Appeasing The Gods 1 Broken

Funmilayo's marriage. The idea of spending the rest of her life with Ike seemed like a good idea at the time. But once she entered his home, it all changed her being and left a raw taste of bile in her mouth.

She was blinded by too much sentiments, it clouded her judgment. She discovered, there were secrets wives kept and things she had to learn by experience. Funmilayo was now aware of marriage's fragility and ever spinning saga .

She gave him all she could; her heart, body and soul but it was never enough. The worst part was, with every misery he in icted on her, she still loved him and that fact sickened her.

Funmilayo stared at herself in the mirror, melancholy reared in those brown pools of hers. Ike told her she was ugly and fat, she couldn't blame him; he was right, she was hideous. Funmilayo swallowed hard as her throat constricted, anger sizzled her brain and it took a mountain of restraint to prevent her from smas.h.i.+ng the mirror. The round polished object taunted her bitterly, revealing insecurities and demons she tried so hard to vanquish.

Funmilayo touched her chubby face, she had large brown eyes that revealed too much—full lips that looked like ripe tomatoes from the north, and cheek bones that disappeared beneath round tender cheeks. The Lord had abandoned her, yes he has. She couldn't pray, couldn't tell him of her heart aches and troubles. She wrapped her arms around herself in such anguish, her nails dug into her soft cocoa skin. Funmilayo had been married for two years and it has been the hardest years of her life.

A week had pa.s.sed and he wasn't home, realization of her husband's transgressions was a swirling nightmare. Denial bickered at her but it was clear he had another woman in his life. What was she going to do? How can she win his heart when he won't bear her presence? She had fallen ill and there was an intense queasiness that wouldn't leave her till noon, she was sore and that made her whimper in frustration. She was close to losing her mind, something was wrong, she felt it. The urge to go to the hospital was impressive, but she had her fears. What if she caught a disease from her husband's a airs? Did she want to really know? Wouldn't that destroy her?

Sunday morning came and she was reluctant to get out of the bed, she hadn't recovered from the ailment yet. Her swollen eyelids slowly opened, at rst they were heavy but with time her eyes adjusted. There was a huge pit in the depth of her stomach, her life was over. She was going to die in this bed—she shut her eyes hoping that would solve all her problems.
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The doorbell chimed, at rst she thought it was her head playing gimmicks—but it wasn't long before it came again, this time it rang twice. She froze, eyes wide open. She gathered her strength and hurried out of bed, quickly she headed for the door. It might be him! Her husband was home! Sparks of anger ignited and her heart skipped a beat or two. He might have realized his wrong ways and was willing to make their marriage work. Funmilayo unlocked the door as fast as she could, opening it with such force, she staggered back. It was her neighbour and friend—Gift. The disappointment that churned within her knew no bounds, such emotion re ected on her features.

"Is everything alright?" Gift asked, before inviting herself in.

"Good morning, I was just…um…" she stuttered, trying to think "I am ne, I just feel a bit tired, that's all. I don't think it's anything serious" she rubbed the back of her neck, a dull ache pulsed there.

"Have you gone to the clinic?" Gift asked, eyes never leaving her.

"Not yet, I haven't been chance and I don't know of any good hospital" she scratched her hair nervously, trying her possible best to adjust her wrinkled pyjamas.

"You need to take care of yourself " she touched Funmilayo's shoulders "my G.o.d, you look so exhausted. We need to go to the clinic right away, it's a good thing I have a friend who is a doctor" Gift insisted. Funmilayo grumbled and threw excuses but Gift was adamant on o ering aid.

Funmilayo was surprised of her friend's visit, she once told Gift to stay away, because Ike wasn't comfortable with his wife having friends. Funmilayo cleaned herself up while Gift waited patiently in the sitting room, she inhaled sharply as she stared at the acerbic image of herself in the mirror, there it was again; her worst enemy. She should break the d.a.m.n thing and never lay eyes on it again.

Her eyelids were no longer swollen, and her oily nose slightly re ected the sunlight that spewed through the net window. She sni ed at the mere sight of her sad countenance, hands covered her face as she tried her hardest not to cry—not to let her neighbour know of her a airs. Funmilayo prayed for self-control, a little ounce of strength to carry her through the day. She brushed o the curls that lingered on her face and tucked them in her blue barrette. With a sweater that buried her curves and skirt that pecked her knees—she was good to go.

After a few days, she got a call from the doctor con rming she was with child. Funmilayo was so shocked she couldn't speak for minutes. It couldn't be, she told herself. Ike didn't touch her, couldn't even stand her, except! Over two months ago when he came home drunk and forced her to bed, slowly she touched her thick stomach and rubbed it gently. A life bloomed within her, she was going to be a mother! Leisurely a smile stretched her full lips, maybe this news would make Ike stay home, he might learn to love her again. Excited all of a sudden, she went on her knees and prayed for long minutes.

He was home! She hurried adjusting her chi on gown, before he got to the doorstep; she had already opened the door. She couldn't breathe neither could she move, she waited for his response—anything that would give her a clue of his intentions, but his face gave nothing away. She stepped aside and welcomed him home. Funmilayo prayed silently, she desperately needed her marriage to work. She played with her ngers as she trailed behind him, her heart somersaulted and her palms grew damp.

"I have been expecting you" she sat facing him "I didn't know you will be coming home today, I would have prepared something for you", she smiled timidly but her grin froze when she saw his face harden.

"There would be no need for that" his abrupt tone, turned her blood to ice. "I came to tell you something" he tapped his feet impatiently.

"I have something to tell you also" quickly she said, rubbing her belly.

"Before you say anything, I want to discuss a matter with you" he frowned, a soft tick was spotted at his jaw line. She knew something nasty was coming.

"I will go straight to the point, I want a divorce!" he said, staring keenly at her. She felt her heart squeeze and writhed in ache. She touched her chest, her lungs constricted as it threatened to fail, tears stung her eyes and her body quaked in horror. She wheezed, betrayal spilled its poison in her guts. At rst it seemed like a joke but from the stern expression on his face, she knew better. Funmilayo blinked the tears that screamed of emotional agony.

"I don't know what I have done, is because of that woman on the phone?"

"How dare you ask me such a question?" he stood, hands curled in two sts. She jerked back in response, quickly she went on her knees and clung to his legs. She sobbed, body trembling in anguish. A wet cheek was pressed on his black jeans and ruthless eyes glared down at her, she couldn't explain his actions. She gazed up at him—searching for something that would ensure her he felt something.

"I am sorry, please don't let go of this marriage. I made a promise in front of our Lord to love you through thick and thin. Is it because of my weight? I will change I swear, I will try and look more beautiful for you", she cried intermittently. "I have nowhere to go. I will try not to embarra.s.s you; I will not even come out if you don't want me to. I will do anything just don't…d" she choked, the word divorce felt like a thousand spears in icting her soul, jabbing and twisting within her.

"I don't care what you've promised G.o.d, I married you out of pity. You do not support me, your family never accepted me no matter what I did. You are not contributing anything to this relations.h.i.+p, I am simply tired. How was I to know you would choose me over your family? What did you expect me to do? I have tolerated your presence long enough. You utterly disgust me!" he roared, and shook her o his leg like a helpless worm. Ike marched into the room they once shared and found her belongings, he picked an empty suitcase and shoved her things in it.

Funmilayo ran after him as he threw her luggage out of the house and pushed her along, but she ran back to him, hoping he would change his mind—hoping her pleas would crack through his frosty soul. She fell on her knees, hands clasped in front of her. She vowed to take her life if he did not make their marriage work but instead, he screamed insults that scarred her brutally. Neighbours had begun to gather; they had started to shake their heads in sympathy but she paid no attention. Funmilayo was so caught up with the drama, she didn't notice a woman at the background watching the whole thing unfold.

A smirk spread across her small lips, her plans had worked and she had him all to herself. Finally, after Ike threw all he thought was hers, he gestured his mistress to come closer.

Shoulders high and chin jutted in triumph, she walked toward the house. Funmilayo froze, couldn't believe her eyes. This must be the mistress she spoke to on the phone, the woman who stole her home. Quickly she ran and reached for the treacherous witch with the long hair, she hauled and clawed at her. Funmilayo slapped the thin woman, screaming at her and partly pulling out some of her hair extensions. Ike came to the rescue, he pushed Funmilayo so hard she fell at on her back, pain paralyzed her for a moment.

She didn't let that stop her, quickly she scrambled up on her feet, trying her best to catch up to the scrawny woman who hid behind her husband. Funmilayo clenched her teeth as she threw her hands violently, hitting her husband. He struck her hard across the face, which sent her spinning. Funmilayo fell and Gift hurried to aid her, she shrieked as her sight went black, and a sharp pain stomped her stomach. She knew it! The life within her had begun to fade, although she felt it linger for a while but knew of its instant release by the blood that poured down her legs.

Gift was worried, so was her husband Kingsley. After the trip to the hospital, Funmilayo hadn't said a word, just stared into empty s.p.a.ce. Gift prayed about her situation but there was no change. Days went by and Funmilayo couldn't feel a thing, no emotion whatsoever. She ma.s.saged her stomach, which reminded her of the empty sh.e.l.l she was. Slowly she went to the window and stared at what was once her home for long hours, reminiscing on the life she lived there.

Gift had to do something fast, had to get Funmilayo out of the house. Watching her husband move on with some other woman wouldn't do her any good. A bright idea sprung to mind and she discussed it with her husband. They decided to inform Thomas of Funmilayo's predicament.

Funmilayo and Thomas were once good friends but things turned sour, when her husband forbade her from keeping their strong camaraderie. Thomas wasn't pleased but accepted things as they were, and hoped someday they would return to what they once had, that was if his secret feelings for her didn't betray him. When Thomas heard the news, he burned with rage. It took a lot of self-discipline not to beat the madness out of Ike.

Thomas welcomed her with open arms and Funmilayo nodded her appreciation. Weeks piled up to months and still there was no sign of life in her eyes. Thomas prayed and fasted for answers, something that would bring her out of the destructive pattern she had taken. He needed her to talk to him—to tell him of her worries but she remained secluded, isolated from the world she once knew.

Funmilayo combed her long curly hair in a slow downward motion, she was going to church, maybe that would give her some answers—just maybe it would bring her tranquillity. The knock on the door brought her to the present, she didn't bother to answer.

Funmilayo knew she wouldn't survive the pain, if she let herself feel. It was better if she was numb; devoid of life. The door opened and Thomas head peered in, when he saw she was decent he invited himself. She was a little taken back, he mostly spoke to her through the door and left all she will need at the doorstep. He just stared at her face for a while, he was lost by the innocence her features obtruded. Smooth face without make-up, beautiful brown eyes held him captive and those cherub cheeks gave her an allure of bountiful youth. How could her husband treat her like trash? She was a queen. All she needed was a reminder and he was willing to do all that if she would let him. Drinking his ll, he straightened his posture and cleared his throat.

"I was wondering if you would like to join me, I um…" he stared at his feet, her eyes distracted him "please join me as I go to church" he said. She stood, and walked a few steps towards him. She smelled of roses, which made him smile. He wasn't sure what her presence was doing to him, slowly his eyes grazed her chubby legs then her wide hips and full derriere as she turned to grab her bag, quickly he let his eyes wander somewhere else. He needed his mind at its sharpest. She was beautiful in her well-made Ankara gown. She inhaled sharply as she slung her bag on her arm, waiting for him to lead the way.

"I have been meaning to go to church myself" she said. Her voice soft as silk, it was the rst time she'd spoken to him in weeks. He stared at her, mouth ajar. Finally, she speaks! He felt his mind soar with hope, he beamed and led the way.

She was motionless, afraid to speak and feel. She stared at the choir, they smiled and praised the Lord. Her eyes wandered to Thomas, he was already absorbed in the extraordinary activities.

She was darkened by grief, it hovered around her. Lips shook as her eyes turned gla.s.sy. She was angry at the lord for letting her marriage fail. She didn't understand, she did everything right. Why? Why did he watch her go through this painful experience? Pain tore through her heart. She held her belly and tried to contain the sorrow that gnawed at her, she couldn't take it! Quickly she scurried out of the church, gasping for breath. Her throat hurt and chest churned in agony.

It wasn't long before Thomas caught up with her, he saw her resting on his car. He touched her shoulder and she turned swiftly facing him, eyes wide with confusion, face stained with tears and her breath heavy.

"This was a mistake, take me home!" she demanded.

"Why? What happened? Are you alright?" he asked overwhelmed.

"Do I look alright to you" she threw her hands s.a.d.i.s.tically in the air "I don't know what to do? What am I even doing here? I thought if I come here I will try and understand things better, maybe I will feel that G.o.d hasn't abandoned me yet but sitting in that church, I felt so…" she wiped away the tears that lingered on her face but it was in vain as fresh ones poured.

"I can never be happy" she nodded in realization "my baby is gone; my home is no more. I have nothing to my name, my family doesn't care about me", she said quietly this time.

"Please don't talk like that, I don't like it when you speak that way" he said. Thomas wasn't sure she wanted him near so he maintained his distance. He desperately wanted to comfort her, say words that would soothe her blistering heart but he didn't know where to start. He watched and sympathized with her.

"You do not understand" she wheezed "I gave him everything. All I had to my name and my life" she stomped her feet on the concrete.

"I know…" he began to say

"You know nothing" she sni ed "why couldn't he love me? I thought he did, he said he did. I don't understand" she paced. Thomas tried to touch her and was halted by scalding stare.

"I will like to go home" she stated. She looked away from him, didn't want or need his pity. Funmilayo wrapped her arms around herself for comfort. Thomas did as she requested, he couldn't leave her alone. She was so distant towards him, he felt his chest slowly squeeze. Thomas deeply cared for her, why did she think she could go through this alone? No one could, shutting him out wouldn't help matters.

It had been three days and she still wouldn't talk to him, the silent treatment continued. It was really driving him insane, but he remained patient with her. He knew he had to tell her about his feelings but it was not the right time, rst he needed her to heal.

Thomas smiled at the purple box of chocolate, maybe this would help with her mood. He knocked a few times and didn't get a response, his heart began to race and his mind sprung forth terrible suggestions. He opened the door and the sight of her unconscious on the bed set his head on re, blood was everywhere and the thick blanket had absorbed every thick liquid spilling from her. The knife not far from her, gleamed with the scarlet colour as if mocking him of his late arrival. His heart lurched forward as he rushed to her side, hands softly tapped her cheeks. He screamed her name and made glorious promises but she wouldn't respond. How could he be so stupid to leave her alone? He should have asked someone to stay with her—to keep her company. What had she done?

He stared at the mahogany casket, and wondered if it was really her in that narrow box, which laid six feet underneath the ground. What was her last thought? Did she even think of him? He couldn't believe she was dead. He shook his head, denying it but reality pointed out the obvious. His ngers dug into his palms as he battled for control. He couldn't begin to understand her death.

Thomas bowed his head, shoulders hunched and hands in the depth of his pockets. He should have told her all he felt, how much he loved her but it was too late. She would never know, he always felt it was not the right time but he'd just realized, there was never a right time. She was so blinded by bitterness she couldn't see a way out, couldn't see what she could have—not even the happiness he could o er her.

A comforting hand rested on his shoulder, and he nodded softly as he stared at Funmilayo's father. Sorrow bubbled to the surface as he saw the misery on the elderly man's face. After her pa.s.sing, Thomas did all he could to nd her family—to inform them of the devastating news. It broke their hearts, he wished there was more he could do than mourn. He bit his lips trying his hardest not to cry but bountiful sobs lodged at his throat, threatening to implode. He took a deep breath but that didn't suppress the ache he felt in his neck and especially in his heart.

"Thank you for letting us know, we appreciate all you have done" he sni ed.

"I just did what she wanted" he shrugged, blinking several times.

"I always hoped she would be happy; you know" tears spilled down his face.

"Why did you disown her? She thought she had no one, Funmilayo thought she was alone in this world", his shaky voice betrayed him, "and now we can never see her again" he said. He felt anger towards him. He knew it was not the time to cast blame but he couldn't help it. Heavy sobs tumbled from him.

"She died thinking you didn't care about her"

"What I said was out of anger; but she took o and never returned. I waited for a call, a visit and I even looked for her but she never came home", he raised his voice, "I forgave her long ago but I can never forgive myself. I saw that man was no good for her; I tried my best to warn her but she wouldn't listen" he shook his head vigorously.

"I am sorry… I…" Thomas looked away, ashamed of his outburst.

"You don't have to be, I made a very big mistake. I should have never turned my back on her, a parent should never do such a thing. When she needed me the most I wasn't there. I am alive but my daughter is no more and I have to live with that for the rest of my life."

"I hope she nally nds peace", Thomas couldn't look at him, "I loved her, I hate what that man did to her, he ruined Funmilayo" he said. The elderly man embraced him and Thomas cried with such grieve, his heart pained him. Ike would pay dearly for what he did to her, he will make sure of it!