Frost's Laws and By-Laws of American Society Part 24

JAMES BURNS, U.S.A.,

are either of them correct, the former having the advantage of putting the receiver in possession at once of his visitor's rank, the latter allowing scope for promotion or change of t.i.tle. For militia officers to use their t.i.tles upon visiting cards is a piece of affectation utterly absurd. Members of Congress are always ent.i.tled to use the "Hon." before the name on their visiting cards, even after their term of office has expired.

Judges and physicians are also allowed to use their t.i.tles; but no other professional men.

Cards should be engraved in simple Italian characters, and without flourish, embossed surface, or even ostentatiously large letters.

Every visiting card should have the address in small letters in the left-hand corner. If used when in a strange city, the usual address may be scored in lead-pencil, and the temporary one written under the name, thus:

MR. AND MRS. WILLIAM LEIGH, No. 207 --- STREET. ST. JAMES HOTEL.

It is optional with unmarried ladies to use the prefix to their names.

Gentlemen without military, naval, official, or professional t.i.tles generally omit any prefix but may use the abbreviation "Mr." if they desire.

Autograph visiting cards are conceited affectations. The autograph of distinguished characters may be desirable; but it is precisely that cla.s.s of people who would be least likely to use them. A neatly engraved card is _en regle_; printed ones look cheap, and are not suitable for visiting.

Persons in mourning should use cards with black borders.

Young unmarried ladies may use separate cards, or may have their names added to their mother's, thus:

MRS. JOSEPH BANKS.

MISS LUCY BANKS.

Leave-taking cards have P. P. C. (_pour prendre conge_) written in the right-hand corner.

Wedding cards are in the best taste when perfectly simple.

It is a breach of etiquette to leave a card after being informed that the person visited is at home.

When you have been informed of an important event in the family of a friend-a birth, a marriage, or a death-if you are unable to offer personal congratulation or condolence, you may leave a card within a week.

If you reside in another city, you may send your card by post, with the word "felicitation" under the name. A mournful event calls for a letter.

A card left for two or more members of the same family must have a corner turned down.

A card with a photograph portrait upon it, though to a certain extent fas.h.i.+onable, is a vulgarism that can never obtain general favor. If you are a gentleman, your visage may be reserved by the chambermaid, to exhibit as "one of her beaux," and no lady, surely, would ever display her face on a visiting card.

Gentlemen presenting flowers or other gifts to ladies should always attach a card, and over the name write, "With compliments of."

Christmas gifts, when sent, should be accompanied by the card of the giver.

Loans of books or music, when returned, should always be accompanied by the card of the borrower.

LETTER WRITING.

NO one should write letters at all who cannot write in a clear, fair hand, that "those who run may read." In a busy age like the present, when every one's time has a certain value, we have no right to impose the reading of hieroglyphics upon our correspondents. "I's" should be dotted, "t's" crossed, and capitals used in their proper places, and only the most obvious abbreviations indulged in. Punctuation is equally _de regueur_; the most unimportant letters should be carefully punctuated; and the habit is so easily acquired, and so simple, that after a while it entails no more time or thought than dotting the "i's."

The handwriting of a lady or gentleman should not be commercial or scholastic, but firm and characteristic. All affectations in writing should be avoided, such as sloping one's hand to the left, the use of flourishes, undue size in the characters, or a diminutiveness of the same to try eyesight and patience. The signature should be simple and unostentatious. Nothing can be more absurd than to see a person whose name can have no significance to the world in general, sign himself as elaborately as if he were the Pope or President at least,

Underlining should only be resorted to when the underlined word is of really great importance. Many ladies carry this practice to excess, and so rob it of all significance, as a speaker who emphasized every other word would not be heeded when he needed to be emphatic. What can be more absurd than such a sentence as the following:

"We are all very sorry to hear that you cannot come to visit us this summer, as we expected, and wish your business was not so engrossing."

For the ordinary correspondence of a lady or gentleman it is advisable to use white note-paper of good quality, and the size distinguished as "commercial note."

If monograms or initials are used, they should be as simple as possible, and in white or black only. Gilt or colored monograms are in bad taste.

Red sealing-wax is admissible only for business letters, and wafers are entirely out of style.

In mourning, the paper and envelopes may have a black border suitable to the relations.h.i.+p of the dead, and the length of time the mourning has been worn. In the deepest mourning, exaggerations of black border are unbecoming and in bad taste. Real grief is always unostentatious.

No letter should contain erasures under any circ.u.mstances.

The stamp should be placed exactly in the right-hand corner of the envelope; it must neither be up-side-down, nor slanting, nor in any way carelessly affixed. Negligence in these matters evinces a rudeness to the person to whom you write, as hinting that you think anything will do.

Blots and smears are almost too gross pieces of carelessness to be commented upon. After ten years of age, they are entirely inexcusable.

Never omit your own name and address from a letter, whether of business or friends.h.i.+p.

In writing to persons with whom you are but slightly acquainted, use as few words as possible. You are not authorized in taking up much of their time. It is only in correspondence with very intimate friends that long letters are permissible. If occasion necessitates a letter to a very busy person, politeness requires that it should be framed as curtly as is consistent with civility and perspicuity. It is unpardonable to waste really valuable time, because we do not choose to be at the trouble of concentrating our thoughts and sparing our words.

In writing to our friends or acquaintances, we should never communicate bad news abruptly; but should lead the way to it in such a manner as to soften the blow. A great deal of pain may be avoided by a proper choice of words.

We should scrupulously avoid writing too frequently, or at too great a length, of our own losses and misfortunes. To do this is merely thoughtless egotism. We may have a right to expect sympathy from our friends, but we have no right to make our letters inflictions. Letters should invariably be written cheerfully if possible, and, at least, in a tone of resignation.

An ill-tempered letter is as great a mistake as a lachrymose one.

Nothing is so inexpedient as to write a letter in a fit of indignation and anger. If you must give way to your feelings, write your letter, but let it remain unposted until the next day; read it over then, and you will probably put it in the fire.

It is better, if possible, to seek an interview with the person who has wronged or affronted you. Spoken recrimination or reproof is forgotten; but when you have once written down and issued your angry thoughts, they are irrevocable, and a sure source of after regret.

In dealing with those who may have treated you unfairly, be civil in your letters. Be as haughty as you please, and state your grievance in plain, unvarnished terms, and there end. If the truth does not sting, nothing you can add to it will do so; and vituperation, though it does not injure the person upon whom you bestow it, injures your own cause, and detracts seriously from the proper dignity of your own position.

In writing, as in conversation, egotism is a capital offence. We have no more right to be egotistic on paper than we have a right to be dull or disagreeable. A letter should be like a visit, bright, inspiriting, and a reflex of our best mood. Above all, it should be kind and sympathetic.

There are letters whose arrival we hail as we should that of a new book by a delightful writer, or the visit of a brilliant acquaintance.

Again, there are others, the delivery of which, antic.i.p.ating all the dullness and verbosity with which they are certain to be filled, we dread like the incursions of a well-known bore. Who would not wish to be the writer of the one? Who would not take any amount of pains with his correspondence to avoid being dreaded as the other?

Always answer any letter that may be addressed to you, no matter who the writer may be. If the letter be from one who has no business to write to you, nevertheless acknowledge it, and by your style and manner check further impertinence. Thus:

WAs.h.i.+NGTON, D. C., Jan. 7th, 18-. SIR:

I write to acknowledge the receipt of your letter of the 5th inst., acquainting me with your opinion of my speech in Congress on the 27th ultimo.

I am, sir, Your obedient servant, JAMES M. ---

Mr. P. C. LITTLETON, Philadelphia.

Business letters generally have the name of the firm or person to whom they are addressed written above the "Gentlemen." or "Sir,"