The Double Widowing Part 7

Bramble Ah, that's a bad heart.

Tuneless You remember, one day, enraged against you, she had such self control she was able to embrace you. She almost split. She told her maids all the injuries she wished, but didn't dare to express to you. In her mind, she was strangling you.

Bramble A bad woman.

Tuneless Malicious.

Bramble Secretive.

Tuneless Darkly so.

Bramble If I were so indignant--

Tuneless Malign--

Bramble Outrageous.

Tuneless Demonic.

Bramble So extravagant.

Tuneless She was a devil.

Bramble If she hadn't died, I would kill her.

Tuneless Therefore, cry no more. Recollect the tenderness you have for Arabella--remember you told me of it? In confidence, of course. If you still love that little Arabella, I warn you, the Countess intends to marry her today.

Bramble Today!

Tuneless >From friends.h.i.+p, that's what I wish you to prevent. But, before going into that, it's essential that you avoid the Countess until we have taken certain measures with Arabella. But, hide yourself quickly in these apartments while I go to Arabella.

Bramble You upset me.

Tuneless Go in, quickly. (pus.h.i.+ng him out) Because I will lead Arabella to you instantly.

(Exit Bramble.)

Tuneless My idea is good; he's fallen into the trap. A weak little genius wrapped up in his business affairs--and stupid in everything else. One sees many like that. Now to prevent-- But, if someone should undeceive him-- (going, then stopping) Still, I have to go. (returning) Better stay. How to begin--

(Enter Mr. MacPherson and Mrs. MacPherson.)

Mrs. MacPherson Ah, sir. Mr. Bramble is returned. What a misfortune!

MacPherson He came post haste. That's the trouble.

Mrs. MacPherson There's the trouble.

MacPherson If his wife sees him, she'll know he's not dead.

Mrs. MacPherson No more marriage.

MacPherson No partying--no wedding.

Mrs. MacPherson No drinking.

MacPherson Nothing.

Tuneless Listen to me--if you what to celebrate, we must make him believe his wife is dead.

MacPherson Ho, ho, ho--both dead.

Mrs. MacPherson And both widows.

Tuneless If he asks you--say no more than "She is dead."-- But when? But how?

But why?

MacPherson She is dead.

Tuneless Very good. But that's not the only thing. We must prevent these two from meeting, and to do that you may have to counterfeit drunkenness.

Mrs. MacPherson I'll take care of that. We will drink despite him.

Tuneless Yes. Watch him for me until I come back.

(Exit Tuneless.)

MacPherson We have to say "Your wife is dead, and we're drinking our sorrows."

Mrs. MacPherson Maybe he can hear us. Sing something about his dead wife.

MacPherson That's a fine idea. A fine idea, Hem, la, la, la.

My wife is dead, my wife is dead, And my heart, it feels like lead--Ooh!

(Enter Bramble.)

Bramble What's this? Do you rejoice in my sorrow?

MacPherson Your wife is dead and we're drinking.

Mrs. MacPherson And we are drinking.

Bramble These rogues are drunk. (trying to leave)

MacPherson (stopping him) Drink away your sorrows. It's the only way.

Bramble (trying to pa.s.s) What's all this?

Mr. and Mrs. MacPherson Console yourself. Sit down in this chair.