A Beautiful Mind Part 7

CHAPTER 23

Eleanor

These mathematicians are very exclusive. They occupy a very high terrain, from which they look down on everyone else. That makes their relations.h.i.+ps with women quite problematic.

- ZIPPORAH L LEVINSON, 1995

NASH WAS BACK in Boston in his old quarters by Labor Day. Number 407 Beacon Street was an imposing brick row house built before the turn of the century facing the Charles. in Boston in his old quarters by Labor Day. Number 407 Beacon Street was an imposing brick row house built before the turn of the century facing the Charles.1 Its current owner, Mrs. Austin Grant, was the widow of a Back Bay physician. She liked to point out her home's opulent features to her lodgers, such as the carriage room where its original owners once waited for their horsedrawn carriages to be brought around. And she often bemoaned the neighborhood's decline. "Don't leave your bags on the street while you come in; they might not be there when you come out again," she said to Nash the day he moved in. Its current owner, Mrs. Austin Grant, was the widow of a Back Bay physician. She liked to point out her home's opulent features to her lodgers, such as the carriage room where its original owners once waited for their horsedrawn carriages to be brought around. And she often bemoaned the neighborhood's decline. "Don't leave your bags on the street while you come in; they might not be there when you come out again," she said to Nash the day he moved in.

Nash occupied one of the front bedrooms, a large, comfortably furnished room with a fireplace. Lindsay Russell, a young engineer who had recently graduated from MIT, lived next door. Mrs. Grant regularly took Russell aside to remark on Nash's idiosyncrasies. Nash acquired a huge set of barbells and began lifting weights. When Nash made the dining-room chandelier, which hung directly below his bedroom, vibrate with his exertions, Mrs. Grant would say, "What does he think this is? A gymnasium?" Nash's mail also received comment, particularly the postcards from his mother expressing the hope, as Russell recalled, that "in addition to the pursuit of mathematics and other intellectual pursuits, he would make friends and engage in social activities."

With one single exception, however, Nash never had any visitors. Russell remembers once waking up in the middle of the night. There was a sound coming from Nash's room. It was a giggle. The giggle of a woman.

The pretty, dark-haired nurse who admitted Nash to the hospital on the second Thursday in September was named Eleanor.2 He was due to have some varicose veins removed He was due to have some varicose veins removed3 and seemed awfully nervous - and young, more like a student than a professor. and seemed awfully nervous - and young, more like a student than a professor.4 Eleanor knew his doctor to be a notorious incompetent. Eleanor knew his doctor to be a notorious incompetent.5 And a drunk. She was curious how an MIT professor had wound up with a quack like that. Nash told her that he'd chosen the doctor at random by closing his eyes and running his And a drunk. She was curious how an MIT professor had wound up with a quack like that. Nash told her that he'd chosen the doctor at random by closing his eyes and running his fingers down the list' of physicians in the lobby. She felt, she recalled, rather protective of him. fingers down the list' of physicians in the lobby. She felt, she recalled, rather protective of him.

Nash was on the ward for only a couple of days. Eleanor thought he was cute and sort of sweet, but when he left, she hardly expected to see him again. Somehow or other, they b.u.mped into each other on the street not long afterward. It was a Sat.u.r.day afternoon and Eleanor was on her way to meet a friend to buy herself a good winter coat. "I didn't chase him. He chased me. He kept pestering me," Eleanor recalled. "I wound up going shopping with him."6 They walked over to Jay's Department Store together. Nash followed her up to the coat department, which was on the second floor. He kept staring at her, not saying much, waiting for her to choose a coat. She started to enjoy herself. "John was very attractive," Eleanor recalled, laughing. "When I saw him, I thought he was something special." She began pointing to the ones she wanted to try on, and with elaborate courtesy he held out each coat for her to slip into. She thought she liked a purple one best. Nash started clowning around. He pretended he was her tailor, flung himself on his knees before her, loudly made believe he was measuring her coat for alterations - and generally made a fool of himself. Embarra.s.sed, Eleanor blushed, protested, and tried to hush him up. "Get up quick!" she whispered. Secretly, however, she was quite thrilled.

At twenty-nine, Eleanor was an attractive, hardworking, tenderhearted woman. A friend of Nash's later described her as "dark and pretty, quite shy, a good person" of "ordinary intelligence," with "simple manners" and "a very peculiar way of speaking."7 By that the friend meant that her accent was pure New England. Life hadn't been very kind to her. She'd grown up in Jamaica Plain, a dreary blue-collar section of Boston. By that the friend meant that her accent was pure New England. Life hadn't been very kind to her. She'd grown up in Jamaica Plain, a dreary blue-collar section of Boston.8 She'd had a hardscrabble childhood, a harsh mother, and the burden, far too heavy for a young girl, of caring for a younger half-brother. She missed a great deal of school as a result. She was, on the whole, grateful to be able to take up a profession, practical nursing, that she enjoyed and that provided her with steady work. Her mother died of tuberculosis when Eleanor was eighteen. Her early experiences endowed her with a soft heart. She had a deep appreciation, which stayed with her all her life, for what it was like to be poor and vulnerable. It brought out a tenderness in her, toward patients, neighbors, other people's children, and stray animals. She was the kind of woman who, later in life, would literally give coats to strangers and invite people who had nowhere else to stay into her home. She'd had a hardscrabble childhood, a harsh mother, and the burden, far too heavy for a young girl, of caring for a younger half-brother. She missed a great deal of school as a result. She was, on the whole, grateful to be able to take up a profession, practical nursing, that she enjoyed and that provided her with steady work. Her mother died of tuberculosis when Eleanor was eighteen. Her early experiences endowed her with a soft heart. She had a deep appreciation, which stayed with her all her life, for what it was like to be poor and vulnerable. It brought out a tenderness in her, toward patients, neighbors, other people's children, and stray animals. She was the kind of woman who, later in life, would literally give coats to strangers and invite people who had nowhere else to stay into her home.9 Shy and lacking confidence, Eleanor also tended to be suspicious and guarded, especially around men. She said, in an interview, "I wasn't a bad girl. I didn't run around with a lot of men. In fact, I was really good. I was a little afraid of men. I didn't want to be involved with them s.e.xually. I thought it was kind of disgusting."10 But Nash disarmed her from the start. Yes, he was an MIT professor, yes, he came from an upper-cla.s.s sort of background, yes, he did top-secret work for the government. But he was also very young, five years Eleanor's junior, and But Nash disarmed her from the start. Yes, he was an MIT professor, yes, he came from an upper-cla.s.s sort of background, yes, he did top-secret work for the government. But he was also very young, five years Eleanor's junior, and there was a sweetness about him, a lack of guile. She sensed, moreover, that he was, if anything, less experienced than she was. there was a sweetness about him, a lack of guile. She sensed, moreover, that he was, if anything, less experienced than she was.

After that Sat.u.r.day afternoon, Nash took her out for cheap meals and drove her around in his beat-up car. He talked about himself, his work, the department, his friends - endlessly. He hardly asked her anything about herself, something that relieved rather than distressed her. She wasn't eager to share the rather dispiriting details of her modest background, particularly as Nash hinted that his own ancestry was rather distinguished. He pressed her to let him come up to her apartment. She wouldn't let him at first. She didn't want to seem easy. But she finally agreed to go to his place. She found him eager, ardent, but not frightening.

That Nash, who had preferred dancing with chairs to dancing with girls as an adolescent and who had given the pretty Ruth Hincks not so much as a real glance, progressed so swiftly and had so suddenly and at that particular moment found his way into a woman's arms suggests either love at first sight or some resolution "to take the plunge." The encounter with Thorson might have provided the impetus. Nash may have been looking to repeat a loving experience, or he may have been looking for confirmation of his own "masculinity." On a number of occasions he asked Eleanor to provide him with steroids. "There were always big bottles of stuff around the places I worked as a nurse," said Eleanor.11 Although she later said that she never acceded to Nash's requests, she believed that "he delved into drugs" hoping that they "would make him more manly." Although she later said that she never acceded to Nash's requests, she believed that "he delved into drugs" hoping that they "would make him more manly."12 He wasn't proving his interest in women to the world, however; he kept his liaison with Eleanor a deep dark secret for years, even while he displayed his infatuation with various men more or less in public. He wasn't proving his interest in women to the world, however; he kept his liaison with Eleanor a deep dark secret for years, even while he displayed his infatuation with various men more or less in public.

Caught up as he was with teaching, seminars, and work on his embedding problem that fall, Nash nonetheless managed to see Eleanor frequently. He confided in her. He enjoyed being alone with her. He liked going over to her place and having her cook him dinner. She cooked very well. She fussed over him. Most of all, she was womanly, full of warmth and artless affection. For Nash, who had never even known a woman other than his mother and sister, it was a novel experience.

As for the gulf between their educations and social statuses, what more time-honored formula for romance and eventual marriage than Eliza Doolittle meets Professor Higgins? For Eleanor, Nash was a chance for a life she could not possibly have achieved on her own; for Nash, she was the prospect of retaining, to put it bluntly, the upper hand. It was a compelling fantasy and a highly practical arrangement rolled into one. And the same thing went for the difference in temperaments. Matches between egocentric and childish men and self-abnegating and maternal women abound in the history of genius. Nash was looking for emotional partners who were more interested in giving than receiving, and Eleanor, as her entire life testified, was very much that sort.

Nash thought about introducing Eleanor to his mathematical friends and about taking her around to one of the department parties. But he decided against it. The fact that n.o.body at MIT knew that Eleanor existed made the affair even more delicious. it. The fact that n.o.body at MIT knew that Eleanor existed made the affair even more delicious.

By election day in early November, Eleanor strongly suspected that she was pregnant. On Thanksgiving, when she invited Nash to come to her place, she was absolutely certain, having missed a second period by then.

Nash seemed, oddly enough, more pleased than panicked.13 He seemed proud of fathering a child. In fact, he made it clear that he found the notion of progeny quite attractive. (Later, when such things became fas.h.i.+onable, he talked about joining a sperm bank for geniuses in California.) He seemed proud of fathering a child. In fact, he made it clear that he found the notion of progeny quite attractive. (Later, when such things became fas.h.i.+onable, he talked about joining a sperm bank for geniuses in California.)14 He hoped that the baby would be a boy. He wanted the baby to be called John. He did not, however, say anything about marriage, Eleanor's future, or, for that matter, how she and the baby would manage. He hoped that the baby would be a boy. He wanted the baby to be called John. He did not, however, say anything about marriage, Eleanor's future, or, for that matter, how she and the baby would manage.

Eleanor hardly knew what to make of his reaction. She had hoped, of course, that he would see the pregnancy as a crisis to be solved by an offer of marriage. When this was not forthcoming, she did her best to hide her disappointment from him. She comforted herself with the thought that he was, after all, a remarkable young man. She told herself that, of course, he loved her and would do the right thing "in the end." In any case, she found that the idea of having a baby made her feel quite sentimental. The subject of an abortion - illegal but available if one had the money - never came up.

Before long, however, the relations.h.i.+p between the lovers lost its playful and lighthearted quality. That winter, Eleanor was often tense and tired. She fretted a great deal about the symptoms of pregnancy and the long hours at the hospital. Nash's mind was, more often than not, elsewhere. Soon, he and Eleanor were engaged in a tug of war that occasionally turned quite ugly.

When Eleanor irritated him with her complaints, Nash would needle her. He called her stupid and ignorant. He made fun of her p.r.o.nunciation. He reminded her that she was five years older. Mostly, however, he made fun of her desire to marry him. An MIT professor, he would say, needed a woman who was his intellectual equal. "He was always putting me down," she recalled. "He was always making me feel inferior."15 She, in turn, began to resent what she called his superior airs and lack of sensitivity. Their evenings together frequently degenerated into nasty spats. Eleanor, a friend of Nash's later reported, once complained that Nash had pushed her down a flight of stairs.16 But there were also tender moments - when, for example, Nash told her that he liked the way she looked with her big belly - and Eleanor's feelings about Nash were, on the whole, loving. She was convinced that he loved her and would do right by the baby, whom he seemed to be looking forward to with great eagerness. She still recalled that period of their relations.h.i.+p as "beautiful."17 She excused his She excused his cruelty by telling herself that it was occasional, that "he didn't know how to live." She put it down to his having achieved extraordinary success at too young an age. "That can be overwhelming," she later said. cruelty by telling herself that it was occasional, that "he didn't know how to live." She put it down to his having achieved extraordinary success at too young an age. "That can be overwhelming," she later said.18 In the late spring when she could no longer work, Eleanor moved into a home for unwed mothers. Around that time, Nash finally introduced her to one of his friends from MIT, a graduate student.19 Eleanor took this as an encouraging sign. Eleanor took this as an encouraging sign.

John David Stier was born on June 19, 1953, six days after Nash's twenty-fifth birthday. Nash rushed to the hospital and was greatly excited when Eleanor presented him with their son.20 He stayed as long as the nurses would let him and came back at every opportunity. But he did not offer to put his name on his son's birth certificate, He stayed as long as the nurses would let him and came back at every opportunity. But he did not offer to put his name on his son's birth certificate,21 and he did not offer to pay for the baby's delivery. and he did not offer to pay for the baby's delivery.22 Mother and son came home to an apartment Nash had moved to on Park Drive. It wasn't a happy homecoming. Nash wouldn't buy any baby clothes, Eleanor recalled. "He didn't want us to stay," she said years later. Eleanor finally managed to find a live-in position with an employer who would let her keep her infant with her.23 Despite the employer's insistence on "no male visitors," Nash came over frequently. "He wanted to be around him all the time," Eleanor recalled. Despite the employer's insistence on "no male visitors," Nash came over frequently. "He wanted to be around him all the time," Eleanor recalled.24 But he still did not offer to marry Eleanor or to support her, although his professor's salary and frugal habits surely would have made that possible. But he still did not offer to marry Eleanor or to support her, although his professor's salary and frugal habits surely would have made that possible.

His visits eventually resulted in Eleanor's being fired.25 The simultaneous loss of her job and her living arrangements created an immediate crisis. With Nash still unwilling to care for her and the baby, Eleanor was finally forced to place John David in foster care. The simultaneous loss of her job and her living arrangements created an immediate crisis. With Nash still unwilling to care for her and the baby, Eleanor was finally forced to place John David in foster care.26 Like some hapless heroine of a Victorian melodrama, Eleanor left her baby with a series of families, one in Rhode Island, another in Stoneham, Ma.s.sachusetts, and, finally, at an orphanage whose sentimental name, the New England Home for Little Wanderers, only underscored the d.i.c.kensian realities into which she and her son were plunged.27 Founded during the Civil War, the home was on the southern outskirts of Boston, across the Charles River from the Veterans' Hospital, a good hour by bus from her apartment in Brookline. Eleanor visited her son on Sat.u.r.days and Sundays. John Stier remembers standing in the stairwell landing there, peering out of the window, feeling a terrible loneliness and homesickness. Founded during the Civil War, the home was on the southern outskirts of Boston, across the Charles River from the Veterans' Hospital, a good hour by bus from her apartment in Brookline. Eleanor visited her son on Sat.u.r.days and Sundays. John Stier remembers standing in the stairwell landing there, peering out of the window, feeling a terrible loneliness and homesickness.28 Sometimes she brought him back to her apartment where she kept a large supply of toys and baby books. Sometimes she brought him back to her apartment where she kept a large supply of toys and baby books.29 Being separated from the baby nearly drove Eleanor mad. More than anything that had gone on before, it made her feel real bitterness toward Nash, who, she believed, left all the anguish and the worry to her and gave no sign that he understood, even remotely, what such a separation might mean for a mother or her child. "I should have been home to take care of him," Eleanor said in 1995. "I worried. [Nash] never worried."30

Yet the affair continued. They visited the baby, wherever he was, on Sundays. Eleanor came over to Nash's apartment and cooked and, when he demanded it, cleaned for him. Nash also went around to her place for meals.31 He continued to oscillate between sweetness and outbursts of cruelty. He continued to keep his affair with Eleanor under wraps, told no one at first except Jack Bricker, who was enjoined to keep the secret. "He never told anyone about us," said Eleanor, still unable to fathom his behavior. He continued to oscillate between sweetness and outbursts of cruelty. He continued to keep his affair with Eleanor under wraps, told no one at first except Jack Bricker, who was enjoined to keep the secret. "He never told anyone about us," said Eleanor, still unable to fathom his behavior.32 Most of the MIT mathematics community, in fact, did not learn of the existence of his first family until years later. Most of the MIT mathematics community, in fact, did not learn of the existence of his first family until years later.

When John David was a year old, Nash introduced Eleanor to another friend in the department, Arthur Mattuck, without, however, revealing the baby's existence.33 He and Eleanor sometimes had Mattuck, who seemed to like Eleanor, over to dinner. They told Mattuck afterward that they always had a good laugh after he left because Mattuck never noticed all the baby things around the apartment. It was, to say the least, a strange state of affairs. He and Eleanor sometimes had Mattuck, who seemed to like Eleanor, over to dinner. They told Mattuck afterward that they always had a good laugh after he left because Mattuck never noticed all the baby things around the apartment. It was, to say the least, a strange state of affairs.

Or was it? Eleanor was in love with Nash. "People told me never to see him again," said she. "It's better if you have a normal man. Not one who's all puffed up by his own importance. One of my friends said that you didn't see a thing in his face. It was like a dead person. I didn't think so, though."34 She mused many years later: "Did I love him? I wouldn't have gone with someone I didn't love. He was awkward. His awkwardness seemed standoffish. But ... he could be very sweet. He was very attractive in a way. Love is foolish." She mused many years later: "Did I love him? I wouldn't have gone with someone I didn't love. He was awkward. His awkwardness seemed standoffish. But ... he could be very sweet. He was very attractive in a way. Love is foolish."35 As late as 1955 and 1956, after Nash introduced Mattuck to Eleanor, Eleanor's att.i.tude toward Nash was "adoring." Mattuck recalled: "Eleanor realized Nash was a total egoist, but she was dazzled by his brilliance. He thought he was a genius. She was sleeping with one of the smartest men in America. Did he love her? She didn't know. She didn't ask. In those days, it wasn't 'Talk to me.' If you slept with a man, you a.s.sumed he loved you."36 Eleanor also continued to hope that Nash would marry her, if only for the sake of their son. Nash wasn't, she was sure, seeing another woman. Nash's failure to disappear from her life, despite his tantrums and complaints about her, must have seemed to Eleanor powerful evidence that he did, after all, love her, and would ultimately come around. How else to explain her pa.s.sivity - her unhappy acceptance, but acceptance nonetheless, of his refusal to pay for her and the baby's support - until it was, as it were, too late, until a rival appeared on the scene? She might have threatened him with exposure, or with a lawsuit, but, because she believed he would marry her eventually, she feared alienating him and thus ruining her chances for good. It was only much later, in 1956, after Eleanor discovered that Nash was having an affair with an MIT physics student and concluded that he intended to marry the girl - possibly even before Nash himself reached that decision - that she took more aggressive action.

Nash's behavior is a bit more mysterious. Why did he keep coming around, even though he had reached the conclusion that Eleanor wasn't good enough for him or his social circle? Perhaps he simply hadn't made up his mind. In the late summer of 1954, for example, he was carrying a photograph of Eleanor and John David in his wallet, and he told at least one person, "This is the woman I plan to marry and our son." David in his wallet, and he told at least one person, "This is the woman I plan to marry and our son."37 Perhaps he felt that the decision to have the child was strictly Eleanor's. Quite possibly, Eleanor's pa.s.sivity in the face of his own bad behavior might have signaled to him that she was content to be his mistress and resigned to living apart from her child. Perhaps each, by his or her actions, misled the other. Perhaps he felt that the decision to have the child was strictly Eleanor's. Quite possibly, Eleanor's pa.s.sivity in the face of his own bad behavior might have signaled to him that she was content to be his mistress and resigned to living apart from her child. Perhaps each, by his or her actions, misled the other.

Whether Nash ever intended to marry Eleanor is a matter of dispute. Arthur Mattuck believes he did, but that he was talked out of it by Bricker.38 Bricker's recollection differs radically. He remembers having tried to persuade Nash but said that "Nash's mind was made up." Bricker's recollection differs radically. He remembers having tried to persuade Nash but said that "Nash's mind was made up."39 We aren't likely to learn which account is the more accurate. Perhaps both were, at different points in time. Nash didn't marry Eleanor, despite his stated intentions on at least one occasion. We aren't likely to learn which account is the more accurate. Perhaps both were, at different points in time. Nash didn't marry Eleanor, despite his stated intentions on at least one occasion.

One likely reason was Nash's sn.o.bbery, the roots of which went back to his Bluefield upbringing. Not for him a wife, however adoring, who p.r.o.nounced words incorrectly, whose manners were simple, and whose sense of social inferiority would have made it difficult for her to mingle comfortably with the other wives in the Cambridge mathematical community. Unconventional as he was, Nash's obsession with cla.s.s and surface propriety were as strong as his father's. This certainly was Eleanor's perception, and while that perception was no doubt colored by resentment, it seems accurate.

It wasn't only social sn.o.bbery, though. Nash didn't believe that Eleanor was educated enough to be a good mother to his children. His own mother was a schoolteacher who devoted a great deal of time to seeing that her children spoke grammatically, after all. Moreover, he may simply have found Eleanor boring, a thesis that Arthur Mattuck put forward and that gains some credence from the fact that Nash ultimately married a young woman who never cooked but possessed a degree in physics and career ambitions. Eleanor said as much: "He wanted to marry a real intellectual girl. He wanted to marry somebody in the same capacity as he was."40 Whatever went through Nash's mind regarding marriage in the four years that Eleanor was his mistress, he did at one point make a proposal that suggested that he had made up his mind he wouldn't marry her.

Nash suggested to Eleanor that she give John David up for adoption. He more or less told her openly that John David would be better off if she gave him up. "He wanted to have John adopted," Eleanor later said bitterly. " 'We'd always know where he was,' he'd say."41 It was a cold-blooded suggestion, and it all but killed any remaining love Eleanor felt for Nash. One only hopes that among Nash's considerations in putting it forward - apart from eliminating any financial responsibility he might face for his child, which prompted Eleanor to say that Nash "wanted everything for nothing" - might have been a genuine belief that John David's chances in life would be greater with some middle-cla.s.s couple than with his single, working mother.

"Everybody wanted him," Eleanor recalled. "Some people even offered me a lot of money to let them have him. It was frightening. There were these wealthy people who were taking care of John David. They were going to move to California. If they'd gone to California, I would never have seen him again."42 For the first six years of John David's life, during which time the little boy was s.h.i.+fted from home to home, father and son saw each other from time to time. One photograph, taken in what appears to be a city park, of the two-year-old with his long face framed by a woolen hat with funny flaps, standing tall like a little soldier, hand in hand with his sweet-faced, girlish-looking mother, bareheaded, wearing a trim woolen coat, smiling into the eyes of the camera held, no doubt, by her lover, evokes the flavor of these brief visits. "She shouldn't have had a baby, she shouldn't have been so gullible," John Stier later said,43 but somehow, looking at the evidence of that scene, it is impossible for him, or anyone else, to deny the feeling that this little trio, out on a Sunday outing, was indeed a family in every sense but a legal one. but somehow, looking at the evidence of that scene, it is impossible for him, or anyone else, to deny the feeling that this little trio, out on a Sunday outing, was indeed a family in every sense but a legal one.

Nash displayed a rather curious inconsistency in his att.i.tude and behavior toward his son. At the time of his birth, he had reacted in neither of the ways one might have expected of a young man confronted with the pregnancy of a woman with whom he has recently begun sleeping, eschewing both the high road that would have led to a shotgun wedding, as well as the more commonly elected low road of flat-out denying his paternity and simply vanis.h.i.+ng from his girlfriend's life.

He doubtless behaved selfishly, even callously. His son and others later attributed his acknowledgment of paternity and desire to maintain a bond, even while failing to protect his child from poverty and periodic separation from his mother, to a pure narcissism. But even if this is partly true, it is natural to conclude that Nash, like the rest of us, needed to love and to be loved, and that a tiny, helpless infant, his son, drew him irresistibly.

In 1959, when Nash suddenly disappeared from John David's life altogether, a badly wrapped, broken-up package arrived one day containing a smashed but beautifully made wooden airplane, "a lovely thing," as John David later recalled. "There was no return address, or note or anything, but I knew it was from my father."44

CHAPTER 24

Jack

NASH MET J JACK B BRICKER in the fall of 1952 in the MIT common room. Bricker, a first-year graduate student from New York, knew Newman and some of the others from City College's math table and quickly became one of the regulars in the common room. in the fall of 1952 in the MIT common room. Bricker, a first-year graduate student from New York, knew Newman and some of the others from City College's math table and quickly became one of the regulars in the common room.1 Just two years Nash's junior, Bricker was immediately dazzled by Nash. He was "mesmerized," "hypnotized," and "enamored," a few of the words contemporaries used to describe his reaction to Nash. Bricker "was overwhelmed by Nash's smartness," Mattuck said in 1997. "Nash was the smartest person he'd ever met. He wors.h.i.+ped Nash's intellect."2 It wasn't only Nash's intellect, though. It was everything else too: the southern breeding, Princeton pedigree, good looks, and selfconfidence. It wasn't only Nash's intellect, though. It was everything else too: the southern breeding, Princeton pedigree, good looks, and selfconfidence.

Bricker, by contrast, was short, skinny, full of angst.3 He had grown up poor in Brooklyn; he still dressed badly, was often broke, and fretted over his lack of experience with girls. Although he was undeniably bright - the logician Emil Post considered him the best mathematician in his cla.s.s at City - his self-doubt bordered on the pathological. "There's no hope" and "It's useless" were his most-often-used expressions. Yet he was endearing in his own way. His sense of humor - dark, self-deprecating, very New York - was always on tap even when he was depressed, which was much of the time. People liked talking to him because he was interested, acute, and responsive. Awkward as he was, he had a way of putting others at their ease. He was, as Gus Solomon once described him, "the world's greatest audience." He had grown up poor in Brooklyn; he still dressed badly, was often broke, and fretted over his lack of experience with girls. Although he was undeniably bright - the logician Emil Post considered him the best mathematician in his cla.s.s at City - his self-doubt bordered on the pathological. "There's no hope" and "It's useless" were his most-often-used expressions. Yet he was endearing in his own way. His sense of humor - dark, self-deprecating, very New York - was always on tap even when he was depressed, which was much of the time. People liked talking to him because he was interested, acute, and responsive. Awkward as he was, he had a way of putting others at their ease. He was, as Gus Solomon once described him, "the world's greatest audience."

Perhaps for this reason, Bricker caught Nash's eye. Nash, usually so disdainful of lesser minds, made a point of getting Bricker off by himself. Bricker liked to play Lasker - a board game named after a chess champion that became popular in the late 1940s - and Nash started playing with him. "We became Lasker partners," said Bricker in 1997. "That's how we got to know each other."4 Soon they were taking long, aimless rides in Nash's Studebaker, with Nash behind the wheel, playing with the back of Bricker's neck as he drove. Soon they were taking long, aimless rides in Nash's Studebaker, with Nash behind the wheel, playing with the back of Bricker's neck as he drove.5 They became friends - and then more than friends. They became friends - and then more than friends.

Donald Newman and the rest of the MIT crowd watched Nash and Bricker with amused tolerance and concluded that the two were having a romance.6 "They were importantly interested in each other," Newman said; they made no secret of "They were importantly interested in each other," Newman said; they made no secret of their affection, kissing in front of other people. their affection, kissing in front of other people.7 "Bricker hero-wors.h.i.+ped John," Eleanor recalled. "He was always hanging around. They were always patting each other." "Bricker hero-wors.h.i.+ped John," Eleanor recalled. "He was always hanging around. They were always patting each other."8 Nash himself, in his 1965 letter, described his relations.h.i.+p with Bricker as one of three "special friends.h.i.+ps" in his life. Nash himself, in his 1965 letter, described his relations.h.i.+p with Bricker as one of three "special friends.h.i.+ps" in his life.9 The special friends.h.i.+p with Bricker lasted, on and off, for nearly five years until Nash married. The special friends.h.i.+p with Bricker lasted, on and off, for nearly five years until Nash married.

Once Nash had told Herta Newman, Donald's wife, that he realized "there was something that happened between people that he didn't experience."10 What was missing from Nash's life, to a singular degree, was what the biographer of another genius called "the strong force that binds people together." What was missing from Nash's life, to a singular degree, was what the biographer of another genius called "the strong force that binds people together."11 Now he knew what that was. Now he knew what that was.

It was this sense of vital connection that Nash referred to in his letter to Martha when it dawned on him that away from special sorts of individuals, the Brickers in his life, young men who were "colorful," "amusing," and "attractive," he was "lost, lost, lost completely in the wilderness ... condemned to a hard hard hard life in many ways."12 The experience of loving and being loved subtly altered Nash's perception of himself and the possibilities open to him. He was no longer an observer in the game of life, but an active partic.i.p.ant. He was no longer a thinking machine whose sole joys were cerebral. Yet his was not a pa.s.sionate nature. Love, though thrilling, did not suddenly banish detachment, irony, and the desire for autonomy, but merely served to modulate them. Nor did it banish other compelling imperatives such as his desire for fatherhood and family. Nash did not think of himself as a h.o.m.os.e.xual. Alfred Kinsey's report on the s.e.xual behavior of white American men was published, amid great publicity, in 1948 when Nash was a graduate student at Princeton, and Nash was no doubt aware of its conclusion that a large fraction of heteros.e.xual men had, at one time or another, same-s.e.x relations.h.i.+ps.13 Besides, he was ambitious, and he wished to succeed on society's terms. He carried on as before. Even as his emotional involvement with Bricker grew, he continued to see Eleanor and continued to weigh the pros and cons of marrying her. Besides, he was ambitious, and he wished to succeed on society's terms. He carried on as before. Even as his emotional involvement with Bricker grew, he continued to see Eleanor and continued to weigh the pros and cons of marrying her.

The relations.h.i.+p between Nash and Bricker was not an especially happy one. Nash revealed more of his private self to Bricker than he had to any human being. But each act of self-exposure stimulated a defensive, self-protective reaction. Nash wrapped himself, as he later wrote to Martha with considerable regret, in the mantle of his own superiority to Bricker, the mantle of "the great mathematician."14 He took to belittling Bricker just as he belittled Eleanor. "He was beautifully sweet one moment and very bitter the next," Bricker recalled in 1997. He took to belittling Bricker just as he belittled Eleanor. "He was beautifully sweet one moment and very bitter the next," Bricker recalled in 1997.15 For most of that first year, Bricker was completely unaware of Eleanor's existence, like everyone else at MIT. At the end of the spring term, Nash finally let Bricker in on his secret, telling him in somewhat melodramatic tones, "I have a mistress." Nash even engineered a meeting between the two, Bricker recalled, just weeks before Eleanor was due to give birth. mistress." Nash even engineered a meeting between the two, Bricker recalled, just weeks before Eleanor was due to give birth.

The revelation of a compet.i.tor for Nash's affections produced more strains. Among other things, Bricker grew increasingly disturbed by, and critical of, Nash's treatment of Eleanor, he later said. He, Eleanor, and Nash would have dinner together in Nash's apartment, and Bricker became a frequent witness to what he later called Nash's "mean streak" and temper tantrums. When Bricker tried to intervene, Nash would lash out at him. To make things even more difficult, Eleanor began turning to Bricker for sympathy and advice. She would call him to complain about Nash's treatment of her.

Nash could indulge in jealousy himself. Jerome Neuwirth had dinner with Nash and Bricker and some other mathematicians in Boston in early August 1956. Neuwirth, a graduate student, had arrived at MIT that day and was particularly pleased to see Bricker, whom he knew from City. He recalled the evening vividly: "They weren't embracing, but they were always looking at each other. Nash was very hostile. He kept throwing angry looks at me. He couldn't stand anyone talking to Bricker."16 The relations.h.i.+p with Nash "was a very disturbing thing" to Bricker, said Neuwirth. "Bricker didn't know what to do. He was having a terrible time." Mrs. Neuwirth advised him to see a psychiatrist.

And the very thing that had attracted him so powerfully in the first place, Nash's genius, only heightened Bricker's sense of inadequacy. That first year, Bricker managed to perform reasonably well in his courses. But later he was hardly able to work.17 He dropped courses. He finally managed to pa.s.s his preliminary exams in November 1954, but his ability to concentrate on his courses had all but evaporated at that point. However, he waited until February 1957, by which time Nash was away on sabbatical, before dropping out of graduate school and relinquis.h.i.+ng his dream of becoming an academic. Nash's game was just too painful to play any longer. He dropped courses. He finally managed to pa.s.s his preliminary exams in November 1954, but his ability to concentrate on his courses had all but evaporated at that point. However, he waited until February 1957, by which time Nash was away on sabbatical, before dropping out of graduate school and relinquis.h.i.+ng his dream of becoming an academic. Nash's game was just too painful to play any longer.

They saw each other for the last time in 1967 in Los Angeles, where Bricker was working in private industry. By that time Bricker was married, and Nash was terribly ill. "He was very wild," recalled Bricker in 1997. "He sent me a lot of letters. They were pretty disturbing."18 Only one postcard, unsigned and dated August 3, 1967, survived.19 The only message is "No to No" and presumably came after Bricker had told Nash "No." After that, Nash's constant references to Bricker suggest both Bricker's importance - Bricker is always The only message is "No to No" and presumably came after Bricker had told Nash "No." After that, Nash's constant references to Bricker suggest both Bricker's importance - Bricker is always B B to some power, 2 or 22 - and Nash's resentment. "Dear Mattuckine, It has obviously been Mr. B who has caused me the largest personal injury," he wrote to Mattuck in 1968. to some power, 2 or 22 - and Nash's resentment. "Dear Mattuckine, It has obviously been Mr. B who has caused me the largest personal injury," he wrote to Mattuck in 1968.20 But even then, there are sad notes of regret. "All along since 1967 I've been afraid to write to Bricker except in an indirect fas.h.i.+on. As yet this trouble persists however the reasons why change. There is a feeling of impropriety, etc." But even then, there are sad notes of regret. "All along since 1967 I've been afraid to write to Bricker except in an indirect fas.h.i.+on. As yet this trouble persists however the reasons why change. There is a feeling of impropriety, etc."

Traces of past affection, however, remained. In 1997, by which time Bricker himself was ill and in virtual isolation, his first questions were "How is Nash? Is he better?"21 But he was unwilling to talk much about his past relations.h.i.+p with Nash. "I don't want to discuss it further," he said. But he was unwilling to talk much about his past relations.h.i.+p with Nash. "I don't want to discuss it further," he said.22

CHAPTER 25

The Arrest RAND, Summer 1954 RAND, Summer 1954

NINETEEN FIFTY-FOUR was to be Nash's last summer at RAND. was to be Nash's last summer at RAND.1 After an episode that captured some of the most vicious currents of an increasingly paranoid and intolerant era, RAND abruptly withdrew Nash's security clearance, canceled his consulting contract, and effectively banned him from the select community of Cold War intellectuals. After an episode that captured some of the most vicious currents of an increasingly paranoid and intolerant era, RAND abruptly withdrew Nash's security clearance, canceled his consulting contract, and effectively banned him from the select community of Cold War intellectuals.

That August, The Evening Outlook The Evening Outlook was full of the Senate's censure of Joe McCarthy, the polio epidemic in the Malibu Bay area, and the news that LA's noxious smog resulted from the chemical action of suns.h.i.+ne on auto exhaust. was full of the Senate's censure of Joe McCarthy, the polio epidemic in the Malibu Bay area, and the news that LA's noxious smog resulted from the chemical action of suns.h.i.+ne on auto exhaust.2 Meanwhile, a heat wave drew tens of thousands of Angelenos to the Santa Monica beaches. Meanwhile, a heat wave drew tens of thousands of Angelenos to the Santa Monica beaches.3 Nash, too, was drawn to the beach. Nash, too, was drawn to the beach.4 He spent hours at a time walking on the sand or along the promenade in Palisades Park, watching the bodybuilders on Muscle Beach, the crowds on the pier, the surfers nearby. He rarely swam. He preferred to watch and ruminate. Quite often he would still be walking past midnight. He spent hours at a time walking on the sand or along the promenade in Palisades Park, watching the bodybuilders on Muscle Beach, the crowds on the pier, the surfers nearby. He rarely swam. He preferred to watch and ruminate. Quite often he would still be walking past midnight.

One morning at the very end of the month, the head of RAND's security detail got a call from the Santa Monica police station,5 which, as it happened, wasn't far from RAND's new headquarters on the far side of Main. It seemed that two cops in vice, one decoy and one arresting officer named John Otto Mattson, which, as it happened, wasn't far from RAND's new headquarters on the far side of Main. It seemed that two cops in vice, one decoy and one arresting officer named John Otto Mattson,6 had picked up a young guy in a men's bathroom in Palisades Park in the very early morning. He had been arrested, charged with indecent exposure, a misdemeanor, and released. had picked up a young guy in a men's bathroom in Palisades Park in the very early morning. He had been arrested, charged with indecent exposure, a misdemeanor, and released.7 The man, who looked to be in his mid-twenties, claimed that he was a mathematician employed by RAND. Was he? The man, who looked to be in his mid-twenties, claimed that he was a mathematician employed by RAND. Was he?

The RAND lieutenant immediately confirmed that Nash was indeed a RAND employee. He took down the details of the arrest, thanked the cop for the backchannel heads-up, and, as soon as he'd hung up the phone, practically ran down the hall to the office of Richard Best, RAND's manager of security.

Best was a tall, good-looking Navy man who had survived the battle of Midway only to suffer a prolonged and nearly fatal bout of tuberculosis.8 After his discharge, he wound up at RAND soon after RAND had moved to Fourth and Broadway and was a.s.signed to the "front office" where RAND's handful of top executives was After his discharge, he wound up at RAND soon after RAND had moved to Fourth and Broadway and was a.s.signed to the "front office" where RAND's handful of top executives was cl.u.s.tered. Discreet and capable, Best had an easy manner that made him popular both with his bosses and with RAND's rank and file. His first a.s.signment was to set up RAND's library, but he quickly adopted the role of general factotum and troubleshooter. In 1953, after the new Eisenhower security guidelines were issued, cl.u.s.tered. Discreet and capable, Best had an easy manner that made him popular both with his bosses and with RAND's rank and file. His first a.s.signment was to set up RAND's library, but he quickly adopted the role of general factotum and troubleshooter. In 1953, after the new Eisenhower security guidelines were issued,9 Best somewhat reluctantly agreed to accept the job of security manager. He disliked the McCarthy hysteria over spies and security leaks and thought all the poking around in individuals' private lives was nasty and not altogether necessary. But he felt he owed RAND, which had kept him on after he suffered a relapse of his illness, and he recognized that RAND couldn't afford any public-relations disasters. Best somewhat reluctantly agreed to accept the job of security manager. He disliked the McCarthy hysteria over spies and security leaks and thought all the poking around in individuals' private lives was nasty and not altogether necessary. But he felt he owed RAND, which had kept him on after he suffered a relapse of his illness, and he recognized that RAND couldn't afford any public-relations disasters.

Best listened carefully, but what was going to happen next was clear. Nash had a top-secret security clearance.10 He'd been picked up in a "police trap." He'd been picked up in a "police trap."11 He'd have to go. Best was a Truman liberal who didn't like the McCarthy witch hunts, and he couldn't understand what would make a young cop join a "dirty detail like vice." But he was responsible for enforcing the new security guidelines and the guidelines specifically forbade anyone suspected of h.o.m.os.e.xual activity to hold a security clearance. Criminal conduct and "s.e.xual perversion" were both grounds for denying or canceling a clearance. He'd have to go. Best was a Truman liberal who didn't like the McCarthy witch hunts, and he couldn't understand what would make a young cop join a "dirty detail like vice." But he was responsible for enforcing the new security guidelines and the guidelines specifically forbade anyone suspected of h.o.m.os.e.xual activity to hold a security clearance. Criminal conduct and "s.e.xual perversion" were both grounds for denying or canceling a clearance.12 Vulnerability to blackmail - which was thought to apply to all h.o.m.os.e.xuals regardless of whether they were open or not - and, indeed, any behavior hinting at a "reckless nature indicating poor judgment" - were also grounds. Vulnerability to blackmail - which was thought to apply to all h.o.m.os.e.xuals regardless of whether they were open or not - and, indeed, any behavior hinting at a "reckless nature indicating poor judgment" - were also grounds.13 In its early days, RAND had been rather nonchalant about security matters. It hired Nancy Nimitz, the admiral's daughter, even though she had gone to too many communist front meetings at Radcliffe and Harvard to have a prayer of working for the CIA as she had wished.14 It had done its best to defend the mathematician Richard Bellman, a flamboyant character who not only had a wife who had been in the Communist Party but had somehow managed to befriend a cousin of the Rosenbergs on an airplane flight. It had done its best to defend the mathematician Richard Bellman, a flamboyant character who not only had a wife who had been in the Communist Party but had somehow managed to befriend a cousin of the Rosenbergs on an airplane flight.15 One of its top mathematicians in the late 1940s and the author of a book on game theory that is still cited was J. C. C. McKinsey, an open h.o.m.os.e.xual. One of its top mathematicians in the late 1940s and the author of a book on game theory that is still cited was J. C. C. McKinsey, an open h.o.m.os.e.xual.16 But McKinsey was one of the first victims of the increasingly suspicious and intolerant att.i.tude. No matter that McKinsey was completely open about his h.o.m.os.e.xual lifestyle and that his research was highly theoretical, thus making him an unlikely target for blackmail. McKinsey was forced to leave RAND. But McKinsey was one of the first victims of the increasingly suspicious and intolerant att.i.tude. No matter that McKinsey was completely open about his h.o.m.os.e.xual lifestyle and that his research was highly theoretical, thus making him an unlikely target for blackmail. McKinsey was forced to leave RAND.17 The de facto prohibition against h.o.m.os.e.xuals and suspected h.o.m.os.e.xuals was so strong, then and later, that the director of the national security program testified in 1972 that "it was conceivable that an ongoing [sic] h.o.m.os.e.xual might be granted a security clearance, but that he could not think of a single case where it had been granted" in the two decades since he had been in his job. The de facto prohibition against h.o.m.os.e.xuals and suspected h.o.m.os.e.xuals was so strong, then and later, that the director of the national security program testified in 1972 that "it was conceivable that an ongoing [sic] h.o.m.os.e.xual might be granted a security clearance, but that he could not think of a single case where it had been granted" in the two decades since he had been in his job.18 Nash's arrest was a crisis that had to be dealt with on the spot. Best told Williams the bad news. Williams was genuinely regretful though not especially shocked. Best recalls Williams as being "very open, very relaxed, but appalled that such a valuable researcher as Nash would be lost to RAND." Williams told Best that Nash was "a nut, an eccentric," but an extraordinary mathematician, one of the most brilliant he had encountered. But he did not question for a minute that Nash would have to go. that Nash was "a nut, an eccentric," but an extraordinary mathematician, one of the most brilliant he had encountered. But he did not question for a minute that Nash would have to go.

Nash was not the first RAND employee to be caught in one of the Santa Monica police traps. Muscle Beach, between the Santa Monica pier and the little beach community of Venice, was a magnet for bodybuilders and the biggest h.o.m.os.e.xual pickup scene in the Malibu bay area.19 In the early 1950s, the Santa Monica police were running regular undercover operations to entrap h.o.m.os.e.xuals with the aim of driving them out of town. "One cop follows a guy into the head and makes a remark. If he's accepted, a second cop comes in and arrests him," explained Best. The police rarely stopped at the arrest itself but, in an act of special vindictiveness, almost always notified the man's employer. In the early 1950s, the Santa Monica police were running regular undercover operations to entrap h.o.m.os.e.xuals with the aim of driving them out of town. "One cop follows a guy into the head and makes a remark. If he's accepted, a second cop comes in and arrests him," explained Best. The police rarely stopped at the arrest itself but, in an act of special vindictiveness, almost always notified the man's employer.20 "We lost five or six people to police programs over a period of several years," said Best. "We lost five or six people to police programs over a period of several years," said Best.

Normally the department head, in this case Williams, would fire the employee personally. However, Best and his boss, Steve Jeffries, went around to Nash's office and confronted him with the bad news themselves.21 Nash, for a change, was at his desk. He did not ask what they were doing there but just stared at them. The two men closed the door and said they had something to discuss. Best's manner was unthreatening but direct and he proceeded calmly. RAND would be forced immediately to suspend Nash's Air Force clearance. Nash, for a change, was at his desk. He did not ask what they were doing there but just stared at them. The two men closed the door and said they had something to discuss. Best's manner was unthreatening but direct and he proceeded calmly. RAND would be forced immediately to suspend Nash's Air Force clearance.22 The Air Force would be notified. The Air Force would be notified.23 And - this was the bottom line - Nash's consulting arrangement with RAND was over for good. And - this was the bottom line - Nash's consulting arrangement with RAND was over for good.

"You're too rich for our blood, John," he concluded.

Best was nonplussed by Nash's reaction. Nash did not appear shaken or embarra.s.sed, as Best had antic.i.p.ated. Indeed, he seemed to be having trouble believing that Best and Jeffries were serious. "Nash didn't take it all that hard," said Best. "He denied that he had been trying to pick up the cop and tended to scoff at the notion that he could be a h.o.m.os.e.xual. "I'm not a h.o.m.os.e.xual," Best quotes Nash as saying. "I like women." He then did something that puzzled Best and shocked him a little. "He pulled a picture out of his wallet and showed us a picture of a woman and a little boy. 'Here's the woman I'm going to marry and our son.' "

Best ignored the picture. He asked Nash what he'd been doing in Palisades Park at 2:00 A.M. A.M. Nash responded by saying that he had merely been engaging in an experiment. The phrase Nash kept repeating was something to the effect that he was "merely observing behavioral characteristics." Nash responded by saying that he had merely been engaging in an experiment. The phrase Nash kept repeating was something to the effect that he was "merely observing behavioral characteristics."24 Best recalled retorting, "But John, the police picked you up. You were found doing such and so." Best repeated what he knew of the police report in detail. Recalling the incident in 1996, Best said: "Nash was charged with 'indecent exposure.' That's going into a public head and making a come-on to another man. That means taking out your p.e.n.i.s and masturbating. That's the come-on." Best made it clear that it didn't really matter whether the cops were telling the truth or not. "The very act of charging you makes it impossible for you to continue here," he told Nash. Best recalled retorting, "But John, the police picked you up. You were found doing such and so." Best repeated what he knew of the police report in detail. Recalling the incident in 1996, Best said: "Nash was charged with 'indecent exposure.' That's going into a public head and making a come-on to another man. That means taking out your p.e.n.i.s and masturbating. That's the come-on." Best made it clear that it didn't really matter whether the cops were telling the truth or not. "The very act of charging you makes it impossible for you to continue here," he told Nash.

Jeffries and Best told Nash that he would have to leave his office right away. They escorted him from the building. They would clear out his desk and send his personal papers and belongings, they said. It was all done very politely, with no hint of vindictiveness. Nash had the option of working in quarantine, the preclearance room located just beyond the main lobby. Or, if he preferred, he could finish up whatever he was working on at home. They escorted him from the building. They would clear out his desk and send his personal papers and belongings, they said. It was all done very politely, with no hint of vindictiveness. Nash had the option of working in quarantine, the preclearance room located just beyond the main lobby. Or, if he preferred, he could finish up whatever he was working on at home.

What was Nash's reaction? Due to leave Santa Monica in another week or so anyway, he did not decamp immediately, though Best doesn't remember whether he returned to the RAND building. "He left in a week or two weeks. Not helterskelter," Best recalled. What was going through Nash's mind in that interval? Was he angry? Depressed? Frightened? Was he thinking of approaching Williams or Mood with his version of events? Did he try to have RAND's decision reversed? Generally, of course, people did not. Fearful of scandal and aware of the contempt with which any hint of h.o.m.os.e.xuality was viewed, people in Nash's shoes were usually only too happy to slink away without a murmur of protest.

In the end, Nash did what he had learned to do in less extreme circ.u.mstances. He acted, weirdly, as if nothing had happened. He played the role of observer of his own drama, as if it were all a game or some intriguing experiment in human behavior, focusing neither on the emotions of people around him nor on his own, but on moves and countermoves. In his first postcard home that September, he described - with remarkable detachment - another kind of storm: "The hurricane was a fascinating experience."25 At some point he told his parents he'd had trouble with his RAND security clearance, blaming it on the fact that his mentor at MIT, Norman Levinson, was a former communist who had been hauled before HUAC that year. At some point he told his parents he'd had trouble with his RAND security clearance, blaming it on the fact that his mentor at MIT, Norman Levinson, was a former communist who had been hauled before HUAC that year.

Meanwhile, the highly efficient RAND machinery ground on. Best said: "We withdrew his clearances and notified the Air Force of the charges that had been made." RAND negotiated with the Santa Monica police, who wound up dropping the charge in return for RAND's a.s.surance that Nash had been fired and was leaving the state for good. According to Best, such deals were typical. In any case, the arrest did not make The Evening Outlook The Evening Outlook and any record of it has long since been expunged from police files and court records. and any record of it has long since been expunged from police files and court records.

Alexander Mood didn't try to keep the arrest a secret - that was impossible given Nash's sudden eviction from his office - but he concocted a cover story to the effect that Nash had simply been strolling in Palisades Park trying to solve a mathematical problem when he was picked up. "He told the officers he was just thinking and ... they finally learned that what he had told them was true," Mood said later.26 Most RAND employees learned nothing different. It was after all close to Nash's normal departure date in any case. But his name was abruptly crossed off the list of consultants. Most RAND employees learned nothing different. It was after all close to Nash's normal departure date in any case. But his name was abruptly crossed off the list of consultants.27 Nash never bothered to deny the arrest. Nash never bothered to deny the arrest.28 And Lloyd Shapley and others in the math division learned about it because Nash had called Shapley from the police station to bail him out. And Lloyd Shapley and others in the math division learned about it because Nash had called Shapley from the police station to bail him out.29 Shapley later told another mathematician that Nash had been playing some kind of game. Shapley later told another mathematician that Nash had been playing some kind of game.30 In any case, with so many mathematicians shuttling back and forth between RAND, Princeton, and In any case, with so many mathematicians shuttling back and forth between RAND, Princeton, and other universities, news of the arrest soon leaked back to Princeton and MIT, other universities, news of the arrest soon leaked back to Princeton and MIT,31 adding to Nash's already considerable reputation for quirkiness, if not downright instability. adding to Nash's already considerable reputation for quirkiness, if not downright instability.

n.o.body protested his treatment. He was not the easiest person to sympathize with, and few people, even in the mathematical community, questioned the government's att.i.tude toward h.o.m.os.e.xuals. h.o.m.ophobia was, after all, widespread in a society increasingly paranoid and fearful of nonconformity of any kind. Williams, true to form, used the incident in one of his homilies on managing mathematicians. In a memorandum to the mathematics division, written a year or two later, he asked the rhetorical question: "What can mathematicians do to hurt us?" One of his examples was alluded to only with a phrase - "He could get arrested for solicitation." Williams's punch line, however, was "the worst thing a mathematician could do to RAND is to leave."32 Although Nash appeared unscathed, the arrest was a turning point in his life. Aloof, ambitious, coolly indifferent to others as he often appeared, Nash was by no means a true loner. Living in a tolerant ivory tower, he had been lulled into believing that he could do as he liked. Now he learned, in a particularly brutal fas.h.i.+on, that the emotional connections he sought threatened to destroy all else that he valued - his freedom, his career, his reputation, success on society's terms. Contradictory imperatives can engender tremendous fear. And fear can be subtly destructive.

An individual's vulnerability to schizophrenia, researchers now believe, lies in his genes. But psychological stresses are thought to be catalysts. Psychologist Irving I. Gottesman at the University of Virginia, whose studies of twins helped discredit the old Freudian theories of schizophrenia, puts it this way: "Each case is different, with a different mix of genetic and psychological factors. Certain events are definite stressors, but it's not famine or war. It's idiosyncratic. It's things that get to the soul and self-ident.i.ty and expectations of oneself."33 Rather than a single trauma, a string of events from childhood through young adulthood produces strains that mount like straws on the proverbial camel's back. "It's things that build up, things that lead to a lot of brooding," says Nikki Erlenmeyer-Kimling, a professor of genetics and development at Columbia University. Rather than a single trauma, a string of events from childhood through young adulthood produces strains that mount like straws on the proverbial camel's back. "It's things that build up, things that lead to a lot of brooding," says Nikki Erlenmeyer-Kimling, a professor of genetics and development at Columbia University.34 Like the effects of the teasing he endured in childhood and adolescence, the damage from his arrest would only become apparent with time. Like the effects of the teasing he endured in childhood and adolescence, the damage from his arrest would only become apparent with time.

The arrest preceded the onset of Nash's illness by more than four years. Stories of other mathematicians who were caught up in the meanness and bigotry of those times ill.u.s.trate how disequilibrating being hara.s.sed and humiliated can be. J. C. C. McKinsey committed suicide in 1953 within two years of being fired by RAND.35 Alan Turing, the mathematical genius who cracked the n.a.z.i submarine code, was arrested, tried, and convicted under Britain's anti-h.o.m.os.e.xual statutes in 1952; he comm