Elves_ Once Walked with Gods Part 2

Chapter 3.

Solitude is the harshest of punishments, for an elf is never alone, not even in death.

'I saved as many of my people as I could.'

You left countless thousands to die.

'I had no choice.'

You had the choice to stand and fight. But you turned and ran.

'I was defending those I could save.'

You were deserting those who needed you. You are a coward.

'I am not-'

Coward, craven, recreant. Gutless and exiled. You deserve to die. Why do you still draw breath?

'Because Yniss, my lord G.o.d of harmony, wishes to punish me further by keeping me alive.'

Pah! How convenient. Blame your G.o.d for your pathetic, self-pitying life. They turned from you the day you betrayed your people. They await the moment you drag up the courage to do what you should have done the day of your humiliation. The day the blood of so many innocents stained your hands.

'I could not have done more.'

You could have died in the service of the people who loved you. You should have. Give them that satisfaction now. Admit your guilt. Face your G.o.d. Know your true nature.

Takaar turned from the stone on which his tormentor had chosen to sit, unable to stare the truth in the face any longer. Takaar watched the rus.h.i.+ng waters of the River Shorth hundreds of feet below. Beguiling, even from such a height. The waters swirled and thrashed across and around the exposed rocks.

Behind him, the immensity of the rainforest taunted him. Every creature that lived, breathed and died in the service of their G.o.d, Tual, set up a cacophony that rang through his head, muddying his reason.

He raised his eyes to the sky, imploring Gyal to give him answers. And so she did, the G.o.d of rain unleas.h.i.+ng a storm that drowned the calls of the forest and drummed on his head, cleansing and purifying. Calling forth his memories.

Red light grew behind the mist. The song died away. The mist dispersed as if brushed aside by the hand of Yniss himself, displaying the enemy ranged against them. Along the parapet, warriors tensed. Takaar stared, aware of the current sweeping across the defending forces. He breathed deep, trying to calm his heart, which tolled hard in his chest.Takaar blinked. This wasn't right. A generation of fighting couldn't result in this. The forest floor was covered in Garonin foot soldiers. Dense like ants. Moving forward slowly. Thousand upon thousand. Behind them, driving straight over trees, never deviating, the machines. Hundreds of them.

Takaar crouched, hugging his knees to his chest. He rocked gently back and forth, his bare toes gripping the edge of the cliff. As he rocked he let his gaze travel up the opposite cliff and into the rainforest beyond. His vision fogged and his tears rolled down his cheeks. Today, like every day, he knew the truth.

'I am a coward. Innocent blood stains my soul,' he whispered.

Good, good.

Takaar stood. The thras.h.i.+ng waters boomed loud, mingling with the drum of the rain on the exposed rock and rippling through the canopy. His mind was blank. Not even the memories plagued him. The void inside was worse than the visions.

You can stop it. Step forward. So simple. So final.

Takaar edged his feet forward, feeling the crumbling mud beneath his arches. He straightened and breathed in the pure air of the rainforest. The glorious home, blessed by Yniss and tainted by the blood of so many who never had the chance to feel its earth beneath their feet. Trapped in the old world and surely dead.

And all his fault.

'I do not deserve to breathe this air or witness the beauty of this dawn.'

No.

Takaar stared down to the rocks on which his body would break and to the foaming spitting rapids that would flush away his blood and flesh. And his shame, his humiliation and his cowardice. He would be consumed by the rainforest and returned to Yniss. Purified. Forgiven.

'But I do not deserve forgiveness.'

We all deserve forgiveness.

'My death is not justice for those I caused.'

Do not confuse justice with forgiveness. There can never be justice. Only vengeance. Do to yourself what the victims of your cowardice would wish done to you. And within, forgiveness will be yours. Yniss loves you still.

'I do not deserve the love of Yniss. Any G.o.d.'

Mercy and forgiveness go hand in hand. But only when accompanied by sacrifice. Do what you must.

Takaar bowed his head. Above him, the rain intensified. Gyal's tears fell, lamenting the final act of a fallen hero. Thunder clattered across the heavens. Lightning sheeted inside the thunderheads.

Takaar wiped a hand across his skull. He found it hot and wet with sweat despite the cool of the dawn. But he felt cold. Deep down in his soul. He watched them advance. The defence mustered perhaps three thousand. Without, ten times that number and the promise of more in the gloom behind the machines.'Takaar?'Takaar flinched. He snapped his head round and almost lost his balance.'Pelyn.' He swallowed. 'What is it?'Pelyn frowned and upturned her palms. 'Orders.'Takaar nodded. 'Yes. Orders.'He looked out over the ma.s.sive force ranged against them and now less than two hundred yards from them, close to the killing zone. The barrels of the machines were rotating around and angling up. He could hear the cranks of heavy bows. The sounds echoed in his head, fogging his mind.

Takaar could feel the burning heat that clutched his heart as if it were happening again this instant. The narrowing of his vision, the trembling of his hands and the weakening of his legs. Breath came hard. Gasping. His body shuddered and his eyes twitched.

You judged them.

Takaar's hands shook and when he took them from his face, the wetness was from more than rain.

You judged them. And most you found unworthy. Another excuse for your craven acts. Pus.h.i.+ng aside the old and the sick to save your filthy life.

'I did the only thing left to do. And some were saved.'

Takaar's voice set birds to flight in the lessening rain. He spun round to face his tormentor but the rock was empty. Empty as it always had been.

You are alone. And you lie only to yourself.

How often had these words played in his head. He knew what came next. He had heard it countless times before. His mouth moved in unison.

'With courage so lacking you cannot even take your own life.'

'Are we standing or going out to meet them?'It was Pelyn again but from somewhere more distant.'All these lives,' said Takaar, shaking his head and rubbing the backs of his hands across his eyes. 'Is the evacuation complete?''Complete?' It was Katyett this time. Or he thought it was. His ears weren't right. They were ringing and muted. 'Pelyn told you. Ten more days to get them all through. We have to hold. Takaar. Decide.''Decide what?' he said. 'Which way to die? Out there or in here. No way out. Yniss has deserted us.'Takaar smiled at Pelyn. She was staring at him. Confused.'You said . . .''It's too late.' Takaar was shaking his head again. 'It's too late. I'm sorry. So sorry.'Takaar took a backward step.

The rain had stopped. Gyal's tears had ceased to flow. She turned her face from him once more and he deserved nothing less. Takaar glanced at the cliff top and the worn patch where he had stood, knowing he would be back. Knowing he had no choice.

'Tomorrow,' he said. 'Tomorrow will be different.'

He took his lies and ducked back under the dripping rainforest canopy.

At Sildaan's a.s.surance that they were safe, Leeth led the temple priests out onto the ap.r.o.n. From the depths of the temple they had heard so little but the sense of wrong had pervaded every stone. When the cold had swept in, the priests had begun to pray. Leeth had felt sorry for them then and so he did now that they were outside their sanctuary and facing the first day of a new world. Or, more accurately, a return to the old one.

Taking his first step out into the light and seeing the bodies of the TaiGethen on the ground and the frost still clinging to the shadowed crevices of the temple, Leeth realised he was not ready. The ugly shapes of men haunted the periphery of the ap.r.o.n. One stood with Sildaan. The leader, Garan.

Behind Leeth, the five priests muttered and cursed. More prayers were uttered. Accompanying their anger was confusion. There stood Sildaan. One of their number. Standing with enemies amongst the mutilated bodies of Yniss's finest warriors. The air smelled wrong. Tainted. That would be the magic Sildaan had spoken of, and on which she pinned such hope.

'Wait here,' said Leeth. He walked towards Sildaan. 'What have you done?'

'This is a fight for survival, Leeth,' said Sildaan. 'Don't pretend you didn't realise that.'

'And we win this fight by killing our own, do we?'

'There will inevitably be sacrifice.'

'Is that what you call it?'

'The TaiGethen will never join us. Ynissul or not, they are an impediment. We've discussed this. It is the only way.'

'We discussed taking them prisoner,' said Leeth.

Sildaan laughed. 'Oh yes, you mentioned that. I operate in the real world. Yet out of respect for you and them, I did offer them a way out. Guess the reaction that provoked?'

'I can't see a way that we're doing the right thing.' Leeth shook his head. 'Me and you, we agree about what is happening here. We know we have to reinstate the old order, the right order. But there have to be enough of us left to rule. You know the problems the Ynissul face - that all elves face, come to that. We cannot afford to kill our brothers so casually. Not even the TaiGethen.'

Sildaan stepped up to Leeth. She was taller than him. She was faster and better skilled too. But he would not flinch. Sildaan gazed deep into his eyes, trying to unsettle him.

'We've been through this, Leeth. Those of our thread that stand against us are of no use to us. And we have to own the temple. We have to make a statement that will reverberate through the forest and into the cities. This is the right first step.'

'Taking the temple, yes. Now Jarinn has left for Ysundeneth. But this? This is senseless slaughter. These were your friends. You've turned your back on too much. And now I look, I find it distasteful that we sully our temple with these men.' men.'

'You've lost your nerve, Leeth. These men will keep you alive. You need to work out where you stand.'

Sildaan pushed Leeth in the chest with both hands. He staggered back, swiping at the steadying hands of Garan.

'Don't touch me,' he said.

'Sildaan is right: you have to make a statement.'

'What would you know of it, stranger?'

Leeth spun round to stare at red eyes in a face bitten raw. Garan's heavy brows distorted his forehead. Like them all he was powerful, wore the sort of heavy leathers and furs that were totally inappropriate for the rainforest, and carried weapons of little use beyond a clearing.

'I see what needs doing. You want war; you need to provoke it, not ask it politely,' said Garan.

'We don't want war. We-'

'Leeth,' Sildaan said, keeping her voice calm and quiet.

Leeth tensed a little more and turned back to her.

'You want this,' he said. 'Don't you?'

'I want an end to the folly that is Takaar's law, yes. We both do. And this is a message that will be heard across Calaius.'

'You will bring them all down on us,' hissed Leeth. 'And their magic will not be enough. Subtlety, you said.'

'This is hardly the place to be discussing this. Our allies do not need to hear us squabble.'

But Leeth shook his head. Sildaan felt a wash of fury through her body.

'They shouldn't be here. None of them. This is our business.'

'You know why,' snapped Sildaan. 'We need help. We are not numerous.'

'And about to get less so.'

Sildaan struck fast, her right fist breaking Leeth's nose. Blood sprayed over her hand and began to run from his nostrils. Leeth jerked back and put both hands to his face. His eyes were wide and he coughed hard at the sudden pain.

'What was that for?'

'You're not my d.a.m.ned conscience, Leeth. Yniss knows I don't need anyone telling me what to do or how to act. I need to know you're with us. I need to know you trust me. Well?'

Leeth stared at her over his hands while blood ran down to his chin and dripped onto his jerkin. He tightened his fingers against his nose and moved the bone carefully back into place, provoking grunts from the men nearest him. Leeth didn't so much as wince. When he was done, he removed his hands and let the blood run freely.

'You and I have known each other for over eight hundred years,' he said, his voice a little clogged. 'And you know I won't lie to you.'

He spat blood onto the ground and wiped his mouth.

Sildaan sighed. 'Now might be a good time to start.'

'Why? Sildaan, I know you better than this. What's happened to you? We don't need allies. We cannot trust them. This is not our way. They are not welcome and they will never be accepted. Who sanctioned their coming here to lend us their belligerent a.s.sistance anyway?'

'What happened was that I realised time was short. Shorter than anyone standing over there in their pathetic huddle thinks. You know what's going to happen in Ysundeneth, at the Gardaryn. Today. You need to learn to move with the times.'

'But you're talking about unravelling the harmony. Taking us back to the War of Bloods. Why would you want that?'

'Leeth, I hear you. But we need to move on. Please?'