The Best Bride Part 18

"she'd practically need a step stool to get on it," elizabeth said, gauging the distance.

"but it comes in a double. the canopy doesn't. if you get the bigger bed, she can have a friend over to sleep with her. even if they use sleeping bags on top of the covers it'll be more fun than one of them on the floor."

she eyed him warily. "how do you know what little girls want?"

"mandy tells me things: ' "

"what kind of things?"

"things like how she'd enjoy having a friend spend the night occasionally, and how much she wants a puppy."

"a puppy?" elizabeth looked at the bed. "it would be a lot less messy to get the larger mattress. what do you think of the desk?"

it matched the pine dresser. there were two small and one large drawer on either side. a bookcase sat next to it.

travis knelt down and ran his hands over all the edges of the desk. he checked the workmans.h.i.+p, then tested the drawers and the st.u.r.diness of the shelves.

"i like it," he said. he glanced up at her. "if it's about money- "

"it's not," she said, cutting him off. she perched on the edge of the four-poster bed."

"you might not understand my logic, but running off and leaviq everything sam had bought us wasn't something i did lightly. i know it wasn't the most sensible thing i've ever done, but it was a symbolic act for me. one that really proved to me i wasn't kidding about completely cutting him out of our lives. i think doing that is what has allowed me to heal as much as i have. " she held up her hand. " i know what you're going to say. i haven't healed completely. i know there are a few things i'm working through, but i'll get there. " she paused and drew in a breath."

"why are you grinning at me?"

he stood up and pulled out the desk chair. after turning it around, he sat down, straddling it, resting his arms along the slatted back. "you seem to know everything, so you figure out why i'm grinning."

"travis!"

"i was just thinking about how strong you are. i believe that you will put this behind you and get on with your life. i admire that: ' she ducked her head. "thanks," she said softly. "your support means a lot to me."

a different sales clerk approached. this one was a young woman in a navy suit. "may i write up an order for you?" she asked, her gaze locking on travis's.

elizabeth was too contented to care. "yes, for me."

the young woman forced her eyes away from travis."

"what can i do for you?

elizabeth hesitated, then pointed at the pine set. "i'd like this bedroom set. all the pieces, please. can you have it delivered on sat.u.r.day?"

they made the rest of her purchases quickly. they had one argument in the linen section, picking out sheets for mandy. elizabeth wanted something floral while travis voted for the redheaded cartoon mermaid. in the end she bought them both.

"you're worse than mandy," elizabeth grumbled as she tossed the sheets into her cart.

"you love it," he said, coming up behind her and planting a quick kiss just below her left ear. instantly a s.h.i.+ver raced through her body. she did love it. that was the problem.

they went through the kitchen accessories. she picked out some dinnerware and gla.s.ses. she started to hold up the box for his approval, then stared at him.

"what?" he asked, standing at the end of her cart. "have i grown horns?"

"i don't care if you like these," she said.

"thanks so much: '

"no." she smiled. "i didn't mean it in a bad way. i meant, i don't have to get your approval on anything. i don't have to get anyone's approval ever again"

travis frowned and planted his hands on his hips. "i have a lot of flaws, elizabeth, but i'm not an ogre."

"oh, i know." she put the dinnerware in her cart. "i suddenly realized that i don't have to get sam's approval. even though he was gone so much, i thought he should be a part of the decision making. i waited to get his opinion on drapes, dishes, what time mandy should go to bed. i don't have to anymore. i can do what i want."

"it sounds like you're over him."

she glanced up at him. he held himself stiffly, as if regretting making the observation. around them, shoppers chattered about their purchases. she could hear the faint electronic beeping of the cash registers. they stood alone in the middle of housewares discussing the state of her heart. why did she feel her answer was so important? it couldn't be. not now, not after she was just getting over what had happened.

"i am. the relations.h.i.+p had been in trouble for a long time. i was ready to ask for a divorqce, and then it turned out i didn't need one. i know what he did to me has made me wary of trusting anyone again. but that's about pride, not about my heart. i've been over sam proctor for years: '

"soon you'll be over me, too," he said, his voice teasing but she didn't smile back. "travis, i'll never get over what you did for me and mandy. you came to my rescue when i was in dire straits, and i'll never forget that. you gave me more than a roof over my head. you were good to mandy and a great friend to me."

you showed me how it's supposed to be between a man and a woman.

but she didn't say her last thought aloud. better for both of them if they simply put it out of their minds. if only it were that easy. if it had just been s.e.x, she would have been able to forget. being with him had been more than that. it had been warm and tender, loving and caring. he'd made love to her slowly and easily as if he'd been waiting for her all his life, as if he'd had all the time in the world.

he'd made her feel cherished.

"i'll never forget what you did," she repeated. "i'm going to miss you when i move out."

she waited, but he didn't answer in kind. and suddenly the warmth in her belly turned very, very cold.

travis checked the rearview mirror for traffic, but the main highway was empty on a weekday afterooon. he looked in the mirror again, this time glancing at the boxes and bags stuffed in the back of his bronco. they'd managed to fit everything in except for mandy's bedroom set. that would be delivered to elizabeth's new house in time for her to move in on sat.u.r.day. she was really leaving.

he didn't want to think about that, or how it made him feel. he tried to come up with some topic of conversation. the cab had been quiet for too long. elizabeth sat in her seat, with her hands folded on her lap. she never once glanced at him.

he knew why. he hadn't said he would miss her, as well. he cursed under his breath. those words were inadequate to describe what he was feeling. h.e.l.l, he didn't even know what he was feeling. everything was confused. it had happened so fast. one minute he was living his life, with no conceros and no questions. a few short weeks later he was deeply involved with a woman and her daughter. he didn't know what he was supposed to do. should he ask her not to leave, or just forget about her? could he risk another relations.h.i.+p? would she be willing to take that chance? was it genetics or bad luck that kept the four haynes brothers single? was he or was he not a duck?

the last question made him smile. he saw elizabeth glance at him out of the corner of her eye. he drew in a deep breath to plunge into an emotional discussion, but at the last second chose something more safe.

"mandy's going to love everything you bought her," he said.

"i hope so." she brushed her hair off her shoulders. "everything cost enough. if she doesn't like it, i think i'll make her get a job to pay me back for everything."

he grinned. "we can always use another deputy."

for the first time in almost an hour, elizabeth grinned back. she looked at him, some of the concern leaving her eyes. "she'd love that. i suspect she'd spend her day running the siren."

"that would be a problem." his smile faded. "look, i've been thinking about this whole money thing. i don't want you to pay me for the rooms. you're going to need it to get on your feet, financially."

she turned until she was facing qim. he gave her a quick glance. her mouth pulled into a straight line and her jaw was clenched.

"i insist," she said forcefully. "we made a deal, travis. the money was the only thing that allowed me to accept your hospitality. it was too little to begin with, it probably didn't even cover food. if i can't pay you, it's too much like lying about everything."

he should have known she would make this more difficult than it had to be. he grabbed the steering wheel tightly, then moved into the right lane for the turnoff to glenwood'i don't need the money and you do. as for covering the food bill, give me a break. you two hardly eat anything. i want to do this for you. i want to help: ' she rested her hand on his forearm. he liked the feel of her fingers brus.h.i.+ng against his skin. it was hard not to get distracted.

"i don't need your help anymore," she said. "even if i did, i can't accept it. this isn't about you, it's about sam.

he paid for everything. he didn't want me to work. when i did, after mandy started school, he was very unhappy. he insisted that i keep my money for myself. i have almost a year's salary saved up. it might sound silly to you. you've always been responsible for yourself. but for six years a man controlled my life. i don't want that to happen again. please don't start changing the rules on me now: ' he drove past the sheriff's station and the small park with the duck pond. at the corner he turned left and entered the residential section where elizabeth was going to live. he made a right on her street, then pulled into the driveway and turned off the engine.

he understood what she was saying, but he didn't have to like it. so much of her life was still tied up with sam proctor. he rubbed the bridge of his nose. who was he to talk? so much of his life was tied up with his past and reputation'i don't care about the money," he said at last. "if you insist on paying me, at least let me use the money to buy mandy something. a bike, maybe. is that against the rules?"

elizabeth shook her head. "no. that would be wonderful i appreciate all you've done with her. she really cares about you"

"i care about her. i know you don't want the rules changed, but i don't have a lot of choice about this one. i can't let go of mandy. i don't want to lose her. i'm not saying i'm a great father figure, but i'm not as bad as i thought. i want to stay involved with her." he s.h.i.+fted in his seat, turning to face her. "can we make that work?"

he hadn't expected tears. her big brown eyes glistened as she blinked frantically. one tear slipped onto her cheek. she brushed it away impatiently."

"you're a d.a.m.n fine man, travis haynes. don't you dare let anyone tell you otherwise"

he could feel something uncomfortably like a blush " heating his cheeks. he cleared his throat. yeah, well, don't let it get around, okay? i have this reputation: ' she leaned forward and touched her hand to his cheek. "i'm beginning to think your reputation is all talk. you're far too decent to be any kind of a heartbreaker. i would like it very much if you would continue to see mandy. i'll work around your schedule or whatever it takes. she adores you: ' in the close confines of the bronco, the scent of her body-the sweetness of her woman's fragrance and the spicy temptation of her perfume-mingled together in a seductive aroma designed to drive him crazy. her face was so near his, he could see the individual lashes framing her dark brown eyes. a few curling hairs drifted onto her cheek. the red lipstick she'd put on that morning had long since worn away, leaving her mouth soft and rose-colored.

this conversation was supposed to be about mandy, but all he could think about was elizabeth. even as his mind screamed at him to just let her go, his heart protested the parang. he was torn between what he believed and what he wanted. could he fight the legacy of his father? he and his brothers were so terrified of falling in love, of failing. was it circ.u.mstance or destiny? he'd chosen to become involved with mandy. could he choose to become involved with elizabeth? could he choose to love her? could he make it work?

he'd tried once, and failed. julie had been his wife. but he'd never felt these powerful emotions before. he'd never needed her the way he needed elizabeth. was it enough?"

"travis?"

he had to let her go. it was the only sensible decision to make. everything in his past warned him that he would fail if he tried again. yet his heart begged for one more chance. what if everyone was wrong? what if he could do it?

making it work with elizabeth would be worth anything. what did he have without her?

he took her hands in his. her fingers were small and delicate, yet capable. she stared at him, her eyes concerned yet trusting.

they hadn't been together long enough.

she was moving out; he didn't have any more time.

"don't go," he said.

chapter fourteen.

cc what did you say? " elizabeth asked, sure she must have heard him incorrectly."

"don't go. i want you and mandy to stay with me."

"are you crazy?"

"maybe. but stay anyway."

"no," she said loudly. "no, i can't. i won't. don't ask me. dammit, travis. what are you doing?"

she didn't wait to hear the answer. after undoing her seat belt, she opened the truck door and jumped down to the ground. she moved to the back of the bronco and started grabbing her packages. he stood and watched her."

"i care about you. i don't want to lose you."

each word was a blow to her heart. her chest tightened and her breathing became labored. "i asked you not to change the rules. why are you doing this?"

"why are you angry?" his voice was low and quiet. she could hear the pain in each word.

the anger would keep her strong, but she couldn't tell him that. when she'd collected as much as she could carry, she walked past him to the front door. after fumbling with the key, she stepped inside and dropped her bags on the ugly gold sofa.

the house still smelled musty. the small dark rooms would never be more than what they already were: a temporary escape from her life, from her past and the shame that haunted her.

she stood in the oenter of the living room and fought the tean. pain clawed at her stomach. she folderl her arms over her belly and tried to hold it all inside. not now, she prayed. not like this. not travis. didn't he know how much she'd grown to need and trust him? he couldn't change now. it wasn't right. it wasn't fair.

she heard him behind her. he set several boxes on the floor."

"elizabeth.

"don't say anything." she turned to face him. "i don't want to hear it. we had everything planned. we were going to be friends. travis, i desperately need you in my life, but only as my friend. i can't do more. it's too dangerous. i've made that mistake before and i'm never going to do it again."

he was tall and powerful standing there in the darkened room. his white, long-sleeved s.h.i.+rt emphasized his strength and good looks. she studied the lines of his face, the sadness in his dark eyes. his arms hung loose at his side, but his hands were clenched into fists.

"you don't understand," he said.

he was right, she thought. she didn't understand and she didn't want to.

"i love you: ' his words. .h.i.t her with the force of a lightning bolt, and she nearly went down. her legs trembled and her breathing stopped. she stared at him, then gasped in a breaq. he loved her"

"you can't" , she said. go dehusban or fa h my ljfe i've been told i couldn't be a er my dad made a mess of both. m ep y uncles are all failures in that d apartment, as well. every time i tng to make it work, i couldn t. after a while i gave up tryin. if it looks like a duck and walks like a duck and sounds like a duck, it's probably a duck."

she remembered the small stuffed yellow duck he'd brought her when he d gone shopping with mand then he d been wrestling y even should have with his feelings for her. she known. but what difference would it have made? would she have left him? she wanted to say yesq of course she would have, but she wasn't sure it was true. her time with travis had been magical. would she have willingly cut it short?"

"what i have figu qed out" qeryone has choices. ea he said, continuing," iq that rl and his brothers didn't try hard enough. they could have made it work if they wanted to. i could have made it work with julie. i cared about her. the ac f ned because ofqa lack of chemistry or each of us q', o b tions.h.i.+p last. " quq i m incapable of making a rela" i don't want to hear this. she started toward the hall" way.

he grabbed her arm as she pa.s.sed"you have to him. listen. it's important. this thing between us isn't going to go away. i'm wiqqing to take a chance, elizabeth. i know you've been burned, i have, too. i know it's frightenin. it's too soon, we don't g can't risk losin qow each other well enough. but i g you and mandy. i love you both. i never thought i d ever say those words again, but i believe them to be true with all my being. trust me. trust us.

she tried to pull away, but he wouldn't let her go, she was forced to look up at him, at the fire flaring in his eyes. 'q'these flames frightened her more than the fire of desire.

his gaze burned with the heat of conviction. he did believe what he told her, that he loved her. that they had a chance. q she wanted to weep from the sadness of it all. quldn the see that this was all a cruel joke? it would never work out; she wouldn't let it.

oh, but she wanted to believe. her heart had leapt when q dqlity wo s tooep wor a single heartbeat, joy ha d filled no red erful, though, and couldn't be ig'i don't want to hear this," she said and looked away from him. "i don't believe you. even if i did, it doesn't change anything: ' he was stunned. she could tell by the way he stiffened.

he released her instantly and stepped back. "why?"