Every Man out of His Humour Part 11

FAST. 'Slight, our presence has cut off the convoy of the jest.

CAR. All the better, I am glad on't; for the issue was very perspicuous.

Come let's discover, and salute the knight.

[THEY COME FORWARD.

PUNT. Stay; who be these that address themselves towards us? What Carlo!

Now by the sincerity of my soul, welcome; welcome, gentlemen: and how dost thou, thou 'Grand Scourge', or 'Second Untruss of the time'?

CAR. Faith, spending my metal in this reeling world (here and there), as the sway of my affection carries me, and perhaps stumble upon a yeoman-feuterer, as I do now; or one of fortune's mules, laden with treasure, and an empty cloak-bag, following him, gaping when a gab will untie.

PUNT. Peace, you bandog, peace! What brisk Nymphadoro is that in the white virgin-boot there?

CAR. Marry, sir, one that I must interest you to take a very particular knowledge of, and with more than ordinary respect; monsieur Fastidious.

PUNT. Sir, I could wish, that for the time of your vouchsafed abiding here, and more real entertainment, this is my house stood on the Muses hill, and these my orchards were those of the Hesperides.

FAST. I possess as much in your wish, sir, as if I were made lord of the Indies; and I pray you believe it.

CAR. I have a better opinion of his faith, than to think it will be so corrupted.

SOG. Come, brother, I'll bring you acquainted with gentlemen, and good fellows, such as shall do you more grace than --

SORD. Brother, I hunger not for such acquaintance: Do you take heed, lest -- [CARLO COMES TOWARD THEM.

SOG. Husht! My brother, sir, for want of education, sir, somewhat nodding to the boor, the clown; but I request you in private, sir.

FUNG. [LOOKING AT FASTIDIOUS BRISK.] By heaven, it is a very fine suit of clothes.

[ASIDE.

COR. Do you observe that signior? There's another humour has new-crack'd the sh.e.l.l.

MIT. What! he is enamour'd of the fas.h.i.+on, is he?

COR. O, you forestall the jest.

FUNG. I marle what it might stand him in.

[ASIDE.

SOG. Nephew!

FUNG. 'Fore me, it's an excellent suit, and as neatly becomes him.

[ASIDE.] -- What said you, uncle?

SOG. When saw you my niece?

FUNG. Marry, yesternight I supp'd there. -- That kind of boot does very rare too.

[ASIDE.

SOG. And what news hear you?

FUNG. The gilt spur and all! Would I were hang'd, but 'tis exceeding good. [ASIDE.] -- Say you, uncle?

SOG. Your mind is carried away with somewhat else: I ask what news you hear?

FUNG. Troth, we hear none. -- In good faith [LOOKING AT FASTIDIOUS BRISK]

I was never so pleased with a fas.h.i.+on, days of my life. O an I might have but my wish, I'd ask no more of heaven now, but such a suit, such a hat, such a band, such a doublet, such a hose, such a boot, and such a -- [ASIDE.

SOG. They say, there's a new motion of the city of Nineveh, with Jonas and the whale, to be seen at Fleet-bridge. You can tell, cousin?

FUNG. Here's such a world of questions with him now! -- Yes, I think there be such a thing, I saw the picture. -- Would he would once be satisfied!

Let me see, the doublet, say fifty s.h.i.+llings the doublet, and between three or four pound the hose; then boots, hat, and band: some ten or eleven pound will do it all, and suit me for the heavens!

[ASIDE.

SOG. I'll see all those devices an I come to London once.

FUNG. Ods 'slid, an I could compa.s.s it, 'twere rare [ASIDE.] -- Hark you, uncle.

SOG. What says my nephew?

FUNG. Faith, uncle, I would have desired you to have made a motion for me to my father, in a thing that -- Walk aside, and I'll tell you, sir; no more but this: there's a parcel of law books (some twenty pounds worth) that lie in a place for a little more than half the money they cost; and I think, for some twelve pound, or twenty mark, I could go near to redeem them; there's Plowden, Dyar, Brooke, and Fitz-Herbert, divers such as I must have ere long; and you know, I were as good save five or six pound, as not, uncle. I pray you, move it for me.

SOG. That I will: when would you have me do it? presently?

FUNG. O, ay, I pray you, good uncle: [SOGLIARDO TAKES SORDIDO ASIDE.] -- send me good luck, Lord, an't be thy will, prosper it! O my stars, now, now, if it take now, I am made for ever.

FAST. Shall I tell you, sir? by this air, I am the most beholden to that lord, of any gentleman living; he does use me the most honourably, and with the greatest respect, more indeed than can be utter'd with any opinion of truth.

PUNT. Then have you the count Gratiato?

FAST. As true n.o.ble a gentleman too as any breathes; I am exceedingly endear'd to his love: By this hand, I protest to you, signior, I speak it not gloriously, nor out of affectation, but there's he and the count Frugale, signior Ill.u.s.tre, signior Luculento, and a sort of 'em, that when I am at court, they do share me amongst them; happy is he can enjoy me most private. I do wish myself sometime an ubiquitary for their love, in good faith.

CAR. There's ne'er a one of them but might lie a week on the rack, ere they could bring forth his name; and yet he pours them out as familiarly, as if he had seen them stand by the fire in the presence, or ta'en tobacco with them over the stage, in the lord's room.

PUNT. Then you must of necessity know our court-star there, that planet of wit, madona Saviolina?

FAST. O Lord, sir, my mistress.

PUNT. Is she your mistress?

FAST. Faith, here be some slight favours of hers, sir, that do speak it, she is; as this scarf, sir, or this ribbon in my ear, or so; this feather grew in her sweet fan sometimes, though now it be my poor fortune to wear it, as you see, sir: slight, slight, a foolish toy.

PUNT. Well, she is the lady of a most exalted and ingenious spirit.

FAST. Did you ever hear any woman speak like her? or enriched with a more plentiful discourse?

CAR. O villainous! nothing but sound, sound, a mere echo; she speaks as she goes tired, in cobweb-lawn, light, thin; good enough to catch flies withal.

PUNT. O manage your affections.