The Foolish Almanak - LightNovelsOnl.com
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(1640) The Dutch took it up--then laid it down.
THURSDAY (1879) DeLesseps tries it, but gets snarled up in the Muck Rake.
(1906) Work progressing as rapidly as hot air will allow.
FRIDAY
SAt.u.r.dAY
MAY
There's many a slip 'twixt the stock and the tip.
FORECAST FOR JUNE
From the 1st to the last will be marked by mosquito showers.
From the 11th to the 18th weddings will exceed divorces, followed by thunder and lightning. From June 18th to June 30th ice-cream sodas will be in the ascendancy. On June 21st the sun reaches the most northerly point in the Zodiac and enters the constellation of Cancer. Cancer is the sign for June. Cancer is an old sign and something that ought to be cut out.
SIDELIGHTS ON SCIENCE
If all the oceans should evaporate they would leave a deposit of 235 feet of salt. This, it is estimated, would salt enough pretzels to supply the world for several years.
It is claimed that if the power concealed in the sting of a hornet could be harnessed and utilized in commercial channels, it would lower the cost of transportation by a good many per cent.
An interesting experiment for little boys is to go into the dimly lit parlor where the big sister and her young man are sitting. Do not shuffle the feet or make any noise, and you will see a spark.
A hen will lay 200 eggs a year. A mosquito will lay 200,000,000 in one short summer. Are you gladder that hens are not mosquitoes, or that mosquitoes are not as big as hens?
[Sidenote: _Hotel Hint_: No first cla.s.s inn will permit guests to indulge in such undignified gymnastics as running through the corridors, or jumping board bills.]
[Sidenote: _Seasonable Advice_: Look out for the open work lawn hose and accompanying shower baths.]
[Ill.u.s.tration]
SUNDAY (1906) Czar gives three minutes of his time in a talk to put the Douma down and out.
Douma gives all its time to blow Czar up and out.
MONDAY
TUESDAY
WEDNESDAY
THURSDAY May 7--Cannon's boom set off by speech from Uncle Joe--Presidential Bee taking terrible risk at Cannon's mouth.
FRIDAY If two wrongs do not make a right--how many franchises make a wrong?
SAt.u.r.dAY
JUNE
The man who is down is looking for the other fellow who kicked out some rungs from the ladder of success.
LITTLE STUDIES IN NATURAL HISTORY
_The Secretary-bird, or Loebriole._
This little creature belongs to the "Knowitall" cla.s.s and has no fear, often perching on the "Big Stick" itself. His distinguis.h.i.+ng characteristic is a thick oak board where most birds wear tail-feathers. He only sings when there is a storm coming, and then his song has a plaintive note as he warbles "Ki-yi, blame it on me."
_How to Make Credit Grow._
Select a choice "bluff." Prepare this carefully, for the size of the credit depends entirely upon the general appearance of the bluff. When you think the bluff is strong enough, take it to a bank. If it goes there, you will have no further trouble. Your credit is now ready to transplant.
Should it begin to droop, give it a check. Be careful not to use too many, for the proper use of the credit-plant is to enable its owner to live without money.
[Ill.u.s.tration]
[Sidenote: _Fas.h.i.+on Note_: It is no longer good form to serenade young ladies. If you wish to win their favor, toot an automobile horn.]
[Sidenote: _Health Hint_: For "Seeing things" at night try a Welsh Rarebit.]
[Ill.u.s.tration]
SUNDAY (1905) Russo-j.a.p peace treaty at Portsmouth, N. H.--j.a.panese description of Portsmouth, "A mos' honorable plaze where they dispenz mos' dizhonorable liquor!"
