The Original Sinner: The Saint Part 17

"Esther's a s.e.x book?"

"It is if you can use your imagination. Which I'm certain you can."

Eleanor blushed. She had a feeling he referred to that little incident on his desk.

"What do I get if I prove you're full of s.h.i.+t?" she asked, desperately wanting to change the subject.

"Enlightenment."

S0ren left her alone in the choir loft with her Bible and her a.s.signment to prove him wrong. That shouldn't be too hard. She doubted there was a single verse in the Bible that said G.o.d preferred tall people. Of course, she'd have to read the entire Bible to make sure there wasn't. That would take a while. Easier to prove G.o.d liked short people. Wasn't there something Jesus said about suffering the little children? She flipped to the back of her Bible and found the concordance.

Little ... little ... little children ... little ones.

Little ones? She flipped to Psalms and found the verse.

The Lord is the keeper of the little ones; I was little and he delivered me.

Bam. Perfect. Easy enough.

G.o.d liked little people. She won. S0ren lost. Now what?

She flipped a few more pages in the Bible to the Book of Esther. She'd heard about Esther but she didn't remember ever hearing any homilies about the book. They hadn't covered it in her religion cla.s.s at school yet, either. All she remembered about Esther was that she was a queen and there was something about a beauty pageant? Didn't sound s.e.xy to her. But S0ren said he preferred Esther to the Song of Songs, so ...

In the days of Xerxes, who reigned from India to Ethiopia over a hundred and twenty-seven provinces ...

This was supposed to be a s.e.xy book?

Eleanor kept reading. She read it all, beginning to end. There was something odd about the story, something not quite right. Esther ... and the king ... did they really ...? No way. But maybe?

She closed her Bible, and found S0ren again in his office.

"Did I just read what I think I just read?" Eleanor asked without preamble.

"What do you think you read?" S0ren asked as he closed a book and gave her his full attention.

"King Xerxes fired his queen and then needed a new queen."

"Yes."

"And he auditioned for a new queen."

"That he did."

"Am I reading it wrong or did King Xerxes audition for virgin queen candidates by f.u.c.king them?"

"That would be one rather graphic, albeit accurate, way of putting it."

"So he did?"

"Yes."

"So King Xerxes had virgins brought in from all over the Empire. He gave them a year to pretty themselves up for him, and then they had a one-night audition with him in his bedroom to become queen."

"Is there a question in there somewhere, Eleanor?"

"Yes. What did Esther do?"

"I don't follow."

"To the king to get him to pick her, I mean," Eleanor explained. "What did she do that the other girls didn't do so she could be queen?"

"I a.s.sume she was better in bed than the rest of them."

Eleanor gaped at S0ren.

"What?" he asked.

"The reason she was the person chosen to save the Jewish people was because she was good in the sack?"

"The Lord works in mysterious ways."

"The Lord works through s.e.x?"

"All the time. Saints were babies once. They had to be conceived through s.e.xual intercourse. There's nothing un-biblical about that."

"But Esther wasn't married to the king. She was part of a harem. She had premarital s.e.x. Catholics aren't allowed to have premarital s.e.x."

"Esther wasn't Catholic. Catholicism hadn't been invented yet."

She glowered at him.

"You know what I mean. It's in the Bible."

"Shocking, isn't it?" He didn't sound the least shocked, only amused.

"I'm speechless."

"Then why are you still talking?"

"Because I found a biblical heroine who is a biblical heroine because she spread for a king. It's seriously s.e.xy but seems like a p.i.s.s-poor way to choose a world leader. Or not. Maybe that's how we got President Clinton."

"In all fairness to Esther, she was a prisoner and didn't have much choice in the matter-the s.e.x or becoming queen."

"She was amazing in bed and that helped her save her people."

"I knew you'd like her."

"I want to be her. I wonder if Xerxes was hot."

"Perhaps he looked like Eddie Vedder."

"Do you even know who that is?"

"No."

"I didn't think so. I wonder what Esther did to impress the king so much in one night."

S0ren picked up his pen and tapped it on the desk.

"She was beautiful, according to the author of the book," S0ren said. "And clearly intelligent. The women of the harem were allowed to take anything they wanted with them for their night with the king. But Esther takes only what the harem guard Hegai says she should take. Smart of her to ask someone in the know what he would suggest."

"Maybe she didn't ask him because he knew the king. Maybe she asked him because he was a man."

"That's one possibility." S0ren flipped through his Bible.

"What would you have told Esther to do?"

"Pardon?" S0ren arched an eyebrow at her.

"If this virgin girl came to you and said that she was going to spend a night with the king, what advice would you give her?"

"Interesting question. Priests aren't often asked for s.e.x advice. Then again, Hegai was a eunuch. I doubt they're often asked for s.e.x advice, either."

"What's a eunuch?"

"A castrated man."

"Ow."

"Exactly."

"Well, a priest is better than a eunuch for advice, then. I'm guessing you still have all your original parts."

"Warranty included," he said.

Eleanor crossed her arms and leaned against the door frame.

"So what would you tell Esther to do?"

"I was hoping you'd forgotten that question."

She heard a tense note in his voice.

"Oh, sorry," she said. "We're not supposed to be talking about S-E-X, are we?"

"We can talk about s.e.x in a biblical context."

"Does it embarra.s.s you, talking about s.e.x?"

"Embarra.s.s wouldn't be the word," he said. "I'm disconcerted, perhaps."

"Disconcerted?" she repeated. "Talking about s.e.x disconcerts you."

"No, talking about s.e.x with you disconcerts me."

"So you don't like it?"

"I like it far too much. And I think you know that."

Eleanor's hands trembled slightly. The world around them had gone quiet, as if even the walls were listening in on their conversation.

"What advice would you have given Esther?" Eleanor asked again, refusing to back down. He never answered her important questions. She wouldn't give up until he answered this one.

S0ren leaned back in his chair and steepled his fingers. As he thought about her question, her mind started to wander. She could easily imagine herself as Esther. Girls in that day married young, S0ren had said. She and Esther were probably about the same age. If she lived back then, would she have been one of the virgins brought in to audition for the role of queen? What would she have done in that situation? Esther asked the guard for advice, and according to the Bible Esther took only what Hegai told her to take. She took less than the other women. But what was it? What did he tell her to take? And what did she do when she was alone with the king?

"I think if I had to give Esther advice as a man and not a priest-" S0ren leaned forward to rest his elbows on the desk "-I would tell her to go to him without fear and with total trust. She should offer herself to him in a spirit of submission. After all, it was Queen Vashti's refusal to submit that infuriated the king. Clearly he prized submission highly. She should tell the king she was his to do with as he pleased, that she would obey his every whim and submit to his every desire. I would tell her to let him bare his most secret self to her and accept it without question and to show her most secret self to him. She should submit to him in love and without fear, giving her body to him like a holy offering and making their bed an altar."

Eleanor's knees trembled at S0ren's words. She couldn't help but picture herself in a silken gown being escorted to the bedroom of the king, a king who bore a strong resemblance to the priest in front of her.

"Eleanor?" S0ren prompted.

"What?"

"You whimpered."

"Did I?" She had. She knew she had. "Sorry about that."

He leaned back in his chair again and looked at her without a smile on his face but with a dark and amused gleam in his eyes. Right there-she saw it. That look. Those eyes. He knew he'd turned her on with his words and was congratulating himself for it. The expression on his face was arrogant, patronizing and imperious. She wanted him so much it hurt.

"Who's disconcerted now?" he asked.

She narrowed her eyes at him. Without a doubt, he was the only man who'd ever lived who could make the word disconcerted sound s.e.xy.

"Whatever this game is we're playing," she finally said, "I'm going to win it."

If she expected him to be thrown off or confused by that statement, she was sorely disappointed.

"If you trust me and obey me," he said, "we might both win."

Trust him. Obey him ... She could do that. And out of nowhere came the answer. Eleanor knew exactly what Esther had taken with her.

"I know what Esther took with her to the king," she said, looking up at him with a smile.

"You do?"

"When I know I'm going to ace a test, I go to cla.s.s with nothing but my pencil," Eleanor said. "If Esther knew she was going to ace her audition, she wouldn't have taken anything with her at all."

"You might be right."