Let Me: Let Me Fall Part 28

"Yeah, me too," he said absently.

Jeremy's eyes were fixed on my chest. I could feel my skin heat under his glare. I reached for my water and downed half the gla.s.s. Thank goodness he didn't seem to notice that I was positively wound up. While I was forcing myself to nibble on my food, he cleaned his plate and then went in for seconds.

We talked about everything and nothing. I found myself relaxing again. There were times when being with him was so effortless. As I twirled my last remaining forkful of pasta and popped it into my mouth, I was overwhelmed by the realization that if nothing else, Jeremy was a friend of mine and I believed he always would be.

He stood up and started clearing the table. "That was delicious, Carolyn. Thanks." When I went to follow, he turned. "Nope. You park yourself in front of the fire. You cooked, I clean."

"Aye, aye, captain," I said, saluting him as I made my way to the couch and flopped down. I felt warm, sated and loose from the wine. I watched him as he made his way from the table to the sink and back again. He was talking to me about s...o...b..arding the entire time but I barely registered what he was saying.

He popped back out of the kitchen, eyes wide, the small bakery box in his hand. "What's in here?"

"I lied. We do have desert. Marco's famous cannolis."

"Oh, woman," he murmured, closing his eyes. "You know the way to my heart."

My eyes popped open in surprise but he just held my gaze and smiled at me warmly.

The air between us was crackling louder than the logs in the fire. This was really happening.

Jeremy flopped opposite me, his back against the other arm of the couch. "You wanna watch that movie now?" he asked, handing me a cannoli. "The kettle's on. I'll make us some tea in a minute."

"Ummm," I murmured, smiling as I bit into my cannoli. "I have to watch it with these. If I could, I'd have one after every meal."

"Why do you watch your weight, Carolyn? You're in great shape."

I shrugged. "I don't really. I just like to eat healthy. My doctor actually told me I had to start eating more healthy fats, but I don't think this counts." I smiled, holding up the cannoli. Absently, I added, "The running was interfering with my cycle." He c.o.c.ked his head to the side. s.h.i.+t. Way to go, Carolyn. "Sorry, that was a little TMI."

"What cycle?"

Oh, lordy. I felt myself turning a deep shade of scarlet. "It happens to a lot of female runners. My...time of the month? I was skipping a lot. Please," I pled, "let's change the topic before I die of embarra.s.sment."

He nudged my foot with his. "Don't be weird. It's just your body." Jeremy left the room and came back a few minutes later with two mugs. As he handed me my tea, he asked, "So, did it work?"

"What?"

"Changing your diet? Did it put you back on track?"

"Not entirely. My weight was fine but I was still skipping a lot. The doctor prescribed birth control pills. They regulate my cycle. I really didn't want to take anything and fought my mother and doctor on it for a while. After weaning myself off the other meds, even though it's an entirely different scenario, I just...you know."

He nodded. "So you're on them now?"

"Yeah, I gave in. It's actually really bad for you if your cycle stops. It can weaken your bones. So now, um, it's all good."

I wanted to crawl under a rock in that moment. I started fiddling with the remote but couldn't turn the thing on. "Here, I got it." He took it and started scrolling through the channels. He looked over to me, ignoring the cable guide on the screen. "If it makes you feel any better, my menstrual cycle is kind of messed up too."

I hurled a throw pillow at him, laughing. "You idiot! And why is it that boys can't p.r.o.nounce that word?"

"I said it just fine," he protested.

"No, you annunciated each syllable. Men-stru-al."

Eyes innocent, he asked, "How are you supposed to say it?"

"No. I'm not telling you." Reaching over, I grabbed the remote from his hand. "Gimme that."

As our hands touched, there was a clicking sound and then we were shrouded in darkness. The only source of light was the dim output from the dwindling fire. "If you messed up my remote, woman, you're gonna pay."

"Wow, Mr. Electrician, haven't you noticed everything's off?"

"s.h.i.+t." He jumped off the couch. "Let me find the flashlight."

He was back a minute later, handing me a flashlight and then making his way to the door where he pulled on his boots, gloves and jacket. He switched on his halogen, which lit up everything, and winked at me before leaving. "Be right back."

I walked into the kitchen, balancing the mugs in one hand and the flashlight in the other. I looked for candles but couldn't find any.

About fifteen minutes later Jeremy came back in, kicking the snow off his boots on the doorjamb before coming all the way inside. As he stripped out of his jacket, gloves and hat, he told me, "Nothing's wrong here, but the power is definitely out. None of the houses around here look to have power either. I hope a transformer didn't blow or something."

"Well, at least we've got the fireplace."

"We're going to need it. It's gotta be around ten below out there and the gas furnace doesn't run without power." He looked to me sheepishly. "I've been meaning to bring up a back-up generator but I haven't gotten around to it."

"I'm going to report you to the union."

"I know, I'm a disgrace to my profession."

"Yes, you are. And now, since you've put us in mortal danger and we might not make it through the night and all, I propose that we eat the two remaining cannolis. It would be a shame if we froze to death and then the racc.o.o.ns got to enjoy them."

"I'm in agreement with that proposal. More tea?"

"A little more wine for me. Just a little. Red wine tastes really good with cannolis."

I grabbed the cannolis off the counter and Jeremy poured us some wine. He placed the gla.s.ses on the coffee table. "Be right back. I'm gonna change."

My breaths came in shallow while he was gone. I sipped my wine nervously. Not a day had gone by when I hadn't thought of Jeremy, thought of what I'd missed out on. I wanted so much from tonight, so much from him. And when he came out, the s.h.i.+rt and jeans replaced by a snug tee and sweats that hung low on his hips, I felt my mouth water for the taste of his kiss, for the taste of his skin.

She was so d.a.m.n s.e.xy, looking up at me all wide-eyed, lips parted, taking in a wisp of a breath that I wanted to steal right back from her.

That little bit of skin peeking out from beneath her tank held my attention and then my eyes moved up to the tight, hardened peaks I could make out underneath her top. In my fantasy, she'd part her lips and wet them as she slowly pulled the tank down enough so that her plump, round t.i.ts sprung free. Then she'd- "If you don't grab that cannoli soon, I'm gonna eat your's too."

"What?"

"I said I'm about to eat your cannoli."

I s.n.a.t.c.hed it out of her hand and wolfed it down in two bites. "Don't think so," I mumbled with my mouth full.

"Pig," she teased, laughing.

I plopped down right next to her so that our hips were touching. I wanted her on my lap, wanted her soft pressed up against my hard. But I was a patient man and every single step was going to be on Carolyn's terms.

We sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes, sipping the last of our wine, mesmerized by the flickering flames. She broke the silence, blurting out, "Why did you hold back that night? The night I posed for you?" She looked down to her lap then, embarra.s.sed. Shaking her head, she added, "Don't answer that."

I adjusted the b.o.n.e.r that was now becoming painful before I answered, "I was afraid you'd regret it."

"Why would you think that?"

"I don't know, really. I was just afraid of hurting you. I didn't want you to see me like you saw him...Henley...taking something you weren't ready to give."

"You're nothing like him. I wouldn't have regretted it."

"I'm the one who was left with regret. You know how many times I thought about that night and imagined the alternate ending?"

"I was so mad at you, Jeremy. I was ready and I was mad that you wouldn't...but then that next day, I remember feeling so...cherished. You said the sweetest things to me that night. You made me feel like I was special."

"You were. You are." I s.h.i.+fted her so that she was sitting across me, straddling my lap, moving slowly to make sure she was on board with this. "Carolyn, can I kiss you?"

It was all I could do not to press down right onto him. But I wanted to. I wanted him pressed right up against me, in me. I wanted his lips and his hands everywhere. I wanted him to fill my mouth, my s.e.x. I wanted him to devour me.

Can I kiss you, he asks me? I'm sure I nodded repeatedly in my l.u.s.t-induced fog.

He kissed the corner of my mouth, teasing, licking. His lips as full and soft as I remembered them. The sweet taste of the cannoli cream mixed with the wine leaving the most intoxicating taste on my lips. I needed more.

As his tongue swept gently into my mouth, I reached back and undid the clasp on my bra with one hand. Then both of my hands, seemingly with a will of their own, went to slowly pull my tank down to expose myself to him. My b.r.e.a.s.t.s felt heavy, achy with a need to be touched, kissed, sucked. His hands moved to my shoulders and he moved me back just slightly and then broke the kiss. He stared at my b.r.e.a.s.t.s, swallowing and then licking his lips. His heated gaze made my nipples pebble even tighter. Then he looked up to me. I knew what he was doing. He was looking for consent every step of the way. Protecting me. Making sure I was all right. Always taking care of me.

I didn't take my eyes off his as I pushed my arms out of the straps and pushed the tank down around my waist as my discarded bra fell to the floor. Wanting him to know I was offering myself to him.

Jeremy's mouth kissed mine again and then he lowered his head as his hands gently pressed my b.r.e.a.s.t.s together. His greedy mouth went from one nipple to the other, licking, nipping, sucking. My hands threaded through his hair, using the hold for leverage to push my body down. I couldn't help moving, rocking against him for the friction I craved, that I needed. I could feel him large, thick, so hard, but the thin fabric was still too much between us. I moaned when his hand made contact, slipping between my belly and the waistband of my leggings, moving down and finally hitting me where I was begging him to. My lips locked onto Jeremy's as my body responded of its own accord, rocking against his hand as he cupped me and then against his finger as he pushed inside of me. f.u.c.k me, f.u.c.k me, f.u.c.k me, I begged silently.

"Tell me what you want, Carolyn," he whispered, urging me when I didn't answer him right away, "Tell me."

Breathy and desperate, I sighed as I said the words, "I need...I need-"

"I need you, Carolyn. I need to be inside you. That's what I want. What do you want, baby, because once we do this," he paused as he tweaked my c.l.i.t with his fingers, making me cry out, "there's no going back. I'm all in. Are you?"

"I want you. I want everything with you," I breathed as I pushed his hand against me, riding his fingers and his hand, greedy for my release.

"Show me," he gasped as he worked me until my s.e.x clenched, my muscles tightening with my o.r.g.a.s.m. "Sweet Carolyn, you're so d.a.m.n beautiful," he murmured into my hair.

I slumped against him for a moment and breathed him in, my lips still hungry to kiss him, my t.i.ts still heavy in his hands. Wanting more, I stood and slowly hooked my fingers into the waistband, taking my leggings and panties down as I tugged. I swallowed as I stood bared to him, tentative but unashamed.

He stood as he took me in from head to toe, a look of pure reverence on his face. He moved closer and then two large, callused hands caressed my hips, slid over the globes of my a.s.s and down the backs of my thighs before he grasped me there and lifted me up, wrapping my legs around his waist. "I'm taking you to my bed. Is that all right?"

"Yes," I answered, lowering my lips to his then and kissing him with everything I had.

We entered his darkened room. Before going to the bed, Jeremy wrapped one arm around my back to secure me, using his free hand to whip open the curtains. The moon shone off the snow, casting a faint glow throughout the room. "I want to see you," he said as he laid me in the center of the bed.

He undressed, never taking his eyes off my body. I fisted my hands in the sheets to keep from touching myself. The sight of him standing there, his hard c.o.c.k upright against his belly, left me as achy as I was before. When he took one hand and stroked himself slowly, I gave in and let one hand roam over my b.r.e.a.s.t.s and down between my legs. I was wet.

"f.u.c.k," he blew out on a breath. "You're so gorgeous." As he climbed over me, he reached with one hand for the nightstand drawer and then tossed a foil packet onto the bed next to us. He lowered himself over me, taking each of my hands in one of his as he gently pinned them above our heads. "Is this okay?"

"Yes," I answered, nodding my head, my chest heaving. "Yes."

He kissed my lips, kissed along my jaw, kissed down my neck and along my collarbone. He kissed down along one side of my ribcage, leaving me moaning with need when his warm breath whispered over my b.r.e.a.s.t.s. He skimmed kisses across my belly and then looked up to me briefly, waiting for consent that I gave him with my eager, l.u.s.t-filled eyes, before plunging his tongue between my legs.

Never felt that before.

Oh.

Dear.

Now I knew what all the fuss was about.

Kisses and nips along my inner thighs then. And kisses back up over my belly, my b.r.e.a.s.t.s, my nipples and my mouth. The idea that I was tasting myself on his lips made me hotter, more wetness pooling between my legs. Again...f.u.c.k me, f.u.c.k me, f.u.c.k me, I begged silently.

"Are you ready, my sweet Carolyn?" he asked me.

"Yes."

"You sure you want this?" he repeated, his jaw clenched with the effort of holding back.

"Please," I begged, my body writhing beneath his.

He kissed me once more, so tenderly, before he kneeled up to put on the condom. "I'm on the pill, Jeremy."

He continued rolling it down over himself. "I know," he said, his face pained, "but I need to protect you."

If what he said had registered at that moment, it might have ruined it for me. But I was blissful and oblivious and just wanting him so very badly.

So G.o.dd.a.m.n tight. So slick and wet. Gripping me every time I moved into her body.

She flinched when I entered her the first time and I stilled, never wanting to be a man who hurt her. "No," she urged me, gently digging her heels into my a.s.s. "It's good, Jeremy."

"So good, Carolyn. So good, baby," I panted. Words that were so simple, when really, I was overcome with the feeling of being inside of this woman. Being this close to her. Nothing could ever be as good as this. I love you, I love, I love you, I wanted to shout out with every thrust. But I didn't.

I moved...pushed further into her, as I sucked, licked and kissed any inch I could claim with my mouth.

Heaven.

"Why did you say you had to protect me?"

"Hmm?" I hummed into her hair, lazy and sated and just so, so good after the best s.e.x of my life. This girl. So beautiful. Her s.e.xy little whimpers, the way she moved her body, the way she said my name, Jeremy. Me-like I was someone special and beloved.

"I mean, I get it. I'm all for being extra careful," she said as she drew lazy circles onto my back, dragging her nails lightly across my skin. It felt so f.u.c.king good. "It's not like I want to be a mom right now or anything," she went on.

s.h.i.+t. I did not want to have this conversation. No, I wanted just me and Carolyn in this room-nothing ugly, nothing stupid that I had done. But she had to know. So I raised my head. "Hear me out, ok?"

"All right," she answered, her voice suddenly hesitant and wary.

"I was drunk and I had s.e.x without protection. Recently."