The Clothes Have No Emperor Part 18

MAY 1986.

5/4/86.

Parade teases its readers with this query: "Who is the member of the Reagan Cabinet referred to as 'Fathead'? And which of the Was.h.i.+ngton lobbyists with great access to the White House is known as 'The Raging Queen'?" The reply: "Sorry, but to answer your two questions would do more harm than good." teases its readers with this query: "Who is the member of the Reagan Cabinet referred to as 'Fathead'? And which of the Was.h.i.+ngton lobbyists with great access to the White House is known as 'The Raging Queen'?" The reply: "Sorry, but to answer your two questions would do more harm than good."

5/5/86.

Barbara Bush reveals that when her husband turned 60 two years ago, he resolved never again to eat broccoli, Brussels sprouts, cauliflower or cabbage. And, she adds, "he hasn't."

5/6/86.

Larry Speakes reports that in Tokyo last week, President Reagan told French President Francois Mitterand, "Let this be the first day of the rest of our lives." And so, presumably, it was. Mitterand's response is unreported.

5/6/86.

Having prevented the confirmation of Jefferson Sessions, the Democrats try for two by taking on Reagan appeals court nominee Daniel Manion, who cites among his 10 "most significant" cases the defense of a client accused of improperly repairing a Volkswagen Rabbit. Manion whose career is closely tied to that of his John Birchite father, and whose legal writings are rife with what The New York Times The New York Times describes as "non-standard spelling, grammar and syntax" is defended by Indiana senator Dan Quayle, who went to law school with him and therefore knows that he "epitomizes what we all like to see in jurisprudence." describes as "non-standard spelling, grammar and syntax" is defended by Indiana senator Dan Quayle, who went to law school with him and therefore knows that he "epitomizes what we all like to see in jurisprudence."

5/6/86.

Asked how many nights she and her husband have spent apart, Nancy Reagan replies incongruously, "This must be an X-rated film!"

5/16/86.

Patrick Duffy accepts a huge amount of money to return to Dallas Dallas, which has pretty much sucked since the rivalry between the Ewing brothers was lost with Bobby's death. This a.s.sures a summer of speculation about how and as who he'll rejoin the show.

5/16/86.

Michael Deaver testifies under oath before the House Energy and Commerce subcommittee, characterizing attacks on him as "mean-spirited ... groundless and impertinent" and "an implicit attack on the integrity of the President." He says he has "never traded on my relations.h.i.+p with the President for any client, and I never will" a comment bound to make many of them wonder what they're paying him for.

5/19/86.

Nicholas von Hoffman expresses a healthy skepticism about Nancy Reagan's anti-drug campaign. Noting the First Lady's "dead eyes and death mask smile," the columnist writes, "Can you think of a well-known American with less of a chance to influence the green-haired, angel-dusted, c.o.ke-sniffing teenagers dancing through the school corridors than this prissy, inanimate lady?"

5/21/86.

President Reagan tells a group of students, "I don't believe that there is anyone that is going hungry in America simply by reason of denial or lack of ability to feed them. It is by people not knowing where or how to get this help." Asked what this observation is based on, Larry Speakes says, "That is his view." Critics note that the Reagan administration eliminated the program that used to inform needy people of available benefits.

5/22/86.

Bette Davis tells Johnny Carson the only pa.s.sable performance Ronald Reagan ever gave was as the amputee in Kings Row Kings Row. "But," she adds, "you know, take a man's leg off and you've got a lot going for you in those scenes."

5/23/86.

"You're the disease. I'm the cure," grunts Sylvester Stallone in Cobra Cobra, in which he plays a cop so tough he wears shades during a shootout in a dark supermarket. Though the film is expected to be a sure hit, the psychopathic actions of its hero who douses one killer with gasoline before igniting him, and impales another on a smelting hook before sending him into a blast furnace make him a little, well, hard to relate to.

New York Times critic Nina Darnton says the film "shows such contempt for the most basic American values embodied in the concept of a fair trial that Mr. Stallone no longer, even nominally, represents an ideology that is recognizably American." critic Nina Darnton says the film "shows such contempt for the most basic American values embodied in the concept of a fair trial that Mr. Stallone no longer, even nominally, represents an ideology that is recognizably American."

L.A. Weekly critic John Powers writes, "He may wear Old Glory as his diaper, but his work soils everything this country claims to stand for." The suspicion grows stronger that Stallone's moment has finally pa.s.sed. critic John Powers writes, "He may wear Old Glory as his diaper, but his work soils everything this country claims to stand for." The suspicion grows stronger that Stallone's moment has finally pa.s.sed.

5/25/86.

Hands Across America an attempt by promoter Ken Kragen to raise money for the homeless by creating a coast-to-coast human chain attracts 5 million partic.i.p.ants. Though long gaps break up the 4,152-mile route and considerably less than the hoped-for $50 million in donations is raised, still, a lot of people have a good time gawking at celebrities while standing around in the middle of traffic-free streets and singing well-meaning songs.

5/26/86.

Maureen Reagan attacks the media for reporting that her father had initially refused to join the Hands Across America line. "He didn't know he had been invited," she explains.

5/26/86.

Newsweek which two weeks ago ran a cover story on the rehabilitation of Richard Nixon ("He's Back") reports on a new study showing that college-educated single women of 40 "are more likely to be killed by a terrorist" than they are to find a mate. Writes columnist Ellen Goodman of this statistic, "The only news ... that could terrify more readers would be an amalgam of both stories: 'Richard Nixon's Back, and He Wants to Marry YOU!'" which two weeks ago ran a cover story on the rehabilitation of Richard Nixon ("He's Back") reports on a new study showing that college-educated single women of 40 "are more likely to be killed by a terrorist" than they are to find a mate. Writes columnist Ellen Goodman of this statistic, "The only news ... that could terrify more readers would be an amalgam of both stories: 'Richard Nixon's Back, and He Wants to Marry YOU!'"

JUNE 1986.

6/9/86.

DC Comics announces that, as part of its "updating" of Superman Superman, Clark Kent will be "more open about his feelings" and "a little more upwardly mobile."

6/11/86.

President Reagan distinguishes himself at his 37th press conference by: *Responding to a question about abortion with an answer about child abuse *Displaying a certain confusion about whether or not the SALT II treaty exists and about whether or not he plans to order construction of another s.p.a.ce shuttle *Claiming that the government is providing 93 million meals a day 93 million meals a day to hungry Americans. to hungry Americans.

He later explains that he spent too much time concentrating on which reporters to call on. "Next time," he tells aides, "I'm going to concentrate not on who I'm calling on, but what I'm going to say."

6/16/86.

U.S. intelligence sources reveal that Muammar Qaddafi has become so unbalanced that he dresses in drag and takes mind-altering drugs, prompting the New York Post New York Post to announce, "MADMAN MOAMMAR NOW A DRUGGIE DRAG QUEEN." The tabloid includes an altered photograph of the Libyan leader, claiming that "dressed in drag," he "might look like this." to announce, "MADMAN MOAMMAR NOW A DRUGGIE DRAG QUEEN." The tabloid includes an altered photograph of the Libyan leader, claiming that "dressed in drag," he "might look like this."

6/17/86.

Chief Justice Warren Burger gives up his lifetime seat on the Supreme Court to organize the hype for next year's Bicentennial of the Const.i.tution. President Reagan promotes the court's most right-wing Justice, William Rehnquist, to the top spot, and names conservative Antonin Scalia to the vacancy, beginning the remaking of the court that his foes have long feared would be his lasting legacy.

6/19/86.

Two days after being the first draft pick of the Boston Celtics and one day after signing a multi-million-dollar 10-year contract to endorse Reeboks University of Maryland basketball star Len Bias dies. His cocaine-caused death, followed eight days later by that of Cleveland Browns safety Don Morris, helps kick off a summer of drug hysteria.

6/20/86.

The editors of The New York Times The New York Times announce their decision that "Ms." has become part of the language and is now allowed to appear in the paper's pages. announce their decision that "Ms." has become part of the language and is now allowed to appear in the paper's pages.

6/23/86.

Citing "unethical," "unprofessional" and "particularly reprehensible" misconduct dating back to the 1960s, a New York State court disbars Roy Cohn, who is dying of what he insists is not AIDS. He is dead six weeks later. Yes, from AIDS.

6/24/86.

The Senate fails by one vote to defeat Daniel Manion after an arm-waving, red-faced Dan Quayle pressures Kansas Republican Nancy Ka.s.sebaum into withdrawing her vote against him. "You know," Quayle tells Ted Koppel, "I'm not so sure that we want all those that graduated number one or number two in their cla.s.s to be on ... our federal judiciary. This is a diversified society."

6/25/86.

The House finally caves in and votes 221-209 for military aid to the Nicaraguan contras, which leader Adolfo Calero claims could be the turning point in the war. "It will be," he says, "like the light at the end of the tunnel."

6/29/86.

Archconservative North Carolina senator John East, 55 and in failing health, asphyxiates himself in his garage.

6/30/86.

President Reagan rejects a Soviet proposal to resume talks on the 1979 SALT II treaty, which he has decided to abandon. Jokes the President, "Too much SALT isn't good for you."

JULY 1986.

7/1/86.

New York Times: HIGH COURT, 5-4, SAYS STATES HAVE THE RIGHT TO OUTLAW PRIVATE h.o.m.os.e.xUAL ACTS 7/2/86.

ABC begins 17 hours of coverage of Liberty Weekend, a four-day celebration of the centennial of the newly renovated Statue of Liberty. Presiding over the relighting ceremony, President Reagan refers to poet Emma Lazarus (who wrote the dedication a century earlier) as "Emmett Lazarus."

7/4/86.

Caught up in the spirit of Liberty Weekend, Bob Hope jokes that the Statue of Liberty has AIDS, but "n.o.body knows if she got it from the mouth of the Hudson or the Staten Island fairy."

7/6/86.

Nancy Reagan, 65, celebrates her 63rd birthday. The next day Random House announces that it will publish her memoirs in 1989. Says her agent, "She's a no-holds-barred lady." In other words, expect some score-settling from the woman who a former White House aide said "has a stare that could melt a building."

7/9/86.

Sen. Alfonse D'Amato (R-NY) goes undercover to demonstrate how easy it is to procure crack in Manhattan. He buys two vials as surveillance cameras roll, then indignantly denies it is an election-year stunt.

7/9/86.

Standing in front of a bare-breasted statue at the Justice Department, Ed Meese accepts the 1,960-page report from his $500,000 p.o.r.nography commission. Available in two volumes from the government for $35, the report becomes something of a cult item for its 100-plus page listing of book, movie and magazine t.i.tles (Teenage Dog Orgy, Cathy's Sore Bottom Cathy's Sore Bottom, Lesbian Foot Lovers The Movie Lesbian Foot Lovers The Movie) and 200 pages of detailed descriptions and excerpts from said material.

7/16/86.

"Are the women of America prepared to give up all their jewelry?"

--Donald Regan questioning the depth of public support in particular, female support for economic sanctions against South Africa 7/20/86.

Nancy Reagan arrives in London for the wedding of Prince Andrew and Sarah ("Fergie") Ferguson. How does it feel to be back in England? "Love it," she ad-libs. And is she looking forward to the wedding? "I should say so." At the wedding, she wears an outfit topped off with a gaucho hat that critic Elvis Mitch.e.l.l says makes her look like "Zorro's mother."

7/22/86.

President Reagan addresses the nation to explain his opposition to sanctions against South Africa, which he refers to as "South America." Says South African Bishop Desmond Tutu, "Your President is the pits as far as blacks are concerned ... I found the speech nauseating."

7/29/86.

The United States Football League created out of the perverse notion that what America needs is more football more football wins its ant.i.trust suit against the NFL, but is awarded only one dollar, considerably shy of the $1.69 billion USFL owners had been counting on to bail out the failing league. wins its ant.i.trust suit against the NFL, but is awarded only one dollar, considerably shy of the $1.69 billion USFL owners had been counting on to bail out the failing league.

7/30/86.

At his confirmation hearing, William Rehnquist: *Explains that a 1952 memo he wrote supporting the "separate but equal" doctrine represented not his views, but those of the justice he was clerking for *Denies having challenged the credentials of minority voters in the early '60s *Claims to have no recall that his Vermont vacation home came with an unlawful covenant prohibiting its sale to anyone of the "Hebrew race," though a 1974 letter from his lawyer informing him of this is soon discovered.

Senators are left to decide whether the Chief Justice should be a man who somehow forgot that the deed to his house was illegal.

AUGUST 1986.

8/1/86.

Four witnesses rebut William Rehnquist's denials of having challenged minority voters at the polls in 1962. "I a.s.sure you," testifies San Francisco attorney James Brosnahan, "I a.s.sure a.s.sure you that if it was you that if it was even close even close I would be home having my Friday afternoon lunch at Jack's ... I'm telling you my recollection." I would be home having my Friday afternoon lunch at Jack's ... I'm telling you my recollection."

8/1/86.

Touring the Middle East, Vice President Bush makes small talk with Jordanian commander-in-chief Lt. Gen. Zeid Bin Shaker.

"Tell me, general," he says, "how dead is the Dead Sea?" Replies Shaker, "Very dead, sir."

8/4/86.

Having just announced his administration's election year effort to seem tough on drugs, President Reagan is asked if this means he is taking over the anti-drug movement from Nancy. Asks the President, grinning imbecilically, "Do I look look like an idiot?" like an idiot?"

8/7/86.

A Let's-Repeal-the-22nd-Amendment-and-Give-Reagan-a-Third-Term rally is interrupted by a protester who tries to bring everybody down. "Ronald Wilson Reagan is the beast, he's 6-6-6," the man shouts. "Check it out."

8/9/86.

President Reagan sets a statesman-like example by submitting a sample of his urine for drug-testing. He's clean.

8/12/86.

A House subcommittee votes to send evidence that Michael Deaver "knowingly and willfully" lied under oath to independent counsel the new nice name for special prosecutor Whitney North Seymour Jr. By the end of the month, the lobbyist has lost $1 million worth of clients who feel his powers of persuasion may have pa.s.sed their peak.

8/13/86.

The parents of 13-year-old Deanna Young of Orange County, California are arrested after the girl shows up at the police station with a bag of marijuana, pills and cocaine from their home. Says Nancy Reagan, "She must have loved her parents a great deal. I hope they realize just how much she loves them."

Meanwhile, Nancy Reagan's friend Mary Martin suggests that perhaps the First Lady should avoid seeing her current play, Legends Legends, since it contains a hash brownie scene. Sure enough, it is announced the next day that a "schedule conflict" will prevent the Reagans from attending the show.

8/20/86.

The phrase "going postal" is born when mailman Patrick Sherrill responds to a series of reprimands by showing up at the Edmond, Oklahoma post office with three pistols and killing 14 people before blowing his own brains out. "There was a lot of blood, a lot of bodies," says a police officer afterward. "With fourteen people, you're going to have a lot of blood."

8/30/86.

A week after Soviet physicist Gennadi Zakharov is arrested for spying in New York, American correspondent Nicholas Daniloff is arrested for spying in Moscow. Declares President Reagan, "There will be no trade."

SEPTEMBER 1986.