The Life and Death of Doctor Faustus Made into a Farce Part 9

_Cart._ Psha, 'tis not a Leg he stands upon. Pray, let me ask you one Question; Are both your Legs Bed-fellows?

_Faust._ Why dost thou ask?

_Cart._ Because I believe you have a good Companion of one.

_Hors._ Why, don't you remember I pull'd off one o' your Legs when you were a Sleep?

_Faust._ But I have it again now I am awake.

_Cart._ Ad's Wounds, had the Doctor three Legs!----You, Sir, don't you remember you gave a Peny for as much Hay as your Horse would eat, and then eat up my whole Load.

_Hors._ Look you, Mr. Doctor, you must not carry it off so; I come to have the Mony again I gave for the Ho-o-o-

[Faustus _waves his Wand_.

_Cart._ And I come to be paid far my Load of Ha-a-a.

_Enter_ Hostess.

_Host._ O Mr. Doctor! do you harbour Rogues that bilk poor Folks, and wont pay their Reck'nings? Who must pay me for my A-a-a-a [_Waves again._

_Enter_ Scaramouche.

_Scar._ Mr. Doctor, I can't be quiet for your Devil Mr. _Me-o-o--_ [_Waves again._

[_Exeunt_ Faustus _and_ Mephostopholis. _They all stare at one another, and so go off, crying O, o, o, o- to the Emperor's Pallace._

_Enter Emperor_, Faustus, _Gent. Guards._ Benoolio _above_.

_Emp._ Wonder of Men, thrice Learned _Faustus_, Renowned Magician, welcome to our Court; and as thou late didst promise us, I would behold the Famous _Alexander_ fighting with his great Rival _Darius_, in their true Shapes, and State Majestical.

_Faust._ Your Majesty shall see 'em presently.

_Ben._ If thou bring'st _Alexander_, or _Darius_ here, I'll be content to be _Actaeon_, and turn my self to a Stag.

_Faust._ And I'll play _Diana_, and send you the Horns presently.

_Enter_ Darius _and_ Alexander; _they Fight_: Darius _falls_. Alexander _takes his Crown, and puts it on his Head_.

[_Exit._ Darius _sinks_.

_Faust._ Away, be gon; see, my Gracious Lord, what Beast is that that thrusts his Head out of yon' Window.

_Emp._ O wondrous Sight! see two Horns on young _Benoolio_'s Head; call him, Lords.

_Lord._ What, ho! _Benoolio_.

_Ben._ A Plague upon you, let me Sleep.

_Lord._ Look up, _Benoolio_, 'tis the Emperor calls.

_Ben._ The Emperor; O my Head.

_Faust._ And thy Horns hold, 'tis no matter for thy Head.

_Ben._ Doctor, this is your Villany.

_Faust._ O say not so, Sir; the Doctor has no Skill, if he bring _Alexander_ or _Darius_ here you'll be _Actaeon_, and turn to a Stag: Therefore, if it please your Majesty, I'll bring a Kennel of Hounds to hunt him. Ho! _Helmot_, _Argiron_, _Asterot_.

_Ben._ Hold, he'll raise a Kennel of Devils. Good, my Lord, intreat.

_Emp._ Prithee remove his Horns, he has done Penance enough.

_Faust._ Away; and remember hereafter you speak well of Scholars.

_Ben._ If Scholars be such Cuckolds to put Horns upon honest Mens Heads, I'll ne'er trust Smooth-face and Small-band more: But if I been't reveng'd, may I be turn'd to a Gaping Oyster, and drink nothing but Salt-water.

_Emp._ Come, _Faustus_, in recompence of this high Desert, Thou shalt command the State of _Germany_, and live belov'd of mighty _Carolus_.

[_Exeunt omnes._

SCENE _a Garden_.

_Lord._ Nay, sweet _Benoolio_, let us sway thy Thoughts from this Attempt against the Conjurer.

_Ben._ My Head is lighter than it was by the Horns: And yet my Heart's more pond'rous than my Head, And pants, until I see the Conjurer dead.

_2 Lord._ Consider.

_Ben._ Away; disswade me not, he comes. [_Draws._

_Enter_ Faustus _with a false Head_.

Now Sword strike home: For Horns he gave, I'll have his Head anon.

_Runs_ Faustus _through, he falls_.

_Faust._ Oh, oh.

_Ben._ Groan you, Mr. Doctor, now for his Head.

[_Cuts his Head off._

_Lord._ Struck with a willing Hand.

_Ben._ First, on this Scull, in quittance of my Wrongs, I'll nail huge forked Horns within the Window where he yoak'd me first, that all the World may see my just Revenge; and thus having settled his Head----

_Faust._ What shall the Body do, Gentlemen.