Lessons In Love Part 15

Your twin whisper fills my head...

" Forever..."

Then we lie together dizzy and silent.

In a while I know I'll unstrap you and tie you face down, the soaking pillow under your belly. And I'll put on our new toy and push it between your lips and into the depths of you, both arms flee to hold you.

But for now we crumple against each other, for now I can feel you twitching very gently as sleep comes over you.

You open your eyes all of a sudden and look at me, proud queen of my soul.

"I declare world peace," you murmur and your eyes close.

I lie and hold you sleeping.

My love, you are the ruler of my universe.

DISTRAUGHT TRUTHS.

ASHLEY BARTLETT.

was a little drunk and I stumbled as she pushed me against the wall. Her mouth was on me, hot against my frozen skin. One I hand pushed beneath my T-s.h.i.+rt while the other worked open the b.u.t.ton on my jeans. Her fingers squeezed my nipple and I groaned, rocking my hips into her. Silently I begged for her to touch me. When she forced her hand down my jeans, my head jerked back and hit the wall. I dimly felt the pain in my head, yet I was too far gone to care. Her fingers slid through the wet heat between my legs. My hands found the flesh beneath her sweater and I pulled her against my body, needing the touch, not caring who she was. Slowly she pushed me closer to the. She began to bite my skin, sucking on my neck. I knew it would leave a mark.

"No. No. Stop that. No marks," I gasped.

"Shut up, baby, I know you want it," she growled.

I forced my eyes open at the sound of her voice. She was not Finch. The breath escaped my lungs and my stomach tightened. I knew it was coming the moment Finch entered my mind. I felt my body go rigid as I rode the waves of pleasure. My head snapped back again. My fingers curled in the air, seeking someone to hold. I bit my lip and tasted blood. Faintly, I felt her pull away, leaving me gasping against the wall.

I pulled a cigarette from my back pocket and lit it, inhaling deeply.

The wall dug into my shoulders as I sagged against it. I b.u.t.toned my fly while I glanced around, wondering if anyone was watching. I couldn't have cared less if they had been. I didn't care that I never asked her name or that she was cheapened by the fact that I wished it was not her who touched me. She was not the woman I wanted.

I pushed through the crowd back to the table. Caitlyn and Sylvia were still huddled by it, watching women pa.s.s by openly staring at them.

The club was mostly women with a few men scattered about. The occupants were all in tight jeans and skimpy s.h.i.+rts. The long bar spread the entire length of the back wall, the crowds of people lined up to get drinks keeping the three bartenders in constant motion. A DJ and dance floor took up nearly all of the remaining s.p.a.ce. Women moved to the beat of the music, all one being. The music was their heart. I could hear it moving them. As I came closer to our table, the crowd pushed me around and I felt a woman press against me.

"Nice display," a deep voice said into my ear. I could feel her breath on my neck. Her voice aroused me more than the s.e.x minutes before. I looked back at her. Finch's distinctive smell flooded my senses; smoke and surprisingly feminine perfume. Her dark green eyes bored into mine, deep and hazy. I saw some emotion pa.s.s through them. I told myself it was jealousy.

She gestured with her chin at her hands. Four cold beers were carefully dangling from her fingers. She shouted, ''I've got beer. Come on, don't hold up traffic." To emphasize her point she thrust her hips into my a.s.s.

I felt like I was going to melt; her body was fire against mine. I couldn't tell if she knew how turned on I was. Maybe she thought it was left over from my performance against the wall. Her eyes clouded again.

I found my voice. ''Yeah, yeah." My attempt at nonchalance came out as a choked whisper. I turned back into the stream of people.

We managed to regain our seats at the table. Finch pa.s.sed out the Corona. Taking a deep swig, I resigned myself to getting drunk and hoped the night would end. Hoped that I would stop wanting her. I felt the light fuzziness spread to my limbs. My emotions were almost less harsh, less poignant. I looked at Finch again. She was so beautiful it hurt. Dark s.h.a.ggy hair fell into her eyes. Her shadowed face seemed like a mask of pain; a recent acquisition. I wanted to know what was making her hurt, I wanted to make it stop.

Caitlyn broke into my thoughts, "I liked the show." She made her voice deep. "It was very s.e.xy."

Sylvia laughed, adopting the voice. "Yes," she breathed heavily, "it made me so hot." She emphasized the last word while leaning down to show off her cleavage.

"f.u.c.k off," I shot back. I took a swig of beer.

Sylvia looked hurt. "Jeez, don't get so p.i.s.sy."

"Yeah, you're a b.i.t.c.h when you're drunk." Caitlyn scowled. She turned to Sylvia. "Wanna dance?"

''Yeah, I'd love to." Playfully she ruffled my hair. "We'll be back when you're more human," she laughed. "You know, not post-o.r.g.a.s.mic."

I tried to smile but it came out as a grimace. The weekly outings to floating clubs were beginning to drain me. I had been evading my best friend for the last month, but she was starting to get suspicious. Soon Finch would ask point blank why I was avoiding her. I pulled out my cigarettes. Finch leaned close and lit it for me. I handed her one and she accepted it, her long fingers tightly touching mine.

"You wanna tell me what's bothering you?" Her voice in my ear made my stomach tighten.

"Nothing," I grumbled, "absolutely nothing."

"Don't give me that s.h.i.+t, Tiff."

"Oh, would you like to tell me what's bothering you?" I punctuated my words by poking myself, then her in the chest as I spoke.

"Don't do that." She shook her head at me. "There's something going on in that head of yours."

This time when I looked at her, my eyes begged along with my voice. "Not now, okay?"

She put an arm around me. It was meant as a comfort, but I was finding it harder and harder to resist her touch. I shuddered. I could feel her stop her motion so I leaned closer, wanting the feel of her. She tightened her grip, slowly rubbing my back. I felt her lips press a kiss into my hair.

"I want another beer." I began to get up. As much as I had needed her a moment before, I now needed her to stop. If she didn't, I would embarra.s.s myself.

"Don't worry, I got it." She abruptly pushed off her seat. I watched her tall, lanky, boyish figure disappear in the direction of the bar.

When Finch returned she was carrying two bottled waters. "I thought this might be a better idea than beer." She smiled. "Otherwise we'll hate ourselves tomorrow."

I managed a grin. "I guess you're right."

''You wanna go outside?" She nodded at the door.

"Sure."

She grabbed my hand and led me toward the exit. We walked away from the doors. I realized we were still holding hands only when she let go to sit on the curb. The only company we had was a burned-out streetlight. I looked at our feet in the empty gutter. Our Chuck Taylors were equally scuffed; however, hers were about four sizes bigger. She had a good five inches on me, so she seemed to tower when we walked together. I liked it.

"You want?" I held out a freshly lit cigarette.

''Thanks.'' She took it from me. This time our fingers did not touch.

Finch wrapped her gangly arms around her bare knees, which stuck out of the holes in her threadbare jeans, and rested her head on her arms.

Periodically she lifted her lips to take a drag. I raised my hand to touch her, then lost my nerve and lowered it slowly.

"Tiff?" Her voice came out as a whisper.

"Yeah?"

She took a deep breath and exhaled it slowly. "'Never mind."

I put my hand on her bare forearm. The sleeves of the oxford s.h.i.+rt she had on were rolled twice, revealing an expanse of tanned skin. A large band of leather was tied around one wrist and a wide watch covered the other.

"What?" I probed gently.

"Really, it's nothin'." She pulled at the thin tie around her neck with both hands. The black silk folded and slipped through her fingers.

She scratched her neck. The unconscious motion made the shorter, dark hair on the back of her head stand up. I loved when she did that. Her hair would stick out at odd angles when she was nervous. I wondered what was getting at her now; she had been acting weird for a while. I realized I was staring when she looked directly at me. The shadows in her eyes spread, making them deep as fathoms. It gave her that brooding look that made her so f.u.c.king s.e.xy. Her mouth was slightly big for her face, and her wide, soft, pink lips were slightly parted.

"Finch. I..." love you. Yeah, right. I looked away from her, afraid I might embarra.s.s myself. I tried to look really intrigued by the streetlight above us. To stress my point I got up and walked toward the post. It was metal with bits of paper, tape, and filth clinging to it.

"Why do you do that, Tiff?"

Confused, I turned around. "Do what?"

She stood and stared at her shoes. "You know. Hook up with chicks like that." She seemed nervous. "You deserve better, you know?"

She shuffled her feet.

My mouth was hanging open, so I closed it "I...I don't know."

What was I supposed to tell her? I do it because I want to touch you so bad I feel like crawling out of my skin to escape? I shoved my hands in my pockets to hide their trembling. "Why do you care?"

"'Cuz it seems like all you do is get trashed and screw around and...and it freaks me out."

Her words cut into me. Without thinking, I lashed out. "Well, babe, I learned from the best." I nodded my chin at her. I knew I was being a b.i.t.c.h but I held my ground. She looked like I had slapped her. Her mouth thinned out and turned down at the comers. A muscle twitched in her cheek and her jaw trembled. I thought she might cry.

My words fell out. "Ah, d.a.m.n. I'm sorry." I brushed her hair out of her eyes, so dark they were almost black. "I didn't mean that. I'm a b.i.t.c.h."

"Yeah. You are." Her voice was cold. She turned and began walking away.

''No, Finch, wait! Let me explain."

She stopped walking. Without turning around she said, "You don't need to explain to me."

"Yeah, I do." I took a deep breath and stepped closer to her. We were only a foot apart, yet she still faced away from me. My voice was a whisper. "I do it to get you outta my head. I can't stop wanting you. It hurts so bad. I just wanna stop imagining your hands on me, waking up thinking about you." I stopped talking when her shoulders started shaking. She finally turned around.

When she raised her tormented eyes to mine my stomach plummeted. Silent tears left small tracks down her cheeks. I had never seen her look so timid and unsure.

"Tiff, I want to believe that so much. I've spent months pining over you." A small grin crossed her face, lighting her rakishly handsome features. My breath caught in my chest. "You don't want me"-she gestured at the club, her smile fading-''you make that pretty obvious."

She started walking away again. My heart stopped.

"Finch." I grabbed her hand and made her turn around. I brought my lips to hers. In an instant she pressed her body against mine. My head was tilted up, hers bent down protectively over me. I could still feel the fresh tears on her cheeks. An eternity pa.s.sed before her tongue met mine, so soft. I moaned deep in my throat. She wrenched her lips away.

Our bodies still touched.

"No. Stop." Her plea came out tinged with pain.

"Why?" I knew I sounded like a petulant child, but I didn't care. I reached for her again. "I want you so bad. Please."

She took a step back so our bodies were no longer in contact where a moment before, her body was liquid heat against mine and I could feel how much she wanted me. Now her posture was stiff, her gaze chilly.

"You don't want me."

"You're kidding me! I can't get you outta my G.o.dd.a.m.n head, Finch." My voice cracked when I said her name. I tried to grab her hands but she moved them. "Why not?"

Her voice was lethal. "Because I just watched some chick f.u.c.k you in a bar." Her eyes never left mine. "Because I watch you leave with a different woman every night and I can't take watching them screw ou." She stepped closer, still not touching me. A note of tenderness penetrated her anger. "Look at this." She placed two fingers under my chin and lifted it to show the hickey my earlier companion had left. "Oh honey. Why?"

Angrily my words burst forth. "'Cuz I can't touch you. I keep trying to forget you, but your face is burned into my skull." I felt hot tears well up and pushed them away. "Every time they touch me all I see is you.

All I feel is you." I reached for her again. Deliberately, she stepped away from me.

With a low, calm voice she spoke. "f.u.c.k you, Tiffany. You expect me to believe that s.h.i.+t? You f.u.c.k other women to replace me?" Her voice broke and a small laugh escaped. "f.u.c.k you." She stalked away.

"Finch!" I called to her retreating back. "Finch, I'm an idiot! Come back." She couldn't hear me anymore. "Finch, I love you," I whispered to myself, but I knew she was already gone.

Cautiously I knocked on Finch's apartment door. The lights were out. "Finch," I called, "Finch, if you're in there answer the door!"

The other door on her landing opened and a grungy kid stuck his head out. "Dude, stop yelling, she hasn't been home all night." He rubbed his bloodshot eyes and closed the door.

I stole a glance at my watch; just past midnight, I settled on the cement stairs, prepared to wait until dawn if I had to. My cigarette pack was digging into my a.s.s again, so I pulled it out. Almost half full. I placed one in my mouth, unconsciously touching my tongue to the filter to make sure it was not backward. The bars of the handrail felt like ice, but I leaned against them anyway. If I didn't, I was afraid I might fall apart. I hated myself. The alcohol had left my system and was replaced by a killer headache. I smelled like a bar: cigarettes, booze, and sweat.

None of these things mattered, though, because all I could think of was Finch. I could feel her touching me-her lanky, muscled body warm against mine, those soft hands pulling me into her. I let my head fall between my knees wis.h.i.+ng I could just do the d.a.m.n night over again.

"What the h.e.l.l are you doing here, Tiff?"

My head jerked up at the sound of her voice. "I had to talk to you."

I stood up, placing myself between her and the door. "I'm not leaving until I do."

Finch walked toward me with smoldering eyes. I thought she might hit me for a second, and I flinched when she stepped closer. I could feel her breath on my face, her perfume flooded my nostrils again, and my nipples hardened when her b.r.e.a.s.t.s brushed mine. My stomach tightened at the onslaught of feeling. I knew I was wet; but I tried to ignore my arousal. Any second she would tell me to leave, probably forever. I braced myself.

"Don't talk," she whispered through damp eyes. She kissed me hard and backed me against the door. I felt her fumbling with her keys, trying to open the door. When her tongue finally met mine I lost control.

I grabbed her hips and pulled her against me, sliding my thigh into her crotch, moving my hands down to her a.s.s. Then I bit her lip, sucking it into my mouth. I heard the keys drop. My hands found the skin beneath her s.h.i.+rt and I drew my nails up her sides hard enough to draw blood.

She gasped when I found her b.r.e.a.s.t.s, my thumbs brus.h.i.+ng across her sensitive nipples. Unconsciously I moved my leg higher between hers. I tried to bring her closer to me, but the only barrier separating us was clothing. I tore my lips from hers only to bite along her neck down to her collarbone. With one hand still on her breast I pulled the knot from her tie and began unb.u.t.toning her s.h.i.+rt "Wait, Tiff, wait," Finch pleaded.

"No." I resumed kissing down her chest to her now-bared nipples.

She threaded her fingers through my hair, pulling back so I would look at her. "We need to do this inside."

I nodded and silently waited as she groped for her keys and unlocked the door. Once inside, Finch walked in the direction of her bedroom. I made it as far as the hallway. I moved directly behind her, then I slid my hands up her stomach to her b.r.e.a.s.t.s, lingering for a moment before I slid her s.h.i.+rt off her shoulders and dropped it behind us. Carefully I inspected the red tribal tattoo that ran from Finch's golden shoulder blade up her shoulder and wrapped around her toned arm. With my lips I followed the tattoo, kissing, biting, and licking. My hands roamed down her taut stomach to the curve of her hips. I trailed the natural line of smooth skin, dipping just below the waistline until I felt her shudder and moan. She turned to capture my mouth in another kiss.