a gift from the store.” After leaving the coffee shop, Zhu Yun kept thinking back to the conversation she’d just had. She headed back to the project base, and when she pushed open the door, she saw Gao Jianhong. It was then that she finally realized. It seemed that she’d stood him up. Zhu Yun quickly apologized, “Sorry, I—” “It’s fine.” Gao Jianhong packed away the books on his desk. “I just spoke to Wu Mengxing a bit, and he seemed pretty interested in the compet.i.tion. We should talk about it together tomorrow.” Zhu Yun nodded, and Gao Jianhong stood up. He said, “Then, I’ll head out first.” “Where’s Li Xun?” “He just stepped out, but he should be back soon.” After Gao Jianhong left, Zhu Yun was the only person in the project base. Zhu Yun closed the door and walked over to Li Xun’s seat. She opened up the bag on his desk, the one branded with the downtown stadium’s name. As she’d expected, there were concert tickets for the weekend inside. He was going to take her? Just then, she heard a sound from the hallway. Zhu Yun put the bag back in its original position. When Li Xun saw Zhu Yun on his return, he raised his brows. “What are you doing here?” Zhu Yun shook her head. “Nothing. I just need to tidy up, and then I’m leaving.” Li Xun sat down in his seat, but he didn’t turn on his computer. Instead, he asked Zhu Yun, “Where were you this evening?” Zhu Yun’s heart skipped a beat. She told herself to calm down. “I had something to do, so I went out a bit.” “Really.” “Mmh.” With a calm face, Zhu Yun grabbed two books on her desk and put them in her bag. Then she saw Li Xun wave her over. Zhu Yun took two steps towards him, and Li Xun leaned over. She stood there, and he sat there. With his face turned like that, his ear nearly touched her chest. …… As the weather warmed, her clothing had gotten thinner. With such a thin layer of cotton between them, Zhu Yun could clearly feel the contours of Li Xun’s cheek. Her bra felt a bit tight. A burst of warm air hit her back, spreading across her limbs and her ears. She couldn’t step back because Li Xun had his right hand on her waist. She nearly couldn’t breathe anymore. What was one plus one equal to again… Just as Zhu Yun felt like she was going to faint, Li Xun looked up. He didn’t straighten up, but instead just looked up from chest-level, his eyes sweeping over her. His brows raised slightly, as if he were smiling, but not quite. “With your heart beating this fast, you must be lying.” Zhu Yun’s whole body felt numb. That’s definitely not why my heart is beating so fast.
