The New-York Weekly Magazine, or Miscellaneous Repository Part 196

_ANECDOTE._

When a celebrated eastern traveller's book was presented to the sovereign, some person asked Lord North if the author of it was not to be made a knight; "Yes, to be sure," replied his Lords.h.i.+p, "and then you will have some new Arabian _Knight's_ [Nights] Entertainments you know."

DETRACTION. A VISION.

Superior excellence is the general mark for calumny; and envy is usually led to asperse what it cannot imitate. A little mind is scandalized at the pre-eminence of its neighbour, and endeavours to depreciate the virtues which it cannot attain to. Thus the distempered eye is impatient of prevailing brightness; and, by attempting to observe the lucid object, inadvertently betrays its own weakness. Pride is the fruitful parent of Detraction; and it is the unjust estimate which men set upon themselves, that generates in their minds this ridiculous contempt of greater worth. Persons of this unhappy complexion regard all praises conferred upon another as derogatory from their own value. The arrows of the backbiter are generally shot in the night; and the most unspotted innocence is the game of this infernal destroyer. The heads of his darts are imbrued in poison; and it too frequently happens, that a small wound proves mortal to the injured. But to drop for the present these figurative expressions, I would only observe, that it is a pity a well-regulated society cannot more effectually curb this impious licentiousness of those sons of darkness. If a wretch, necessitated by the cries of a starving family to seek illegal supplies of bread, shall make an open attack upon me, the const.i.tution of the realm consigns such a pitiable malefactor to infamy and death. And shall this miserable object of compa.s.sion prove the victim of my resentment; while the backbiter may, with impunity, revel in the excesses of his iniquity, and boast defiance to all laws? As this is a topic, however, which has been descanted on by a variety of pens, I shall endeavour to enliven it with the air of novelty, by throwing my farther sentiments into the form of a vision.

I found myself, during the slumbers of the night, in a very extensive region, which was subject to the jurisdiction of a fury, named Detraction. The fields were wild, and carried not the least appearance of cultivation. The tops of the hills were covered with snow; and the whole country seemed to mourn the inclement severity of one eternal winter. Instead of the verdure of pleasing herbage, there sprang up to sight hemlock, aconite, and other baneful plants. The woods were the retreats of serpents; while on the boughs were perched the birds of night, brooding in doleful silence.

In the middle of the plain was a bleak mountain, where I discovered a groupe of figures, which I presently made up to. The summit presented the fury of the place. There was a peculiar deformity attending her person. Her eyes were galled and inflamed; her visage was swoln and terrible; and from her mouth proceeded a two-edged sword. A blasted oak was the throne which she sat on; her food was the flesh of vipers, and her drink gall and vinegar.

At a little distance from her I observed Ignorance talking loud in his own applause; Pride strutting upon his tiptoes; Conceit practising at a mirror; and Envy, like a vulture, preying upon herself.

The mult.i.tudes who paid their addresses to this fury were a composition of all nations and professions, of different characters, and various capacities. There was the mechanic, the tradesman, the scholar; but the most zealous votaries consisted princ.i.p.ally of old maids, antiquated batchelors, discarded courtiers, and the like. Each strove to ingratiate himself with the fury, by sacrificing the most valuable of his friends; nor could proximity of blood move compa.s.sion, or plead exemption from being victims to her insatiable pa.s.sion. Some addressed this infernal Moloch with the very fruits of their bodies; while others were triumphantly chanting forth the extent of her power, and expatiating on the numbers of her conquests. At this incident arose in my breast all the tender sentiments of humanity that I had ever cultivated; and I began to blame my criminal curiosity, which had prompted me to ascend the mountain. But in a few minutes the whole scene was very agreeably reversed. For, towards the southern boundaries, I observed the clouds parting, the sky purpling, and the sun breaking forth in all its glory.

When immediately there appeared marching towards us Good-nature, in all her pomp and splendor; arrayed like a sylvan nymph, and blooming with unstudied graces. She was of a fair and ruddy complexion, which received additional beauty from the frequent smiles that she threw into her countenance. On her right hand shone Good Sense, with much majesty and diffidence in her mien. She was an essential attendant on the young lady, who never appeared to such advantage, as when she was under her more immediate direction. On her left was Generosity, carrying a heart in her hand. The next that presented, was Modesty, with her eyes fixed on the ground, and her cheeks spread with roses. Then followed a train of beauties, who, by the unaffected charms of their persons, made me desirous of a nearer inspection. Upon a close approach, I discovered that they were a tribe of AMERICAN LADIES, who were always fond of appearing in the retinue of the G.o.ddess, from whose indulgent smiles they received an accessional l.u.s.tre to their charms. I then turned my eyes towards the monsters I have above described; the princ.i.p.al of which turned pale, and fell down in a swoon from her throne. Pride sunk into a shade; Envy fell prostrate and bit the ground; while Ignorance vanished like a morning cloud before the rising sun. As the G.o.ddess drew near, the whole collection of fiends disappeared. The basilisk skulked into the glade, and the oak on which the fury was seated budded forth afresh.

Wherever the G.o.ddess walked, the flowers sprang up spontaneous at her feet. The trees, surprized with new-born life, displayed the enamelled blossom. The tender roe was seen bounding over the mountains, and the little lamb sporting on the hills. Instead of the briar and the thorn, there shot forth the myrtle and every odoriferous shrub. The voice of the turtle was heard in the groves, and the dales resounded with the melodious harmony of the nightingale. In a word, the whole reign confessed the happy influences of the Deity, and charmed in all the genial softness of the spring.

D. C.

[[Source:

Author: (Dr.) Nathaniel Cotton (1705-1788).

First known publication 1746. The piece was not part of the 1751 Visions in Verse.]]

_ANECDOTES._

Some of the papers sport Mr. Thomas Paine as a man of gallantry; they say, since his last trip to Paris, he was caught on his knees at a lady's feet by her husband.--The Frenchman astonished at what he saw, exclaimed, "_Vat the devil be you doing, Citizen Paine?_" "_Only_,"

replied Tom, "_measuring your lady for a pair of stays._"--The Frenchman quite pleased at Tom's answer, kissed and thanked him for his politeness.

UP STAIRS BACKWARDS.

An English servant was sent to an acquaintance of his master's, who lived at a watch-maker's in Dame-street. When he came to the shop, he asked if the gentleman was at home; the watch-maker answered in the affirmative, and directed him to go up three pair of stairs _backwards_.

After a journey of half an hour, and astonis.h.i.+ng the whole house with his noise, he arrived at the door and delivered his message. The gentleman gave him a dram, which he took, saying, "Long life to your good-natured heart and to mine, and I should be obliged to you to tell me a better way down, for the man told me I was to come up _backwards_; and if, sir, I go down the same way, I am certain I shall break my neck." The gentleman bursts into a fit of laughing, and explained the watch-maker's meaning.

NEW-YORK.

_MARRIED,_

At Charleston, (S.C.) Captain WILLIAM EARLE, to Mrs. I'ANS, widow of Mr.

Francis I'ans, formerly of this city.

On Sunday evening, 28th ult. at Norwalk, (Connecticut) by the Rev. Mr.

Smith, Mr. STEPHEN WHITE, to Miss ESTHER Wa.s.sON, both of that place.

On Sunday evening se'nnight, by the Rev. Dr. Rodgers, Mr. HENRY C.

SOUTHWICK, printer, to Miss MARY WOOL, both of this city.

On Monday evening se'nnight, by the Rev. Dr. M'Knight, Mr. ROBERT WILLIAMSON, to Miss BARBARA HARRIES, both natives of Scotland.

At New-Roch.e.l.le, on Thursday evening last, by the Rev. Dr. Kuypers, Dr.

ROBERT G. MERRIT, to Miss ROOSEVELT, daughter of Mr. John Roosevelt, both of this city.

[[If Internet sources can be trusted, "Miss Roosevelt" is Maria Roosevelt, great-granddaughter of Johannes Roosevelt. This puts her in the same branch of the family as Theodore and Eleanor (but not Franklin) Roosevelt.]]

_METEOROLOGICAL OBSERVATIONS._ _From the 18th to the 24th inst._

THERMOMETOR observed at 6, _A.M._ 3, _P.M._ Prevailing winds.

OBSERVATIONS on the WEATHER.

deg. deg. 6. 3. 6. 3.

100 100 June 18 62 77 e. ne. rn. lt. wd. do. do. t. lg.

19 54 69 n. w. cloudy lt. wd. clear do.

20 57 69 e. s. clear lt. wd. do. do.

21 58 70 e. se. cloudy lt. wd. clear do.

22 60 66 e. se. cloudy do. do. do. rn.

23 60 64 se. ne. rain lt. wd. do. do. rn.

24 63 71 w. s. cloudy lt. wd. do. do.

ELEGY, WRITTEN TO DISSUADE A YOUNG LADY FROM FREQUENTING THE TOMB OF HER DECEASED LOVER.

Now, thro' the dusky air, on leaden wings, Sails the sad night, in blackest clouds array'd; Hark! in the breeze the gathering tempest sings; How dear it murmurs in the rustling shade!

Loud, and more loud, is heard the bursting sound Of thunder, and the peal of distant rain; While lightnings, gliding o'er the wild profound, Fire the broad bosom of the das.h.i.+ng main.