Let Me: Let Me Fall Part 29

"Oh," was all she said back.

"I've never done that before."

"With Kenzie," she said, her voice flat.

I rolled over onto my back and looked up at the ceiling. I clasped her hand in mine. "I don't want to bring all that into this room with us. I'm telling you...it meant nothing and I know that makes me sound like a s.h.i.+t. I was a s.h.i.+t to her." A moment pa.s.sed. "Say something, Carolyn," I pled.

"I feel such hateful jealousy towards her, you know? I hate that there was someone else. And I know that's ridiculous for me of all people to say."

I rolled towards her and leaned in over her body. "I told you this already, but for the longest time there was no one and...I never saw her as special to me in any way. There never has been anyone else. There's no one but you."

"Are you certain? It's completely over between you and Kenzie?" There was no anger or accusation in her voice when she quietly pressed, "Just tell me."

"One hundred percent over."

"Okay," she whispered. And to show me it really was okay, Carolyn laced her fingers with mine, lifted my hand up and kissed it tenderly.

"I meant what I said. I'm all in."

"I know. No turning back. I am too," she said as she rolled up and over, straddling me and draping her body over mine.

She felt so unbelievably good. I felt as if my heart would burst. I ran my hands over her back, her a.s.s and back up again, cradling her close to me. "No one else. I'm yours, Carolyn. Always was, always will be."

She raised her head slightly and looked down upon me, smiling tenderly. "I never stopped loving you. Never, Jeremy."

"Are you happy now? Right now, Carolyn, are you happy?"

She punctuated each whispered word with kisses to my chest, neck, jaw and finally, my lips. "So...so...happy...happy...happy."

Jeremy walked in with two steaming mugs. "Rise and s.h.i.+ne, sweetness. The power's back on, snow's stopped falling and the trails are open. Don't think I'm gonna let you off the hook or anything."

I wasn't asleep, just pretending to be. I'd been listening to him putter around as I lie in bed, praying with everything I had that there would be no morning-after awkwardness between us. I pulled the covers down slowly over my face to see him standing at the foot of the bed, his smile infectious, stretching from ear to ear.

"Good morning," I murmured, unable to contain my own smile.

I yawned then and stretched my arms overhead, not realizing that the sheet was no longer covering me.

He wasn't smiling anymore. "Don't move," he commanded, setting the mugs down on top of the nightstand. He shook his head. "Do you know how beautiful you are?" he asked as his hands moved slowly to trace the outline of the sides of my b.r.e.a.s.t.s. Then he cupped them, gently running his thumbs over my hardened nipples.

I wanted him again. I s.h.i.+fted my thighs, rubbing them against one another, seeking some friction, some relief. "Good morning," I murmured again.

"Love these," he murmured as he lowered his lips to my b.r.e.a.s.t.s.

"You're a b.o.o.b man, huh?"

I said it in a lighthearted way but the comment only came to mind because, deep down, I was still jealous of that chick.

"I'm a b.o.o.b man for Carolyn Harris's b.o.o.bs." In between the kisses and licks he laid on each nipple, he reached his hands down and cupped my a.s.s. "I'm an a.s.s man for Carolyn's a.s.s." He moved down the bed then and lifted one of my legs, tracing his fingers down to my foot. "I've even got a foot fetish for Carolyn Harris's feet," he said before popping my big toe into his mouth and sucking. I groaned. "But this," he said, moving back up, "this is my heaven." His mouth went right to my wet center, tongue delving in, lips sucking on my most sensitive places.

I writhed, gripping the loosened sheets in my fists. I didn't know what to do with the sensation. It was overwhelming. He gripped my hips to still me as he worked me over, relentless. I wanted to grab the back of his head and press his face even closer into me but I wasn't sure if that was wrong. I rocked my hips instead and once I started, I really couldn't stop. My hands moved up to grasp my hair at the roots. I felt, I felt...I felt too much. He hummed against my flesh, "Let go, baby," as he snaked two fingers inside of me. In between nips and kisses he whispered, "I can feel you, Carolyn. You feel that? So f.u.c.king good."

I could feel it. I could feel my insides pulsing against his fingers, every nerve ending humming, tingling. As I came back down, my fingers twisted in his hair. He looked up to me with a satisfied, c.o.c.ky smirk.

"You're pretty good at that, huh?" I teased lazily.

"You seem to think so."

I nodded, feeling so close to him in that moment that a sensation of warmth blanketed my chest, spreading all over my body.

I rose to my knees, completely exposing my nudity to him. "Now you. Let's trade places."

"You don't have to, Carolyn," but he did ease back down onto the bed, so I'm guessing, yeah, he wanted this.

I looked down at him as I sat up on my knees, settled between his thighs on the bed. "Yes, I do. I want to," I said as I lowered his sweats. The waistband caught on his stiff erection. As I tugged, he literally sprang free. Long and hard, silken skin covering his shaft. I lowered my head to him and moved my hair over one shoulder so that I could concentrate on the task at hand. I didn't feel that confident but, really, how hard could this be? From the little I knew about s.e.x, I knew that just looking at a guy could get them excited.

Just me kissing the tip had Jeremy moaning, "Holy f.u.c.k." So I went with it, licking and sucking, but never taking him too deep. He was watching me, I could feel his eyes on me. After a few minutes he took my shoulders and gently guided me back up.

"No good?"

He shook his head. "So good...but I want in."

I moved up more and straddled him, lowering myself to grind back and forth along his c.o.c.k. It felt so good.

He grasped my hips, moving me back and forth, his head thrust back. I wanted so much for him glide into me, to f.u.c.k me, skin on skin. I moved up so the head of his c.o.c.k lined up with my opening. He held my hips tight in his grasp then, stilling my movement. "Grab one. That drawer," he said, tipping his chin towards the nightstand.

He was right-I knew that. I ripped a condom off the strip and once I had it out, I fumbled trying to roll it down over his shaft. His hands covered mine, trembling too as he helped me to finish the job. "Inside of you, Carolyn. I always want to be inside of you."

I raised myself up a bit and held him, guiding him into me. I felt powerful in this position and s.e.xy. I liked the feel of my b.r.e.a.s.t.s bouncing gently as I moved up and down, taking him in over and over again. I loved hearing him moan, his head thrown back in ecstasy, knowing I was doing this-I was making it good for him. And watching him come down from it-his heavy breaths slowing, his lips curving into a smile, shaking his head just slightly. "You're killing me, baby."

He pulled me down to him, hugging my chest close to his, part of him still inside of me. "I love you, Carolyn."

"This is real then? You and me?" I couldn't look at him. All of a sudden I was nervous, afraid this would all change once we were back in Westerly.

Jeremy lifted my chin so we were face to face. "Hey, listen carefully. I'll tell you how I want this to go, ok?" I nodded, needing to hear the words. "I want to be your boyfriend." He smiled for a moment and then the lighthearted air was gone and he was serious again. "I want you to be my girl. Every day, Carolyn, I want to call you whenever something funny happens, or something c.r.a.ppy happens, or when I'm thinking about you and just want to tell you. I want you to sneak over to my place after your Sat.u.r.day night s.h.i.+ft and climb into bed with me so I can wrap my arms around you. I want you to come with me when I hang out with my Grandpa and I want to sit with your family and have dinner on Sunday nights like I used to."

"I want all of that too. I want you, Jeremy."

"You've got me."

"You got this? You sure?"

Carolyn rolled her eyes. "I've been driving around for the past two years without your help. Yes, I've got this."

It had taken us over half an hour to clear the snow from her car and to clear the ice from her winds.h.i.+eld. Now she was sitting in the driver's seat, rubbing her hands together, looking impatient.

"I mean the roads look decent but I'm sure there are still some slick spots. Is your phone fully charged?" She ignored me, busying herself by adjusting her mirrors. "I'll be right behind you."

She shot me a look. "You're following me home? Uh...no. It's Monday, you have to be at work."

"I told them I'll be on site late today."

"So you're going to follow me all the way home and then turn around and drive back up to New Haven? Why?"

"I just want to make sure you get back safe."

Carolyn's teasing smile turned into a frown. "You can't do this."

"What?"

"You can't follow me, protect me, make...make me feel like I can't do things without help."

I took in her words and her disappointed expression. "That's not what I meant."

"Maybe it is." Carolyn gripped the steering wheel, avoiding my eyes. "I don't want this if you're in it to take care of me, or fix me, or to make me better."

I walked around the car and crammed myself into the pa.s.senger seat of her new, ridiculously small Mini Cooper. "I'm not looking to be your babysitter. I get it. But I want to take care of you, to protect you. I'd want to do that even if the past had never happened."

"But I need to feel like I'm capable, Jeremy. Do you understand that? Even if I fall, it's better that I fall and pick myself back up. If you treat me like I'm incompetent or vulnerable then I'll lose faith in myself."

"I get it."

"Good," she said, cracking a smile. "Now get out of my car and go to work."

"I am following you until New Haven, though. You car's been buried for the past two days. Just call me when you get home, all right?"

"I will."

"And we're still on for dinner tomorrow night."

She leaned over to kiss me, a hot, smoking kiss that lasted so long and got me so worked up that I wanted to recline the seats and stay in this cramped little car forever. She broke the kiss. "We're on for dinner tomorrow night. I just got you back so you're not getting rid of me anytime soon."

And so it went. Carolyn and I slipped into a routine. We saw each other most nights. But when work was crazy or when Carolyn was bogged down with schoolwork, we spoke to one other on the phone at least a couple of times each day. She still waitressed on Sat.u.r.day nights but would occasionally come up to ski when she could switch a s.h.i.+ft with someone else. I got in the habit of leaving the mountain after taking a few runs early on Sunday mornings because I officially had my seat back at the Harris family table on Sunday nights. I'm not going to say that was my highpoint of my week-no, the times when I was able to hold Carolyn naked in my arms and sink inside of her topped anything-but Sunday dinners were a close second.

I was happy, truly happy for the first time in a really long time. And I was comfortable. I wasn't expecting the axe to fall anymore, I wasn't waiting for it all to come cras.h.i.+ng down.

I wasn't expecting it to end.

"Hey, I just sat three guys at table twelve. The big, burly one wants your cannoli, sweetness...Insisted on sitting in your section," Sal said, waggling his eyebrows.

"Why is everything you say laced with innuendo?"

Sal was promoted to host- runner-busboy on Sat.u.r.day nights. At least that's what he told everyone when the hostess up and quit last weekend.

"Go get that big sausage, Carolyn. You know you want it."

"Nick, I don't know how much longer I can take him." I could barely stifle my giggle, though. Sal was gross and immature but he made laugh and he made the night fly by.

"See, you're laughing. Don't encourage him!"

My smile got even bigger when I came out of the kitchen to see my man sitting with his father and an older gentleman whom I a.s.sumed was his grandfather. "Hi! This is a nice surprise."

When Jeremy caught sight of me, he stood up and his smile stretched across his face to match my own. He just...the way he looked at me made me feel like I was someone amazing and extraordinary and...loved. He made me feel loved.

All three of the Rivers men were standing now. "It's nice to see you, Mr. Rivers."

"You've gotta start calling me Mike, please."

"All right, Mike," I answered, but I could feel the blush creeping across my face as I said it. Jeremy's dad was also a big, imposing guy. I felt like Mr. Rivers fit him better.

"And Carolyn, this is my grandfather, James Walker."

"h.e.l.lo, dear. You can call me Jimmy."

Jimmy was tall but slight. You could tell he'd once had the same lumberjack build that Jeremy and his dad shared, but time had thinned his frame and stooped his posture some. He had clear, blue, friendly eyes that stood out from the wrinkles that framed them. The creases that framed his eyes and mouth looked like the result of many years spent smiling. I liked him instantly; the man just radiated happiness.

"I have a feeling this is going to be the best dinner I've had all month," Jimmy announced as he took in a deep whiff. "Nothing better than the smell of garlic and olive oil, am I right?"

"Spoken like a true Englishman," Mike commented dryly.

"You're English?"

Jeremy shrugged. "I think we're mutts, a little bit of everything, right?" he asked, looking towards his father.

Jimmy interjected, "Speak for yourself. I'm one hundred percent Englishman. Your grandmother was part French, part Dutch, and your dad's family was-"

"Spanish and Irish," Mike said wistfully.

I think I was a little bit loco in love, because any little thing I learned about Jeremy made me fall head over heels that much more. "That explains the tan and the skilled French accent."

"Oh, he's been pulling out the mon cherie on you, has he?" his grandfather teased.

"Oui, oui."

"Ok, ok, can we hear the specials?" Jeremy begged me, cheeks flaming red.

After I told them about the specials, with emphasis on the excellent pork braciole I'd had the pleasure of sampling earlier, I turned to Jeremy. "What are you doing here, anyway? Wasn't this the big guys-only ski weekend?"

He looked uncomfortable when he answered, "Yeah, it didn't turn out as planned. I bailed." He held his menu up in front of him before whispering, "Can you stay with me tonight?"

"Yeah." I was probably nodding like a goof but I didn't care. Jeremy wants me. I didn't know if the excitement over being with him would ever fade. "I'll work it out."

My parents, thank goodness, were not sticklers like that. I still lived at home, although Ava and I had been talking more seriously about splitting a place off campus for next year. My parents were fine with me staying overnight at Jeremy's occasionally, as long as I let them know ahead of time.

They were fine with it because it was Jeremy.

"Well, she's a keeper," my grandfather announced as Carolyn took our menus and went to her next table. I saw Carolyn's mouth turn up in a smile as she wrote down her other table's order. My grandfather was slightly hard of hearing and tended to speak at megaphone decibel level. The entire restaurant now knew that Grandpa approved of Carolyn.

I was glad I'd made the decision to bail today and come see her. I spent a lot of time with her family so it made me feel good to have her spend some time with mine. And it was clear to see that my father and grandfather were enamored with her, just like I was.