Devil's Despair: Travis's Stand Part 30

"Let them talk," Hayden whispers to Sarah. "Just for a little while. Lacey will go out with you."

Hearing what Hayden just told Sarah, Lacey bends down and kisses my cheek. She mumbles something about being angry, but I don't catch it. Then she turns to Sarah. "Come on, Sarah. Let's get something for you to eat."

"f.u.c.k this. Ace, this is bulls.h.i.+t."

Sarah never knows when to back off.

"Out!" Ace bellows, pointing to the door without looking at her. Sarah goes still, but stays tense in Hayden's arms.

I've been left in a challenging, continuous stare down with Ace.

Sarah's exhaustive breaths are audible once she realizes she's being left with no choice. She looks down at me from where Hayden stands holding her and promises, "Travis, I swear I'll be back in a few minutes."

I don't offer her any words; I also don't look at her any longer. I can't.

After Sarah leaves, I notice Toby's remained quiet. He's sitting in a chair in the corner of the room. He's not looking at me, but down at the floor under him.

Ace still stands at the foot of my bed, and his eyes still haven't left my face.

Hayden, coming back into the room alone, closes the door behind him and quietly walks to my side. "Sarah's promised a few minutes, but Lacey can't keep her out long. She's a mess."

"A mess," Ace repeats. "She's got no idea the mess she's helped create with this bulls.h.i.+t."

A few tense moments go by in silence so Hayden takes the metal seat at the side of my bed. He leans back into it and crosses his feet at the ankles, putting his hands behind his head. The Devil's Despair t-s.h.i.+rt he's wearing mocks our situation. I feel as if I've betrayed the brotherhood it once stood for. Any regret I should feel isn't there.

I've got nothing to be ashamed or regretful of.

Three of us share questioning glances. Ace doesn't. His posture remains rigid. His hands are balled into fists on either side of his body and the vein in his temple continues to protrude.

He picks up the chair behind him, and I a.s.sume he is about to sit, but he doesn't. Instead, he lifts it over his head and sends it flying into the wall behind him. Hayden and Toby both stand. I suck in needed air, bracing for what's about to happen.

"Ace," Toby says quietly from behind him.

"She's a mess," Ace repeats Hayden's words again. "How about you f.u.c.king explain why my little sister's such a G.o.d d.a.m.n mess!"

Breathing slowly, I feel my own anger start to build. I get he's upset, I understand why he's upset, but this isn't entirely his business. Sarah's his sister, but she's also an adult who's capable of making her own decisions. If being with me is what she wants then f.u.c.k him and anyone else who gets in the way of her happiness.

I start with truth, committed to staying the course. "I was going to tell you-" But I don't get far.

"Tell me?" he hisses. "Tell me what, exactly?" he seethes. "Were you ever going to tell me you're f.u.c.king my sister?"

"That's not what this is," I answer, trying to stay calm. "You're judging a relations.h.i.+p you know nothing about."

"Travis, I haven't had long to process," he starts. "You get me when I say that. So, I'll also say that what I have had the time to process isn't f.u.c.kin' good."

"Ace," Hayden tries to interject.

"You don't have relations.h.i.+ps," Ace forges on without giving in to Hayden's attempt at interference. "Since I've known you, you've never been with a woman longer than a month that I can ever remember."

Hayden wades in again, this time inching closer to Ace. "Listen to him, Ace."

"I love her," I tell them all.

Silence deafens the room.

"You were like a brother to me," Ace whispers over the truth I've left open. "You were like a brother to her," he continues. "I trusted you with her all these years. All her life I thought she was safe with you."

"She is." I won't let him take that small piece away from me.

"She doesn't know what it means to be in a relations.h.i.+p."

"You've never let her have one," Toby throws in from behind Ace. He's leaning against the wall, his legs crossed at the ankles, his arms braced across his chest.

Ace looks back at him, then again turns to me. "And now you can f.u.c.kin' see why."

Again, the room deadens in silence. Ace just announced his opinion to the others in no way it could be mistaken. My best friend, my brother by bond, thinks I'm not good enough for Sarah.

"Whatever the f.u.c.k this is, it's f.u.c.kin' over. Today. You're done. Both of you," he says absolutely. He looks at Hayden's pale face and mumbles, "This is all just f.u.c.kin' ridiculous."

I knew he'd be p.i.s.sed. If it were me, and it was me with Lacey and Hayden, I'd feel the same. But I've wanted this with Sarah for too long. Too much time and emotion has pa.s.sed to let her go without a fight.

"We're together, Ace. She's happy. You said so yourself." My claim falls on deaf ears. He's not listening, but I keep going. "At the arena, weeks ago, you said she was happy and she was and still is."

"Were you f.u.c.king her then? When I told you I saw how happy she was, were you f.u.c.king my little sister then?"

"Knock it off!" Hayden jumps in once Ace's intentions head toward insulting Sarah. "Ace," he says, lifting the chair Ace threw and setting it next to him. "Just wait. Hear what he has to say."

Ace's eyes break from mine to glare at Hayden. "You have nothing in this. You're as guilty as he is."

"You're not seeing what's happening in front of you, friend. You're not looking close enough," Hayden pleads quietly, attempting to calm the rabid tiger's fury.

"f.u.c.k you," Ace spits. "You want to take his side in this, fine. I'll be down two brothers instead of one, but it doesn't change what's ending-what's f.u.c.king over." Looking back at me, he points in my direction. "If she doesn't make this go away, make it end, you're goin' to. If you don't, Travis, we'll never be brothers again."

Toby moves from the wall and walks closer to Ace, stopping at his side. Ace turns to look at him and the ever-calm, ever-collected Toby speaks. "Hayden's right. In some way you have to know that, too. She's happy, Ace. Since Bean died and she moved in with Travis, she's changed."

"I don't give a f.u.c.k," Ace quickly returns.

"About her happiness?" Toby throws back just as fast.

"I don't give a f.u.c.k about what she's feelin' right now. She'll thank me for this later."

Toby doesn't give up. "When she's found someone to love?"

"Yes," Ace replies.

"She already has," Hayden puts in.

Ace's refusal to acknowledge Sarah's feelings still doesn't deter Toby. "Travis is good for her. She could've ended up with anyone and you could be just as powerless to stop it."

"She's still my kid sister."

"She'll always be that. But she's also a grown woman and can make decisions for herself," Hayden adds, echoing my exact thoughts. If I were able to express them, I would.

Looking back at me, Hayden and Toby now flanking him, Ace gives his parting shot. I hadn't seen it coming, but should've figured it was. "You're f.u.c.ked in the head, Travis," he starts slowly, building venomous momentum. "You always have been. She's not safe with you. You've got too much s.h.i.+t inside that you've kept buried. Too much has happened in your life to make you a strong enough person to take care of Sarah. So, no. It's over. You're not good enough for her."

The truth of the situation hits me. Sarah and I will never be happy if Ace doesn't approve.

Before he's able to walk away, and before I've given up completely, I stop him with words aimed to hurt him just as his hurt me. "What you just said about me is maybe true, Ace. I won't deny you could be right. I've thought about those reasons over and over. But, I can't change my past." His expression doesn't change; the permanent mask of ire doesn't falter in the slightest. "When you brought Raegan here from Ohio and into our lives, she was so f.u.c.kin' broken; she was a sh.e.l.l of who she is now. You saved her from a life a lot similar to mine. Am I not someone who's a lot like the person you'd lay down your own life for?"

"You're nothing like Raegan," he seethes with added anger etched on his face.

No, I'm not. No two people's pasts are alike, but the damage stemmed from it can cause the same effect.

I laugh, s.a.d.i.s.tically, at his denial. "Open your eyes, Ace. Raegan's past f.u.c.ks with her, probably more than mine does with me."

Ace makes a sudden move, as if I'd struck him, causing Hayden to jump back and out of his way.

"We're not discussing this anymore, friend," he seethes. "It's finished."

I have to let her go.

"If you love her, like you say you do, then it's over," he tells me but there's no need to further explain.

I've got to end this.

I knew Ace's reaction would be violent, but I hadn't expected his reasoning to be as certain. The part of my past Ace knows about not only haunts me, but him.

She'll never understand.

"I love her," I concede. "She loves me, too. This won't go easy."

Toby pipes in after a long silence. "You're ending it with her? Travis, no."

Turning, Ace moves in closer to Toby and uses his build to intimidate. "You have nothing in this. I suggest you stay the f.u.c.k out of it. It doesn't concern you or Hayden."

"You're making a mistake. Sarah and Travis. . . ."

Toby's words are stopped. The tension in the room increases further as Ace looks back at me. "I've never in all my years knowing you felt the betrayal I feel now." His voice gentles slightly. He's still angry, but he's hurt. "If you'd come to me first . . ." he stops and takes a breath. "Even if you'd come to me first, the answer would've been no, but you'd have saved Sarah the heartache of losing you."

"The heartache you're causing, Ace. Don't forget that," Hayden offers.

Without another word, and without looking behind him, Ace walks rigidly out the door just as he walked in it: frustrated, angry, and hurt by my betrayal.

Before leaving, Hayden and Toby sit with me in silence for as long as they can stand it. Each lost in their head like I was. I imagined they were trying to forget Ace's resentment, but couldn't. I didn't blame either of them for leaving without uttering a single word of goodbye. Their sullen faces were enough to tell me what I already knew.

I'd have to let Sarah go and I'd have to do it in such a way she'll have no choice but to accept it.

And she'll hate me for the rest of her life after hurting her the way I know I will.

CHAPTER TWENTY.

Sarah "I f.u.c.kING HATE you," I seethe to Ace on the drive to Trav's apartment.

We're headed there to "collect my things" as he explained on the way to the hospital elevator. He couldn't give me so much as a f.u.c.king day to process his demands and allow me to weigh in with an opinion or give me an opportunity to offer a thought that was my own.

I f.u.c.king knew this would happen.

When Ace came out of Travis's hospital room, I knew. I had my answer before he uttered an angry word. His decision had been made and it was over. He did explain, in animated and angered detail, what would happen to Travis if I didn't end things between us.

Travis would be alone. It was a place, in his head, he'd already known for too long. I knew then I couldn't let that happen. I wanted to fight, pull any strength from down deep, and go back in Trav's room and lie next to him while he was healing. I'd already had a lifetime of experiencing Ace's temper and interference though, so it was pointless.

I f.u.c.king knew this would happen.

Once again, because of a life where I lived under Ace's thumb, I stopped resisting and did as I was told. It didn't matter how Travis and I explained ourselves. Explaining to Ace that our relations.h.i.+p was gradual and had happened over a span of years wouldn't matter. He wouldn't have listened no matter when or where we ever tried to tell him.

G.o.d, Bean would have so much to say about this.

The others stood around us in the waiting room watching as Ace threatened to remove him from the group. Travis would no longer be welcome in Ace's life, the Ward, or in the band that rarely plays anymore. His connection to Rae would be severed. Although Raegan loves Travis, she wouldn't betray Ace for anyone. Travis would be alone and it would be because of me.

Hayden said nothing in our defense, and neither did Toby. They weren't surprised by Ace's reaction, but they were sorry. Their faces, as they stood around and watched the train wreck happening in front of them, were full of shame-for Ace.

Lacey stood still by my side as Ace informed us all that I was moving back in with him and Rae. She held my hand as she walked me out to Ace's truck. She kissed me on the cheek and whispered quietly in my ear, but I wasn't listening to any more of what anyone else had to say.

"Better you hate me than f.u.c.k him," Ace answers my declaration quickly while staring at the road ahead.

"You won't even hear me out, will you?"

Turning around and pinning me with a glare, which at one time would've kept me quiet, he utters his words as if they're painful to speak. "I'm supposed to be taking care of you, Sarah. It's what she would've wanted."

"Taking care of me?" I ask louder than needed, but he needs to listen. "You are not talking about Bean, Ace. You are not bringing her into this f.u.c.king conversation and saying she wouldn't want me with Travis. She loved him!"

"She didn't know him," he states calmly. "She only knew what we told her."

Pus.h.i.+ng an already sensitive situation, I ask, "Are you talking about his mom and what may or may not have happened when he was a kid?"

"What he saw as a child? Yes. What causes him to fear what he'll do to a woman himself because of what he saw? That's a f.u.c.k yes."

Travis hadn't finished telling me exactly what he thinks he remembers. He either couldn't finish the story or he was too ashamed and nervous to admit it. I don't ask Ace to fill me in; it's not his place. I'll ask Travis.

"That's bulls.h.i.+t, Ace. Bean knew every one of us. She loved us all despite ourselves. You, more than anyone, should know that."

"Stop talkin,' Sarah."