The Humbugs of the World Part 21

It was claimed that the "Edinburgh Journal" was indebted for its information to Doctor Andrew Grant--a savant of celebrity, who had, for very many years, been the scientific companion, first of the elder and subsequently of the younger Herschel, and had gone with the latter in September, 1834, to the Cape of Good Hope, whither he had been sent by the British Government, acting in conjunction with the Governments of France and Austria, to observe the transit of Mercury over the disc of the sun--an astronomical point of great importance to the lunar observations of longitude, and consequently to the navigation of the world. This transit was not calculated to occur before the 7th of November, 1835 (the year in which the hoax was printed;) but Sir John Herschel set out nearly a year in advance, for the purpose of thoroughly testing a new and stupendous telescope devised by himself under this peculiar inspiration, and infinitely surpa.s.sing anything of the kind ever before attempted by mortal man. It has been discovered by previous astronomers and among others, by Herschel's ill.u.s.trious father, that the sidereal object becomes dim in proportion as it is magnified, and that, beyond a certain limit, the magnifying power is consequently rendered almost useless. Thus, an impa.s.sable barrier seemed to lie in the way of future close observation, unless some means could be devised to illuminate the object to the eye. By intense research and the application of all recent improvements in optics, Sir John had succeeded in securing a beautiful and perfectly lighted image of the moon with a magnifying power that increased its apparent size in the heavens six thousand times. Dividing the distance of the moon from the earth, viz.: 240,000 miles, by six thousand, we we have forty miles as the distance at which she would then seem to be seen; and as the elder Herschel, with a magnifying power, only one thousand, had calculated that he could distinguish an object on the moon's surface not more than 122 yards in diameter, it was clear that his son, with six times the power, could see an object there only twenty-two yards in diameter. But, for any further advance in power and light, the way seemed insuperably closed until a profound conversation with the great savant and optician, Sir David Brewster, led Herschel to suggest to the latter the idea of the readoption of the old fas.h.i.+oned telescopes, without tubes, which threw their images upon reflectors in a dark apartment, and then the illumination of these images by the intense hydro-oxygen light used in the ordinary illuminated microscope. At this suggestion, Brewster is represented by the veracious chronicler as leaping with enthusiasm from his chair, exclaiming in rapture to Herschel:

"Thou art the man!"

The suggestion, thus happily approved, was immediately acted upon, and a subscription, headed by that liberal patron of science, the Duke of Suss.e.x, with 10,000, was backed by the reigning King of England with his royal word for any sum that might be needed to make up 70,000, the amount required. No time was lost; and, after one or two failures, in January 1833, the house of Hartley & Grant, at Dumbarton, succeeded in casting the huge object-gla.s.s of the new apparatus, measuring twenty-four feet (or six times that of the elder Herschel's gla.s.s) in diameter; weighing 14,826 pounds, or nearly seven tons, after being polished, and possessing a magnifying power of 42,000 times!--a perfectly pure, spotless, achromatic lens, without a material bubble or flaw!

Of course, after so elaborate a description of so astounding a result as this, the "Edinburg Scientific Journal" (_i. e._, the writer in the "New York Sun") could not avoid being equally precise in reference to subsequent details, and he proceeded to explain that Sir John Herschel and his amazing apparatus having been selected by the Board of Longitude to observe the transit of Mercury, the Cape of Good Hope was chosen because, upon the former expedition to Peru, acting in conjunction with one to Lapland, which was sent out for the same purpose in the eighteenth century, it had been noticed that the attraction of the mountainous regions deflected the plumb-line of the large instruments seven or eight seconds from the perpendicular, and, consequently, greatly impaired the enterprise. At the Cape, on the contrary, there was a magnificent table-land of vast expanse, where this difficulty could not occur. Accordingly, on the 4th of September, 1834, with a design to become perfectly familiar with the working of his new gigantic apparatus, and with the Southern Constellations, before the period of his observations of Mercury, Sir John Herschel sailed from London, accompanied by Doctor Grant (the supposed informant,) Lieutenant Drummond, of the Royal Engineers, F.R.A.S., and a large party of the best English workmen. On their arrival at the Cape, the apparatus was conveyed, in four days' time, to the great elevated plain, thirty-five miles to the N.E. of Cape Town, on trains drawn by two relief-teams of oxen, eighteen to a team, the ascent aided by gangs of Dutch boors. For the details of the huge fabric in which the lens and its reflectors were set up, I must refer the curious reader to the pamphlet itself--not that the presence of the "Dutch boors" alarms me at all, since we have plenty of boors at home, and one gets used to them in the course of time, but because the elaborate scientific description of the structure would make most readers see "stars" in broad daylight before they get through.

I shall only go on to say that, by the 10th of January, everything was complete, even to the two pillars "one hundred and fifty feet high!"

that sustained the lens. Operations then commenced forthwith, and so, too, did the "special wonder" of the readers. It is a matter of congratulation to mankind that the writer of the hoax, with an apology (Heaven save the mark!) spared us Herschel's notes of "the Moon's tropical, sidereal, and synodic revolutions," and the "phenomena of the syzygies," and proceeded at once to the pith of the subject. Here came in his grand stroke, informing the world of complete success in obtaining a distinct view of objects in the moon "fully equal to that which the unaided eye commands of terrestrial objects at the distance of a hundred yards, affirmatively settling the question whether the satellite be inhabited, and by what order of beings," "firmly establis.h.i.+ng a new theory of cometary phenomena," etc., etc. This announcement alone was enough to take one's breath away, but when the green marble sh.o.r.es of the Mare Nubium; the mountains shaped like pyramids, and of the purest and most dazzling crystalized, wine-colored amethyst, dotting green valleys skirted by "round-breasted hills;"

summits of the purest vermilion fringed with arching cascades and b.u.t.tresses of white marble glistening in the sun--when these began to be revealed, the delight of our Luna-tics knew no bounds--and the whole town went moon-mad! But even these immense pictures were surpa.s.sed by the "lunatic" animals discovered. First came the "herds of brown quadrupeds" very like a--no! not a whale, but a bison, and "with a tail resembling that of the bos grunniens"--the reader probably understands what kind of a "bos" that is, if he's apprenticed to a theatre in midsummer with musicians on a strike; then a creature, which the hoax-man navely declared "would be cla.s.sed on earth as a monster"--I rather think it would!--"of a bluish lead color, about the size of a goat, with a head and a beard like him, and a single horn, slightly inclined forward from, the perpendicular"--it is clear that if this goat was cut down to a single horn, other people were not! I could not but fully appreciate the exquisite distinction accorded by the writer to the female of this lunar animal--for she, while deprived of horn and beard, he explicitly tells us, "had a much larger tail!" When the astronomers put their fingers on the beard of this "beautiful" little creature (on the reflector, mind you!) it would skip away in high dudgeon, which, considering that 240,000 miles intervened, was something to show its delicacy of feeling.

Next in the procession of discovery, among other animals of less note, was presented "a quadruped with an amazingly long neck, head like a sheep, bearing two long spiral horns, white as polished ivory, and standing in perpendiculars parallel to each other. Its body was like that of a deer, but its forelegs were most disproportionately long, and its tail, which was very bushy and of a snowy whiteness, curled high over its rump and hung two or three feet by its side. Its colors were bright bay and white, brindled in patches, but of no regular form."

This is probably the animal known to us on earth, and particularly along the Mississippi River, as the "guyascutus," to which I may particularly refer in a future article.

But all these beings faded into insignificance compared with the first sight of the genuine Lunatics, or men in the moon, "four feet high, covered, except in the face, with short, glossy, copper-colored hair,"

and "with wings composed of a thin membrane, without hair, lying snugly upon their backs from the top of their shoulders to the calves of their legs," "with faces of a yellowish flesh-color--a slight improvement on the large ourang-outang." Complimentary for the Lunatics! But, says the chronicler, Lieutenant Drummond declared that "but for their long wings, they would look as well on a parade-ground as some of the c.o.c.kney militia!" A little rough, my friend the reader will exclaim, for the aforesaid militia.

Of course, it is impossible, in a sketch like the present, to do more than give a glimpse of this rare combination of astronomical realities and the vagaries of mere fancy, and I must omit the Golden-fringed Mountains, the Vale of the Triads, with their splendid triangular temples, etc., but I positively cannot pa.s.s by the glowing mention of the inhabitants of this wonderful valley--a superior race of Lunatics, as beautiful and as happy as angels, "spread like eagles" on the gra.s.s, eating yellow gourds and red cuc.u.mbers, and played with by snow-white stags, with jet-black horns! The description here is positively delightful, and I even now remember my poignant sigh of regret when, at the conclusion, I read that these innocent and happy beings, although evidently "creatures of order and subordination," and "very polite,"

were seen indulging in amus.e.m.e.nts which would not be deemed "within the bounds of strict propriety" on this degenerate ball. The story wound up rather abruptly by referring the reader to an extended work on the subject by Herschel, which has not yet appeared.

One can laugh very heartily, now, at all this; but nearly everybody, the gravest and the wisest, too, was completely taken in at the time: and the "Sun," then established at the corner of Spruce street, where the "Tribune" office now stands, reaped an increase of more than fifty thousand to its circulation--in fact, there gained the foundation of its subsequent prolonged success. Its proprietors sold no less than $25,000 worth of the "Moon Hoax" over the counter, even exhausting an edition of sixty thousand in pamphlet form. And who was the author? A literary gentleman, who has devoted very many years of his life to mathematical and astronomical studies, and was at the time connected as an editor with the "Sun"--one whose name has since been widely known in literature and politics--Richard Adams Locke, Esq., then in his youth, and now in the decline of years. Mr. Locke, who still survives, is a native of the British Isles, and, at the time of his first connection with the New York press, was the only short-hand reporter in this city, where he laid the basis of a competency he now enjoys. Mr. Locke declares that his original object in writing the Moon story was to satirize some of the extravagances of Doctor d.i.c.k, and to make some astronomical suggestions which he felt diffident about offering seriously.

Whatever may have been his object, his. .h.i.t was unrivaled; and for months the press of Christendom, but far more in Europe than here, teemed with it, until Sir John Herschel was actually compelled to come out with a denial over his own signature. In the meantime, it was printed and published in many languages, with superb ill.u.s.trations. Mr. Endicott, the celebrated lithographer, some years ago had in his possession a splendid series of engravings, of extra folio size, got up in Italy, in the highest style of art, and ill.u.s.trating the "Moon Hoax."

Here, in New York, the public were, for a long time, divided on the subject, the vast majority believing, and a few grumpy customers rejecting the story. One day, Mr. Locke was introduced by a mutual friend at the door of the "Sun" office to a very grave old orthodox Quaker, who, in the calmest manner, went on to tell him all about the embarkation of Herschel's apparatus at London, where he had seen it with his own eyes. Of course, Locke's optics expanded somewhat while he listened to this remarkable statement, but he wisely kept his own counsel.

The discussions of the press were very rich; the "Sun," of course, defending the affair as genuine, and others doubting it. The "Mercantile Advertiser," the "Albany Daily Advertiser," the "New York Commercial Advertiser," the "New York Times," the "New Yorker," the "New York Spirit of '76," the "Sunday News," the "United States Gazette," the "Philadelphia Inquirer," and hosts of other papers came out with the most solemn acceptance and admiration of these "wonderful discoveries,"

and were eclipsed in their approval only by the scientific journals abroad. The "Evening Post," however, was decidedly skeptical, and took up the matter in this irreverent way:

"It is quite proper that the "Sun" should be the means of shedding so much light on the Moon. That there should be winged people in the moon does not strike us as more wonderful than the existence of such a race of beings on the earth; and that there does still exist such a race, rests on the evidence of that most veracious of voyagers and circ.u.mstantial of chroniclers, Peter Wilkins, whose celebrated work not only gives an account of the general appearance and habits of a most interesting tribe of flying Indians; but, also, of all those more delicate and engaging traits which the author was enabled to discover by reason of the conjugal relations he entered into with one of the females of the winged tribe."

The moon-hoax had its day, and some of its glory still survives. Mr.

Locke, its author, is now quietly residing in the beautiful little home of a friend on the Clove Road, Staten Island, and no doubt, as he gazes up at the evening luminary, often fancies that he sees a broad grin on the countenance of its only well-authenticated tenant, "the h.o.a.ry solitary whom the criminal code of the nursery has banished thither for collecting fuel on the Sabbath-day."

CHAPTER x.x.xIII.

THE MISCEGENATION HOAX.--A GREAT LITERARY SELL.--POLITICAL HUMBUGGING.--TRICKS OF THE WIRE-PULLERS.--MACHINERY EMPLOYED TO RENDER THE PAMPHLET NOTORIOUS.--WHO WERE SOLD AND HOW IT WAS DONE.

Some persons say that "all is fair in politics." Without agreeing with this doctrine, I nevertheless feel that the history of Ancient and Modern Humbugs would not be complete without a record of the last and one of the most successful of known literary hoaxes. This is the pamphlet ent.i.tled "Miscegenation," which advocates the blending of the white and black races upon this continent, as a result not only inevitable from the freeing of the negro, but desirable as a means of creating a more perfect race of men than any now existing. This pamphlet is a clever political quiz; and was written by three young gentlemen of the "World" newspaper, namely. D. G. Croly, George Wakeman, and E. C.

Howell.

The design of "Miscegenation" was exceedingly ambitious, and the machinery employed was probably among the most ingenious and audacious ever put into operation to procure the indors.e.m.e.nt of absurd theories, and give the subject the widest notoriety. The object was to so make use of the prevailing ideas of the extremists of the Anti-Slavery party, as to induce them to accept doctrines which would be obnoxious to the great ma.s.s of the community, and which would, of course, be used in the political canva.s.s which was to ensue. It was equally important that the "Democrats" should be made to believe that the pamphlet in question emanated from a "Republican" source. The idea was suggested by a discourse delivered by Mr. Theodore Tilton, at the Cooper Inst.i.tute, before the American Anti-Slavery Society, in May 1863, on the negro, in which that distinguished orator argued, that in some future time the blood of the negro would form one of the mingled bloods of the great regenerated American nation. The scheme once conceived, it began immediately to be put into execution. The first stumbling-block was the name "amalgamation," by which this fraternizing of the races had been always known. It was evident that a book advocating amalgamation would fall still-born, and hence some new and novel word had to be discovered, with the same meaning, but not so objectionable. Such a word was coined by the combination of the Latin _miscere_, to mix, and _genus_, race: from these, miscegenation--a mingling of the races. The word is as euphonious as "amalgamation," and much more correct in meaning. It has pa.s.sed into the language, and no future dictionary will be complete without it. Next, it was necessary to give the book an erudite appearance, and arguments from ethnology must form no unimportant part of this matter. Neither of the authors being versed in this science, they were compelled to depend entirely on encyclopedias and books of reference. This obstacle to a New York editor or reporter was not so great as it might seem. The public are often favored in our journals with dissertations upon various abstruse matters by men who are entirely ignorant of what they are writing about. It was said of Cuvier that he could restore the skeleton of an extinct animal if he were only given one of its teeth, and so a competent editor or reporter of a city journal can get up an article of any length on any given subject, if he is only furnished one word or name to start with. There was but one writer on ethnology distinctly known to the authors, which was Prichard; but that being secured, all the rest came easily enough. The authors went to the Astor Library and secured a volume of Prichard's works, the perusal of which of course gave them the names of many other authorities, which were also consulted; and thus a very respectable array of scientific arguments in favor of Miscegenation were soon compiled. The sentimental and argumentative portions were quickly suggested from the knowledge of the authors of current politics, of the vagaries of some of the more visionary reformers, and from their own native wit.

The book was at first written in a most cursory manner the chapters got up without any order or reference to each other, and afterward arranged.

As the impression sought to be conveyed was a serious one, it would clearly not do to commence with the extravagant and absurd theories to which it was intended that the reader should gradually be led. The scientific portion of the work was therefore given first, and was made as grave and terse and un.o.bjectionable as possible; and merely urged, by arguments drawn from science and history, that the blending of the different races of men resulted in a better progeny. As the work progressed, they continued to "pile on the agony," until, at the close, the very fact that the statue of the G.o.ddess of Liberty on the Capitol, is of a bronze tint, is looked upon as an omen of the color of the future American!

"When the traveler approaches the City of Magnificent Distances,"

it says, "the seat of what is destined to be the greatest and most beneficent power on earth, the first object that will strike his eye will be the figure of Liberty surmounting the Capitol; not white, symbolizing but one race, nor black, typifying another, but a statue representing the composite race, whose sway will extend from the Atlantic to the Pacific Ocean, from the Equator to the North Pole--the Miscegens of the Future."

The Book once written, plans were laid to obtain the indors.e.m.e.nt of the people who were to be humbugged. It was not only necessary to humbug the members of the Reform and Progressive party, but to present--as I have before said--such serious arguments that Democrats should be led to believe it as a _bona fide_ revelation of the "infernal" designs of their antagonists. In both respects there was complete success.

Although, of course, the ma.s.s of the Republican leaders entirely ignored the book, yet a considerable number of Anti-Slavery men, with more transcendental ideas, were decidedly "sold." The machinery employed was exceedingly ingenious. Before the book was published, proof-copies were furnished to every prominent abolitionist in the country, and also to prominent spiritual mediums, to ladies known to wear Bloomers, and to all that portion of our population who are supposed to be a little "soft" on the subject of reform. A circular was also enclosed, requesting them, before the publication of the book, to give the author the benefit of their opinions as to the value of the arguments presented, and the desirability of the immediate publication of the work; to be inclosed to the American News Company, 121 Na.s.sau street, New York--the agents for the publishers. The bait took. Letters came pouring in from all sides, and among the names of prominent persons who gave their indors.e.m.e.nts were Albert Brisbane, Parker Pillsbury, Lucretia Mott, Sarah M. Grimke, Angelina G. Weld, Dr. J. McCune Smith, Wm. Wells Brown. Mr. Pillsbury was quite excited over the book, saying; "Your work has cheered and gladdened a winter-morning, which I began in cloud and sorrow. You are on the right track. Pursue it, and the good G.o.d speed you." Mr. Theodore Tilton, upon receiving the pamphlet, wrote a note promising to read it, and to write the author a long and candid letter as soon as he had time; and saying, that the subject was one to which he had given much thought. The promised letter, I believe, however, was never received; probably because, on a careful perusal of the book, Mr.

Tilton "smelt a rat." He might also have been influenced by an ironical paragraph relating to himself, and arguing that, as he was a "pure specimen of the blonde," and "when a young man was noted for his angelic type of feature," his sympathy for the colored race was accounted for by the natural love of opposites. Says the author with much gravity:

"The sympathy Mr. Greeley, Mr. Phillips and Mr. Tilton feel for the negro is the love which the blonde bears for the black; it is the love of race, a sympathy stronger to them than the love they bear to woman. It is founded upon natural law. We love our opposites. It is the nature of things that we should do so, and where Nature has free course, men like those we have indicated, whether Anti-Slavery or Pro-Slavery, Conservative or Radical, Democrat or Republican, will marry and be given in marriage to the most perfect specimens of the colored race."

So far, things worked favorably; and, having thus bagged a goodly number of prominent reformers, the next effort was to get the ear of the public. Here, new machinery was brought into play. A statement was published in the "Philadelphia Inquirer" (a paper which, ever since the war commenced, has been notorious for its "sensation" news,) that a charming and accomplished young mulatto girl was about to publish a book on the subject of the blending of the races, in which she took the affirmative view. Of course, so piquant a paragraph was immediately copied by almost every paper in the country. Various other stories, equally ingenious and equally groundless, were set afloat, and public expectation was riveted on the forthcoming work.

Some time in February last, the book was published. Copies, of course, were sent to all the leading journals. The "Anglo-African," the organ of the colored population of New York, warmly, and at great length, indorsed the doctrine. The "Anti-Slavery Standard," edited by Mr. Oliver Johnson, gave over a column of serious argument and endors.e.m.e.nt to the work. Mr. Tilton, of the "Independent," was not to be caught napping.

In that journal, under date of February 25, 1864, he devoted a two-column leader to the subject of Miscegenation and the little pamphlet in question. Mr. Tilton was the first to announce a belief that the book was a hoax. I quote from his article:

"Remaining a while on our table unread, our attention was specially called to it by noticing how savagely certain newspapers were abusing it."

"The authors.h.i.+p of the pamphlet is a well-kept secret; at least it is unknown to us. Nor, after a somewhat careful reading, are we convinced that the writer is in earnest. Our first impression was, and remains, that the work was meant as a piece of pleasantry--a burlesque upon what are popularly called the extreme and fanatical notions of certain radical men named therein. Certainly, the essay is not such a one as any of these gentlemen would have written on the subject, though some of their speeches are conspicuously quoted and commended in it."

"If written in earnest, the work is not thorough enough to be satisfactory; if in jest, we prefer Sydney Smith--or McClellan's Report. Still, to be frank, we agree with a large portion of these pages, but disagree heartily with another portion."

"The idea of scientifically undertaking to intermingle existing populations according to a predetermined plan for reconstructing the human race--for flattening out its present varieties into one final unvarious dead-level of humanity--is so absurd, that we are more than ever convinced such a statement was not written in earnest!"

Mr. Tilton, however, hints that the colored race is finally in some degree to form a component part of the future American; and that, in time, "the negro of the South, growing paler with every generation, will at last completely hide his face under the snow."

One of the editorial writers for the "Tribune" was so impressed with the book that he wrote an article on the subject, arguing about it with apparent seriousness, and in a manner with some readers supposed to be rather favorable than otherwise to the doctrine. Mr. Greeley and the publishers, it is understood, were displeased at the publication of the article. The next morning nearly all the city journals had editorial articles upon the subject.

The next point was, to get the miscegenation controversy into Congress.

The book, with its indors.e.m.e.nts, was brought to the notice of Mr. c.o.x, of Ohio (commonly called "Sunset c.o.x;") and he made an earnest speech on the subject. Mr. Washburne replied wittily, reading and commenting on extracts from a work by c.o.x, in which the latter deplored the existence of the prejudice against the Africans. A few days after, Mr. Kelly, of Pennsylvania, replied very elaborately to Mr. c.o.x, bringing all his learning and historical research to bear on the topic. It was the subject of a deal of talk in Was.h.i.+ngton afterward. Mr. c.o.x was charged by some of the more shrewd members of Congress with writing it. It was said that Mr. Sumner, on reading it, immediately p.r.o.nounced it a hoax.

Through the influence of the authors, a person visited James Gordon Bennett, of the "Herald," and spoke to him about "Miscegenation." Mr.

Bennett thought the idea too monstrous and absurd to waste an article upon.

"But," said the gentleman, "the Democratic papers are all noticing it."

"The Democratic editors are a.s.ses," said Bennett.

"Senator c.o.x has just made a speech in Congress on it."

"c.o.x is an a.s.s," responded Bennett.

"Greeley had an article about it the other day."

"Well, Greeley's a donkey."