The Wayfarer's Lamentation Part 10

Tohko released her grip in apparent relief, and her shoulders relaxed. When I raised my face, I saw that big beads of sweat had collected on Tohko's forehead, too.

"I'm sorry. I couldn't breathe all of a sudden."

"The same thing happened before, didn't it?"

"Yeah..."

Her clear, black eyes gazed worriedly at my face.

"When you were a first-year, you suddenly grabbed your chest and toppled onto the desk when I started talking about Kenji Miyazawa. Remember? That other time, you were drenched in sweat and breathing seemed really tough for you."

She was right.

Right around the time I'd started my first year, I had an attack in front of Tohko, and she'd taken me to the nurse's office.

Back then, I often couldn't breathe when I thought back to the time Miu had jumped, so I'd never thought of connecting it to Kenji Miyazawa. But it was true that I'd started getting bad that day when I was listening to Tohko talk about him, too.

But why?

Tons of thoughts tumbled through my mind-about Miu, about Akutagawa, about Kotobuki-and feeling on the verge of tears, I murmured, "But...I have to know about him. I have to work out what Campanella wished for."

"Why?" Tohko asked with an earnest expression. "What's happened, Konoha?"

When she gazed at me with such a worried face, I couldn't stay silent any longer.

Because I had no idea what was what myself and I was filled to the brim with that confusion and I wanted to ask Tohko about it more than anything really.

I was always made aware of my own weakness when I was with Tohko. I'd meant to get a little bit stronger, but here I was stopped in my tracks, crouched on the ground again.

The bell announcing the start of fifth period rang through my head.

Tohko didn't move.

So I dragged my exhausted body to the fold-up chair and hung my head, and...drip-drip...I told the story of the first girl I'd ever loved.

About how I fell for the girl who transferred into my cla.s.s in the third grade.

How we played together every day.

How she was always writing stories and would only show them to me.

How I loved these brightly colored stories more than anything.

How she had wanted to be a writer.

How in the winter of my second year in middle school, she told me of her dream to submit a story to a literary magazine's new author prize and be the youngest ever winner of the grand prize.

I also told her how I was the one who won the prize and how in the summer of my third year in middle school, the girl jumped off the roof right in front of me- With every word I spoke, I felt agony digging at my chest, rending my flesh.

How I'd run into her again at the hospital.

How Kotobuki and Akutagawa had known about her.

How they both said that she was a liar.

How she'd read my book until it was falling apart. How she'd kept it by her, treasuring it. How I couldn't doubt her.

How when I asked her why she'd jumped, she'd asked me, "What do you think it is that Campanella wished for?"

I was in agony, and it felt like my heart was going to stop.

If Tohko hadn't been with me, I might have slammed my head against the floor and bawled.

At the same time, that Tohko was hearing me out, clear-eyed, relaxed my emotions that were strained to the limit, and it was pus.h.i.+ng me closer to tears.

Had Tohko known that there was an author called Miu Inoue, who had debuted at the age of fourteen, put out one best seller, and then disappeared?

Had she realized that it was me?

While I was talking, Tohko didn't interrupt once.

She didn't look surprised or give her opinion or act inconvenienced, either. She just looked at me silently, strongly, and a little sadly.

When my endless confession was over, Tohko whispered softly, "That girl's name...was it Miu?"

I gulped.

My eyes were demanding "How did you know that?" and Tohko reluctantly told me, "When you got sick last time...you were calling her name. You said 'Miu...I'm sorry.'"

My chest swelled and felt like it was going to burst. Tohko had remembered the quiet words that slipped out in my agony. And she hadn't asked me anything about it until now.

"You want to know what Campanella's wish was for Miu's sake, don't you, Konoha?"

I nodded.

"I couldn't understand how Miu felt two years ago, so I don't want to ignore it and do nothing now."

"Do you have any guesses?"

"None. When we were in elementary school, we would read Night of the Milky Way Railroad together at my house. Besides that, about the only thing I remember is that we made a map."

"A map?"

"We modeled the neighborhood we lived in on the galaxy and would doodle on the paper in colored pencil and say this place was the departure station for the Milky Way Railroad or this was a rest station or this was a star where mysterious creatures lived...stuff like that."

Tohko rested her index finger lightly against her lips.

That was a habit of hers when she was deep in thought. After she had been silent for a few moments, she gently lifted her long lashes and looked at me.

"If Miu is Campanella, then the answer to her question must be inside Giovanni-you-right?"

"Me...?"

"Do you still have the maps you and Miu made?"

"Yeah. I could probably find them if I looked."

When she heard that, Tohko smiled vibrantly, like a flower coming into bloom.

"Then let's follow the maps together."

Chapter 4-A Map Through the Stars.

That I had revealed everything to Tohko caused me violent regret.

"Your test is right around the corner. You have no clue what it takes to prepare for your exams!"

My sermonizing washed right over her, and Tohko forged on ahead of me with light steps.

"Sure, sure, sure. Oh! Let's try here next! It says it's the planet of the secretive Inotarnians. Gosh, this is so thrilling!" she said exuberantly, pointing at the map drawn on the paper.

It was Sat.u.r.day, one of our days off. I was being dragged along by Tohko, visiting places filled with memories of being with Miu.

Why had things turned out like this?

No, it was my fault. Hadn't I known full well that this would happen when I talked to Tohko? Even if her exam was looming only a week away, even if she'd gotten an F on her prep cla.s.s practice test, Tohko was still Tohko.

"Hey, what kind of creatures do you think the Inotarnians are?"

"They're just ordinary bears they keep in the park."

"What?! Really?"

Tohko turned around wide-eyed, her long braids swaying.

Even though it was the weekend, she was dressed in a navy duffle coat and her uniform, which had probably never even heard of the word s.e.xy. The reason was, she said, "The rules are clear that when students are out in public, they have to wear their uniforms." And when we ran into each other at the place we were supposed to meet and she saw that I was dressed in street clothes, she frowned and said, "Oh, Konoha, that's wrong." She was straitlaced about the weirdest stuff.

If she was going to be so serious, I wished she would stay at home and study for her exams like a good student. If this kept Tohko from getting into college, would it be my fault?

"I went out with you and then messed up my test for Tokyo University. You can apologize by writing ten-page improv stories every day to give me provisions."

It seemed likely she would say something like this, and that scared me.

"Then what's this, this commerce planet Solafleur?"

"It's the shopping center on Sunflower Street."

Tohko's eyes widened slightly again, and she grinned excitedly.

"The power of kids' imaginations is so incredible! It changes a neighborhood into outer s.p.a.ce. Oookay! Knowing that, let's circle around from the edge. Today you and I are travelers exploring a galaxy sprinkled with stars, Konoha!"

"Hey-don't yank on my hand!"

As I walked, my pace quickened by Tohko, my memories slowly returned to that time, as if summoned by the refres.h.i.+ng breeze of the clear winter day.

"This way, Konoha! C'mon, hurry!"

Miu turning back to look at me as she squeezed my hand and ran.

Her ponytail bobbing and a red book bag b.u.mping along on her back.

The day I first spoke to Miu, the sky had been blue and open and wide, and in the cool wind, the white curtains in the cla.s.sroom fluttered like gentle waves.

"Oh-good morning, Asakura. You came to school so early. What were you looking at?"

The transfer student Asakura was a girl who was a little tough to approach.

Her big eyes the color of tea, her lips the color of cherries, and even the clothes she wore showed a better fas.h.i.+on sense and were more attractive than other kids the same age, but no one had ever seen her smile.

On her first day, when she stood at the front of the cla.s.s to say h.e.l.lo-"I'm Miu Asakura."

She muttered brusquely and only grudgingly dipped her head.

"Asakura is so stuck-up. She thinks she's so much better than us."

"And she's always lying."

"Yeah! All she says is lies."

That was the gossip I overheard from the girls in my cla.s.s.

I was taking care of the cla.s.s pets and was cleaning the goldfish tank that day, so I had come to school earlier than usual.

When I got there, Asakura was at the window, chin propped in her hand, looking outside.

Her expression was soft, a sweet light tinged her eyes, and her lips were ever so slightly curled into a smile.

The sight of her-now visible, now hidden behind the fluttering white curtains-seemed something terribly pristine and holy, and I caught my breath in surprise.

Asakura noticed immediately and glanced over at me, and her face wrinkled in distaste. When she turned her face indignantly back to the window, I impetuously tried talking to her.