Sonny, a Christmas Guest Part 5

Th' ain't a sweeter child in'ardly 'n what Sonny is, nowheres, git him to feel right comf'table, an' I know it, an' that's why I have patience with his little out'ard ways.

"Yes, sir," says he; "nex' time I 'll be christened like a good boy."

Then, of co'se, I explained to him thet it couldn't never be did no mo', 'cause it had been did, an' did 'Piscopal, which is secure. An' then what you reckon the little feller said?

Says he, "Yes, daddy, but _s'pos'in' mine don't take_. How 'bout that?"

An' I didn't try to explain no further. What was the use? Wife, she had drawed a stool close-t up to my knee, an' set there sortin' out the little yaller rings ez they 'd dry out on his head, an' when he said that I thess looked at her an' we both looked at him, an' says I, "Wife," says I, "ef they's anything in heavenly looks an' behavior, I b'lieve that christenin' is started to take on him a'ready."

An' I b'lieve it had.

SONNY'S SCHOOLIN'

[Ill.u.s.tration: 'S']

Well, sir, we're tryin' to edjercate him--good ez we can. Th' ain't never been a edjercational advantage come in reach of us but we've give it to him. Of co'se he's all we've got, that one boy is, an' wife an'

me, why, we feel the same way about it.

They's three schools in the county, not countin' the n.i.g.g.e.rs', an' we send him to all three.

Sir? Oh, yas, sir; he b'longs to all three schools--to fo' for that matter, countin' the home school.

You see, Sonny he's purty ticklish to handle, an' a person has to know thess how to tackle him. Even wife an' me, thet's been knowin' him f'om the beginnin', not only knowin' his traits, but how he come by 'em,--though some is hard to trace to their so'ces,--why, sir, even we have to study sometimes to keep in with him, an' of co'se a teacher--why, it's thess. .h.i.t an' miss whether he'll take the right tack with him or not; an' sometimes one teacher'll strike it one day, an'

another nex' day; so by payin' schoolin' for him right along in all three, why, of co'se, ef he don't feel like goin' to one, why, he'll go to another.

Once-t in a while he'll git out with the whole of 'em, an' that was how wife come to open the home school for him. She was determined his edjercation shouldn't be interrupted ef she could help it. She don't encour'ge him much to go to her school, though, 'cause it interrupts her in her housekeepin' consider'ble, an' she's had extry quilt-patchin' on hand ever since he come. She's patchin' him a set 'ginst the time he'll marry.

'An' then I reckon he frets her a good deal in school. Somehow, seems like he thess picks up enough in the other schools to be able to conterdic' her ways o' teachin'.

F' instance, in addin' up a colume o' figgers, ef she comes to a aught--which some calls 'em naughts--she'll say, "Aught's a aught," an'

Sonny ain't been learned to say it that a-way; an' so maybe when she says, "Aught's a aught," he'll say, "Who said it wasn't!" an' that puts her out in countin'.

He's been learned to thess pa.s.s over aughts an' not call their names; and once-t or twice-t, when wife called 'em out that a-way, why, he got so fretted he thess gethered up his things an' went to another school.

But seem like she's added aughts that a-way so long she can't think to add 'em no other way.

I notice nights after she's kept school for Sonny all day she talks consider'ble in her sleep, an' she says, "Aught's a aught" about ez often ez she says anything else.

Oh, yas, sir; he's had consider'ble fusses with his teachers, one way an' another, but they ever'one declare they think a heap of 'im.

Sir? Oh, yas, sir; of co'se they all draw their reg'lar pay whether he's a day in school du'in' the month or not. That's right enough, 'cause you see they don't know what day he's li'ble to drop in on 'em, an' it's worth the money thess a-keepin' their nerves strung for 'im.

Well, yas, sir; 't is toler'ble expensive, lookin' at it one way, but lookin' at it another, it don't cost no mo' 'n what it would to edjercate three child'en, which many poor families have to do--_an'

more_--which in our united mind Sonny's worth 'em all.

Yas, sir; 't is confusin' to him in some ways, goin' to all three schools at once-t.

F' instance, Miss Alviry Sawyer, which she's a single-handed maiden lady 'bout wife's age, why, of co'se, she teaches accordin' to the old rules; an' in learnin' the child'en subtraction, f' instance, she'll tell 'em, ef they run short to borry one f'om the nex' lef' han' top figur', an'

pay it back to the feller underneath him.

Well, this didn't suit Sonny's sense o' jestice no way, borryin' from one an' payin' back to somebody else; so he thess up an argued about it--told her thet fellers thet borried nickels f'om one another couldn't pay back that a-way; an' of co'se she told him they was heap o'

difference 'twix' money and 'rithmetic--which I wish't they was more in my experience; an' so they had it hot and heavy for a while, till at last she explained to him thet that way of doin' subtraction _fetched the answer_, which, of co'se, ought to satisfy any school-boy; an' I reckon Sonny would soon 'a' settled into that way 'ceptin' thet he got out o' patience with that school in sev'al ways, an' he left an' went out to Sandy Crik school, and it thess happened that he struck a subtraction cla.s.s there the day he got in, an' they was workin' it the _other_ way--borry one from the top figur' an' never pay it back at all, thess count it off (that's the way I 've worked my lifelong subtraction, though wife does hers payin' back), an' of co'se Sonny was ready to dispute this way, an' he didn't have no mo' tac' than to th'ow up Miss Alviry's way to the teacher, which of co'se he wouldn't stand, particular ez Miss Alviry's got the biggest school. So they broke up in a row, immejate, and Sonny went right along to Miss Kellogg's school down here at the cross-roads.

She's a sort o' reformed teacher, I take it; an' she gets at her subtraction by a new route altogether--like ez ef the first feller thet had any surplus went sort o security for them thet was short, an' pa.s.sed the loan down the line. But I noticed he never got his money back, for when they come to him, why, they docked him. I reckon goin' security is purty much the same in an out o' books. She pa.s.ses the borryin' along some way till it gits to headquarters, an' writes a new row o' figur's over the heads o' the others. Well, my old brain got so addled watchin'

Sonny work it thet I didn't seem to know one figur' f'om another 'fo' he got thoo; but when I see the answer come, why, I was satisfied. Ef a man can thess git his answers right all his life, why n.o.body ain't a-goin'

to pester him about how he worked his figur's.

I did try to get Sonny to stick to one school for each rule in 'rithmetic, an' havin' thess fo' schools, why he could learn each o' the fo' rules by one settled plan. But he wont promise nothin'. He'll quit for lessons one week, and maybe next week somethin' else 'll decide him.

(He's quit ever' one of 'em in turn when they come to long division.) He went thoo a whole week o' disagreeable lessons once-t at one school 'cause he was watchin' a bird-nest on the way to that school. He was determined them young birds was to be allowed to leave that nest without bein' pestered, an' they stayed so long they purty nigh run him into long division 'fo' they did fly. Ef he'd 'a' missed school one day he knowed two sneaky chaps thet would 'a' robbed that nest, either goin'

or comin'.

Of co'se Sonny goes to the exhibitions an' picnics of all the schools.

Last summer we had a time of it when it come picnic season. Two schools set the same day for theirs, which of co'se wasn't no ways fair to Sonny. He payin' right along in all the schools, of co'se he was ent.i.tled to all the picnics; so I put on my Sunday clo'es, an' I went down an' had it fixed right. They all wanted Sonny, too, come down to the truth, 'cause besides bein' fond of him, they knowed thet Sonny always fetched a big basket.

[Ill.u.s.tration: "He was watchin' a bird-nest on the way to that school."]

Trouble with Sonny is thet he don't take nothin' on n.o.body's say-so, don't keer who it is. He even commenced to dispute Moses one Sunday when wife was readin' the Holy Scriptures to him, tell of co'se she made him understand thet that wouldn't do. Moses didn't intend to _be_ conterdicted.

An' ez to secular lessons, he ain't got no espec' for 'em whatsoever.

F' instance, when the teacher learned him thet the world was round, why he up an' told him _'t warn't so_, less'n we was on the inside an' it was blue-lined, which of co'se teacher he insisted thet we was _on the outside_, walkin' over it, all feet todes the center--a thing I've always thought myself was mo' easy said than proved.

Well, sir, Sonny didn't hesitate to deny it, an' of co'se teacher he commenced by givin' him a check--which is a bad mark--for conterdictin'.

An' then Sonny he 'lowed thet he didn't conterdic' to _be_ aconterdictin', but he _knowed't_ warn't so. He had walked the whole len'th o' the road 'twix' the farm an' the school-house, an' they warn't _no bulge in it_; an' besides, he hadn't never saw over the edges of it.

An' with that teacher he give him another check for speakin' out o'

turn. An' then Sonny, says he, "Ef a man was tall enough he could see around the edges, couldn't he?" "No," says the teacher; "a man couldn't grow that tall," says he; "he'd be deformed."

An' Sonny, why, he spoke up again, an' says he, "But I'm thess a-sayin'

_ef_," says he. "An' teacher," says he, "we ain't a-studyin' _efs_; we're studyin' geoger'phy." And then Sonny they say he kep' still a minute, an' then he says, says he, "Oh, maybe he couldn't see over the edges, teacher, 'cause ef he was tall enough his head might reach up into the flo' o' heaven." And with that teacher he give him another check, an' told him not to dare to mix up geoger'phy an' religion, which was a sackerlege to both studies; an' with that Sonny gethered up his books an' set out to another school.

I think myself it 'u'd be thess ez well ef Sonny wasn't quite so quick to conterdic'; but it's thess his way of holdin' his p'int.

Why, one day he faced one o' the teachers down thet two an' two didn't _haf_ to make _fo_', wh'er or no.

This seemed to tickle the teacher mightily, an' so he laughed an' told him he was goin' to give him rope enough to hang hisself now, an' then he dared him to show him any two an' two thet didn't make fo', and Sonny says, says he, "Heap o' two an' twos don't make four, 'cause they're kep' sep'rate," says he.

"An' then," says he, "I don't want my two billy-goats harnessed up with n.o.body else's two billys to make fo' billys."

"But," says the teacher, "suppose I _was_ to harness up yo' two goats with Tom Deems's two, there'd be fo' goats, I reckon, whether you wanted 'em there or not."

"No they wouldn't," says Sonny. "They wouldn't be but two. 'T wouldn't take my team more 'n half a minute to b.u.t.t the life out o' Tom's team."

An' with that little Tommy Deems, why, he commenced to cry, an' 'stid o'

punis.h.i.+n' him for bein' sech a cry-baby, what did the teacher do but give Sonny another check, for castin' slurs on Tommy's animals, an'