The Shades Of Time And Memory Part 16

'I don't know all his plans and if Terez knows, he would never betray a confidence. If you heard the whole story, of how Pellaz became Tigron, and what happened after, it might help you understand. I could tell it to you.'

'In a few minutes?'

Again, Tyson laughed. 'Terez will be busy for quite some time. Trust me on that.'

There were few comfortable places to sit in the Reliquary, so Moon took Tyson to his own room. For the first time in his life, he was aware of how musty and dingy it was. Tyson glowed like a clean flame within it. He was sleek and fit and had lived a privileged life. Perhaps he had seen the buildings that other hara had made. Perhaps he had built one himself. As Moon made coffee, which was always a lengthy process, owing to the primitive facilities, he filled the awkward silence with this question. 'Where you come from, have hara made new buildings?'

Tyson grinned, although he looked a little bemused. 'Yes, although my family live in a very old house.'

'Have you worked on buildings?'

'I've had a hand in building stuff around the estate, yes. Why?'

'Nohar builds here. It's all ruins.'

'Do you have a dream of being an architect or something?'

'An archi-what?'

'Somehar who designs buildings.'

'Oh, no, not really. I'm just interested. I thought about it once, what it must be like to live in something you'd thought up and made yourself.'

'You could learn a lot about that in Immanion, I expect. It has hundreds of new buildings.' Tyson shook his head. 'This is the most bizarre conversation I've ever had. What a weird obsession you have.'

'It's just something to talk about.'

'Oh, I see. I'll tell you the story I promised, then. It's very romantic. A story of doomed lovers, who were of course Pellaz, and Cal, who fell in love with him.'

Moon wasn't sure how much of what Tyson told him was true. It sounded extremely unlikely, not least that Pellaz was supposed to have risen from the dead. But the tragedy of Pellaz and Cal, and the pain they had suffered in order to find each other again, seemed very real. Moon had sometimes wondered whether such intensity of feeling could exist. He could imagine it and remembered how he'd tried to weave fantasies around Raven, which had never worked. There was no great power behind his relations.h.i.+p with Ember: it was far too comfortable. There was no yearning, no excitement, no tension. Moon's entire being was consumed with the idea of the ultimate love spanning s.p.a.ce and time, so much so he didn't really take in much of the end of the story.

'Thiede has left us now,' Tyson was saying, 'and Pell needs help. That is why we're here.'

'They've been taken from each other again,' Moon said, still lost in a dream state. 'Pellaz must be in agony.'

'Hardly,' Tyson said dryly. 'He's made of diamond. You can't even scratch his surface. He wasn't always that way, but his position means he's had to learn to become it.'

'You are a sorcerer,' Moon said. 'My father was right.'

'How so?' Tyson asked.

'You have made me want to meet the Tigron. I'd vowed to myself I'd never feel that way.'

'He is a wonder. He will overwhelm you. You'll think you've died and ended up in some kind of Paradise. Terez felt that way. He's told me about it.'

'Are you chesna with Terez?' To Moon that would make complete sense.

'No. Why do you ask?'

'Cal and Pellaz are completely intertwined. You and Terez are part of the twine.'

'Don't read too much into it. Every romance has its dark side. Cal might simply have run away because he couldn't bear his new life.' Tyson stood up. 'I'm going to get back to the inn we're staying at, because I'm starving. If Terez shows his face, tell him that, will you?'

After Tyson had gone, Moon sat on his bed in a daze. He felt he knew Tyson, and now because of the stories, he knew Terez, Pellaz and Cal too. His family had suddenly become so much bigger and it didn't feel bad to be part of it. His images of the Gelaming had been of sinister, unearthly beings, but in most ways they were just like other hara. He remembered what Hawk had said: that Snake was a light the clans had to keep covered. This was why. Snake had always been part of this, but had denied it.

Chapter Fifteen.

Like Terez, Tyson had always been very good at concealing his true feelings or pretending he felt something else a necessity, in fact, in a household where he and Seel were usually facing each other off in hostile situations. When he first saw the young har sitting across the street in the open air cafe a ridiculously cosmopolitan idea for a shanty town, he thought he didn't at first notice any resemblance to Pellaz or to Terez. He'd simply nudged Terez and said, 'By the Ag's blood, will you look at that!' He had expected a similarly lascivious and appreciative response.

Terez, however, had stiffened at once and murmured, 'Here we are, Ty. This is it.'

Making a quick and accurate a.s.sessment of the situation and Terez's inevitable reaction should he confess the real reason he'd mentioned the young har, Tyson changed tack and said, 'He looks so like you. That's too weird.'

It was not surprising that Tyson did not make the connection immediately. He had never seen the Tigron as a young har, and the expression Pellaz usually wore around Tyson was a kind of tight-lipped, stretched-to-the-end-of-patience tolerance. Tyson had not met the spontaneous, free-spirited individual who had ensnared Cal's heart and therefore did not recognise any ghost of that in Moon.

Tyson had not expected they'd come to the end of their journey in the city by the lake. He'd imagined that Pell's older brother would be holed up in an isolated spot, revered by local hara, who might leave food out for him and other gifts. That Snake lived in a tumble down museum with his phenomenal son was a surprise.

Shocking rather than surprising was the word to describe Dorado Cevarro's appearance. Tyson had never seen a crippled har before, mainly because harish bodies are far more adept at repairing themselves than human frames ever were. Therefore, the sight of this maimed har was more upsetting to Tyson than it was to Terez, who of course remembered these things from the old times. If Snake had picked up a disgusted thought, it had most likely come from Tyson rather than Terez. It had taken a great deal of self-control to remain in the room and talk normally, and Tyson had been inordinately grateful when he was dismissed. As he'd walked into the depths of the Reliquary with Moon, unable to appreciate proximity to this morsel of delight because he was so shaken, Tyson couldn't rid himself of the image of Snake's withered limbs. He wanted to ask Moon about it, but also shrank from doing so. He didn't want to hear the details of what might have happened to Snake, even though he was morbidly fascinated by them.

Moon, he decided, was definitely wasted in this environment, and he could see the sense of getting him out of it. Tyson was unimpressed by the other young har who had been sitting with Moon at the cafe: he considered that without the facial tattoos Ember would look like a rodent. The hara in this place were all damaged, physically and mentally. The further north they'd traveled, visiting the edges of Uigenna retreats, the more Tyson had been faced with this. Terez had told him that Cal had wanted to help these hara, a sentiment Tyson felt ambivalent about. He thought most were beyond help. Cal had come from these hara though, and that was difficult to credit.

Halfway through telling Moon the story of Pellaz and Cal, Tyson lost heart in it. He could tell he had an attentive audience, but the details seemed somehow irrelevant. No doubt thousands of hara had experienced similar heart-wrenching relations.h.i.+ps in the early days, when circ.u.mstances had been even more uncertain and chaotic than they were now. When the Tigron had finally been reunited with the object of his obsession, Tyson believed he had been disappointed, even if he wouldn't admit it. The dreams of youth had not survived into the cold reality of the present moment. It was obvious, if you thought about it.

Therefore, Tyson had left the Reliquary feeling jaded and cynical. He had even lost the urge to flirt with Moon. There seemed no point to anything. Terez did not come back to the inn until quite late at night. Tyson was still awake, wrestling with harsh thoughts. He was thinking he was glad they could go home soon. The journey had been interesting, and he'd enjoyed Terez's company, and earning Pell's approval had certainly not been a waste of time, but now Tyson realised that the world beyond his narrow existence in Galhea was not as mind-shatteringly enlightening as he'd thought it would be. He missed his friends and family and, faced with the often abysmal food and accommodation provided by the northern territories, he even missed the cozy comforts of Forever. He and Terez had taken aruna together, simply because it was convenient, but it was no more meaningful than sharing supplies. Just for a moment, earlier, Tyson had felt his spirits lift, when he'd caught sight of Moon for the first time. Suddenly, the air had smelled cleaner and had seemed full of antic.i.p.ation and excitement. Tyson wished Moon had not been Snake's son. He sensed that made the har taboo.

Terez came into the room and threw himself onto the rickety bed. Something sharp protested at the weight and thrust up through the unsavoury mattress to poke Tyson in the back. He sat up. 'Well? Did you convince him?'

Terez rubbed his face and groaned. 'He is stubborn and, I think, broken. Why should he care about Pell or me? Only the dehara know what he's been through. He's just waiting to die, and that could take a long time.'

'I take it the answer is no, then,' Tyson said. 'Great. Now what?'

'We'll stick around. I need to win his confidence, somehow inspire him with hope, or at least interest. I think that, in his head, Pellaz is still a grubby upstart of a kid who, inexplicably, our parents adored more than the rest of us. He's not surprised Pell is Tigron. He wouldn't expect anything else. He just thinks hara are stupid to fall for the glamour.' Terez glanced at Tyson. 'Dorado and Pell were never really close, as you've probably gathered.'

'I was shocked when we first saw him,' Tyson said.

'Me too. It was the last thing I expected. Poor b.a.s.t.a.r.d.'

'Did he tell you about what happened to him?'

'It was one of the few things we could discuss, yes. He could tell I was squirming as he talked, and I think he liked that.'

'OK, don't make me squirm. Don't tell me about it.'

'Healers in Immanion might be able to help him. I don't know. I'm too tired to try and contact Pell now, but I will do tomorrow.'

There was a silence, then Tyson said carefully, 'The harling is something, isn't he.'

Terez did not respond immediately. 'Yes, I suppose so. He might be young enough not to have been too affected by Uigenna despair. We can't force him to leave here though. That's his choice. Pell sent us for Dorado, and that is who we'll secure for him. Leave the harling out of it. Moon's future is between him and his father.'

Tyson heard a warning in those words, and then wondered whether he was being paranoid.

Still, over the next few days, Tyson could not avoid spending a lot of time in Moon's company. Sometimes, Ember was there too, which was annoying, because Tyson could barely endure the constant inane chatter. Moon showed him around the city while Terez spent time with his brother, trying to rekindle old loyalty. Snake had not forbidden Terez to call, which must be taken as a good sign. Terez said they spent most of the time reminiscing, and that he was proceeding carefully. Interestingly, Snake had sent his companion and guard on a spurious journey east for some kind of rare herb. Snake had confessed this to Terez, explaining that Raven would not be so hospitable, and if he was around, Snake could not be responsible for their safety.

Inevitably Great Jaguar Paw was interested in Snake's visitors, and sent a har to the Reliquary to enquire about them. Tyson thought it was intriguing that Snake lied so easily to his leader. He did not deny that he and Terez were related, presumably because anyhar could see that, as they looked so alike, but there was no mention of Pellaz or the Gelaming. The Jaguar clan appeared satisfied by Snake's explanation of a long lost human relative, who was now Uigenna, looking him up.

Tyson discovered quickly that Moon was greedy for knowledge. After their meetings, Tyson's throat was often sore because he had to talk so much. He went to the Firedog clan house, at a time when most of the clan were absent, and there Ember and Moon showed him the wall paintings of how the city once had looked. 'It's not quite right,' Moon said, while Ember was absent, fetching them some refreshment. 'I mean, it's all broken down now, and it needs rebuilding, but not in the old way. It needs to be a mixture of the old and the new.'

'Organic,' Tyson said, 'blending with the landscape.'

Moon nodded. 'Blending, that's it.'

'Some hara build that way, so I've heard.'

'Really?'

'You need to go to school,' Tyson said. 'Go to Immanion. Learn about architecture. Get a life. Pell would give you anything you wanted.'

'We don't need anything Gelaming,' Moon said, but Tyson could tell he was thinking about it. It was clear he'd not told Ember anything about who Tyson and Terez really were.

One morning, Ember turned up very early at the Reliquary before Moon had woken up. The way he burst into the room was suspicious Moon wondered what Ember thought he might find. 'Why are you here so early?' Moon asked. 'It's still dark.'

'I want to spend some time with you,' Ember said. 'Just the two of us. Can you manage that today?'

Moon stretched. 'I have to look after Tyson. Snake has asked me to. You know that.'

'He doesn't need looking after,' Ember said, in a sulky tone.

'What would he do if he wasn't with us?'

'What any other traveller would do. Why should you care?'

'Don't you like him?'

Ember uttered a caustic laugh. 'It's not what I think.'

'Meaning?'

'I'm sick of hearing you talk about him, that's all. It's boring. Anyhar can see what he wants, but if you think anything will come of it, you're mad.'

'You're jealous!'

'Maybe I have reason to be.'

Moon got out of bed. 'This is ridiculous, Ember. Stop it. Terez's visit is important to Snake. It means a lot to him. I can't believe you're trying to make things more difficult, when they're difficult enough as it is.' He regretted his harsh tone, because he noticed Ember was close to tears. 'What are you so afraid of? This doesn't affect us.'

'You don't know how much I care for you, Moon. I'm scared these hara will take you away.'

'Why would they do that?'

'I think they're Gelaming, and you're too blind to see it. Everyhar is suspicious of them but for you and Snake. I think the Tigron has sent them. They're bewitching you, and even Snake. I can see it happening before my eyes, and I'm powerless.'

'I'm not going anywhere,' Moon said, then paused. 'Even if I ever did, there's no reason why you can't come with me.'

'Oh yes there is,' Ember said in a low voice. 'If you can't see that, you're deluding yourself.'

Moon sighed deeply. 'Ember, come here. Stop torturing yourself.' He took Ember in his arms and kissed his face. 'I'm here. I care for you too.'

Ember was feeling needy. He wanted contact and clung to Moon as if he was hanging on to life itself. Moon tried to comfort him in the only way he knew how, but it felt like a lie. Ember lay beneath him, pa.s.sive and fragile, and Moon was ouana, supposedly to bring strength, but his mind was somewhere high up above the Reliquary, soaring in the pearly dawn sky on sun-tipped wings. From up there, the world was so big and clear. It wasn't gritty or musty or dark. Ember's need was a smell, hot and salty. His fear was sweat and fingers that clutched too tightly. Moon found himself thinking of Pellaz and how Tyson had told him he looked so much like the Tigron. There was power in that idea and a certain amount of pride. He wanted to be stolen away by a beautiful har and made into a king. It was the best fantasy.

Moon knew that he should indulge Ember and spend the day alone with him. After all, the chances were that Snake would refuse to meet Pellaz, and then Tyson and Terez would go away. The dreadful fears Snake had had about being kidnapped by Gelaming seemed absurd now. It was obvious Terez was simply trying to persuade his brother to help him, and that there was no grand plan to whisk him away from his clan, never to be seen again. In any case, Moon was sure that Tyson would not be around for long and wanted to be with him while the chance was still there. He could tell that Tyson liked him, but believed the older har would make no move towards him because of his age and because he was Snake's son. That didn't matter. Simply being near Tyson was enough. It was difficult not to resent Ember for his neediness and insecurity.

They walked out of the city into what had once been suburbs but was mostly now wilderness. It was a beautiful fall day, the sunlight mellow gold and the trees in full festival costume. Ember wouldn't leave Moon alone, as if he was trying to imprint himself on the very core of Moon's being. He couldn't tell that his attempts to rekindle their closeness were only driving Moon further away. All Moon could think about was Tyson: his sinewy wrists golden against the white of his s.h.i.+rt, his beautiful hands, the way he smiled so wide, so that one cheek dimpled. He was the image of his hostling, Cal: Snake had said so. Moon lay in damp gra.s.s, his head full of the scents of the season and felt delirious. He could endure whatever Ember wanted them to do, because at the end of this day was a return to the Reliquary and the chance Tyson would be there. The possibility that he might not be made the antic.i.p.ation all the more exquisite.

Ember wanted Moon to return to the Firedog clan house with him for the evening meal, but Moon made up a lie about how Snake had told him he must eat with himself and Terez that night.

'Will the other one be there?' Ember asked sharply.

'How should I know?' Moon replied. 'He's been wandering around on his own all day.'

These words only kindled a desire in Ember for more aruna. At this point, Moon had to shake him off. 'I have to get back. It's late.'

'Do you love me, Moon?'

'What? Oh please, Ember, don't do this. Don't claw at me like this.'

'I guess that's my answer, then.'

'All right. I love you. Do you feel better now?'

'I don't know. Those are just words.'

'Exactly. We've been together for months. Doesn't that say enough?'

This seemed to satisfy Ember, because his mood improved. On the way home, he chattered on about plans for the future, which were not big plans, but involved trips out to various landmarks near the city. Perhaps they could sail to the south on a boat and visit an Unneah community. Moon complied with all suggestions to keep the peace. Privately, he was thinking, Tyson will leave soon. I just need to get through this. Then everything will go back to how it was before. I can't let him go without touching him, but then it will be over. Just once. Is that so bad? I couldn't live if he left here and we'd never touched.

It was like an infection, and it had been getting more vicious as the day progressed. Now, Moon was feverish. He was sure he'd soon be hallucinating.

Tyson was not at the Reliquary. Moon's crus.h.i.+ng disappointment about this meant that he could barely take an interest in the fact that Snake and his brother appeared to be getting on very well. Snake had got his liquor out and by the time Moon joined them to eat, both Terez and Snake were on the way to being drunk. Now, their memories of the past conjured laughter rather than bitterness. Terez appeared happy to join in with Snake's often spiteful recollections of Pellaz's childhood indiscretions. Moon had never seen this side of his father before. He was more at ease than Moon had ever seen him. He reached out to touch Terez a lot, squeezing his shoulder, patting his hands.

'Where have you been all day?' Snake asked Moon.

'Out with Ember. He wanted some time alone with me. I don't know what's got into him. He's jealous of Tyson.'