The Book Of Good Manners; A Guide To Polite Usage For All Social Functions Part 44

SR, The letters SR. (abbreviation for Senior) are sometimes added to a woman's name on her card when her son has the same name as his father, and it is necessary to distinguish between the cards of the daughter-in-law and the mother-in-law.

If both become widows, and yet wish to retain their husbands' Christian names, the daughter-in-law would add Jr. on her cards.

STAG PARTIES. A party composed of men exclusively is sometimes so designated. They are usually informal in character, but may be as elaborate in detail as desired.

DRESS. The Tuxedo coat and black tie is worn, unless at a formal stag party, when evening dress is appropriate.

STATE, SECRETARY OF-HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter begins: Sir, and ends: I have, sir, the honor to remain your most obedient servant.

A social letter begins: My dear Mr. Wilson, and ends: I have the honor to remain most sincerely yours.

The address on the envelope is: Hon. John J. Wilson, Secretary of State.

STATIONERY.

MEN. The variations from plainness and quietness in the use of stationery that are permitted women are denied to men. Their paper is never perfumed, and all fancy styles are in poor taste.

For his social correspondence a man should use white or gray linen or bank-note unruled paper, folding once in the envelope.

He may, of course, use for social correspondence his club stationery.

Under no circ.u.mstances should he use his business stationery for social correspondence.

WOMEN. Unruled plain white or gray paper, that folds once in the envelope, and black ink, are the standard materials for social correspondence.

While it is permissible to use some of the latest fancy stationery, care should be taken that it is quiet in taste, and that all merely temporary variations are avoided.

While it is better not to use perfumed paper, if any perfume is used it should be extremely delicate.

Elderly women are apt to favor Irish linen or similar stationery.

STRANGERS-INVITATIONS TO A BALL ASKED FOR BY FRIENDS.

See b.a.l.l.s-INVITATIONS ASKED FOR STRANGERS.

STREET-CARS AND OTHER CONVEYANCES.

MEN. The old custom of a man giving up his seat in a street-car to a woman is being gradually done away with. This is due largely to the fact that women are now so extensively engaged in commercial business that they are constant riders at the busy hours, end thus come into direct compet.i.tion with men.

A well-bred man, however, will show his manliness by giving any woman his seat and standing himself, as she is less fitted for such hards.h.i.+ps and annoyances. A man should always give his seat to an elderly woman, one accompanied with children, or one apparently weak and sickly. In giving his seat to a woman, a man should politely bow and raise his hat.

It is good form for a man to a.s.sist a woman getting on or off a car. If a man is accompanied by a woman when she leaves the car, he should help her off the car.

A man should always be polite and courteous toward a conductor, as the latter's position is a hard and trying one.

A man should never cross his legs or keep his feet extended in the pa.s.sageway.

If a man finds it necessary to crowd into a car already full, he should do so with consideration and politeness, and with an apology for pressing against any one. It is better to stand than to crowd yourself into a small s.p.a.ce between those who are seated.

EXPENSES. A man traveling with another man can pay the latter's fare if he wishes. But if he is accompanied by a woman he should pay her fare. If he is in the car, and other acquaintances, men or women, enter, they should pay their own fares.

WOMEN. A woman should not look with a pained and injured air at the men pa.s.sengers because no one of them has offered her a seat.

The great influx of women into the commercial world, and their being thrown into direct compet.i.tion with men, has largely done away with the fine old custom of men giving up their seats to women. The impoliteness of many women in accepting a seat as a matter of right and not of courtesy, and perhaps without a "Thank you," has helped largely to bring about the present state of affairs.

No woman of ordinary good manners should fail to express her thanks for the courtesy proffered. If a woman is offered a seat she should accept it at once-without urging.

A man may a.s.sist a woman in getting off a car. If a woman is accompanied by a man and she leaves the car, he should a.s.sist her to alight.

A woman should wait till a car absolutely stops before she gets on or off, and she should face the front when leaving the car.

If possible, a woman should have her car-fare handy or easy of access-preferably in her hand-before entering the car if it is crowded. A woman should avoid crowding into a small s.p.a.ce between others, and it is better for her to stand than to occupy barely the edge of a seat. If it is absolutely necessary for her to enter a crowded car, she should do so with an apology to those whom she may crowd.

CONDUCTOR. A conductor occupies a difficult and trying position, and will always appreciate any courtesy shown him by a woman.

If a woman desires a transfer, she should let him know in ample time; if she wants any information from him, she should ask him when paying her fare, and should indicate her desire to leave the car at least a block ahead of her street. A woman should not trust to a conductor to remember her street, even if she has asked him, but should look out for the street herself.

EXPENSES. If a woman is in a car and a man joins her, and the fare is not yet collected, she should pay her own fare. But if she is traveling with an escort she should not offer to pay her fare, as her escort pays the expenses.

STREET ETIQUETTE.

MEN. If a man is pa.s.sed on the street without any recognition by an acquaintance, he should hesitate before accepting it as a direct cut, as it may have been an oversight. If it is repeated, he will know its full meaning.

To pa.s.s a person whom one knows and to look straight at him without recognition is the rudest way of dropping an acquaintance.

A man should avoid loud and boisterous behavior.

If a man is compelled to force his way through a crowded street, he should do so courteously and with an apology to any one inconvenienced by his act.

In walking three or four abreast, men should be careful not to obstruct the thoroughfare, but should quickly fall into single file when necessary.

A man should greet his acquaintances on the street quietly and courteously, and if on a crowded street, should step out of the way of persons and be brief in his remarks.

In all public places and conveyances a man should offer his seat to a woman, though he is not expected to do so when reserved seats can be obtained--as, in a theatre, at an opera, etc.

ACCIDENTS. In case of accident or danger a man should protect the woman whom he escorts, and take her to a place of safety. If her clothing is torn, or she has met with some accident of which she is unaware, a man may, if he desires, politely raise his hat and call her attention to the fact. If by accident a man jostles a woman or steps upon her dress, he should raise his hat, bow, and apologize, whether he knows her or not.