Four of a Kind Part 12

Thankfully, no one is watching me from the kitchen as I head back inside, I brace myself for the onslaught of questions I'm sure is coming, already prepared us to downplay everything that had just happened. I want time to figure out what this means for myself first.

Chapter 18.

But when I get back to the kitchen, no one says a word. But my family's silence speaks louder than any pointed comments they could be making. I can practically hear the ripple of giggling underneath everything. But they all act like this is business as usual, like I have guys coming over just to say hi all the time.

Actually, no guy has randomly showed up on the doorstep yet just to chat with Reece. I'm the first in Fairview.

And yet, I still wish my whole family hadn't been here to witness that. I don't know what they're thinking right now and it's driving me crazy.

"He was just on his way home and wanted to say sorry he couldn't come yesterday."

"Well, that's very nice of him. Whoever he is," my mom ends ominously.

"You've met him before. Kent. He was here with his mom, the reporter, on the day we moved in."

My dad nods, but no one else comments at all. It's unnerving. I almost wish they would. Almost. If only to break the tension. And while it's nice in theory, that they are all respecting my privacy, they'll be whispering about this behind my back. It's what I would do if it had been any one of my sisters.

Or maybe they don't think that any guy could be coming over here for any sort of romantic reason, and that's why they're not saying anything. That could be the more realistic option.

Yeah, I have no idea what I'm doing with myself right now.

The family quickly disperses, each retreating to their own corners to finish up the rest of the night. I'm the last one in the kitchen because I avoid announcing anything at all about my plans for the evening. I'm just going to work on my homework in the attic and get ready to face the world again tomorrow, but I feel like anything I say will make me sound guilty. And I have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about.

Kent coming over was nothing.

They are reading way too much into this. Or they're not.

Okay, I'm really kind of desperate to make sense of all this. But instead of tracking someone down to ask, when I see Rhiannon heading up to the attic I detour to our room, thinking that will get me some time alone.

But a second after I plant myself on my bed and haul my backpack up behind me, Reece appears through the bathroom door. She didn't bother to knock and has closed the door behind her as though to make sure we're not overheard. Which makes me want to run the other way.

"h.e.l.lo," she says, dragging out the word. She's grinning at me, and I have a sinking suspicion of what I'm in for. So much for being left to my own devices on this one.

"Hey," I say, trying to keep my voice casual. "What's up?" Yep, that will fool her. Absolutely nothing going on here.

"A boy came over to see you today." She announces this like I somehow missed it completely.

"Oh, you don't say."

"Reagan, come on. Why was he here?"

"Oh, like you didn't hear every single word he said. It's exactly what I told you. He came over to apologize for not coming to the party. It was on his way home, and a nice thing to do. But not a big deal."

Reece lets herself farther into the room before sitting down on Rhiannon's bed and staring at me like a hawk. "Like you're one to judge what's a big deal or not."

What's that even supposed to mean? I don't bother asking, rolling my eyes instead before pointedly looking down at the textbook in front of me. Something I'm making a habit of. If these awkward situations keep up, I may actually absorb some real knowledge this semester. Not likely, but it's possible. "Whatever."

Finally, when she says nothing for nearly a full minute, I s.h.i.+ft my gaze back up and find her gaze has softened somewhat. It's almost as though she's studying me and I find myself observing her right back. Reece has always been the sister that I've felt I had the least in common with. If there wasn't already evidence to the contrary, it would be hard to believe we shared any DNA at all, let alone all of it. She's athletic, extroverted, and genuinely good at knowing what to do around other people. There are times I feel like we couldn't be more opposite.

"You know," she says, "you're doing pretty well here in Fairview so far. Like really, your life here doesn't look anything like your life back in Richmond. That's weird, right?"

"That's kind of by design," I confess. "Things back in Richmond were good, but this was a fresh start. For all of us. But I tried to make the most of it. And maybe if I hadn't made an a.s.s of myself on the first day of school, things would've gone even better."

"n.o.body cares about that anymore. And you're clearly doing something right. It's possible that if you stayed in biology cla.s.s, you wouldn't of met your drama friends and things wouldn't have changed all that much." Reece his mouth twists into a frown. "You're doing good."

"Easy for you to say," I counter. "You have tons of friends here. You would do well anywhere we had to move to."

"That's what makes my opinion so worthwhile." The smile she forces on her face doesn't meet her eyes and the frown returns. "I like the people I've met here, but I would still go back home in a heartbeat." For a second I entertain the idea that Reece is trying to tell me that she's unhappy here too. But that's something you could honestly never tell by looking at her. No matter where she ends up, she always fits right in. Except, when things are completely outside of her control.

"Well you'll make the soccer team next year," I say, trying to sound rea.s.suring. "Those coaches don't know what they were missing with you."

"You have no idea. Their team actually kind of sucks. I don't think anyone here really takes it that seriously."

"Whatever happened with that volunteer gig you wanted? That sounded perfect."

Reece shrugs. "That was a no-go too. The owner doesn't take volunteers, or something. Or she handpicks them from people she knows. So because I'm new, again, I don't have a shot. I could take up dog-walking or something instead." Her response is impossibly casual, and there's no question she's forcing her att.i.tude.

I shouldn't have brought it up. If there had been good news, she probably would have shared it already. It's just too easy to a.s.sume that things would just go Reece's way no matter what, because the sheer force of her will power always seemed to bend the universe into doing what she wants it to.

"Sorry." It's all I can think to say and I'm sure it doesn't help at all. "I'm just trying to think of this year as our readjustment. We're meeting new people, and figuring things out here. Next year, things will make more sense. Fairview will feel like a place we belong."

"I don't want to waste a full year of my life waiting for things to figure themselves out. I'm not myself here, and that sucks."

And, I'm just making this worse. "Anything I can do to help?"

"Well, now that you asked. You can stop dodging the topic of that guy today. Because even if he meant nothing by coming to the house just to say sorry, anytime he comes up, you get super weird. So it means something to you, and you haven't told us about it. I'm crying sister foul on that one."

I blush, and guilt swells in my chest. Because I have had a crush on Kent, pretty much since we moved here over three months now. And I haven't told anyone. Mostly because I've known it's not going anywhere. As much as my sisters are happy to talk about every single person they are interested in, I've never really done the same. Actually, now that I think of it, it's only Reece that really shouts from the rooftops every time she thinks someone is cute.

"Fine, I like him. Doesn't matter anyway." But I find saying the words out loud stirs something deep within me. I like him. This might be the first time I'd liked a guy I was even a little close with. Before, I'd always developed crushes on random guys in my cla.s.s I'd never really spoken to, or just happened to see in pa.s.sing a few times. But I like Kent because he's ridiculously nice, and that green streak in his hair, and the fact that he was nice to me when there was nothing in it for him at all.

I like Kent. Yeah, that's something I could get used to saying. At least, within the safety of my own house. Or maybe just in my own head.

"I knew it!" Reece cries out. Now she's grinning for real and wiggling in place with excitement. "Reagan's going to get her first boyfriend," she continues in a singsong voice.

"Okay, getting ahead of ourselves there. Just because I like someone doesn't mean they have any interest me. I'm not you. It's harder than that for most of us."

"But he obviously likes you. He came to your house on the Sunday night of Thanksgiving weekend, after driving from wherever, when he probably just wants to go home and sleep, just to see you. That has to count for something."

"You're crazy." But is she? For the first time in a long time, I'm mildly optimistic about my own dating prospects. The idea seems so absurd that I push the feeling away, trying to make myself be more realistic, but now Reece's voice has worked its way into my mind.

"That's not enough to go on," I point out. "But, I'm open to the idea. How would you, being the relations.h.i.+p expert you are, figure out if someone likes you or not?"

"No, no, no. I'm not giving you some list of how to tell if your crush is into you. It's something you have to do by... like, a sense. And the best way to figure it out is just going to be to ask. I've asked out more guys on dates than have ever asked me."

I'm well aware, because she points that out to us every time it happens, like a point of pride. Neither Rhiannon or I have ever asked out anyone at all, or been asked out ourselves. At least as far as I know. I'm never going to have the nerve to ask someone out, blindly hoping they'll say yes and risking that if they say no, I'll have to avoid them for the rest of my life. Not a chance.

"That's not going to happen. You and I both know there is no way that's going to happen. So what's Plan B?"

"I'd say, spend more time with him and report back. Let me know if he says anything, or if he's paying a lot of attention to you. But you've already been hanging out with him for a while. There haven't been any clues?"

I think back to cla.s.ses and lunches spent with Kent and his friends, but now everything seems like a blur. "He offered to do the haunted house with me last month. It was just the two of us. But it's not like he made a move or anything."

The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that Reece is way off the mark. Kent hasn't done anything that would suggest he likes me as anything more than a friend. And I should feel lucky he likes me even that much. "And it never occurred to you that he's playing the same game you are, holding back and hoping for some kind of sign from the universe?"

Reece sighs like I'm the most exasperating person on the planet. "Tell you what, tomorrow at school, just pay more attention. Consider the possibility and see how he's acting. No commitment for you to do anything, just wait and see. But don't be so busy hiding from the possibility that you miss it entirely." With one big flop, I'm lying down on my bed and groan. "Now I wish you hadn't said anything. I'm sure he doesn't like me, but now I'm going to take any possible thing he does as a sign or something."

"That does not sound like you're taking my advice and keeping an open mind." I look over to find that Reece's expression has taken on one that looks frighteningly similar to that of our mother. I groan again to make a point, but don't argue.

As Reece stands up to leave, I pull myself up as well and latch onto her in a big cheesy hug. "Thank you for being the only one of us who is remotely competent at this kind of thing." I don't know why I say it, and it's not even really what I want to thank her for, but it's something. And I mean it.

After second, Reece pulls away and looks at me, giving a helpless shrug. "I have no idea what you guys would do without me."

"Same. And maybe, if you aren't feeling like yourself here yet, find a way to change things. Do something big, something totally Reece to make you feel like you're owning Fairview just as much as you were Richmond. Because we both know that sooner or later you're going to be running this town in no time. So stop waiting around for it to give you permission."

Reece sticks out her tongue, but just maybe, she's considering what I've said. I may have opened a giant bag of worms on that one. Or she'll go to sleep in a couple of hours and forget that we ever had this conversation.

Reece gives me a quick wink and then disappears back through the bathroom.

For now, I'll let Reece worry about her and I will worry about getting this homework done. Or I'll worry about Kent. Okay, I'll be worrying about Kent. Because tomorrow I'm going to see him again and now it feels like everything has changed.

I want to do as Reece says and believe. I want to be open to the possibility. But it's so far away from everything my life has ever been. Having a guy like me, like that just doesn't feel like who I am, but I know that's ridiculous. Reece's voice is still whispering in my mind that this could really be happening. But, not wanting to screw it up, I open my phone, promising myself that this will only be a five-minute detour from homework, and try to find some lists of ways to tell if your crush likes you.

Chapter 19.

By the end of second period I have freaked myself out at the mere thought of seeing Kent again.

So far, all my teachers are interpreting the end of Thanksgiving break as an excuse to move full throttle into preparing for exams, but I can barely focus on the influx of new a.s.signments because all I'm thinking about is Kent. At least half of my brain has been on the lookout for him at all times since arriving at school this morning. So far, nothing. Which should have given me more time to figure out a plan, but I'm more confused than ever.

Right before the last bell, I got a text from Rosie saying that the plan for lunch today is to meet in the cafeteria, eat fast and then go to the library. She and Jen need to study for a test tomorrow, meaning we'll be on our own in terms of entertainment. And I'm probably going to have to figure out something to say to Kent. Before today that had never seemed like a particularly daunting task, and now it seems like the hardest thing in the universe. Frank will be there to act as a non-studying buffer, but odds are that right after we get to the library, he will open a book and we won't hear from him again until it's time to head to cla.s.s. Something I'm kind of wis.h.i.+ng I could attempt too.

It took less than an hour to imagine five different ways I can screw this all up in a matter of minutes.

But despite all of that, a big part of me wants to see how this plays out. Reece will expect some sort of report after school, and I want to have something to tell her. Okay, what I want to know is if maybe she's right. Could he like me too? The fact that I'm even considering it as a possibility seems insane, but I so desperately want her to have this all figured out since I definitely don't.

Why does this all have to be so difficult?

I'm the first one to arrive in the cafeteria so I sit myself down in my usual spot and make a point of looking busy, which is not so hard to do since I never finished my math homework last night. I start in on the ma.s.sive pile of problems I'm supposed to have finished already, trying to work through them when my brain struggles to remember what we're studying in cla.s.s. If only Rhiannon didn't get so annoyed every time I asked her to share her own homework with me.

"Hey," Rosie's voice interrupts me. I look up as she and Kent sit down at the table beside me. Soon after, Jen and Frank arrive as well, already in the middle of a conversation about some old movie. Everyone else keeps quiet as it turns into a heated debate, doing our best to stay out of the crossfire.

After a minute, I risk a sidelong glance at Kent, glad to have Rosie as a buffer between us. I'm not sure I'm ready to face him head-on yet. So, time and s.p.a.ce are good.

Reece was right, all the lists I found online were completely useless. Sure, there are dozens of signs I could watch for, but any one of them could be interpreted a million different ways. My best bet will be waiting to see what Kent does and if I can read anything into it. I'll probably end up just reporting back to Reece and letting her sort it all out.

"Fine!" Jen says, placing her hands down on the table. "You win. I will watch the original Buffy movie and tell you what I think, but I still suspect this is all a huge waste of time." Frank looks triumphant, but he doesn't get a chance to respond before Jen continues. "Which brings us back to the real world. New presentation a.s.signment today in drama. The last one before we start in on Alice in Wonderland as a cla.s.s. Groups of three."

c.r.a.p! I should have had the syllabus memorized weeks ago, so I'd be able to brace myself when these things are coming. Not only will I have to perform in front of the cla.s.s again, but there will only be two other people up there with me to share the spotlight. And since there are four of us in cla.s.s together that means I will be doing this with people I barely know.

I've been lucky so far in that Jen has taken pity on me every time we needed to work with other people during cla.s.s. But it's always worked out so that me, and the three of them either formed our own group, or became part of a bigger one. But groups of three means someone is getting left out, and it's going to be me.

No one says anything at first and I prepare to volunteer as tribute before anyone has to tell me I'm out of luck.

"Okay, so two and two," Frank says.

But before I can wrap my head around the fact that the world isn't ending after all, Kent chimes in. "Me and Reagan. You and Jen." My heart stops. "Makes sense to mix up the genders so we have the most versatile groups possible," he quickly adds before shooting me a glance. I still don't say anything. Kent wants to be in a group with me. He could ditch me altogether and work with both Jen and Frank, but he wants to work with me.

Is this one of those signs I'm supposed be looking for? Or is this just Kent continuing to be insanely nice? Like everything else, there are too many ways I can interpret this. I'm screaming inside.

Jen and Frank agree like it's the most natural thing in the world and dig into their food, as if they don't notice what just happened. Kent picked me.

Or, they aren't acting like it's a big deal because it really isn't. I pop a carrot stick into my mouth and chew slowly, trying to buy myself more time to pull myself together. I s.h.i.+ft to look over at Kent but find Rosie staring right at me and looking at me much in the same way that Reece did last night.

Why is everyone treating me like some social anomaly, fit for study?

I give her a questioning look back and make myself focus on food instead of Kent. Later, I'll replay all of this for Reece and hopefully she'll be able to help me sort it out.

Wait. That's probably a terrible idea, because I know what she's going to say. And she doesn't understand Kent like I do. It's possible that this doesn't mean anything at all. Maybe this along with the apology yesterday and everything else since we moved here has just been Kent being Kent. He's a nice guy. And I have to think there are guys out there who are nice even to girls they aren't interested in dating.

No. I won't say anything to Reece yet. This is a good sign, but it isn't definitive and I can't let her talk me into believing otherwise. Not without real proof. All I can do is wait and see and keep note of everything else for the next few days. I won't write this off, but I won't start imagining me and Kent going on our first date together either.

That's a lie. I definitely will.

But the next few days pa.s.s almost normally. Now, I'm just hyperaware of Kent and everything he does. Every time he says h.e.l.lo to me in the hall or at lunch, I note his expression and tone before stumbling a greeting back. When he grabs my bag for me after drama, I can't help but wonder if he's doing it as a way to get my attention. And as an afterthought, I remember to thank him. I'm pretty sure that trying to pay more attention to what Kent doing is making the act like an idiot around him. So if he liked me before all of this, there's a great chance he's not going to by the end of it.

But the thing is, I'm starting to suspect that possibly, there is the slightest chance that he does actually like me. The way he acts around me isn't quite like how he is with Jen and Rosie. I catch him looking at me in the same moments when I'm already trying to subtly look at him. And while it's harder to tell with his darker complexion, I'm pretty sure he's blus.h.i.+ng nearly as often as I am.

Is this really my life? Did I moved to a new town, promptly make an a.s.s of myself and then somehow still manage to come out at the other end with the new group of friends and the guy I have a crush on liking me back?

Maybe. Maybe not. By Friday, I've given into the reality that I will need a second opinion. It's time to bust out the big guns and ask Reece what she thinks. And what it is I'm supposed to do next. Or I'm just going to need her to talk me down and convince me that all of what I've been seeing is in my head. By the time we get home from school, I'm ready for either possibility.

But at my first chance to get Reece alone she practically sprints for her bedroom and shuts the door. I try to use my own room to come at her from another angle, but find the door locked. When I circle back to the hallway, the door to her bedroom won't open either.