Stephanie Plum - Seven Up Part 22

"Hunh," Lula said. "I expected something more original than that. Think Joyce must be off her form today."

"Know what we should do?" I said. "We should follow her."

Lula was already gathering the food together. "You read my mind," Lula said.

The moment Joyce left the lot we were out the door and into the CR-V. Lula had the bucket of chicken and biscuits on her lap, we shoved the shakes into the drink holders, and took off.

"I bet she's a big liar," Lula said. "I bet there's no lead. She's probably going to the mall."

I stayed a couple cars back so she wouldn't make me, and Lula and I kept our eyes glued to the back b.u.mper of Joyce's SUV. There were two heads visible through Joyce's rear window. She had someone riding shotgun with her.

"She's not going to the mall," I said. "She's going in the opposite direction. Looks like she's heading for center city."

Ten minutes later I had a bad feeling about Joyce's destination.

"I know where she's going," I said to Lula. "She's going to talk to Mary Maggie Mason. Someone told her about the white Cadillac."

I followed Joyce into the parking garage, keeping well behind. I parked two lanes over from her and Lula and I sat tight and watched.

"Uh-oh," Lula said, "there she goes. Her and her flunky. They're going up to talk to Mary Maggie."

d.a.m.n. I know Joyce too well. I've seen her work. She would go in like gangbusters, guns drawn, and search room-to-room, claiming just cause. It's the sort of behavior that gives bounty hunting a bad reputation. And even worse, it sometimes gets results. If Eddie DeChooch is hiding under Mary Maggie's bed, Joyce will find him.

I didn't recognize her partner from this distance. They were both dressed in black T-s.h.i.+rts and black cargo pants with BOND ENFORCEMENT printed in bright yellow on the back of their s.h.i.+rts.

"Boy," Lula said, "they got costumes. How come we don't have costumes?"

"Because we don't want to look like a couple goons?"

"Yep. That's the answer I was thinking of."

I jumped out of the car and yelled at Joyce. "Hey Joyce!" I said. "Wait a minute. I want to talk to you."

Joyce whirled around in surprise. Her eyes narrowed when she saw me, and she said something to her partner. The conversation didn't carry to me. Joyce punched the up b.u.t.ton. The elevator doors opened and Joyce and her partner disappeared.

Lula and I got to the elevator seconds after the doors closed. We pressed the b.u.t.ton and waited a few minutes.

"Know what I think?" Lula said. "I don't think this elevator's going to show up. I think Joyce is holding on to it."

We started up the stairs, fast at first, and then slower.

"Something wrong with my legs," Lula said at the fifth floor. "I got rubber legs. They don't want to work anymore."

"Keep going."

"Easy for you to say. You're dragging that boney-a.s.s body of yours up these stairs. Look what I'm hauling."

It wasn't easy for me to say at all. I was sweating and I could barely breathe. "We've got to get into shape," I said to Lula. "We should go to a gym or something."

"I'd sooner set myself on fire."

That about summed it up for me, too.

We staggered out of the stairwell into the hall at the seventh floor. Mary Maggie's door was open and Mary Maggie and Joyce were shouting at each other.

"If you don't get out of here this second I'm calling the police," Mary Maggie yelled.

"I am the police," Joyce yelled back.

"Oh yeah? Where's your badge?"

"It's here on this chain on my neck."

"That's a fake badge. You bought that badge from a catalogue. I'm telling on you. I'm calling the police and telling them you're impersonating a cop."

"I'm not impersonating anybody," Joyce said. "I never said I was the Trenton police. I happen to be the bond bond police." police."

"You happen to be the dodo dodo police," Lula said, wheezing. police," Lula said, wheezing.

Now that I was closer I recognized Joyce's partner. It was Janice Molnari. I went to school with Janice. Janice was an okay person. I couldn't help wondering what she was doing working for Joyce.

"Stephanie," Janice said. "Long time no see."

"Not since Loretta Beeber's shower."

"How's it going?" Janice asked.

"Pretty good. How's it with you?"

"Pretty good. My kids are all in school now, so I thought I'd try working part-time."

"How long have you been with Joyce?"

"About two hours," Janice said. "This is my first job."

Joyce had a sidearm strapped to her thigh, and she had her hand on the sidearm. "So what are you doing here, Plum? Following me around so you can see how it's done?"

"That's it," Mary Maggie said. "I want all of you out! Now Now!"

Joyce shoved Lula toward the door. "You heard her. Move it."

"Hey," Lula said, giving Joyce a shot in the shoulder. "Who you telling to move it?"

"I'm telling you to move it, you big tub of lard," Joyce said.

"Better to be a tub of lard than chow mein barf and dog doody," Lula said.

Joyce gave a gasp. "How do you know? I didn't tell you all that." Her eyes opened wide. "It's you! You're the one!" Besides the gun, Joyce was wearing a utility belt complete with cuffs, defense spray, stun gun, and baton. She pulled the stun gun out of the belt and flipped it on. "I'm going to make you pay," Joyce said. "I'm going to fry you. I'm going to stick this to you until my battery is dead and you're nothing but a pool of liquefied fat slime."

Lula looked down at her hands. No purse in either of them. We left our purses in the car. She felt her pockets. No weapons there, either. "Uh-oh," Lula said.

Joyce lunged at her and Lula shrieked and whipped around and ran down the hall to the stairs. Joyce took off after her. And we all ran after Lula and Joyce. Me first, then Mary Maggie, then Janice. Lula might not be much going up up the stairs, but once she got momentum going down she was uncatchable. Lula was a freight train in motion. the stairs, but once she got momentum going down she was uncatchable. Lula was a freight train in motion.

Lula got to the garage level and crashed through the door. She was halfway to the car when Joyce caught her and straight-armed her with the stun gun. Lula stopped short, swayed in place for a second, and went down like a sack of wet cement. Joyce reached out to give Lula another buzz, and I tackled Joyce from behind. The stun gun flew out of her hand, and we fell to the floor. And just then, Eddie DeChooch pulled into the underground garage in Mary Maggie's white Cadillac.

Janice saw him first. "Hey, is that the old guy in the white Cadillac?" she asked.

Joyce and I picked up our heads and looked. DeChooch was inching along, looking for a parking s.p.a.ce.

"Get out!" Mary Maggie yelled to DeChooch. "Get out of the garage!"

Joyce scrambled to her feet and took off running toward DeChooch. "Get him!" Joyce yelled to Janice. "Don't let him get away."

"Get him?" Janice asked, standing beside Lula. "What is she, crazy? How am I supposed to get him?"

"I don't want anything to happen to my car," Mary Maggie shouted to Joyce and me. "That was my Uncle Ted's car."

Lula was on all fours and drooling. "What?" she said. "Who?"

Janice and I got Lula to her feet. Mary Maggie was still yelling to DeChooch and DeChooch was still not seeing her.

I left Lula with Janice and ran for my Honda. I cranked the engine over and wheeled around behind DeChooch. I don't know how I expected to catch him, but it seemed like the thing to do.

Joyce jumped out in front of DeChooch, gun drawn, and shouted for him to stop. DeChooch stomped on the gas and plowed ahead. Joyce stumbled to safety and fired off a shot, missing DeChooch but hitting a back window.

DeChooch left-turned down a lane of parked cars. I followed after him, taking corners on two wheels as he raced in blind panic. We were doing a loop, DeChooch not able to find the exit.

Mary Maggie was still yelling. And Lula was on her feet waving her arms.

"Wait for me!" Lula yelled, looking like she wanted to run, not sure of the direction.

I did a lap past Lula, and she jumped into the car. The back door was wrenched open, and Janice catapulted herself into the backseat.

Joyce had gone back for her car and had positioned it partially across the exit. She had the driver door open and stood behind the open door with her gun steadied.

DeChooch finally found the right lane and headed for the exit. He drove straight at Joyce. She fired off a shot that missed entirely and then threw herself to the side as DeChooch roared past, ripping Joyce's car door off its hinges, the impact rocketing the door into the air.

I zipped out the exit, behind DeChooch. The Cadillac's right front quarter panel had suffered some damage, but clearly it wasn't anything that bothered Choochy. He turned onto Spring Street with me close on his b.u.mper. He followed Spring to Broad and suddenly we were in stopped traffic.

"We got him," Lula yelled. "Everybody out of the car!"

Lula and Janice and I bolted from the car and ran to apprehend DeChooch. DeChooch threw the Cadillac into reverse and rammed the CR-V, bouncing it back several feet into the car behind. He pulled the wheel around and angled himself out, grazing the b.u.mper on the car in front of him.

Lula was yelling at him the whole time. "We got the thing thing," she yelled. "And we want the money. We decided we want the money!"

DeChooch didn't look like he was hearing anything. He did a U-turn and took off, leaving us in his dust.

Lula and Janice and I watched him hurtle down the street and then we turned our attention to the CR-V. It was crumpled up like an accordion.

"Now this really makes me mad," Lula said. "He made my shake get spilled, and I paid good money for that shake."

"LET ME GET this straight," Vinnie said. "You're telling me that DeChooch smashed up your car and broke Barnhardt's leg."

"Actually it was the car door that broke Joyce's leg," I said. "When it flew off her car it kind of did a flip in the air and came down on her leg."

"We wouldn't have known about her except the ambulance had to squeeze past us on the way to the hospital. They were just getting ready to tow our car away when the ambulance came along, and there was Joyce all trussed up inside," Lula said.

"So where is DeChooch now?" Vinnie wanted to know.

"We don't exactly got the answer to that question," Lula said. "And being that we haven't got transportation we have no way of finding out."

"What about your your car?" Vinnie asked Lula. car?" Vinnie asked Lula.

"In the shop. I'm having it detailed, and then they're putting some custom paint on it. I won't get it back until next week."

He turned to me. "What about the Buick? You always drive the Buick when you have car problems."

"My sister's driving the Buick."

"I GOT A motorcycle out back I can let you have," Vinnie said. "I just took it in on a bond. The guy was short money, so he gave me the bike. I already got my garage filled with c.r.a.p. I can't fit a bike in there."

People cleaned out their houses to buy their bonds. Vinnie took in stereos, televisions, mink coats, computer systems, and gym equipment. He bonded out Madam Zaretsky once and took her whip and her trained dog.

Ordinarily I'd jump at the chance to have a bike. I got my license a couple years ago when I was dating a guy who owned a cycle shop. I've looked at bikes from time to time but never had the money to buy one. The problem now is that a bike isn't the ideal vehicle for a bounty hunter.

"I don't want a bike," I said. "What am I going to do with a bike? I can't bring an FTA in on a bike."

"Yeah, and what about me?" Lula said. "How're you gonna fit a full-figured woman like me on a bike? And what about my hair? I'll have to put one of them helmets on, and it'll ruin my hair."

"Take it or leave it," Vinnie said.

I did a big sigh and rolled my eyes. "This bike come with helmets?"

"They're in the back room."

Lula and I shuffled out to see the bike.

"This is gonna be an embarra.s.sment," Lula said, opening the back door. "This is gonna be . . . hold on, look at this. Holy c.r.a.p. This isn't just a dumb-a.s.s bike. This is a hog hog."