Eyewitness. Part 15

"Oh, boy, he said thickl, " you are . so beautiful. " He leaned on his hands and kissed her for alon time and deeply, swirling his tongue over every inch of her mouth, inside and out, glazing her with their combined essences , until she moaned and began to squirm with impatience and need. He pulled back reluctantly, feeling somewhat lightheaded himself, and sat on the edge of the bed. She reached for his hand.

"Don't put it on," she pleaded. "Not yet.. please, I want to touch you."

Because there was nothing he could have denied her then, he summoned all his willpower and lay back on the pillows.

As he stretched himself out beside her, she raised herself on I one elbow and put her hand on his chest, then he avidly watched as it explored the contours of his chest, seeming to , savor the textures of his hair and skin as a blind person might, or as if she could taste him with her fingertips. He held his breath and prayed for self-control when her hand started downward, following the thick line of hair down the middle of his torso. But he had only so much control, and i no more.

He did let her put on the condom, though, and watched her face while she did, taking great pleasure in her sweet inept.i.tude , and frank curiosity.

Sorry, g , y g y, P he roaned stain her hand fin all ut ting a , stop to the exquisite torture, that feels just. too good. "

He raised himself to kiss her, bearing her over onto her back. "There ll be time for that later," he promised. "All the time in the world. But for now.. " He kissed her again, deeply, and yet again, deeper still. "Honey, I'm afraid I'm going to burst. I want to be inside you when I do."

She nodded, licking her lips, and mumbled "Me, too. I want you inside me." '

He shook his head, rippling deep down in his own chest, wondering how, in such circ.u.mstances, she could still make him laugh. "I want... I need to make you ready for me, sweetheart. I don't want to hurt you: '

He could see that that idea had never occurred to her. Her eyes grew dark and liquid, and clung to his with total trust. She didn't say a word, just touched his lips with her fingertips Her lashes came fluttering down, and she nodded. He wondered if his heart would burst.

Slowly, then, and with all the care and tenderness he possessed , he began to prepare her for his invasion of her body, knowing that, if she wasn't technically a virgin, after so long a time she might as well be. He thought of that, of all she'd missed, of all that she'd come to mean to him and how much he cherished her, and with his heart in his mouth whispered words of love and praise to her as he kissed her. With his soul in his fingers he stroked and caressed her, coaxing fire from the center of her body to its surface until her skin, every centimeter of it, was charged and sensitized.

She writhed and pleaded that she couldn't possibly stand any more, but he gave her more, anyway, using his mouth and fingers to draw liquid heat from deep inside her, until she lay limp and honey-glazed, drunk with desire. "Now... you're ready," he murmured thickly, intoxicated himself.

Incapable of words, she simply opened her arms to him, and angled her body to make a place for him. He slid up over her, fitted himself to her moistened folds, and with the most exquisite care, eased himself inside her. So heated and ripe was she that she gave only the smallest gasp at the first intrusion, then along, sweet sigh of fulfillment and pleasure Her body arched languorously beneath his; her legs came up without his guidance, allowing him the deepest possible penetration.

He couldn't prevent a groan from escaping as he pushed g , into her body; it felt so good to him, he didn t know how he was going to be able to stand it. Firmly and completely housed, he paused, holding them both still while he counted heartbeats and fought for control. He felt her hands rake down his back and grasp his b.u.t.tocks, and her body undulate beneath him. He whispered raggedly, "Joy be still a minute, love... be still."

She nodded, but her body wouldn't obey. Neither would his. The ancient rhythms had taken them both.

"Joy-" he gasped, and then again, cradling her shoulders and head with his forearms and hands as he plunged into her. " " Joy. "

"Yes... oh, yes-" She was sobbing now, her body rocked by forces absolutely beyond her control. Her face was wet with tears and sweat and the moisture from his kisses. "Joy..." He whispered it with every kiss, until his jaws cramped with the effort of self-control and words became impossible.

She was breathing in whimpers, already far beyond words. He felt her body buck beneath him, her head and shoulders lift half off the pillows with unbearable tension.

He wanted to soothe and encourage her, tell her it was okay and just to let it come, but it was all he could do to stay with her, hold himself together for her sake. And when she finally did cry out and clutch at him like someone tumbling ; over a precipice, he could only m.u.f.fle her cries in his own mouth and try his best to hold her together while she shattered Then, oh, then. how good it felt to finally let go. With a groan he gave himself up to the same undeniable forces that had just claimed her, let them drive him to the same limits of endurance, then pump him dry, leave him limp, euphoric with relief, and utterly drained.

Chapter 14.

She was shaking. He couldn't tell, at first, whether it was with laughter or sobs, but when the clouds of pa.s.sion had parted to allow reason to s.h.i.+ne on him again, he saw that it was both. He understood how that could be; he was in much the same shape himself.

"Joy..." He whispered it brokenly, cradling her head in his hands, kissing away the moisture on her cheeks, brus.h.i.+ng it away with his thumbs. "Joy..." He murmured it to each eyebrow and eyelid, to the tip of her nose and to the corners of her mouth. And although he'd never been one for poetry, or expressing deep feelings in words of any sort, what he found himself saying to her next, for him amounted to a sonnet. "I know... that's not your real name. But... I think of you that way. I can't help it.. because it's what you are. It's what you always be to me. You are... my Joy. "

She tried to hold back both the sob and the laughter, but it burst forth, anyway, a gasp, a liquid chuckle, a few more tears. She touched his face, gazing at him as if he were the sun itself, and whispered with the solemnity of a vow, "Then that's who I am.. who I'll be... as long as I'm with you ."

He sighed deeply and kissed her with so much tenderness it made her ache all over. Then he eased himself away from her and went into the bathroom, leaving her s.h.i.+vering and bereft. But in a few minutes he was back, stretching out beside her and pulling her into his arms, covering them both with the comforter. She snuggled into his warmth with a profound sense of belonging.

Oh, G.o.d, she thought, how I wish I could stay here, just like this, forever.

How easy it would be to pretend that it was forever. She caught herself just as she was sinking into oblivion, and gave her head a sharp shake to wake herself. MacDougal nudged her with his chin and murmured sleepily, " " Hey, what's wrong? "

"Nothing," she whispered, squirming a little in the curve of his arm and chest. "I was just dozing off."

"That's okay... go ahead and sleep. I will, too...."

Her hand was resting on his chest. Slowly she drew her fingers through his hair, then tightened them into a fist. "I don't want to sleep. I don't want to lose-" her voice caught " " - a single minute. " " "Hey.." His finger stroked her hair, his hand coaxed her face against his shoulder. "You're not going to lose anything. We're gonna have all the time in the world: '

Fear settled over her like a heavy, suffocating blanket. She closed her eyes tightly and felt cool moisture seep between her lashes. "I just ... don't want this to end. I don't ... want to lose you: '

She could hear his chuckle, deep down inside his chest. "Honey, you're not going to lose me, that I can promise you: His arms encircled her and tightened, and his voice grew harsh with emotion. " I know this has all been rough on you. But I don't want you to be afraid anymore, okay? I'm not going to let anything bad happen to you, lady. I don't want to lose you, either: '

She lay silent, listening to his accelerated heartbeat and wis.h.i.+ng with all her heart that she could believe that what he was saying was true.

He began to rub her back with long, soothing strokes, though she could tell by the way he held her that he was az calming himself as much as he was her. fighting his own emotions.

After a while he said in a soft, somber voice, " " We haven't el talked about this thing enough, Joy. That's pretty much my fault. I haven't known quite. how to talk to you about it.

How to get you to talk to me. And that's kind of funny, you know? Because it's one of the things I'm usually pretty good at. As a cop, that is. But see-that's the problem. I haven't been able to deal with you like a cop would. I realize that now. Right from the beginning of this, from the first moment I met you, I knew I didn't want to force you, or use pressure to get you to tell me what you knew. What I wanted-I kept hoping you'd eventually trust me enough to talk to me on your own. And the more I got to know you, ) the more feelings I had for you, the more frustrating it got that you couldn't seem to do that. Do you understand? " , Again his arms tightened around her; she could feel him quivering with the power of what was inside him, and what it was costing him to hold it back. " Can you understand how much it hurts to want so badly to help you. and know that you can't trust me enough to let me? G.o.d. Joy. "

She pressed her knuckles against her mouth and drew a ragged breath, balancing her voice on a fragile bubble of air.

"It's not that I don't trust you. I want to tell you. I do."

"Then for G.o.d's sake, tell me. Just ... tell me, Joy. Please.

Let's put this nightmare behind us. "

The entreaty in his voire pierced her 11kc a knife. She pulled away from him and sat up, drawing her knees to her chest and wrapping her arms around them. Her voice came out through her tightly clenched teeth sounding low and sad and even, though inside she was screan1ing with pain.

"That's where you're wrong, MacDougal. You have this idea everything's going to be all right as soon as I tell you who killed Belle, right? But it won't be." She began to rock herself back and forth with a small, jerky motion. "It won't be."

Doug watched her in silence for a few moments, aching for her, for the struggle he knew she must be going through, the betrayal she must have felt. Her shoulders looked hunched and defensive, as if she expected blows; when he touched her, she actually flinched.

He began to rub her back again, gently ma.s.saging, while in a voice filled with gravel he said, "Joy, I know why you think that, but it's not true." Beneath his hand, her body had gone very still. He kept rubbing, stroking her with his love and rea.s.surance. " " Honey, I know why you don't want to tell me: '

She turned her head to look at him over her shoulder. He saw her swallow hard before she whispered, "You do?"

"Yeah, I think I do. Come on, baby, I'll make it easier for you: His voice got rougher, rockier, but he forced the words out. " It's a cop, isn't it? "

For a fraction of a second her body seemed to turn to stone beneath his hand. He'd have sworn her heart, her breathing, all her life signs, simply. stopped. Then he felt her relax, grow warm and vital again. She let go of her knees and turned half-around so he could see her eyes, her lush and wlnerable mouth. She looked at him for along time, while he held his breath. Then she smiled, a tremulous ghost of her usual radiance.

"Yeah," she said on an exhalation, closing her eyes as if in great relief, "You're right. It was a cop."

He should have felt a sense of triumph. of victory. But he didn't. Something wasn't right. He knew it. He could feel it. hear it. He was used to hearing what people tried not to say, listening to their slightest inflections, reading their eyes, their gestures, their body language, learning more from their silences than from their words. He was good at it, like a piano master with perfect pitch. He was hearing a sour note now, and it sent a cold chill down his spine.

He let go of the breath he'd been holding and swore quietly under his breath. Then he sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed.

In an airless, frightened voice, Joy said, "Where are you going?" She was sitting up very straight with her legs tucked under her. He could see that her nipples were tight-budded and erect with cold.

He pulled the comforter up and tucked it around her, then kissed her and said gently, "It's getting light. I'm going to put on some coffee. Stay warm. I'll be right back: " "G-getting light? " She scrambled nimbly off the bed and came after him, wrapped like an Indian chief in the comforter and s.h.i.+vering violently in spite of it. "I g-guess that means they'll be opening up the roads, huh?"

He was rummaging in the closet for the sweats he usually kept there; he waited until he'd located a pair of bottoms without too many holes and pulled them on before he answered her.

"Oh, I doubt it-it's still pretty much blizzard conditions out there. I don't think they'd try to open the roads until it stops." He looked at her suddenly and frowned. She was dangerously pale.

"Hey," he murmured, reaching for her, "what are you worried about, hmm?" He opened the comforter and pulled her arms around his neck so that the comforter enfolded the two of them, and he could put his arms inside it and bring her soft and naked body against his. "You've got nothing to be afraid of. Don't you know that? You're safe now.. here with me. We just have to figure out exactly where we take things from here, that's all. But first-" He kissed her and put her reluctantly aside. "First, I'm going to make us some coffee and something to eat. Okay?"

It wasn't okay, and they both knew it. He was talking to her the way he would to a distraught victim. He could feel the tension in her-tension and fear. Something. something was still eating Joy alive.

He didn't understand it. He tried his best to put it out of his mind, at least for the moment, but he knew he wasn't through with this thing. Not yet. It wasn't over.

It was much warmer in the main part of the cabin, thanks to the propane wall heater in the living room. He left Joy curled up on the couch, coc.o.o.ned in the comforter, while he filled the coffee maker, put a couple of slices of bread in the toaster oven and broke eggs into a frying pan. He was layering bacon on paper towels to go in the microwave when he heard Joy's throaty chuckle.

"Boy, you guys really rough it up here, don't you?"

"Hey," said Doug, tossing a severe look her way, " " if G.o.d had intended man to live without electricity, he'd never have invented lightning-right? And life's sure as h.e.l.l too short to spend it chopping wood. Besides-" he popped the bacon into the microwave and punched b.u.t.tons with a flourish " "fires are pretty much a no-no up here, anyway. Too dangerous. Hey, how do you like your eggs?"

For the next few minutes he was busy b.u.t.tering toast and tending the frying pan, filling two red plastic picnic plates, looking for the checkered napkins and plastic-handled silverware that matched the plates. When he set everything down on the coffee table, Joy lifted her eyebrows and made an appreciative little murmur.

"This is a really nice cabin," she said, looking around, taking in the glowing knotty pine and ruffled window curtains' Pretty you know? Who fixed it up-you guys?

You. cops? "

Doug laughed at the expression of total disbelief on her face. "No, not us. Carol Shannon did most of it, I guess.

Jim's wife-you'd like her. "

He went to get the coffee. When he came back, Joy was sitting exactly as he'd left her, regarding the plate he'd given her with all the enthusiasm she might have shown for a bowlful of kibble. Well, he thought, who could blame her?

She had a lot on her mind.

"Hey..." he said softly, picking up a piece of bacon and pa.s.sing it temptingly over her lips. "Eat. You gotta keep up your strength. Open up... here comes the birdie." She smiled and acoepted the offering. He leaned over and kissed her.

"Mmm," she murmured, licking her lips, "I'll have some more of that. "

"Later," he said sternly. "Food first. Then we talk. "

She nodded reluctantly. He supervised her while she ate ! , ; making sure she polished off every last bite. Then he carried the plates to the sink and refilled the coffee mugs. He i handed one to Joy, then sat himself down on the edge of the coffee table, thinking maybe that way he wouldn't be so apt to get sidetracked by thoughts of that gorgeous body of hers, separated from him only by a couple of inches of down comforter. He leanedqforward, holding the steaming mug between his knees, cleared his throat and in his most calming, take charge manner said, "Now.. Joy, I want you to tell me what happened. After you left Belle's apartment. Can you do that? "

Her eyes met his across the rim of her red plastic coffee mug with a look of such despair, such utter hopelessness, that he thought he might explode with fury and frustration Why ? That was what he kept asking himself. What was it she was still keeping back, that was causing her so much misery? He wanted to take hold of her, shake it out of her but he forced himself to remain silent. and waited.

She cast one terrible look toward the windows, as if she expected to see the Four Hors.e.m.e.n themselves come riding through the blizzard, then closed her eyes and sagged back into her coc.o.o.n.

"Well... okay," she said in a rusty-sounding voice, then cleared it purposefully and began. "At first, I guess I just ran. I was sure he'd come after me, and he did."

"You did see him, then?"

She cleared her throat again. "Yes, I saw him. He looked right at me. We both sort of froze, and then... I ran. I could hear him coming after me. I made it to the car- I had Belle's car, you know, because she'd been.. when she left the club she was supposed to meet someone. Anyway, I got the car started and was backing out of the parking s.p.a.ce, and he was right there. He... grabbed the door handle and tried to open it. I was terrified-I hit the lock and just kept going, and he, um... he pounded on the window. I could see him yelling at me through the gla.s.s. Then... he had to let go."

" " Easy " Doug gently removed the coffee from her hands , which were shaking so badly he was afraid she might scald herself. He enfolded them between both of his and murmured soothingly, " So you got away. What then? Did you know then that he was a cop? "

She shook her head. "He was just... a guy. He wasn't wearing a uniform or anything, just a suit and a topcoat, you know? Anyway, I drove around for along time-I don't have any idea where. I just know that when morning came I was down in Santa Monica, on the Palisades-you know, where the homeless people hang out? I didn't know what to do. I knew Belle was dead, and I had to call the police. I remember I had trouble finding a phone booth that wasn't out of order. Then, when I called, they already knew about it I guess one of the neighbors must have heard the commotion and called them. I told them I. had information about what happened, but I was too afraid to move. I kept seeing that guy everywhere, you know? They said to sit tight, they'd send a car for me.

"So ... I was sitting there on a bench on the Palisades, just looking at the ocean, and there was this homeless lady feeding the birds nearby. I remember hearing a noise, and all of a sudden the birds just... took off. Something hit the bench-it felt just like somebody'd kicked it hard. I sort of got up, I think, turned around.. and I saw this car, and then I saw the gun. I couldn't believe it-I don't know what told me to do it, but I just dropped down flat, and I heard that noise again-kind of a zing, and then I heard tires squealing , and... the car drove away."

"G.o.d. So that was what happened." Doug let go of her hands abruptly and sat back, propping his elbows on his knees. He laced his fingers together, pressed his thumbs against his lips and frowned at nothing, concentrating hard. Something was hovering, just out of conscious reach. if only he could focus on it.

"You called again, didn't you?" he prompted her at last, giving up on it for the time being. "What was it, a day or so later?"

She nodded, then shrugged and looked away. He could see her throat working as she struggled to get the words out. "But first, I, um... I went to the police station."

"You did?" He sat up straight, staring at her. "When? You mean the Hollywood station?"

Again she nodded, her eyes dark and faintly accusing. "I wasn't sure what to do-I'd never been in a police station before, so I told the guy at the front counter I wanted to talk to somebody about a murder. He told me to sit down, and he'd call a detective to come out and talk to me. But I was kind of nervous, you know, so I didn't sit down, I was kind of pacing around and reading the signs and posters and stuff on the walls, getting a drink from the drinking fountain you know how you do. And.. : Her eyes slid away. " That's when I saw him. " " "Him? You mean... the guy ? The man you saw in Belle's apartment-he was there?" He felt cold. sick inside. So it was true. Someone he'd known, worked with, saw every day. someone he trusted. "Who was it?" he demanded in a hard, flat voice. q'Do you know his name? Would you know him if you saw him again? "

"I-" Her mouth snapped shut, just as it had done that very first night, the very first time he'd questioned her. She seemed to shrink from him, like an animal in a trap.

"Dammit, Joy!" His frustration boiled up and over. He flung himself away from her, hardening himself to the way she flinched when he did, as if he'd actually struck her. "I thought we'd gone beyond this, you and I. I thought we.. : '

He paced to the windows, rubbing with utter futility at the back of his neck. Of course she'd know the b.a.s.t.a.r.d if she saw him again-that was what this was all about, wasn't it? Somebody was very determined to make sure she never got that chance. Right now it looked as though he was the only one standing between Joy and that somebody, and he was fighting blindfolded. He didn't like the feeling.

Without turning or bothering to soften the edge in his voice, he said, "Okay, tell me what happened after you went to the station. You called again, didn't you?"

"Yeah." The word had a liquid sound. "I, um... asked to speak to the officer in charge of the investigation, but they said he wasn't available."

" " That was Jim Shannon. He was out sick. You talked to me. " G.o.d... who had he told about that meeting? Jim, of course-he'd asked to be notified of any and all developments in the case. Who else had known ? He couldn't think. Dammit, he couldn't remember.

He didn't know how long he stood there at the window. It was a very small sound-a m.u.f.fled sniff-that brought him back to the cabin, to the blizzard howling outside and the quiet desolation within. He turned and saw that Joy was crying without making a sound, the tears simply pouring down her cheeks, silently and unchecked. He wasn't usually affected much by women's tears, but these burned in his throat like acid. He gave a harsh, guttural cry, and in the next instant was beside her on the couch, gathering her close so that his chest, his hands and arms, his neck and even his face, were wet from her tears.

She kept trying to dry him off with a corner of the comforter , and saying "I'm sorry" over and over again-he couldn't quite fathom whether for soaking him or for something else entirely.

The first kisses were salty and wet and pretty much hit and miss, aimed at whatever part of the other's anatomy they happened to be within range of. But they rapidly narrowed in both focus and intent, so that when their mouths finally came together it was with little cries of relief and gladness, as if they'd been wandering, lost, and had at last found their way home.

Doug lay back on the couch and pulled her with him. Joy opened the comforter wide and let it drift down over them both, and in a matter of seconds her sniffles had become little snuffles of laughter, chuckles of antic.i.p.ation, soft moans of pleasure and pa.s.sion.

Amazing, he thought as she lay naked and full-length on top of him-though he'd seen it many times before-how thin the line was between such vastly different emotions . love and hate, fear and anger, desire and despair. Amazing how quickly one could become the other.

She wriggled downward under the comforter, hooking her fingers under the waistband of his sweatpants and skinning them off as she went, kissing him everywhere she could reach along the way, nuzzling in his chest hair, pausing to explore a flat, pebbly nipple with her tongue. He groaned and tried to halt her progress, but his protests, halfhearted to begin with, grew increasingly feeble as she came closer to her intended goal. By the time he felt her lips and warm breath stirring in the thicket of hair below his belly he was weak as a kitten, barely able to touch her hair and wheeze, "Joy... what do you think you're doing?"

She muttered something without raising her head, which he couldn't hear a word of, but which had a remarkable effect on him nonetheless. He threw back the comforter and croaked, "What?"

She looked up at him, shamelessly smiling. "You said I could, later. This is later. "