The Voyage Out Part 2

'I have had servants,' said Mrs. Ambrose, concentrating her gaze. 'At this moment I have a nurse. She's a good woman as they go, but she's determined to make my children pray. So far, owing to great care on my part, they think of G.o.d as a kind of walrus; but now that my back's turned - Ridley,' she demanded, swinging round upon her husband, 'what shall we do if we find them saying the Lord's Prayer when we get home again?'

Ridley made the sound which is represented by 'Tush.'

But Willoughby, whose discomfort as he listened was manifested by a slight rocking movement of his body, said awkwardly, 'Oh, surely, Helen, a little religion hurts n.o.body.'

'I would rather my children told lies,' she replied, and while Willoughby was reflecting that his sister-in-law was even more eccentric than he remembered, pushed her chair back and swept upstairs. In a second they heard her calling back, 'Oh, look! We're out at sea!'

They followed her on to the deck. All the smoke and the houses had disappeared, and the s.h.i.+p was out in a wide s.p.a.ce of sea very fresh and clear though pale in the early light. They had left London sitting on its mud. A very thin line of shadow tapered on the horizon, scarcely thick enough to stand the burden of Paris, which nevertheless rested upon it. They were free of roads, free of mankind, and the same exhilaration at their freedom ran through them all. The s.h.i.+p was making her way steadily through small waves which slapped her and then fizzled like effervescing water, leaving a little border of bubbles and foam on either side. The colourless October sky above was thinly clouded as if by the trail of woodfire smoke, and the air was wonderfully salt and brisk. Indeed it was too cold to stand still. Mrs. Ambrose drew her arm within her husband's, and as they moved off it could be seen from the way in which her sloping cheek turned up to his that she had something private to communicate. They went a few paces and Rachel saw them kiss.

Down she looked into the depth of the sea. While it was slightly disturbed on the surface by the pa.s.sage of the Euphrosyne, Euphrosyne, beneath it was green and dim, and it grew dimmer and dimmer until the sand at the bottom was only a pale blur. One could scarcely see the black ribs of wrecked s.h.i.+ps, or the spiral towers made by the burrowings of great eels, or the smooth green-sided monsters who came by flickering this way and that. beneath it was green and dim, and it grew dimmer and dimmer until the sand at the bottom was only a pale blur. One could scarcely see the black ribs of wrecked s.h.i.+ps, or the spiral towers made by the burrowings of great eels, or the smooth green-sided monsters who came by flickering this way and that.

- 'And, Rachel, if any one wants me, I'm busy till one,' said her father, enforcing his words as he often did, when he spoke to his daughter, by a smart blow upon the shoulder.

'Until one,' he repeated. And you'll find yourself some employment, eh? Scales, French, a little German, eh? There's Mr. Pepper who knows more about separable verbs than any man in Europe, eh?' and he went off laughing. Rachel laughed, too, as indeed she had laughed ever since she could remember, without thinking it funny, but because she admired her father.

But just as she was turning with a view perhaps to finding some employment, she was intercepted by a woman who was so broad and so thick that to be intercepted by her was inevitable. The discreet tentative way in which she moved, together with her sober black dress, showed that she belonged to the lower orders; nevertheless she took up a rock-like position, looking about her to see that no gentry were near before she delivered her message, which had reference to the state of the sheets, and was of the utmost gravity.

'How ever we're to get through this voyage, Miss Rachel, I really can't tell,' she began with a shake of her head. 'There's only just sheets enough to go round, and the master's has a rotten place you could put your fingers through. And the counterpanes. Did you notice the counterpanes? I thought to myself a poor person would have been ashamed of them. The one I gave Mr. Pepper was hardly fit to cover a dog ... No, Miss Rachel, they could not not be mended; they're only fit for dust sheets. Why, if one sewed one's finger to the bone, one would have one's work undone the next time they went to the laundry.' be mended; they're only fit for dust sheets. Why, if one sewed one's finger to the bone, one would have one's work undone the next time they went to the laundry.'

Her voice in its indignation wavered as if tears were near.

There was nothing for it but to descend and inspect a large pile of linen heaped upon a table. Mrs. Chailey handled the sheets as if she knew each by name, character, and const.i.tution. Some had yellow stains, others had places where the threads made long ladders; but to the ordinary eye they looked much as sheets usually do look, very chill, white, cold, and irreproachably clean.

Suddenly Mrs. Chailey, turning from the subject of sheets, dismissing them entirely, clenched her fists on the top of them, and proclaimed, And you couldn't ask a living creature to sit where I sit!'

Mrs. Chailey was expected to sit in a cabin which was large enough, but too near the boilers, so that after five minutes she could hear her heart 'go,' she complained, putting her hand above it, which was a state of things that Mrs. Vinrace, Rachel's mother, would never have dreamt of inflicting - Mrs. Vinrace who knew every sheet in her house, and expected of every one the best they could do, but no more.

It was the easiest thing in the world to grant another room, and the problem of sheets simultaneously and miraculously solved itself, the spots and ladders not being past cure after all, but - 'Lies! Lies! Lies!' exclaimed the mistress indignantly, as she ran up on to the deck. 'What's the use of telling me lies?'

In her anger that a woman of fifty should behave like a child and come cringing to a girl because she wanted to sit where she had not leave to sit, she did not think of the particular case, and, unpacking her music, soon forgot all about the old woman and her sheets.

Mrs. Chailey folded her sheets, but her expression testified to flatness within. The world no longer cared about her, and a s.h.i.+p was not a home. When the lamps were lit yesterday, and the sailors went tumbling above her head, she had cried; she would cry this evening; she would cry to-morrow. It was not home. Meanwhile she arranged her ornaments in the room which she had won too easily. They were strange ornaments to bring on a sea voyage - china pugs, tea-sets in miniature, cups stamped floridly with the arms of the city of Bristol, hair-pin boxes crusted with shamrock, antelopes' heads in coloured plaster, together with a mult.i.tude of tiny photographs, representing downright workmen in their Sunday best, and women holding white babies. But there was one portrait in a gilt frame, for which a nail was needed, and before she sought it Mrs. Chailey put on her spectacles and read what was written on a slip of paper at the back: 'This picture of her mistress is given to Emma Chailey by Willoughby Vinrace in grat.i.tude for thirty years of devoted service.'

Tears obliterated the words and the head of the nail.

'So long as I can do something for your family,' she was saying, as she hammered at it, when a voice called melodiously in the pa.s.sage.

'Mrs. Chailey! Mrs. Chailey!'

Chailey instantly tidied her dress, composed her face, and opened the door.

'I'm in a fix,' said Mrs. Ambrose, who was flushed and out of breath. 'You know what gentlemen are. The chairs too high - the tables too low - there's six inches between the floor and the door. What I want's a hammer, an old quilt, and have you such a thing as a kitchen table? Anyhow, between us' - she now flung open the door of her husband's sitting-room, and revealed Ridley pacing up and down, his forehead all wrinkled, and the collar of his coat turned up.

'It's as though they'd taken pains to torment me!' he cried, stopping dead. 'Did I come on this voyage in order to catch rheumatism and pneumonia? Really one might have credited Vinrace with more sense. My dear,' Helen was on her knees under a table, 'you are only making yourself untidy, and we had much better recognise the fact that we are condemned to six weeks of unspeakable misery. To come at all was the height of folly, but now that we are here I suppose that I can face it like a man. My diseases of course will be increased - I feel already worse than I did yesterday, but we've only ourselves to thank, and the children happily - '

'Move! Move! Move!' cried Helen, chasing him from corner to corner with a chair as though he were an errant hen. 'Out of the way, Ridley, and in half an hour you'll find it ready'

She turned him out of the room, and they could hear him groaning and swearing as he went along the pa.s.sage.

'I daresay he isn't very strong,' said Mrs. Chailey, looking at Mrs. Ambrose compa.s.sionately, as she helped to s.h.i.+ft and carry.

'It's books,' sighed Helen, lifting an armful of sad volumes from the floor to the shelf. 'Greek from morning to night. If ever Miss Rachel marries, Chailey, pray that she may marry a man who doesn't know his ABC.'

The preliminary discomforts and harshnesses, which generally make the first days of a sea voyage so cheerless and trying to the temper, being somehow lived through, the succeeding days pa.s.sed pleasantly enough. October was well advanced, but steadily burning with a warmth that made the early months of the summer appear very young and capricious. Great tracts of the earth lay now beneath the autumn sun, and the whole of England, from the bald moors to the Cornish rocks, was lit up from dawn to sunset, and showed in stretches of yellow, green, and purple. Under that illumination even the roofs of the great towns glittered. In thousands of small gardens, millions of dark-red flowers were blooming, until the old ladies who had tended them so carefully came down the paths with their scissors, snipped through their juicy stalks, and laid them upon cold stone ledges in the village church. Innumerable parties of picnickers coming home at sunset cried, 'Was there ever such a day as this?' 'Its you,' the young men whispered; 'Oh, it's you,' the young women replied. All old people and many sick people were drawn, were it only for a foot or two, into the open air, and prognosticated pleasant things about the course of the world. As for the confidences and expressions of love that were heard not only in cornfields but in lamplit rooms, where the windows opened on the garden, and men with cigars kissed women with grey hairs, they were not to be counted. Some said that the sky was an emblem of the life they had had; others that it was the promise of the life to come. Long-tailed birds clattered and screamed, and crossed from wood to wood, with golden eyes in their plumage.

But while all this went on by land, very few people thought about the sea. They took it for granted that the sea was calm; and there was no need, as there is in many houses when the creeper taps on the bedroom windows, for the couples to murmur before they kiss, 'Think of the s.h.i.+ps to-night,' or 'Thank Heaven, I'm not the man in the lighthouse!' For all they imagined, the s.h.i.+ps when they vanished on the sky-line dissolved, like snow in water. The grownup view, indeed, was not much clearer than the view of the little creatures in bathing drawers who were trotting in to the foam all along the coasts of England, and scooping up buckets full of water. They saw white sails or tufts of smoke pa.s.s across the horizon, and if you had said that these were waterspouts, or the petals of white sea flowers, they would have agreed.

The people in s.h.i.+ps, however, took an equally singular view of England. Not only did it appear to them to be an island, and a very small island, but it was a shrinking island in which people were imprisoned. One figured them first swarming about like aimless ants, and almost pressing each other over the edge; and then, as the s.h.i.+p withdrew, one figured them making a vain clamour, which, being unheard, either ceased, or rose into a brawl. Finally, when the s.h.i.+p was out of sight of land, it became plain that the people of England were completely mute. The disease attacked other parts of the earth; Europe shrank, Asia shrank, Africa and America shrank, until it seemed doubtful whether the s.h.i.+p would ever run against any of those wrinkled little rocks again. But, on the other hand, an immense dignity had descended upon her; she was an inhabitant of the great world, which has so few inhabitants, travelling all day across an empty universe, with veils drawn before her and behind. She was more lonely than the caravan crossing the desert; she was infinitely more mysterious, moving by her own power and sustained by her own resources. The sea might give her death or some unexampled joy, and none would know of it. She was a bride going forth to her husband, a virgin unknown of men; in her vigour and purity she might be likened to all beautiful things, for as a s.h.i.+p she had a life of her own.

Indeed if they had not been blessed in their weather, one blue day being bowled up after another, smooth, round, and flawless, Mrs. Ambrose would have found it very dull. As it was, she had her embroidery frame set up on deck, with a little table by her side on which lay open a black volume of philosophy. She chose a thread from the vari-coloured tangle that lay in her lap, and sewed red into the bark of a tree, or yellow into the river torrent. She was working at a great design of a tropical river running through a tropical forest, where spotted deer would eventually browse upon ma.s.ses of fruit, bananas, oranges, and giant pomegranates, while a troop of naked natives whirled darts into the air. Between the st.i.tches she looked to one side and read a sentence about the Reality of Matter, or the Nature of Good. Round her men in blue jerseys knelt and scrubbed the boards, or leant over the rails and whistled, and not far off Mr. Pepper sat cutting up roots with a penknife. The rest were occupied in other parts of the s.h.i.+p; Ridley at his Greek - he had never found quarters more to his liking; Willoughby at his doc.u.ments, for he used a voyage to work off arrears of business; and Rachel - Helen, between her sentences of philosophy, wondered sometimes what Rachel did did do with herself? She meant vaguely to go and see. They had scarcely spoken two words to each other since that first evening; they were polite when they met, but there had been no confidence of any kind. Rachel seemed to get on very well with her father - much better, Helen thought, than she ought to - and was as ready to let Helen alone as Helen was to let her alone. do with herself? She meant vaguely to go and see. They had scarcely spoken two words to each other since that first evening; they were polite when they met, but there had been no confidence of any kind. Rachel seemed to get on very well with her father - much better, Helen thought, than she ought to - and was as ready to let Helen alone as Helen was to let her alone.

At that moment Rachel was sitting in her room doing absolutely nothing. When the s.h.i.+p was full this apartment bore some magnificent t.i.tle and was the resort of elderly sea-sick ladies who left the deck to their youngers. By virtue of the piano, and a mess of books on the floor, Rachel considered it her room, and there she would sit for hours playing very difficult music, reading a little German, or a little English when the mood took her, and doing - as at this moment - absolutely nothing.

The way she had been educated, joined to a fine natural indolence, was of course partly the reason of it, for she had been educated as the majority of well-to-do girls in the last part of the nineteenth century were educated. Kindly doctors and gentle old professors had taught her the rudiments of about ten different branches of knowledge, but they would as soon have forced her to go through one piece of drudgery thoroughly as they would have told her that her hands were dirty. The one hour or the two hours weekly pa.s.sed very pleasantly, partly owing to the other pupils, partly to the fact that the window looked upon the back of a shop, where figures appeared against the red windows in winter, partly to the accidents that are bound to happen when more than two people are in the same room together. But there was no subject in the world which she knew accurately. Her mind was in the state of an intelligent man's in the beginning of the reign of Queen Elizabeth; she would believe practically anything she was told, invent reasons for anything she said. The shape of the earth, the history of the world, how trains worked, or money was invested, what laws were in force, which people wanted what, and why they wanted it, the most elementary idea of a system in modern life - none of this had been imparted to her by any of her professors or mistresses. But this system of education had one great advantage. It did not teach anything, but it put no obstacle in the way of any real talent that the pupil might chance to have. Rachel, being musical, was allowed to learn nothing but music; she became a fanatic about music. All the energies that might have gone into languages, science, or literature, that might have made her friends, or shown her the world, poured straight into music. Finding her teachers inadequate, she had practically taught herself. At the age of twenty-four she knew as much about music as most people do when they are thirty; and could play as well as nature allowed her to, which, as became daily more obvious, was a really generous allowance. If this one definite gift was surrounded by dreams and ideas of the most extravagant and foolish description, no one was any the wiser.

Her education being thus ordinary, her circ.u.mstances were no more out of the common. She was an only child and had never been bullied and laughed at by brothers and sisters. Her mother having died when she was eleven, two aunts, the sisters of her father, brought her up, and they lived for the sake of the air in a comfortable house in Richmond. She was of course brought up with excessive care, which as a child was for her health; as a girl and a young woman was for what it seems almost crude to call her morals. Until quite lately she had been completely ignorant that for women such things existed. She groped for knowledge in old books, and found it in repulsive chunks, but she did not naturally care for books and thus never troubled her head about the censors.h.i.+p which was exercised first by her aunts, later by her father. Friends might have told her things, but she had few of her own age, - Richmond being an awkward place to reach, - and, as it happened, the only girl she knew well was a religious zealot, who in the fervour of intimacy talked about G.o.d, and the best ways of taking up one's cross, a topic only fitfully interesting to one whose mind reached other stages at other times.

But lying in her chair, with one hand behind her head, the other grasping the k.n.o.b on the arm, she was clearly following her thoughts intently. Her education left her abundant time for thinking. Her eyes were fixed so steadily upon a ball on the rail of the s.h.i.+p that she would have been startled and annoyed if anything had chanced to obscure it for a second. She had begun her meditations with a shout of laughter, caused by the following translation from Tristan: Tristan: In shrinking trepidation His shame he seems to hide While to the king his relation He brings the corpse-like Bride.

Seems it so senseless what I say?j She cried that it did, and threw down the book. Next she had picked up Cowper's Letters; Cowper's Letters;k the cla.s.sic prescribed by her father which had bored her, so that one sentence chancing to say something about the smell of broom in his garden, she had thereupon seen the little hall at Richmond laden with flowers on the day of her mother's funeral, smelling so strong that now any flower-scent brought back the sickly horrible sensation; and so from one scene she pa.s.sed, half-hearing, half-seeing, to another. She saw her Aunt Lucy arranging flowers in the drawing-room. the cla.s.sic prescribed by her father which had bored her, so that one sentence chancing to say something about the smell of broom in his garden, she had thereupon seen the little hall at Richmond laden with flowers on the day of her mother's funeral, smelling so strong that now any flower-scent brought back the sickly horrible sensation; and so from one scene she pa.s.sed, half-hearing, half-seeing, to another. She saw her Aunt Lucy arranging flowers in the drawing-room.

Aunt Lucy,' she volunteered, 'I don't like the smell of broom; it reminds me of funerals.'

'Nonsense, Rachel,' Aunt Lucy replied; 'don't say such foolish things, dear. I always think it a particularly cheerful plant.'

Lying in the hot sun her mind was fixed upon the characters of her aunts, their views, and the way they lived. Indeed this was a subject that lasted her hundreds of morning walks round Richmond Park, and blotted out the trees and the people and the deer. Why did they do the things they did, and what did they feel, and what was it all about? Again she heard Aunt Lucy talking to Aunt Eleanor. She had been that morning to take up the character of a servant, And, of course, at half-past ten in the morning one expects to find the housemaid brus.h.i.+ng the stairs.' How odd! How unspeakably odd! But she could not explain to herself why suddenly as her aunt spoke the whole system in which they lived had appeared before her eyes as something quite unfamiliar and inexplicable, and themselves as chairs or umbrellas dropped about here and there without any reason. She could only say with her slight stammer, Are you f-f-fond of Aunt Eleanor, Aunt Lucy?' to which her aunt replied, with her nervous hen-like twitter of a laugh, 'My dear child, what questions you do ask!'

'How fond? Very fond?' Rachel pursued.

'I can't say I've ever thought "how,"' said Miss Vinrace. 'If one cares one doesn't think "how," Rachel,' which was aimed at the niece who had never yet 'come' to her aunts as cordially as they wished.

'But you know I care for you, don't you, dear, because you're your mother's daughter, if for no other reason, and there are plenty of other reasons' - and she leant over and kissed her with some emotion, and the argument was spilt irretrievably about the place like a bucket of milk.

By these means Rachel reached that stage in thinking, if thinking it can be called, when the eyes are intent upon a ball or a k.n.o.b and the lips cease to move. Her efforts to come to an understanding had only hurt her aunt's feelings, and the conclusion must be that it is better not to try. To feel anything strongly was to create an abyss between oneself and others who feel strongly perhaps but differently. It was far better to play the piano and forget all the rest. The conclusion was very welcome. Let these odd men and women - her aunts, the Hunts, Ridley, Helen, Mr. Pepper, and the rest - be symbols, - featureless but dignified, symbols of age, of youth, of motherhood, of learning, and beautiful often as people upon the stage are beautiful. It appeared that n.o.body ever said a thing they meant, or ever talked of a feeling they felt, but that was what music was for. Reality dwelling in what one saw and felt, but did not talk about, one could accept a system in which things went round and round quite satisfactorily to other people, without often troubling to think about it, except as something superficially strange. Absorbed by her music she accepted her lot very complacently, blazing into indignation perhaps once a fortnight, and subsiding as she subsided now. Inextricably mixed in dreamy confusion, her mind seemed to enter into communion, to be delightfully expanded and combined with the spirit of the whitish boards on deck, with the spirit of the sea, with the spirit of Beethoven Op. 112, even with the spirit of poor William Cowper there at Olney. Like a ball of thistledown it kissed the sea, rose, kissed it again, and thus rising and kissing pa.s.sed finally out of sight. The rising and falling of the ball of thistledown was represented by the sudden droop forward of her own head, and when it pa.s.sed out of sight she was asleep.

Ten minutes later Mrs. Ambrose opened the door and looked at her. It did not surprise her to find that this was the way in which Rachel pa.s.sed her mornings. She glanced round the room at the piano, at the books, at the general mess. In the first place she considered Rachel aesthetically; lying unprotected she looked somehow like a victim dropped from the claws of a bird of prey, but considered as a woman, a young woman of twenty-four, the sight gave rise to reflections. Mrs. Ambrose stood thinking for at least two minutes. She then smiled, turned noiselessly away and went, lest the sleeper should waken, and there should be the awkwardness of speech between them.

CHAPTER III.

EARLY NEXT MORNING THERE was a sound as of chains being drawn roughly overhead; the steady heart of the Euphrosyne Euphrosyne slowly ceased to beat; and Helen, poking her nose above deck, saw a stationary castle upon a stationary hill. They had dropped anchor in the mouth of the Tagus, slowly ceased to beat; and Helen, poking her nose above deck, saw a stationary castle upon a stationary hill. They had dropped anchor in the mouth of the Tagus,l and instead of cleaving new waves perpetually, the same waves kept returning and was.h.i.+ng against the sides of the s.h.i.+p. and instead of cleaving new waves perpetually, the same waves kept returning and was.h.i.+ng against the sides of the s.h.i.+p.

As soon as breakfast was done, Willoughby disappeared over the vessel's side, carrying a brown leather case, shouting over his shoulder that every one was to mind and behave themselves, for he would be kept in Lisbon doing business until five o'clock that afternoon.

At about that hour he reappeared, carrying his case, professing himself tired, bothered, hungry, thirsty, cold, and in immediate need of his tea. Rubbing his hands, he told them the adventures of the day: how he had come upon poor old Jackson combing his moustache before the gla.s.s in the office, little expecting his descent, had put him through such a morning's work as seldom came his way; then treated him to a lunch of champagne and ortolans; paid a call upon Mrs. Jackson, who was fatter than ever, poor woman, but asked kindly after Rachel - and O Lord, little Jackson had confessed to a confounded piece of weakness - well, well, no harm was done, he supposed, but what was the use of his giving orders if they were promptly disobeyed? He had said distinctly that he would take no pa.s.sengers on this trip. Here he began searching in his pockets and eventually discovered a card, which he planked down on the table before Rachel. On it she read, 'Mr. and Mrs. Richard Dalloway, 23 Browne Street, Mayfair.'

'Mr. Richard Dalloway,' continued Vinrace, 'seems to be a gentleman who thinks that because he was once a member of Parliament, and his wife's the daughter of a peer, they can have what they like for the asking. They got round poor little Jackson anyhow. Said they must have pa.s.sages - produced a letter from Lord Glenaway, asking me as a personal favour - overruled any objections Jackson made (I don't believe they came to much), and so there's nothing for it but to submit, I suppose.'

But it was evident that for some reason or other Willoughby was quite pleased to submit, although he made a show of growling.

The truth was that Mr. and Mrs. Dalloway had found themselves stranded in Lisbon. They had been travelling on the Continent for some weeks, chiefly with a view to broadening Mr. Dalloway's mind. Unable for a season, by one of the accidents of political life, to serve his country in Parliament, Mr. Dalloway was doing the best he could to serve it out of Parliament. For that purpose the Latin countries did very well, although the East, of course, would have done better.

'Expect to hear of me next in Petersburg or Teheran,' he had said, turning to wave farewell from the steps of the Travellers'.m But a disease had broken out in the East, there was cholera in Russia, and he was heard of, not so romantically, in Lisbon. They had been through France; he had stopped at manufacturing centres where, producing letters of introduction, he had been shown over works, and noted facts in a pocket-book. In Spain he and Mrs. Dalloway had mounted mules, for they wished to understand how the peasants live. Are they ripe for rebellion, for example? Mrs. Dalloway had then insisted upon a day or two at Madrid with the pictures. Finally they arrived in Lisbon and spent six days which, in a journal privately issued afterwards, they described as of 'unique interest'. Richard had audiences with ministers, and foretold a crisis at no distant date, 'the foundations of government being incurably corrupt. Yet how blame, etc.'; while Clarissa inspected the royal stables, and took several snapshots showing men now exiled and windows now broken. Among other things she photographed Fielding's grave, But a disease had broken out in the East, there was cholera in Russia, and he was heard of, not so romantically, in Lisbon. They had been through France; he had stopped at manufacturing centres where, producing letters of introduction, he had been shown over works, and noted facts in a pocket-book. In Spain he and Mrs. Dalloway had mounted mules, for they wished to understand how the peasants live. Are they ripe for rebellion, for example? Mrs. Dalloway had then insisted upon a day or two at Madrid with the pictures. Finally they arrived in Lisbon and spent six days which, in a journal privately issued afterwards, they described as of 'unique interest'. Richard had audiences with ministers, and foretold a crisis at no distant date, 'the foundations of government being incurably corrupt. Yet how blame, etc.'; while Clarissa inspected the royal stables, and took several snapshots showing men now exiled and windows now broken. Among other things she photographed Fielding's grave,n and let loose a small bird which some ruffian had trapped, 'because one hates to think of anything in a cage where English people lie buried,' the diary stated. Their tour was thoroughly unconventional, and followed no meditated plan. The foreign correspondents of the and let loose a small bird which some ruffian had trapped, 'because one hates to think of anything in a cage where English people lie buried,' the diary stated. Their tour was thoroughly unconventional, and followed no meditated plan. The foreign correspondents of the Times Times decided their route as much as anything else. Mr. Dalloway wished to look at certain guns, and was of opinion that the African coast is far more unsettled than people at home were inclined to believe. For these reasons they wanted a slow inquisitive kind of s.h.i.+p, comfortable, for they were bad sailors, but not extravagant, which would stop for a day or two at this port and at that, taking in coal while the Dalloways saw things for themselves. Meanwhile they found themselves stranded in Lisbon, unable for the moment to lay hands upon the precise vessel they wanted. They heard of the decided their route as much as anything else. Mr. Dalloway wished to look at certain guns, and was of opinion that the African coast is far more unsettled than people at home were inclined to believe. For these reasons they wanted a slow inquisitive kind of s.h.i.+p, comfortable, for they were bad sailors, but not extravagant, which would stop for a day or two at this port and at that, taking in coal while the Dalloways saw things for themselves. Meanwhile they found themselves stranded in Lisbon, unable for the moment to lay hands upon the precise vessel they wanted. They heard of the Euphrosyne, Euphrosyne, but heard also that she was primarily a cargo boat, and only took pa.s.sengers by special arrangement, her business being to carry dry goods to the Amazons, and rubber home again. 'By special arrangement', however, were words of high encouragement to them, for they came of a cla.s.s where almost everything was specially arranged, or could be if necessary. On this occasion all that Richard did was to write a note to Lord Glenaway, the head of the line which bears his t.i.tle; to call on poor old Jackson ; to represent to him how Mrs. Dalloway was so-and-so, and he had been something or other else, and what they wanted was such and such a thing. It was done. They parted with compliments and pleasure on both sides, and here, a week later, came the boat rowing up to the s.h.i.+p in the dusk with the Dalloways on board of it; in three minutes they were standing together on the deck of the but heard also that she was primarily a cargo boat, and only took pa.s.sengers by special arrangement, her business being to carry dry goods to the Amazons, and rubber home again. 'By special arrangement', however, were words of high encouragement to them, for they came of a cla.s.s where almost everything was specially arranged, or could be if necessary. On this occasion all that Richard did was to write a note to Lord Glenaway, the head of the line which bears his t.i.tle; to call on poor old Jackson ; to represent to him how Mrs. Dalloway was so-and-so, and he had been something or other else, and what they wanted was such and such a thing. It was done. They parted with compliments and pleasure on both sides, and here, a week later, came the boat rowing up to the s.h.i.+p in the dusk with the Dalloways on board of it; in three minutes they were standing together on the deck of the Euphrosyne. Euphrosyne. Their arrival, of course, created some stir, and it was seen by several pairs of eyes that Mrs. Dalloway was a tall slight woman, her body wrapped in furs, her head in veils, while Mr. Dalloway appeared to be a middle-sized man of st.u.r.dy build, dressed like a sportsman on an autumnal moor. Many solid leather bags of a rich brown hue soon surrounded them, in addition to which Mr. Dalloway carried a despatch box, and his wife a dressing-case suggestive of a diamond necklace and bottles with silver tops. Their arrival, of course, created some stir, and it was seen by several pairs of eyes that Mrs. Dalloway was a tall slight woman, her body wrapped in furs, her head in veils, while Mr. Dalloway appeared to be a middle-sized man of st.u.r.dy build, dressed like a sportsman on an autumnal moor. Many solid leather bags of a rich brown hue soon surrounded them, in addition to which Mr. Dalloway carried a despatch box, and his wife a dressing-case suggestive of a diamond necklace and bottles with silver tops.

'It's so like Whistler!'o she exclaimed, with a wave towards the sh.o.r.e, as she shook Rachel by the hand, and Rachel had only time to look at the grey hills on one side of her before Willoughby introduced Mrs. Chailey, who took the lady to her cabin. she exclaimed, with a wave towards the sh.o.r.e, as she shook Rachel by the hand, and Rachel had only time to look at the grey hills on one side of her before Willoughby introduced Mrs. Chailey, who took the lady to her cabin.

Momentary though it seemed, nevertheless the interruption was upsetting; every one was more or less put out by it, from Mr. Grice, the steward, to Ridley himself. A few minutes later Rachel pa.s.sed the smoking-room, and found Helen moving arm-chairs. She was absorbed in her rearrangements, and on seeing Rachel remarked confidentially: 'If one can give men a room to themselves where they can sit, it's all to the good. Arm-chairs are the the important things - - - ' She began wheeling them about. 'Now, does it still look like a bar at a railway station?' important things - - - ' She began wheeling them about. 'Now, does it still look like a bar at a railway station?'

She whipped a plush cover off a table. The appearance of the place was marvellously improved.

Again, the arrival of the strangers made it obvious to Rachel, as the hour of dinner approached, that she must change her dress; and the ringing of the great bell found her sitting on the edge of her berth in such a position that the little gla.s.s above the washstand reflected her head and shoulders. In the gla.s.s she wore an expression of tense melancholy, for she had come to the depressing conclusion, since the arrival of the Dalloways, that her face was not the face she wanted, and in all probability never would be.

However, punctuality had been impressed on her, and whatever face she had, she must go in to dinner.

These few minutes had been used by Willoughby in sketching to the Dalloways the people they were to meet, and checking them upon his fingers.

'There's my brother-in-law, Ambrose, the scholar (I daresay you've heard his name), his wife, my old friend Pepper, a very quiet fellow, but knows everything, I'm told. And that's all. We're a very small party. I'm dropping them on the coast.'

Mrs. Dalloway, with her head a little on one side, did her best to recollect Ambrose - was it a surname? - but failed. She was made slightly uneasy by what she had heard. She knew that scholars marriedany one - girls they met in farms on reading parties; or little suburban women who said disagreeably, 'Of course I know it's my husband you want; not me.' me.'

But Helen came in at that point, and Mrs. Dalloway saw with relief that though slightly eccentric in appearance, she was not untidy, held herself well, and her voice had restraint in it, which she held to be the sign of a lady. Mr. Pepper had not troubled to change his neat ugly suit.

'But after all,' Clarissa thought to herself as she followed Vinrace in to dinner, 'every 'every one's interesting really.' one's interesting really.'

When seated at the table she had some need of that a.s.surance, chiefly because of Ridley, who came in late, looked decidedly unkempt, and took to his soup in profound gloom.

An imperceptible signal pa.s.sed between husband and wife, meaning that they grasped the situation and would stand by each other loyally. With scarcely a pause Mrs. Dalloway turned to Willoughby and began: 'What I find so tiresome about the sea is that there are no flowers in it. Imagine fields of hollyhocks and violets in mid-ocean! How divine!'

'But somewhat dangerous to navigation,' boomed Richard, in the ba.s.s, like the ba.s.soon to the flourish of his wife's violin. 'Why, weeds can be bad enough, can't they, Vinrace? I remember crossing in the Mauretania Mauretania once, and saying to the Captain - Richard - did you know him? - "Now tell me what perils you really dread most for your s.h.i.+p, Captain Richards?" expecting him to say icebergs, or derelicts, or fog, or something of that sort. Not a bit of it. I've always remembered his answer. once, and saying to the Captain - Richard - did you know him? - "Now tell me what perils you really dread most for your s.h.i.+p, Captain Richards?" expecting him to say icebergs, or derelicts, or fog, or something of that sort. Not a bit of it. I've always remembered his answer. "Sedgius aquatici," "Sedgius aquatici,"p he said, which I take to be a kind of duck-weed.' he said, which I take to be a kind of duck-weed.'

Mr. Pepper looked up sharply, and was about to put a question when Willoughby continued: 'They've an awful time of it - those captains! Three thousand souls on board!'

'Yes, indeed,' said Clarissa. She turned to Helen with an air of profundity. 'I'm convinced people are wrong when they say it's work that wears one; it's responsibility. That's why one pays one's cook more than one's housemaid, I suppose.'

According to that, one ought to pay one's nurse double; but one doesn't,' said Helen.

'No; but think what a joy to have to do with babies, instead of saucepans!' said Mrs. Dalloway, looking with more interest at Helen, a probable mother.

'I'd much rather be a cook than a nurse,' said Helen. 'Nothing would induce me to take charge of children.'

'Mothers always exaggerate,' said Ridley. 'A well-bred child is no responsibility. I've travelled all over Europe with mine. You just wrap 'em up warm and put 'em in the rack.'

Helen laughed at that. Mrs. Dalloway exclaimed, looking at Ridley: 'How like a father! My husband's just the same. And then one talks of the equality of the s.e.xes!'

'Does one?' said Mr. Pepper.

'Oh, some do!' cried Clarissa. 'My husband had to pa.s.s an irate lady every afternoon last session who said nothing else, I imagine.'

'She sat outside the house; it was very awkward,' said Dalloway. At last I plucked up courage and said to her, "My good creature, you're only in the way where you are. You're hindering me, and you're doing no good to yourself."'

'And then she caught him by the coat, and would have scratched his eyes out - ' Mrs. Dalloway put in.

'Pooh - that's been exaggerated,' said Richard. 'No, I pity them, I confess. The discomfort of sitting on those steps must be awful.'

'Serve them right,' said Willoughby curtly 'Oh, I'm entirely with you there,' said Dalloway. 'n.o.body can condemn the utter folly and futility of such behaviour more than I do; and as for the whole agitation,5 well! may I be in my grave before a woman has the right to vote in England! That's all I say.' well! may I be in my grave before a woman has the right to vote in England! That's all I say.'

The solemnity of her husband's a.s.sertion made Clarissa grave.

'It's unthinkable,' she said. 'Don't tell me you're a suffragist?' she turned to Ridley.

'I don't care a fig one way or t'other,' said Ambrose. 'If any creature is so deluded as to think that a vote does him or her any good, let him have it. He'll soon learn better.'

'You're not a politician, I see,' she smiled.

'Goodness, no,' said Ridley.

'I'm afraid your husband won't approve of me,' said Dalloway aside, to Mrs. Ambrose. She suddenly recollected that he had been in Parliament.

'Don't you ever find it rather dull?' she asked, not knowing exactly what to say.

Richard spread his hands before him, as if inscriptions were to be read in the palms of them.

'If you ask me whether I ever find it rather dull,' he said, 'I am bound to say yes; on the other hand, if you ask me what career do you consider on the whole, taking the good with the bad, the most enjoyable and enviable, not to speak of its more serious side, of all careers, for a man, I am bound to say, "The Politician's"'

'The Bar or politics, I agree,' said Willoughby. 'You get more run for your money.'

All one's faculties have their play,' said Richard. 'I may be treading on dangerous ground; but what I feel about poets and artists in general is this: on your own lines, you can't be beaten - granted; but off your own lines - puff - one has to make allowances. Now, I shouldn't like to think that any one had to make allowances for me.

'I don't quite agree, Richard,' said Mrs. Dalloway. 'Think of Sh.e.l.ley. I feel that there's almost everything one wants in "Adonais"'q 'Read "Adonais" by all means,' Richard conceded. 'But whenever I hear of Sh.e.l.ley I repeat to myself the words of Matthew Arnold, "What a set! What a set!"'6 This roused Ridley's attention. 'Matthew Arnold? A detestable prig!' he snapped.

A prig - granted,' said Richard; 'but, I think, a man of the world. That's where my point comes in. We politicians doubtless seem to you' (he grasped somehow that Helen was the representative of the arts) 'a gross commonplace set of people; but we see both sides; we may be clumsy, but we do our best to get a grasp of things. Now your artists find find things in a mess, shrug their shoulders, turn aside to their visions - which I grant may be very beautiful - and things in a mess, shrug their shoulders, turn aside to their visions - which I grant may be very beautiful - and leave leave things in a mess. Now that seems to me evading one's responsibilities. Besides, we aren't all born with the artistic faculty.' things in a mess. Now that seems to me evading one's responsibilities. Besides, we aren't all born with the artistic faculty.'

'Its dreadful,' said Mrs. Dalloway, who, while her husband spoke, had been thinking. 'When I'm with artists I feel so intensely the delights of shutting oneself up in a little world of one's own, with pictures and music and everything beautiful, and then I go out into the streets and the first child I meet with its poor, hungry, dirty little face makes me turn round and say, "No, I can't can't shut myself up - I won't live in a world of my own. I should like to stop all the painting and writing and music until this kind of thing exists no longer." Don't you feel,' she wound up, addressing Helen, 'that life's a perpetual conflict?' shut myself up - I won't live in a world of my own. I should like to stop all the painting and writing and music until this kind of thing exists no longer." Don't you feel,' she wound up, addressing Helen, 'that life's a perpetual conflict?'

Helen considered for a moment. 'No,' she said. 'I don't think I do.' There was a pause, which was decidedly uncomfortable. Mrs. Dalloway then gave a little s.h.i.+ver, and asked whether she might have her fur cloak brought to her. As she adjusted the soft brown fur about her neck a fresh topic struck her.

'I own,' she said, 'that I shall never forget the Antigone. Antigone.7 I saw it at Cambridge years ago, and it's haunted me ever since. Don't you think it's quite the most modern thing you ever saw?' she asked Ridley. 'It seemed to me I'd known twenty Clytemnestras. I saw it at Cambridge years ago, and it's haunted me ever since. Don't you think it's quite the most modern thing you ever saw?' she asked Ridley. 'It seemed to me I'd known twenty Clytemnestras.8 Old Lady Ditchling for one. I don't know a word of Greek, but I could listen to it for ever - ' Old Lady Ditchling for one. I don't know a word of Greek, but I could listen to it for ever - '

Here Mr. Pepper struck up: [image]