Every Man out of His Humour Part 14

FAL. 'Sbody, sir, but do not: Bring in no gloves to spite me; if you do -- DELI. Ay me, most wretched; how am I misconstrued!

MACI. O, how she tempts my heart-strings with her eye, To knit them to her beauties, or to break!

What mov'd the heavens, that they could not make Me such a woman! but a man, a beast, That hath no bliss like others? Would to heaven, In wreak of my misfortunes, I were turn'd To some fair water-nymph, that set upon The deepest whirl-pit of the rav'nous seas, My adamantine eyes might headlong hale This iron world to me, and drown it all.

[ASIDE.

COR. Behold, behold, the translated gallant.

MIT. O, he is welcome.

ENTER FUNGOSO, APPARELLED LIKE FASTIDIOUS BRISK.

FUNG. Save you, brother and sister; save you, sir! I have commendations for you out o' the country. I wonder they take no knowledge of my suit: [ASIDE.] -- Mine uncle Sogliardo is in town. Sister methinks you are melancholy; why are you so sad? I think you took me for Master Fastidious Brisk, sister, did you not?

FAL. Why should I take you for him?

FUNG. Nay, nothing. -- I was lately in Master Fastidious's company, and methinks we are very like.

DELI. You have a fair suit, brother, 'give you joy on't.

FUNG. Faith, good enough to ride in, brother; I made it to ride in.

FAL. O, now I see the cause of his idle demand was his new suit.

DELI. Pray you, good brother, try if you can change her mood.

FUNG. I warrant you, let me alone: I'll put her out of her dumps.

Sister, how like you my suit!

FAL. O, you are a gallant in print now, brother.

FUNG. Faith, how like you the fas.h.i.+on? it is the last edition, I a.s.sure you.

FAL. I cannot but like it to the desert.

FUNG. Troth, sister, I was fain to borrow these spurs, I have left my gown in the gage for them, pray you lend me an angel.

FAL. Now, beshrew my heart then.

FUNG. Good truth, I'll pay you again at my next exhibition. I had but bare ten pound of my father, and it would not reach to put me wholly into the fas.h.i.+on.

FAL. I care not.

FUNG. I had spurs of mine own before, but they were not ginglers.

Monsieur Fastidious will be here anon, sister.

FAL. You jest!

FUNG. Never lend me penny more while you live then; and that I'd be loth to say, in truth.

FAL. When did you see him?

FUNG. Yesterday; I came acquainted with him at Sir Puntarvolo's: nay, sweet sister.

MACI. I fain would know of heaven now, why yond fool Should wear a suit of satin? he? that rook, That painted jay, with such a deal of outside: What is his inside, trow? ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!

Good heavens, give me patience, patience, patience.

A number of these popinjays there are, Whom, if a man confer, and but examine Their inward merit, with such men as want; Lord, lord, what things they are!

[ASIDE.

FAL. [GIVES HIM MONEY.] Come, when will you pay me again, now?

FUNG. O lord, sister!

MACI. Here comes another.

ENTER FASTIDIOUS BRISK, IN A NEW SUIT.

FAST. Save you, signior Deliro! How dost thou, sweet lady? let me kiss thee.

FUNG. How! a new suit? ah me!

DELI. And how does master Fastidious Brisk?

FAST. Faith, live in court, signior Deliro; in grace, I thank G.o.d, both of the n.o.ble masculine and feminine. I muse speak with you in private by and by.

DELI. When you please, sir.

FAL. Why look you so pale, brother?

FUNG. 'Slid, all this money is cast away now.

MACI. Ay, there's a newer edition come forth.

FUNG. 'Tis but my hard fortune! well, I'll have my suit changed. I'll go fetch my tailor presently but first, I'll devise a letter to my father.

Have you any pen and ink, sister?

FAL. What would you do withal?

FUNG. I would use it. 'Slight, an it had come but four days sooner, the fas.h.i.+on.

[EXIT.

FAST. There was a countess gave me her hand to kiss to-day, i' the presence: did me more good by that light than -- and yesternight sent her coach twice to my lodging, to intreat me accompany her, and my sweet mistress, with some two or three nameless ladies more: O, I have been graced by them beyond all aim of affection: this is her garter my dagger hangs in: and they do so commend and approve my apparel, with my judicious wearing of it, it's above wonder.

FAL. Indeed, sir, 'tis a most excellent suit, and you do wear it as extraordinary.

FAST. Why, I'll tell you now, in good faith, and by this chair, which, by the grace of G.o.d, I intend presently to sit in, I had three suits in one year made three great ladies in love with me: I had other three, undid three gentlemen in imitation: and other three gat three other gentlemen widows of three thousand pound a year.

DELI. Is't possible?

FAST. O, believe it, sir; your good face is the witch, and your apparel the spells, that bring all the pleasures of the world into their circle.