The Double Widowing Part 6

Bramble Again--hey, I beg you, Lucy, ease me of my uncertainty. Why the mourning?

Lucy For a costume party.

(Exit Lucy.)

Bramble And you, Tuneless--won't you explain to me what I already begin to suspect. If it were the Countess who was dead, then everybody would be in mourning--right? My dear Tuneless, hide nothing from me. You are my only confidant--

Tuneless Well, but-- (aside) What the devil am I going to say?

Bramble What ought I to think in seeing all this?

Tuneless In seeing all this black clothing, you ought to think they are dressed in black.

Bramble Hmm! I doubt--

Tuneless Tell me. What are you worried about? I will tell you if it is true.

Bramble It must be, but I don't believe it.

Tuneless Nor I, sir.

Bramble My heart tells me enough. (hands over his eyes) My wife is dead.

Tuneless (aside) This give me an idea. Let him believe it. He is in love with Arabella, that's good, too. (aloud) Yes, my word, sir. There's no keeping it from you. One divines immediately what one fears or wishes most.

You've guessed it. Your wife is--dead.

Bramble I've observed that no one dared tell me the news.

Tuneless It jumps right at you. I dared not tell you. I am certain you are strong enough to bear it.

Bramble It happens to everybody.

Tuneless You take it like a Caesar.

Bramble I bet she died Sat.u.r.day night.

Tuneless Right.

Bramble 'Cause I woke from a dream with a terrible start.

Tuneless You see the sympathy between those two who love each other.

Bramble I sensed a cold hand.

Tuneless And, she told you goodbye.

Bramble I saw an invisible phantom. There--who disappeared. But, how did her death occur?

Tuneless I am going to tell you, sir. You know that Sat.u.r.day night--

Bramble Yes?

Tuneless In the moment she appeared to you--death took her. But the ghost already told you--

Bramble What happened?

Tuneless Death took her. I don't like to tell sad tales like these.

Bramble Tell me some circ.u.mstances.

Tuneless If you absolutely wish to know the circ.u.mstances, I'll tell you right away that she died suddenly.

Bramble Of apoplexy?

Tuneless No, sir--of--of emotion. They just told her you had died at the wells.

Suddenly, a seizure came on--and the faint turned into a coma--and you are now a widower.

Bramble (drawing out a handkerchief) If it is true she died of sadness, I am obligated to weep. (low) But, how shall I manage it? Boo hoo.

Tuneless Don't weep any more. I've got important business to discuss.

Bramble Really, I've suffered an irreparable loss.

Tuneless That can be repaired, sir--for--

Bramble She was the best of wives--boo hoo.

Tuneless Listen to me, please--

Bramble Easy going--affectionate--boo hoo.

Tuneless Listen, will you!

Bramble Tender--boo--sincere hoo--honest boo--the best heart--the best heart-- hoo--hoo--hoo.

Tuneless (aside) If he's going to weep forever, he'll mess up my plans. (pulling Bramble by the arm) Sir, you make me feel compa.s.sion for you. The woman didn't die of sadness. I told you at first to console you. But the truth is--as all the doctors agree--she died of pure joy!

Bramble I cannot believe she wished my death.

Tuneless To wish your death, no, but she hoped you wouldn't live as long as she.

Bramble Oh, as to that, I believe it, indeed.

Tuneless She wished to inherit your wealth.

Bramble Ah! Self-interest.

Tuneless Interest rendered her soft and caressing. But, at the bottom she had a hardness for you.