Devil's Despair: Travis's Stand Part 9

However, recently she's moved in on my t-s.h.i.+rts. I don't normally complain about it, but this one is off limits.

I point to her and narrow my eyes. "My f.u.c.king s.h.i.+rt again, d.a.m.n it."

Looking down, she smirks as she takes in what she's picked out of my closet. "Your favorite s.h.i.+rt, I thought. Isn't it?"

"Yes, d.a.m.n it! Take it off." I snap. My AC/DC cla.s.sic concert t-s.h.i.+rt is off limits to everyone, including Sarah. "Why were you in my room? You're not supposed to be in there, remember?"

"Take it off?" she repeats my demand and ignores my question. Her hands fall to the hem and she starts to lift it over her head. Her belly b.u.t.ton piercing s.h.i.+nes in the light of the television as her body twists side to side. "All right, but this may make you uncomfortable."

Sarah's choice in clothes always makes me uncomfortable. But Sarah without clothes will f.u.c.king kill me if I can't touch her. Reaching up, I stop her. "Don't. Stop wearing my s.h.i.+t, Sarah."

"Is this one your favorite?"

"You know it is."

"Good. I was nervous it wasn't," she says playfully.

Aiming my eyes toward the ceiling, I exhale, trying not to give her what she wants. My frustration. Just as I'm about to focus on the television, Sarah walks to the other end of the couch, lies down, and rests her feet near my lap.

"Rub 'em," she tells me, lifting one foot near my face.

I swat it away. "I'm not rubbin' your G.o.dd.a.m.n feet."

"Rub 'em," she repeats.

"d.a.m.n it, what'd I say?"

"They hurt!"

"That'll teach you to go out in hooker heels."

Her eyebrows furrow and in the barely lit room I see her anger. "Did you just call me a wh.o.r.e?"

"Did you hear me say that?"

"Whatever."

She turns to rest on her side and situates her hands under her cheek, curling into the fetal position. She's quiet.

Lifting one of her ankles, I place it on my lap, waiting to see if she refuses. She doesn't.

Gently, I run my fingers up and down the bottom of her foot, forgetting Sarah isn't ticklish. My hand moves to her calf and I start to ma.s.sage the length of it, working my way down to her foot. I admire her perfectly painted toenails and consider how far she's come since Bean's death.

She stays quiet and lets me do this for a few minutes. I take turns rubbing her foot and finis.h.i.+ng my beer. My hand rests on her leg, and I'm thinking I'm about finished.

"That felt good," she nearly moans as she closes her eyes. "You're good at that."

"I'm good at a lot of things," I return, setting one foot down and grabbing the other.

"I know what you're good at," she jokes, but I don't find it funny. I stop rubbing and look at her, still focused on the History channel. I don't say anything for fear of saying the wrong thing. "s.e.x," she mumbles through a grin.

"Sarah," I warn, setting her foot back down on the couch. "Don't joke about it."

"Don't stop rubbing!" she pleads. "I'll be quiet but don't stop. It feels really good."

I stand, stop in front of her, and look down. Her eyes are s.h.i.+ning with laughter and I can't help but return her contagious mood. "I'll be back."

"I'll be here."

"You always are."

"Rude," she remarks before I can make it out of the room.

Grabbing my phone from the counter, I check messages before getting another beer.

Hayden 09:52 p.m. Lacey's putting together game night. She's invited Ellie and Devon.

f.u.c.k.

10:56 p.m. Great.

I a.s.sumed he was sleeping or forcing himself on my sister. It's wrong to think that's what he does to her, but the idea of her enjoying what he does to her body sickens me.

His return text is almost immediate.

Hayden 10:57 p.m. I know.

Putting down the phone with a little more force than needed, I walk back to the couch and exhale in hopes of relaxing some. "Sarah?" I call again, finally making it to the couch.

Her eyes are closed and she's curled into a ball again. Her features are still, which is rare for Sarah. She's always in constant motion. Just being who she is must wear her out. I know it does me.

After ensuring the door is locked, I shut the kitchen light off, turn off the television, and walk back to the couch. Bending down, I reach under her knees and small waist, lift her carefully and carry her to her room. The nightlight she's always needed s.h.i.+nes in the corner and gives off enough light that I'm able to lay her down in her unmade bed without interruption.

After I have her situated, she opens her eyes and whispers, "Thank you, Trav."

As I stand above her, my arms at my sides, I feel her hand reach out to touch mine. She holds it and uses her thumb to caress my fingers.

"Thought you were tired?" I ask.

"I am," she answers, still not letting go of my hand.

"Sleep, Sarah," I tell her and try to back away. She stops me so I kneel down beside her.

"Devon may be kind of bossy," she says.

I remind her, "You say I'm bossy."

"You are," she confirms, tilting her head to the side as it rests on her pillow.

"Then why be with him when you already live with me?" I joke, but there's so much truth to my question.

"You know why," she whispers.

Leaning my face closer to hers, I kiss the side of her mouth. She doesn't respond, but she also doesn't pull back and refuse. I let my lips explore the warm skin of her cheek then make their way back to her mouth.

This time she moves, but only to pull me closer.

The hand that was still holding mine moves to the back of my head and Sarah deepens the connection. I feel her mouth open and my tongue slides in slowly and touches hers.

For the briefest moment I remember with aching detail what she felt like under me. For a split second, a hope I haven't felt in weeks comes to surface.

Maybe Rae was right and if I give her enough s.p.a.ce she'll see what we could have. Maybe she needed time to consider it.

Pulling back, not letting myself take this too far, I look into her face. She looks timid and unsure, which I don't like.

"I'm gonna go," I tell her, pulling her arm away from my neck.

She rests her hand on my cheek, sighs, and tells me, "I like when you kiss me."

"I do, too," I answer, kissing her forehead and standing up.

I don't wait for her to stop me because I know she won't. Instead, I walk to her door and move through it without looking back.

CHAPTER SEVEN.

Travis "SO, ELLIE. HOW'S my dear, sweet, cranky-as-h.e.l.l older brother treating you?" Lacey, my meddling sister, asks from across the table as she sits next to Hayden, who's holding Liv in his arms. Olivia is crawling all over his chest and shoulders, leaving trails of s...o...b..r with every inch she touches. Hayden doesn't seem to notice or care.

Ellie looks at me, smiles, and winks before answering, "Good. Thanks for letting me crash your party."

"I'm glad you could stop by," Rae replies as she situates herself in Ace's lap at the end of the table.

"Are we playing another round or are we done?" Hayden asks, pulling Olivia away from his body and setting her diapered b.u.t.t on the table in front of him.

"What do you all want to do?" Marlee asks, standing and gathering the empty beer bottles scattered throughout the table.

Ellie squeezes my arm. "I should go soon. I have to work in the morning, but I'll play one more."

Looking at her sitting beside me, I notice she looks different than when we first starting hanging out together. Her makeup is darker, the clothes are more fitted, and her long dark hair is curled. Before, she wore it natural and always threw it up in a ponytail like the others do.

Maybe she'd changed before tonight and I hadn't noticed. It's not lost on me that I should be paying more attention. She and I haven't had s.e.x. She hasn't pushed and neither have I. We're friends for the most part, and I do like her, but with everything happening in delayed progression with Sarah, I'm not sure I want to start something with anyone else until I've given up completely. Lacey was so sure Ellie and I would be a match when she set up us, but Lacey doesn't know about Sarah.

"Where's Sarah?" Ace breaks in, finally realizing after two hours she's not here.

"Out with Devon," I answer quickly and am rewarded with chastising looks from the girls. Lacey's smiling, Rae's not.

"Ah. I see," Hayden adds. "She likes him, huh?"

"Yeah" Marlee answers. "She does."

"Never thought I'd see Sarah with one guy for more than five minutes. Bet she's gotta be a handful to date." Hayden looks at Ace as he says it. Ace has remained quiet, but brooding with irritation.

"She needs to be careful," Ace says. "I'd like to see her wait, but Sarah's never been one to do anything I ever tell her to."

Lacey stands, runs her hands through Liv's hair as Hayden holds her on his lap, and asks, "Ellie, you want to help me clear this and we'll get the guys a fresh beer before the next game?"

Ellie stands, puts her hand on my shoulder and squeezes before leaving the room with Lacey. Raegan has her head resting on Ace's shoulder as he strokes her thigh near the edge of the table. Toby is playing on his cell phone.

The front door opens and all eyes move to Sarah. "We're late," she announces as if we hadn't already noticed.

"Hey." Devon nods, smiling until his eyes come to mine and narrow completely.

She's wearing another short skirt. The small blouse is a b.u.t.ton down in front with short sleeves. She's not wearing a coat and it's f.u.c.king winter. I start to open my mouth to mention it, but don't bother. Her focus, as usual, isn't on me.

Devon, wearing a heavy coat, has his hand on her back, pus.h.i.+ng her through the door so he can close it behind him.

Hayden stands, putting Olivia on the floor. He moves in to shake Devon's hand as Sarah puts her purse down. Hayden's attempts at small talk continue as Sarah looks around the room for the others.

Toby is still ignoring the rest of us, concentrating on his phone.

Ace remains seated and watches Devon carefully. Ace isn't a fan of Devon either, and he's making no move to go out of his way to be friendly. He nods and I can tell by his body's jerky movements his knee is bouncing underneath the table.

There's nowhere specific to sit, so they remain standing, hand in hand, at the front door. Devon doesn't fit in. His labeled clothes and designer shoes don't belong here.

I hear the girls' chatter get closer as they come in from the kitchen. Raegan walks by and runs her fingers through my hair before she sets another beer in front of me. Sarah spots it, along with the empty gla.s.s and chair beside me, and gives me a blank expression.

Marlee rushes to Toby, grabs his phone and drops it on the floor next to him. He opens his lap for her to sit without complaining about what she's done. Toby is so f.u.c.king easy; rarely an opinionated word or reference said. Marlee and his kids are all he needs to keep him happy.

Ace adjusts in his chair and pulls Rae in to him as she tries to remain standing at his side.

Ellie comes up from behind where I'm seated, bends to kiss my cheek, and then takes her seat next to me. I watch as Sarah and Ellie a.s.sess each other carefully.

"Hey, Ellie. This is Devon." Sarah's introduction is short, but there. Ellie's the only one here that hasn't met him.

Before Ellie has a chance to respond, we hear Hayden laughing as Olivia hands him a white round container. I don't recognize what it is, but he must because he holds it up and asks, "Who's missing their pills?" He opens the box and smiles widely. "Someone's about to get a visit from Aunt Flo in about . . . ," he counts to himself, "well, I don't really understand these, so who cares."

All the women look at each other, but Sarah's face reddens immediately and she steps forward to swipe them from Hayden's grasp. "s.h.i.+t," she whispers harshly to the room.

"f.u.c.k me, d.a.m.n it. Sarah, you've got to be f.u.c.kin' kidding," Ace snaps without needing time to process.

I'm still a little lost.

"She's got your wallet out too, squirt," Hayden explains while scooping Liv up and forcing her to release coins she dug out from Sarah's purse. "You can't leave an open bag around her."