Back Check Part 27

Tanner rolled his eyes but did what he was told. "Should I put a s.h.i.+rt on?"

They debated this for some time and finally Tanner sighed, got up and dressed in a pair of sweatpants and T-s.h.i.+rt, then sat again.

"Start talking. I'll record you." Army held up Tanner's phone.

"This is ridiculous." Tanner rubbed his face. "Maybe I should wait till I get home."

"Last night you needed to phone her right away."

Yeah. He remembered. He remembered the urgency that had gripped him, the desperate feeling that he had to talk to Katelyn right f.u.c.king now, because it might be too late. And they'd already wasted so many years. He was terrified, but unlike last time he and Katelyn had broken up, this time he'd man up. Be f.u.c.king brave enough to admit how he felt about her...to her, and to himself. Be brave enough to fight for them.

"I feel stupid talking in front of you all."

"You need us here," Rupper said. "Moral support."

Tanner sighed. "Okay, okay." He looked at the phone and nodded. "Katelyn. Hi. I'm, uh, sending you this from Nashville because...I can't wait to get home to talk to you. To tell you that I'm an idiot-"

"f.u.c.king moron," Rosser called from where he still lay on the bed behind him.

Tanner blinked. "The guys are here," he said. "They're helping me do this because last night I realized...I screwed up. By ending things with you. I..." He looked down at his hands, then back up. "I got scared. I thought you were having second thoughts about us, and I wouldn't blame you if you were. Because yeah, it looks like I'm going to be traded."

"Probably not," Rupper called out.

Tanner rolled his eyes. "I don't know where I'm going to end up, but..." He lifted his chin. "Wherever it is, I'll give it my all. I'm not going to pout and sulk about it."

"He was pouting," Army said from behind the phone.

Tanner gritted his teeth. "Whoever the team is, I'll play my best. And I'll be okay. Except...I want you with me." He stared steadily at the camera. "I know it would be a lot to ask you to give up your career in Chicago. So I don't know how we'll work things out if I get traded, but I hope we can. Last time..." He dropped his gaze, wiping damp palms on his sweatpants, his heart thudding so hard he almost couldn't breathe. He lifted his eyes back to the phone and forced himself to say the words. "Last time I asked you to come with me and you said no. So...I'm pretty f.u.c.king terrified right now." He cleared his throat. "But you were right. I was a coward. I didn't stick around long enough to figure things out."

He paused to pull in a long breath. This time the guys all stayed silent.

"You know my life," he said quietly. "You know how hard it is for me to..." f.u.c.k, he was ripping out his heart and offering it to her, all b.l.o.o.d.y and beating, in front of his teammates. "For me to get attached to people. Because they never stick around." His throat was swelling up, like he had some kind of tumor growing there, choking him. He swallowed. "You're the only one who ever stuck around. I hurt you once before by leaving, and now I've done it again, and I don't deserve another chance with you, but I...I'm asking you for one. I love you, Katelyn."

"Christ, I'm gonna cry," Rosser said in a high-pitched voice, wiping a fake tear.

Tanner flicked him his middle finger out of sight of the camera. He hoped.

"So, um, I guess that's about it. I mean, I have a bunch more stuff I want to tell you, and I want to tell you about a hundred times I'm sorry and I'll run you bubble baths with expensive bath salts and bring you kettle chips and wine. But I guess that's it for now." He stared into the tiny camera lens. "I love you, Katie."

Army ended the recording, nodding in satisfaction. "Good job, bro."

"You think?" He rubbed his face. "I felt like an idiot."

"But you feel better, right?" Duper asked.

"No. I think I'm gonna puke."

"Here." Army handed him his phone. "Send it to her."

Tanner took the phone and sent it off, a sense of hopeful antic.i.p.ation filling him. This had to work. This had to be okay. He filled his lungs again and then exhaled slowly. "Okay. Done."

"We gotta get downstairs and on the bus," Duper said, rising. "Let's go, boys."

- Tanner kept checking his phone whenever he had a chance, on the way to the arena, after their morning skate, over lunch, back in his hotel room, where he tried to nap.

Nothing.

No reply from Katelyn.

f.u.c.k.

They were at the Bridgestone Arena getting dressed for the warm-up when it was announced that Hughie was a late scratch from the lineup.

"What the f.u.c.k?" Rosser said, looking around the room. "He was here this morning, practicing."

"He was fine," Army said. "He wasn't the one doing Tennessee Fireball shots."

Tanner shook his head. Something icy trickled down his spine. Kevin's words came back to him...something's up.

Christ. He was afraid to even think about it.

There'd been some talk about Hughie being part of a deal that would help a couple of teams on the blue line. But Tanner had been so sure he was the one going to leave, he hadn't paid much attention to them. He should have.

Then it was real. Ian came into the room along with grim-faced coach Brad Wendell and Aces Director of Communications, Colby Kowalchuk. Ian announced that Hughie had been traded to the Pittsburgh Penguins.

Tanner's gut tightened painfully, waiting for more news, hardly able to believe that this was it, this was the trade move the Aces were making the day before the deadline. There was still tomorrow...he could still be traded. But surely to f.u.c.k they wouldn't trade both him and Hughie.

The room went quiet at the news. It was never easy losing a teammate. Hughie was young but he had a lot of potential, and he'd become good friends with a lot of the guys. f.u.c.k, he was standing up with Duper at his wedding in June.

Tanner glanced over at the team captain. He didn't seem stunned by the news, so maybe he'd had a heads-up from management. But he didn't look happy.

The team was getting Gabe Gandy, a talented young forward, and a first-round draft pick. Tanner didn't know much about Gandy. A first-round pick would be good, though, because he knew both Pauly and Rupper were considering retirement, and Gandy would fill a hole on the fourth line with Max Hall's status still being uncertain after the death of his wife last year.

Hughie came into the room in his suit and tie, his backpack over his shoulder. His face was somber. "Well, guys, this is it. I gotta get on a plane to Pittsburgh in two hours."

"Christ." Tanner stood, not sure what to say or do. Everyone else seemed to feel the same.

Duper rose from the bench and walked over to Hughie to give him a bro shake and a hug. "We're all going to miss you, man. You're going to do great in Pittsburgh, though. I mean that. It's a great opportunity for you to step up."

Hughie nodded, his mouth tight, and he hugged Duper back. "Thanks, man. Been an honor playing with you. I've learned a lot...about hockey, and about leaders.h.i.+p."

Hughie was always making jokes and acting goofy. Seeing him all serious like this was weird. But a guy didn't get to the NHL by being a complete dumba.s.s.

Hughie went around the room shaking hands and talking to everyone for a few minutes, and then it was time for them to put their gear on and get on the ice. Colby walked Hughie out of the arena to put him in a taxi to the airport. Training staff were gathering his gear to s.h.i.+p it to Pittsburgh.

Wow, this was a test of focus if there ever was one. Holy s.h.i.+t, how could they drop a bomb like that at the last minute before a game? Talks must have been going on for a while, probably all day, and they'd just reached an agreement, Tanner guessed.

His insides were all twisted and he wasn't sure whether to be relieved or nervous. This sure made it less likely that he'd be traded before the deadline tomorrow at three o'clock. But he still didn't have a contract. The possibility of becoming a UFA as of July boggled his mind. Surely he was worth something to the team? They wouldn't just let him go for someone else to pick him up.

Or they could offer him some s.h.i.+tty contract, hoping to save cap s.p.a.ce, thinking he'd accept the deal rather than wait it out, take his chances.

He needed to talk to Kevin, like now. But that wasn't happening, because they had a game.

He also needed to talk to Katelyn. But that wasn't happening either, because he still hadn't heard from her. He'd broken up with her and maybe she wasn't interested in trying to fix things between them yet again, despite his ridiculous video.

- Katelyn watched the video on her phone for about the hundredth time.

She touched her fingertips to her trembling lips as she studied Tanner's face. He looked so sad and earnest and vulnerable. A different look for the c.o.c.ky-as-h.e.l.l, tough-as-puck hockey player.

She smiled.

His apology seemed sincere. He seemed to really be hurting.

Was she an awful person that she felt good about that?

It meant he cared.

She'd never intended to give up on them. She had a plan and she knew what she was going to do. His being away on a road trip wasn't ideal, but he'd be home tomorrow.

She'd cleared her day already, making sure she had no meetings. She had things to work on, but nothing that couldn't wait a day.

When she turned on the TV to watch the game Sunday night, she was stunned to learn of the trade that had just happened. Hugh Land was gone. Like, already gone...they showed him leaving the Bridgestone Arena before the game even started.

Wow. It happened that fast. If Tanner got traded, she wouldn't even be able to see him or say goodbye. Holy s.h.i.+t.

Surely this meant they weren't going to trade Tanner as well.

But there was still another day until the trade deadline.

Tanner would tell her if it happened, wouldn't he? He wouldn't just get on a plane and fly to Anaheim or wherever without calling her...would he? Especially since he'd sent her that video apologizing and wanting another chance.

She had her plan, but if he ended up in Anaheim, she wouldn't be able to carry it out.

She watched the game with her stomach in knots. The game started out rough for the Aces. Obviously, they were a little distracted by the off-ice happenings, and they let in two goals in quick succession. Eeep.

In the second period, they came back stronger. She watched Tanner take a Predator hard into the boards, then moments later set up a goal for Marc.

She'd loved what he'd said about giving a new team his all, if it happened. And clearly he wasn't giving up on the Aces either. Even though his situation was uncertain, he was now playing with everything he had after a slow first period. She admired that.

She admired so much about him.

She admired his bravery in making that crazy video, in front of his teammates no less. She admired his courage in making himself vulnerable, in admitting his feelings for her and admitting that he'd screwed up. Putting himself out there by asking her to leave with him again...even though last time she'd said no.

He had screwed up. And she'd been hurt, no question. But after thinking about it, about him and his messed-up family and all the things that had been eating away at him lately, she got it.

Monday morning she woke up and, with wings fluttering in her stomach, got ready-shaving her legs, a little bikini-line wax touchup, her favorite nectarine-and-amber-scented lotion rubbed into her skin. She'd had a manicure and pedicure last week, so her fingernails were pretty, pink tipped with white; her toenails a deep red. She blow-dried her hair out smooth, added a few waves with her curling wand, and pulled on her nicest lingerie...an orchid purple lace demi-bra with satin trim and a matching lace V-front thong. Then she dressed casually in a pair of skinny jeans, her favorite ones with the dark wash that was lighter down the middle and miraculously made her thighs look thinner, and her gray wraparound sweater.

She made a stop at Eataly, then drove to Tanner's condo and rode the elevator to the thirteenth floor.

Lucky thirteen.

She still had a key. He'd broken up with her over the phone, the b.a.s.t.a.r.d, and he'd never mentioned getting it back. So she used it to let herself in quietly.

The condo was dim in the dull February day, the sky overcast. Silence met her ears as she closed the door behind her and pulled off her boots. She padded in sock feet across the hardwood floor. No sign of Tanner. She left her purchases on the counter in the kitchen.

She found him in his bedroom, stretched out on his stomach, lying diagonally across his king-size bed, the covers down around his hips, exposing the strong V of his shoulders and back. She glanced at the clock, the numbers glowing red in the dusky room. Nearly noon. She knew they'd had an optional skate that morning, which he apparently had skipped.

She sat on the bed and laid her hand on his warm, strong back. He jumped and his eyes shot open. He stared at her. "Katie."

"Hi."

He blinked. "You're here."

Chapter 21.

Tanner gaped at the woman sitting on his bed, his heart thudding, thoughts bouncing around blearily in his head.

"Yes. I'm here." She smiled at him, and it was the most beautiful smile he'd ever seen.

He still wasn't entirely certain he wasn't dreaming. Wasn't he supposed to pinch himself? He pushed up and turned onto his a.s.s to sit, knees bent. He rubbed his eyes and shoved his hands into his hair. "Is this real?"

Her smile broadened. "Yes."

"Why? Why are you here?"

"Because I love you."

He stared at her sadly. "You never answered me. After I sent you that video."

She gave her head a slow shake. "No. I wanted to see you in person."

"Oh. Ah f.u.c.k. I thought you..." He closed his eyes. "I thought you didn't want to see me again."

"Tanner. I came to be with you this afternoon. I loved your video...but I was coming anyway."

"Why?"

"To be here with you for the trade deadline."

He shook his head blankly.