The Wayfarer's Lamentation Part 14

"It just turned six."

"I've gotta go."

"You sure? You won't get sick again on the way?"

Her face fell slightly, and she looked down at me worriedly.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Okay..."

I couldn't impose any more than I already had in the home of a student studying for her exams. When I got out from under the blankets, Tohko brought over my coat, which she'd put on a hanger.

I started to take it from her, but she told me, "Turn around," and helped me into my coat considerately. As she was doing it, she whispered in a calm, quiet voice, "Don't push yourself too hard, Konoha. When you feel like your heart and body are in pain, you need to stop and rest sometimes."

"...Okay."

My quenched throat grew hot again, and I felt a creaking ache in my chest.

I'd wound up causing her to worry.

Tohko changed into a coat, too.

"You were unconscious, so you probably don't know the way, do you? I'll take you that far."

"Thanks."

I went out into the hall with Tohko, feeling guilty. It looked like Ryuto's house was built entirely in a traditional j.a.panese style. Like Akutagawa's house, it was s.p.a.cious and didn't feel stuffy and formal; the construction was more cozy and rustic. When we opened the sliding front door, it made a soft rattling noise.

Outside the world was wrapped in cold darkness.

A persimmon tree grew beside the front gate. As we were pa.s.sing through it, a taxi stopped right in front of us, and a lithe woman wearing high heels and wrapped up in a long coat climbed out.

"Oh, Aunt Sakurai," Tohko called out to her brightly. "I'm just going down to the corner. I'll be right back."

Was this remarkably pretty woman part of the family? It was impossible to tell how old she was. She looked straight at my face, almost accusingly.

"Uh, h.e.l.lo. I'm, uh, Inoue. Tohko's undercla.s.sman. I was just leaving."

Her gaze slid away, and she pa.s.sed by us in silence and went into the house.

"I'll be baaaack!" Tohko said in an even more upbeat voice, showing no sign that the encounter had affected her.

"Who was that?"

Tohko answered with a grin as we walked.

"That's Mrs. Sakurai. She's Ryuto's mom."

"What?!"

She looked nothing like him! She was too young! Plus she'd looked angry.

"Um, are you sure it was okay for me to just come over like that?"

But Tohko brushed it off.

"No way. She wasn't frowning because of you, don't worry. When she's got a lot of work, she just hates talking to people."

"Oh."

And actually...I remembered that when the police had helped Tohko and said they were going to call her guardian, she had sobbed, "I can't ask Mrs. Sakurai to come and pick me up."

She asked me now, "What's wrong? You're not saying anything. What are you thinking about, Konoha?"

"The time you a.s.saulted those detectives."

Instantly she clocked me on the head.

"You don't have to remember every little detail about stuff like that!" she said, her face bright red, and still fuming, she started walking farther ahead.

In the light of the moon, her cat tail braids bobbed up and down.

"Tohko..."

"I'm totally, totally done!"

Step by step by step, Tohko looked like she would keep moving off forever and ever, so I softly took hold of her right arm.

"Thanks a lot. Here is fine."

When Tohko turned around, she wasn't frowning.

She was dejected and looking up at me worriedly.

"I came here once before, so I pretty much know the way from here. You go home and study. I'm sorry for all the trouble I caused today."

"Are you sure you're okay?"

Her voice trembled ever so slightly. Had I looked so haunted that I'd caused Tohko to worry this much?

My chest constricted sharply. I was sure that Tohko had seen through to my weakness, as I stood locked, unable to act, between Miu, Kotobuki, and Akutagawa.

I gave a short "yes" in response and let go of Tohko's arm.

"Thanks for walking with me."

"Konoha-I'm on voluntary attendance, so I won't be coming to school very much. But if you need anything, call me, okay?"

"I will. But stop worrying about me, and do your best on your exams."

At some point, the moon became obscured by clouds. Still downcast, Tohko watched me go with a morose expression.

The next day, Sunday, I went to the hospital.

Miu sat up in bed and latched onto me happily.

"Hooray! You didn't come yesterday, so I was worried that maybe you forgot about me."

"I would never do that."

"Really? You didn't go see Kotobuki or anything?"

She inclined her head and peeked up at me from below, and a shot went through my chest.

"No, I didn't."

"Then did you see Kazus.h.i.+? Did he try to convince you that I'm a liar?"

Every time Miu said something, every time she fixed her eyes on mine, every time the fragrance of soap tickled my nostrils, it pierced my heart and a thick, heavy object seemed to rest in my spirit.

"Well? What happened, Konoha? Did Kazus.h.i.+ say something?"

"Even when I see Akutagawa in cla.s.s, we don't talk at all. So you don't have to worry about stuff like that."

Instantly her shoulders fell, and her face became sad like a small child's.

"I'm sorry, Konoha. Were you angry?"

"Why would I be angry?"

"You're right, but...you looked so grim."

"Miu..."

I probably ought to ask about Kotobuki falling down the stairs. Whether Miu was there.

My heart constricted tightly, and sweat covered my palms.

"What, Ko-no-ha?"

Miu looked up at me with her perfectly transparent eyes.

I moved my lips as if I were suffocating. Bitter, sour breath escaped me. My throat hurt. Miu enveloped my cheeks in both her hands and gave a slight smile.

"It was like this in middle school, too, remember? Haraguchi slapped you out of nowhere and told you that she hated you, and you were so dejected. I asked you what happened, but you wouldn't tell me anything, remember?"

It was true. That had happened.

In the first year of middle school, a girl in our cla.s.s suddenly slapped me full on the face and told me, "I hate you!"

I didn't have a clue what I had done to make the girl that upset, and the other girls gave me such cold looks, too, that I'd become depressed, thinking that I had done something bad. But Miu had gently wrapped both hands over my cheeks and comforted me, just like she was doing now.

"It doesn't even matter if those girls hate you. You've got me. I'm the only one on your side."

"Kotobuki looks a little like Haraguchi, don't you think? And then Kazus.h.i.+...he's like your friend Mine."

Mine was a cheerful, energetic boy with the personality of a leader who had been my friend since elementary school.

"Mine and Akutagawa are nothing alike."

"Yes, they are." Miu's eyes became a little sharper. "Mine betrayed you and hurt you, too."

My heart stirred in its depths.

I didn't think anything big enough to call betrayal or injury had happened between us. It was just that my relations.h.i.+p with Mine had soured without me realizing it.

Even after we started middle school, we had gone to the pool over vacation, or I had gone to cheer for Mine when he had soccer games, or we had stood around talking in the halls. But we slowly started to see each other less and less frequently, and even when we did, Mine started to leave without saying a word to me.

"He pretended to be your best friend, but then he still stopped talking to you. Which made you sad. Just like how Kazus.h.i.+ is ignoring you. I feel so bad for you. You didn't do anything wrong."

It wasn't like that- My protest got as far as my throat. Akutagawa wasn't ignoring me. I was sure he was suffering, too, right now.

I wanted to tell her that, but Miu was looking at me with her kind, clear eyes, so I couldn't. Her soft palms enfolded my cheeks warmly.

"It's all right, Konoha. You've got me. I'm the only one on your side."

I listened to those sweet words she whispered, just as she had when we were in middle school, with a pang; it was like they were digging out my flesh.

I promised I would come again tomorrow and closed the door to her hospital room.

As I walked down the hallway, the inside of my brain was obscured by the self-loathing I felt, and it started to feel like my chest would rip open. I knew this was wrong-knew that I had to clear things up with Akutagawa and Kotobuki.

But I was pathetic. I was a coward.

"Konohaaa."

Someone had called my name suddenly, and I jumped and looked up.

A puppylike girl with fluffy hair and a friendly smile was coming speedily through the front lobby.

"It is you, Konoha!"

"Takeda..."

The first-year Takeda, who worked as a library aide, came to a cheerful stop right in front of me.

"h.e.l.lo. You're here to see Nanase, right? Me, too. Are you going home?"